


Hiding in Plain Sight

by KrisLetang



Series: Omegaverse [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alpha Liv, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Blindfolds, Bottom Rafael, F/M, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Rafael, Omega Verse, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Secret Identity, Spanking, Top Liv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-11-16 12:06:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 137,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18093992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang
Summary: This is my weird shot at an A/B/O fic in which Liv discovers Rafael's biggest secret which inadvertently pushes them together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally the strangest thing I've ever written. I pretty much went full trope with A/B/O, PLEASE read this link if you aren't actually familiar with A/B/O or you'll be very confused/in for some big surprises lol. 
> 
> http://victoriavanessahazel.tumblr.com/post/133825915114/abo-for-dummies-fanfic-trope-explained
> 
> Anyways, I kind of hate and love this fic at the same time. I hope it's not awful....

Rafael had never been ashamed of himself or what he was. He knew exactly who he was and what that meant from a very young age. His father made it very clear to him what he thought about his son presenting as an omega, but even that hadn’t been enough to make Rafael ashamed. He never believed that he was less than no matter what society said, but he knew his opinion was irrelevant. He knew that if he hoped to change the world or make a difference, he couldn’t actually be himself, so when he turned eighteen, he found a way to get his hands on some suppressants, and he had been taking them ever since. He picked up a new bottle every second Tuesday of the month after work, under the counter, he had his working papers fudged to look like he was an Alpha, and he wore pheromone masks to disguise whatever scent wasn’t covered up by the pills. For all intents and purposes, he was an Alpha, and no one knew his dirty little secret except himself. It was hard sometimes to pretend to be something he wasn’t, to stay quiet while coworkers inadvertently insulted him, but he made himself ignore it. He loved his job, feeling like he was actually making a difference. He was not the kind of man who ever imagined himself staying home to take care of the kids. It wasn’t him. He was ambitious, probably too ambitious for his own good, but working for SVU felt like he was doing something good in the world. It wasn’t that he wouldn’t like to possibly have a family, but there was no way that wouldn’t out him, so he just pushed through every day, never able to truly be himself. It was worth it. Sure, it made it hard to get close to people, the secret weighing him down constantly, and dating was entirely out of the question. That was sometimes the hardest. 

The moment he met Olivia Benson, he had been assaulted by her scent. The suppressants did a lot to keep his hormones in check, and they often diluted the dizzying effects scents could have, but Liv was potent. Sometimes it was so bad, he couldn’t think straight, but over time, he started getting more and more used to the smell. Sometimes though, if she barged in the room, he had to take a moment to collect himself before he could think straight again. She was all he had wanted for so long, but she thought he was an alpha, just like everyone else. She didn’t even see him as an option, so he comforted himself with the knowledge that they could still be close. She was his best friend in the world, and that could be enough for him. That had to be enough. 

Sitting in his office, he could still smell her. It was faint, but it was comforting to him. It had been over an hour since she was there, talking to him about a new case. It was incredible. He hadn’t even known her that long, but he had fallen so hard, so quickly. When the squad would go out for drinks, he would strategically position himself so he could sit beside her. She made him feel safe, comforted, and most of all, he knew that she would treat him with kindness even if she did know his secret. One thing he knew for certain about Olivia was she was accepting. She treated everyone with respect, and sometimes, watching her interact with victims or their families made him emotional. It made him want to tell her, but that would drag her into his mess. She would be required to report him even though he knew she wouldn’t want to. She would have to arrest him because she knew he had falsified his documents. He couldn’t put her in that position. 

He turned back to the mountain of paperwork on his desk. His head was pounding, his whole body feeling achy, and the room felt stuffy and extremely hot. He pulled at the knot in his tie, swallowing heavily and trying to loosen his collar. His skin felt like it was too tight for his body suddenly, and the smell in the room was making him dizzy. He could feel warmth beginning to pool inside of him, sweat breaking out across his skin, and then he stopped in the middle of writing a sentence. He had felt like this before. A long, long time ago when he was a teenager, laying in bed in his room, trying not to make a sound as he humped a pillow to get some relief. He was going into heat. He swore lowly, grabbing for his briefcase and digging through it to find his pills, but when he finally got his hand around the bottle, he could feel it was empty. How many days had he gone without taking them? He didn’t have any left. He scrambled for his phone, scrolling to find the date, but his head was swimming. He didn’t have time to worry about anything but getting home to his apartment where he could lock himself in for the next week. He stood up, pulling his jacket on and buttoning it up. It was almost unbearable to add more layers. He put his winter coat on too, his scarf, gloves, and he prayed that the cold air would help mask the smell. He just needed to make it home. His jacket still smelled of the pheromone mask he put on every morning. As he walked down the hallway, muttering to Carmen to cancel all of his appointments, he hunched in on himself, feeling paranoid and awful. He could feel the sweat soaking through his shirt, and the feeling of his clothes rubbing against his skin was almost unbearable. He needed a cold shower, and he needed it fast. He kept his head down, muttering excuses to anyone who tried to talk to him. He was clutching onto his sanity, trying to ignore the way his body felt like it was on fire. He was sure he hadn’t ever felt this dizzy in his life. He tucked himself into a cab, sitting in the very corner and pulling his coat tighter around himself. He was so close. He just needed to get home. He tried to ignore the way the cab driver was eyeing him, but he was sure the man knew. He was just thankful he had the decency not to make a comment. 

Rafael took the stairs up to his apartment, trying to get inside without running into any of the neighbors. His hands were shaking as he tried to get the door open, and then he was inside, locking everything and leaning heavily against the door. He took a moment to try and breathe before he started stripping out of his clothes. He ripped his jacket off, flinging it on the ground, trying to pull his shirt off without popping the buttons, but he needed it off. He sighed in relief once he was down to his boxers, and he felt breathless. Even the feeling of his floor against his skin was almost too much to bear. He felt oversensitized and way overheated. He dragged himself to the couch, laying down and shutting his eyes. Maybe if he took a nap, maybe it would take the edge off, but even when he shut his eyes, he felt like he was going to explode. He was on his stomach, hugging a pillow, laying still and willing it to be a dream, but there was no mistaking it. It was real, and it had been so long since he had to deal with something like this. Even the pressure of the couch against his groin was too much. He could feel himself hardening in his boxers. He rocked his hips against the couch, the pleasure overtaking him, and he couldn’t tamp down on the urge to wrap his hand around his length. He could feel slick starting to run down the back of his legs, and he pressed his face into the pillow, groaning. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. Every touch of his hand felt so good, intoxicating and he was gasping into the pillow beneath his head as he worked his hips into his hand. “Oh  _ fuuck _ ,” he mumbled. It barely took anything at all until he was coming all over himself and then he laid there, breathlessly, not feeling remotely satisfied. He still felt like he was going to explode. It barely took the edge off at all. He forced himself to get up, stumbling back towards the shower. He needed to cool down. His body was completely on fire. The water felt nice against his heated skin, running over his head and shoulders and at least washing the sweat away. He was careful as he rubbed soap into his skin, trying not to get himself too worked up, but somehow he was still half hard even with the ice cold spray of the water. He leaned against the cool ceramic, his knees feeling weak. He swallowed hard, trying to think about anything that might calm him down, but he couldn’t. He finally gave in, squirting some soap into his hand to slick his cock up as he pumped it. He tried to go slowly, to work himself up so he would feel better afterward. It was like torture though. He had to brace himself to keep from collapsing, a hand pressed against the wall to keep him balanced. His hand didn’t feel like nearly enough, but at the same time, the pleasure was searing. His breathing was ragged like a freight train, his hips moving on their own accord, and he couldn’t stop. He bit his tongue a little bit when he stiffened, crying out as he orgasmed for the second time in an hour. He felt wiped after that, turning the water off and stumbling to bed. He was still damp as he climbed into bed, the towel under him as he laid down, and he shut his eyes, this time blessedly passing out. He knew the respite would only be temporary.

…………………………………..

When he woke up, it was dark out, and his body was aching once more. He pressed his hips into the bed, gasping in air and hissing. “Oh my God,” he mumbled, squeezing his eyes closed. He kicked the sheets off his skin, the sweat cooling with the rush of air. His legs were soaked with slick at this point, and he needed something more than before. He loosely jerked himself a few times, but it wasn’t enough, so he rolled towards the nightstand, grabbing some lube to spread on his hand. He continued stroking himself, but slower this time, planting his knees on the bed, his head turned sideways, resting on the pillow. He reached back, just brushing his fingers over his entrance, spreading the slick around and trying to calm himself down. He eased one finger inside, his hips jerking almost immediately and he swore again. It wasn’t nearly enough though. He quickly worked a second inside as well, scissoring and crooking them to find his prostate. The burn was delicious, and he was moaning over and over again, his eyes fluttering shut, his jaw slack. He was so hard and somehow getting harder by the minute. The pressure building in his muscles was intense, each stroke of his fingers sending jolts to his cock, and he couldn’t breathe. He needed relief. He sped up, working a third finger in, and his hips were rolling back into his fingers and then forward into his grip. He was gasping, and then finally he was coming again, collapsing down onto the bed, his head spinning. He swallowed hard, his mouth feeling as dry as the desert. He didn’t feel capable of standing up though. All he could do was lay there and try to get his breathing back under control and ignore the buzz that thankfully had reduced some from the recent orgasm. He shut his eyes, hoping to get some rest before it became unbearable again. 

………………………………..

Rafael was splayed out on his back, a pillow propping his hips up, one slicked up hand stroking up and down his shaft, the other pressing the dildo he had managed to get his hands on as a seventeen-year-old inside of himself. He had finally broken down as his heat started to increase in intensity which boggled his mind. From the beginning, it had felt unbearable, and it was getting worse and worse.  He threw his head back, groaning as he got the angle right, thrusting it harder, his hand slipping from all the slick that was soaking through everything. He was going to have to burn these sheets. His fingers weren’t enough, so he had rifled through all his old things, finding the toy that had gotten him through heats in his teens, and he had washed it off during his downtime. He put off using it as long as he could, but then it was too much, and he broke, so there he was, groaning so loud, he was surprised his neighbors hadn’t started banging on the wall or coming to see if he was dying. He couldn’t keep his hips on the bed. He felt delirious, the pleasure making his head spin. The drag inside of him was so good. He just wished there was someone there with him, that there was someone to talk him through it. He felt more vulnerable than ever, more alone. It was miserable going through this all by himself, especially when he had no idea what he was doing. He hated himself for forgetting his pills. He was never making that mistake again. He was on the edge, blessedly close to his climax when his doorbell rang. He couldn’t bring himself to stop though, and all it took was one more thrust and he was muffling his scream with the pillow beside his head. He laid there for a second, chest heaving, but the doorbell rang again, so he swore, dragging himself out of bed and pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt and running his fingers through his hair as he went to open the door. He was so out of it, he didn’t even think to check before he unlocked it. 

He stopped cold. It was Liv. He was sure she could smell him already. His heart dropped, and he felt a horrible, coiling dread building up inside of him. He was ruined. He couldn’t let Liv get tangled up in this, but it was too late now. Her eyes were wide, a bag of groceries clutched in her hand. “Hey,” she said softly, and he could see in her eyes that she knew. They softened, looking at him kindly. “Carmen said you were sick, I thought I’d bring you food,” she said. 

“I-I can explain,” he said, moving aside so she could come in the apartment. He locked the door again, standing there, feeling unable to speak. 

“Rafael, breathe,” she said, and he nodded, trying to hold back the tears. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I-I never wanted you to be caught up in this,” he said, but she shook her head. 

“Hush, go sit down. Have you eaten today? You look awful,” Liv said. He plopped down on the couch heavily, his mind racing. His chest felt tight with panic. 

“No.” His voice was basically a squeak. She rustled around his kitchen for a while, and then she brought him a sandwich and a water bottle and a Gatorade. It felt like too much. Her finding out, all the food that was suddenly in front of him. It all felt like too much. His mouth was so dry though, and he knew he was dehydrated. He had barely eaten anything since he got home. He took a bite of the sandwich, hoping this wasn’t going to turn his life upside down.

…………………………….

Rafael never missed work. Liv knew him well enough to know that, so when he missed work for three days straight, and no one heard from him, she was worried. She wanted to check on him, so she went to the store, picking him up some groceries before heading over after work. He wasn’t answering his phone at all. She stood there, ringing the doorbell and waiting for him to answer. She heard some muffled swearing from inside, and it took another ring before she finally heard the locks turning. When the door opened, the first thing she noticed was the smell. It was potent. She blushed, hoping Rafael didn’t have someone else in there because his apartment reeked of an omega in heat. Then she got a good look at him, his ruffled appearance. He was sweating like crazy, his hair damp and unruly. His chest was heaving, and there was a flush creeping up his neck. That was when she realized it smelled like him. He was in heat. Usually, he smelled much crisper, expensive cologne mixed with the obvious scent of an alpha which is why she was so confused. This smell though, it was undoubtedly Rafael. There was always a hint of it in the air, but never enough for anyone to realize what he really was. The look on his face broke her heart. He looked horrified to see her, and she knew he was probably thinking his life was over. She hoped he knew she would never turn him in. She couldn’t ever do that to him. They hadn’t known each other that long, a little under a year, but it felt like so much more. They worked so well together. The panic in his eyes made her wish he wasn’t so scared, so she tried to keep her voice even and as warm as possible. “Hey,” she said, and he just swallowed. “Carmen said you were sick, I thought I’d bring you food.” He gaped for a second before letting her inside. 

“I-I can explain,” he said, his voice panicked. He locked the door, standing there like he lost his voice, and she needed to calm him down. He was freaking out. 

“Rafael,” she said, “Breathe.” The last thing he needed was a panic attack. He thankfully nodded, but then another mess of words tumbled from his mouth. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I-I never wanted you to be caught up in this,” he said, and she felt for him. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what he had gone through to hide who he was and pretend he was an alpha. She certainly didn’t want him to worry that she was going to ruin all that. 

“Hush,” she said, looking him over. He looked very pale. “Go sit down. Have you eaten today? You look awful.” She knew he probably wasn’t eating much, and she wasn’t sure if he was remembering to drink. She was pretty sure he wasn’t from the way he looked and the fact that he likely didn’t deal with heats very often. His voice was very scared and soft when he answered. 

“No.” He took a bite of his sandwich though when she set it in front of him, and she took a seat beside him on the couch. 

“How long has it been?” she asked. He didn’t answer right away, chewing slowly and taking a sip of the water. He started chugging it, and she had to slow him down. “Woah, little sips. You are going to make yourself sick.” 

“More than a decade,” he whispered, blushing. “I forgot to take my pills or I ran out. The last week has been a blur honestly.” 

“You know I won’t tell Rafael, I promise. I will not report you,” she said, and he visibly sighed with relief. He was very obviously stressed out, and he was gulping down his Gatorade now despite her earlier warning. He ate half the sandwich before he abandoned it, pushing the plate away. 

“Thank you for bringing me food,” he said, not meeting her eyes. 

“Yeah, no problem. I can stay for a while with you if you’d like. Sometimes it’s easier if you’re not all alone.” Her offer was tentative, an olive branch that she hoped would get him to start acting normal around her again. He didn’t deserve to be all alone, especially when he looked so distressed. If he wanted company, she would provide it. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, and she nodded. He thought about it for a minute before he nodded at her. 

“You want to watch a movie?” she asked, and he nodded again. 

“While I’m still lucid, sure,” he whispered wryly. She found something on tv, and they sat there, an arm’s length apart, joking as they might usually. Liv was distracted though. This made so much sense, pieces of the puzzle all falling into place. From the beginning, she had believed Rafael was an Alpha, so when she found herself having a strange attraction to him, she had been so confused. It wasn’t simply physical. As they worked together more and more, his funny and snarky personality made her smile every day, and she hadn’t understood it until now. It finally made sense. It was a lot to see him like this, sweating through his white tee shirt, and she felt a warm shot of arousal pooling in her stomach. He was gorgeous, and he smelled amazing like this. He shifted closer to her on the couch, swallowing. His hand was clenched at his side, and she wanted nothing more than to strip him out of those clothes and get him through this, but she couldn’t do that to him. She couldn’t take advantage. “Liv,” he whispered, looking to her pleadingly, “Please help me.” He was starting to squirm now, his hair plastered to his forehead. The red flush from earlier was moving up his face. 

“You know I can’t,” she said. He made a face that looked miserable. 

“Please,” he mumbled, “Please, I feel like I’m going to explode. It’s like every nerve in my body is on fire.” 

“Rafael, you are not thinking in your right mind right now. You can’t consent,” she said. He shook his head though, his eyes pleading with her. 

“Omegas can fight back, even in heat from an assault,” he said, and she shook her head at his attempts to persuade her. 

“I didn’t say they couldn’t. That’s not the point. You are not in your regular mental state,” she said, and he whined. Liv felt bad for him. She wanted nothing more than to help, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to risk him regretting it afterward. “Come a little closer though, a little physical contact with an Alpha can help. Is that okay?” He nodded, closing the distance between them. 

“Can I--Can I smell you?” he whispered. She nodded, baring her neck for him. He pressed his face against her skin, breathing in her scent. He was quaking in her arms, and she rubbed his back gently, trying to calm him down a little bit. 

“It’s okay, shh, you’re alright,” she promised. He was restless, twitching around until he hit his breaking point. 

“I--I need to go take care of this. Um...thanks,” he said softly before he easing himself off of her and up to his feet. He had visibly sweat through his shirt, and his pants were stained with slick and sweat. He was blushing as he rushed towards his bedroom, and she left him to it. She wasn’t leaving though, not unless he asked. 

……………………………

Rafael was about to come in his pants perched practically on Liv’s lap. Her scent was overwhelming, his face pressed up against her neck. It was calming, but it was also incredibly arousing. He was sure she could feel how hard he was, but she didn’t even mention it, rubbing his back gently the whole time. She was so soothing, and he had to force himself to break away before he completely embarrassed himself. He rushed back to the bedroom, feeling her eyes on him, and he ripped his clothes off, settling onto the bed. He pressed his face into the pillow, resting on his knees, ass in the air. He gasped as he wrapped his fingers around his length, starting to stroke himself again, but his skin felt chafed. He grabbed the lube again, spreading it over his hand to ease the movements. He reached blindly for the dildo, rubbing some of the excess lube on it despite the copious amount of slick that was pouring from his hole. He very slowly worked it inside of himself, grunting and letting out sounds that he wasn't sure he’d ever heard before. He barely recognized his own voice. “Fuck,” he mumbled, “Oh fuck.” It was rougher than he’d been before, desperate for release, and when he finally came, painting the sheets, he didn’t feel satisfied at all. He was certain Liv was gone by now, ad he was alone again. He swallowed, slicking his hand again and starting all over to try and deal with the ache in his whole body. He needed to come again. He resumed the thrusting, his hand tightening around the head of his cock, and he worked himself up slower this time. He hadn't felt this desperate since he was a teenager. It was starting to not feel like enough again. The pleasure wasn’t as satisfying, and he felt like he needed more. He needed someone to help him. This time, he came with a strangled sob into the pillow, and when he laid down, he couldn’t stop the tears. He was miserable. Being alone like this was horrible. He let himself cry for a few minutes before he dragged himself to the shower to clean up. He felt weary and worn out, and he dreaded the next time his heat would flare up. After thoroughly rinsing off, he pulled on a new pair of sweatpants, heading out to get a drink. He stopped short when he saw Liv was still there. 

“You okay?” She asked, and he shook his head. 

“I feel—I feel like I’m going to die,” he admitted. He didn’t feel capable of enduring another day or two of heat. 

“Shhh, it’s going to be alright,” she murmured. The placating tone of an alpha had an immediate effect. He felt some of the panic and distress receding, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like the control an alpha had over his body even if he knew Liv wouldn’t abuse that. He was torn. On one hand, he wanted that comfort because he wasn’t sure he could do this otherwise, but he was stubborn. He always had a tight grip on his self-control, but a few soft-spoken words from Liv and he was a puddle of mush. He wanted his suppressants. “What do you need?” 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. He flinched when she stepped towards him, but he knew she was only trying to help. 

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want,” she promised, her hands up in the air. “Do you want me to calm you down?” He hesitated, but in the end, he nodded, and she took a few careful steps closer. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close, her hands rubbing over his back as she soothed him with reassurances. Slowly, he started to feel like himself again, the tension draining from his muscles, and Liv’s arms felt safe and secure. His face was pressed against her neck once more, her scent helping to relax him. “That’s it,” she whispered. “You’re doing so good, you’re perfect.” He felt relaxed and sleepy in her arms. She could ask him to jump off the top of his building, and he would do it without question. “Let’s go sit down,” she said softly, and he nodded, letting her steer him towards the couch. He remained wrapped up tight in her arms, and she stroked his hair, whispering to him until he started to drift off. It was a relief for him to finally get some sleep. 

………………………………

Rafael felt like fire was burning through his veins. His whole body was thrumming once more as he opened his eyes, gasping. He wasn’t even sure exactly where he was at. All he knew was the warmth and desire that was consuming him. He groaned. “Rafael, you’re alright.” He recognized the soft voice. It was Liv. Her hand ran through his hair, and his thoughts started making a little more sense at least. “What do you need right now?” His whole body was aching, begging for release, but he wanted more than just his own hand. 

“I need you to fuck me Liv, please,” he begged, tears pouring from his eyes, “I need you.” 

“Shhh, come on, I’m going to take you back to your bed,” she whispered, and then there were hands under his arms, helping him to stand, and he leaned on her most of the way towards his bedroom. “I’ll be out here if you need something,” she said, and he let out a strangled sobbing noise as he realized he was alone again. He laid down, struggling out of his pants, and he laid there for a few moments, feeling hopeless. This was never going to end. He tried to ignore it at first, but the more he avoided doing anything, the more painful and overwhelming it was. He pressed his face against the pillow once more, imagining every touch was Liv’s hand instead of his own. He used his fingers this time, picturing Liv kneeling on the bed beside him, one hand rubbing his lower back, soothing him as she eased her fingers inside of him, and he groaned. It made it so much better. He had to bite his lip to try and keep quiet, but it was a losing battle. All he wanted was to feel an alpha pressed up against his back as they pounded into him, and that certainly was not something that he usually found himself wishing for. All he could think about was the pleasure, his eyes were squeezed shut, hands moving faster. He had no idea what he was saying much less how loud he was being. He felt better after he finally came, relaxing onto the bed and shutting his eyes. His throat felt hoarse and dry. He pressed his face into the pillow when he heard a knock on the door. “Rafael?” He just groaned. “Do you need anything?” 

“Water,” he croaked, “But let me put some pants on first.” 

“I’ll go get you some,” she said. “Just let me know when I can come in.” It took him a few minutes before he felt strong enough to sit up and slip into his pants again, and then he got up, cleaning up a little bit. He opened the door, and Liv was waiting with some Gatorade and a bottle of water. He moved aside so she could come inside, and she started to sit down on the bed, but he stopped her. 

“Let me change the sheets,” he said softly, and she nodded, setting the bottles down and helping him strip the bed. Once he had fresh sheets, he sat down, and she sat on the edge of the bed, beside him. He sipped at the water, feeling exhausted. 

“Do you think it will wind down tomorrow?” she asked. He shrugged. 

“I don’t know, honestly,” he said. “It’s been so long since I went into heat.” 

“Do you want me to stay tonight? It’s whatever you want,” Liv said, still sitting an arm’s length away from him. 

“Yes please,” he whispered. Rafael didn’t want to be alone. It was too much even if it was only going to be a day. He scooted a little closer. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “You just smell good. It makes me feel better.” 

“It’s alright,” she said. She opened her arms, and he thought about it for a second, sitting there and gulping, but his basic instincts won out. The hormones were raging inside of him, and his whole body felt wrong. Being near Liv made him feel right. It helped balance everything out. He would deal with the rest later because, at the moment, he didn’t feel like he could do his own dishes much less worry about what was going on with him and Liv. He curled up against her, his head resting on her leg, and he tried to just relax. Liv rubbed his back, helping to keep him calm. “Try to sleep while you can,” she whispered, and he nodded, closing his eyes. 

……………………………….

He was grateful to wake up and feel semi-normal. He hadn’t woken up in days not sweating and writhing around on the bed. He was still in heat. He could feel this low buzz under his skin, but he wasn’t delirious with need. He still wasn’t hungry though, and he felt a little dizzy. Liv was nowhere to be seen, so he assumed she had moved to the couch at some point. He ran his fingers through his hair, heading out to the kitchen for a glass of water. Sure enough, Liv was still asleep on his couch, so he tried to stay quiet and let her rest. She had been up in the middle of the night with him. He went back to the bedroom, sitting down and sipping the water. His head was pounding. He was glad it was almost over. He could go get more pills, and everything could go back to normal. He laid there for a while, in a half-aware daze, sipping at his water until there was a knock on his bedroom door. “Hey, I made you breakfast.” He sighed, dragging himself up to his feet and out to the table. Liv smiled at him, putting a plate of eggs and toast down for him, and he picked at it. He really was not hungry. 

After he managed to finish half of his food, he pushed the plate away, afraid he would make himself sick if he continued eating. “How are you feeling?” Liv asked, and he shrugged. 

“I’m not through it yet,” he said softly. 

“You look better though, less flushed,” she commented, collecting the plates to do the dishes. 

“You don’t have to do that, really. You can leave it for me for later,” he said, standing up. He didn’t want her to have to keep taking care of him. That wasn’t her job. She wasn’t his alpha. “You can go home if you want. I think I can handle myself now,” he said. She eyed him carefully, gauging his expression. 

“You don’t want me to leave, do you?” she asked. He shook his head after a second. She was too good at reading him. “I can stay then, you shouldn’t have to go through this alone.” 

“Thanks,” he said softly. “I’m going to lay down for a bit. My head is spinning.” 

“Alright, I’ll be out here answering work emails,” Liv said with a smile. “Just call if you need me.” He nodded, heading back to his bedroom and laying down again. He felt so dizzy, and his body was starting to feel overheated once more. Thankfully, it was less intense than it had been the day before. He couldn’t believe he had ever thought this was bad because it was nothing in comparison. It wasn’t long before his pants were starting to feel snug, but the warm weight of his hand through his sweats was enough to take the edge off. He lazily stroked himself first through the fabric, and then he dragged the sweats part way down his thighs so he could grasp himself firmly. His breathing was ragged, his erection throbbing in his grip, and he moaned softly, thighs flexing to push into his hand faster. As he stroked himself first slowly and then faster and faster, he was focused on nothing but how good it felt. He barely noticed the door opening, but Liv’s surprised gasp was enough to get his attention. He was so close though. He wasn’t sure what overtook him, but he didn’t stop, his eyes glued to hers, his wrist flicking just two more times before he was spilling all over his stomach and hand. When he opened his eyes, Liv was standing there, looking shell-shocked, her eyes glued on him, and he blushed, yanking a sheet over himself. 

“Oh my god,” she whispered, seemingly broken from her trance, “I am so sorry--I didn’t realize you were--I’m just going to….” She backed away, shutting the door, and he laid his head back, swearing at himself. 

………………………………

Liv was pacing in the living room. What the hell had just happened? She had been going to see if Rafael needed her to pick anything up for him. She wasn’t sure how he was getting the suppressants without permission from an alpha, but if he told her what he needed, she would do it for him. She should have knocked, but she had carelessly opened the door instead, and when she saw him, his pants stretched across his thighs, face red, hand moving up and down his thick cock, she should have shut the door right away, but she didn’t want to. He was gorgeous, his dark hair a stark contrast to the white of the pillow, his skin glistening with sweat, the color a lovely pink. His long fingers wrapped around himself had her weak at the knees. She couldn’t pull her eyes away from him, and for a second, she thought he was going to stop, his eyes meeting hers, but then he finished. The stark green irises disappearing from view as his eyes fluttered shut, a low moan escaping his throat. She felt breathless. When he finally became more aware of himself, his eyes went wide, and he yanked a sheet over himself, and that was her cue to realize what she had just done. He caught her staring at him, so she rushed out there, mumbled apologies tumbling from her lips as she wondered what had come over her. 

“Liv!” his voice was panicked, and when he appeared from around the corner, he was wearing sweatpants. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” he said. 

“What are you sorry for?” she asked. “I walked in your bedroom without knocking.” 

“I--I--” He was speechless, and she looked down. “Let’s just….let’s forget that happened,” he said, his face reddening. 

“I was coming to ask if you needed me to pick anything up for you,” she explained after a few moments of awkward silence. He took a seat on the couch beside her. She didn’t know how else to handle the situation. He hadn’t made it clear whether he was actually interested in her at all. The things he said during heat couldn’t necessarily be taken seriously. He wasn’t thinking clearly when he said those things. He ran a hand through his messy hair, seemingly thinking for a few moments. 

“I need to get my pills somehow,” he said softly. “I just--I don’t want to involve you in that. You’re already tangled up in my mess more than I’d like.” 

“Rafa, whatever you need right now is what is most important,” she replied, putting a hand on his arm. He looked to her again, the inner conflict evident on his face. 

“I have to make a call,” he said, standing up and going for his phone. The number wasn’t saved, but he knew it by heart. He dialed, waiting for the other man to pick up. 

“Raf, hey, I was wondering where you disappeared off to,” the voice said through the phone. 

“I forgot to pick up my pills,” Rafael whispered. “And I can’t go out right now. I’m in heat. I need you to give them to a friend of mine, please.” 

“You know I don’t do that Rafael,” the voice was stern, but he had to push. He swallowed.

“Please,” he said softly, “Please. You know how important this is to me.” It was silent for a couple minutes. 

“You better not be playing me Barba. I know where you live, and I won’t hesitate to put a bullet in your skull if I find out you sold me out. And it’s going to cost you. An extra five thousand each month for the rest of this year.” Rafael groaned. He had no idea how he was going to come up with that money. 

“Deal,” he finally whispered. 

“Good, I’ll text you a location,” the voice replied, and then it was just a dial tone. 

…………………………

Liv hadn’t been to such a seedy part of town in a very long time. There were faces in the shadows, sketchy people around every turn, but she wasn’t scared, just uneasy. She was glad to do this for Rafael. He needed her help, and this was something she could do. She looked at the street signs, reading them and trying to remember where he had said this meeting was. It was only a block away. As she walked down the street, she saw the brick building Rafael had described to her, and she looked around. He had said there would be a man waiting for her. It took her a few moments, but then she spotted him, loitering in the shadows, almost invisible. She flashed the envelope at him, and he nodded, beckoning her to join him in the alley. He had a nasty scar on his face, sunglasses covering his eyes, and he counted the money carefully. “You’re Rafael’s friend?” he asked in a gravelly voice. He took a deep breath, a smile spreading across his face, “Mm an alpha. He’s a cute little thing isn’t he?” She didn’t answer, and he smirked, handing her a bag. She just wanted to get out of there. “Tell him he better come through on our deal, or he’s gonna be in a world of trouble.” Liv nodded, clutching tight to the bag and wondering what kind of deal Rafael had to make. She hated knowing he was forced to interact with anyone like this just because of something he was born with. Something that didn’t matter. She walked back to her car, slipping into the driver’s seat and heading back towards Rafael’s apartment. She didn’t like this. She didn’t like it one bit. 

When she got back to the apartment, Rafael took the bag from her and quietly whispered his thanks. He tore the bag open, pulling out the little plastic baggie that was worth so much to him. He retrieved a plastic bottle that was plain white, pouring his pills inside and closing it. She was waiting for him to say something, but he was being eerily silent. He looked stressed out and tense. “Are you okay?” he asked softly after a second, and she nodded. 

“I’m fine, but he said something about a deal….Rafael are you okay?” she asked. “I don’t want to see you get yourself killed over this.” 

“I can handle myself,” he whispered. “Always have. Thanks. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” After that, he turned away, and she took that as her cue to leave. She didn’t want to push him too hard, and he obviously didn’t want to talk about it. She looked back at him one last time before doing as he asked. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*

“Come on Barba,” Rollins said, nudging Rafael with her elbow. “That sick time you took seems suspiciously like a heat.” 

“Don’t tell me you’ve been holding out on us,” Fin said with a smirk, “I bet he’s got a hot omega waiting for him at home. You gotta introduce us Barba.” Liv knew they were just kidding, but she could see it affected Rafael who was staring at the table. He had been avoiding her for days, slipping out meetings right away, making up excuses, so she hadn’t really gotten the chance to address everything that happened during his heat. She wanted to tell him that she had wanted to help so badly, that she wanted him, but she wasn’t sure how he would react, and she couldn’t seem to get him to stick around long enough for a conversation. She couldn’t just leave him flailing in the wind though. No matter how often he heard jokes or comments about omegas, she knew it probably still stung. 

“Fin, that’s enough,” she said. 

“I’m just saying, it’s pretty obvious Barba got some this week,” he said, holding his hands up like he was innocent. 

“You’re just saying nothing,” she said. 

“Whatever you say, boss,” Fin said, making a face, and she glared pointedly. Rafael was quiet for another moment before he stood up. 

“I’ll call you guys about those warrants,” he said softly, standing up and grabbing his briefcase. Liv took a deep breath. She was not going to let him keep running away from her. 

“Barba, a word in my office please,” she said. He stared at her like he was going to say no, but instead, he nodded, following her into the room. He didn’t sit down though. He stood in the center of the room awkwardly, not meeting her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally said softly. “I’m sorry about everything I said. I was not thinking clearly. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I got you caught up in my mess. Thank you for being kind to me when I needed it.” 

“Can I talk now?” she asked once he finished talking. He clenched his jaw but nodded. “You want to sit down for me?” He hesitated, but she wasn’t giving up that easily. “Come on, we’re gonna take a seat on the couch.” 

“Liv,” he whispered, averting his eyes, and she took his hand. 

“Sit,” she repeated. “It’s gonna be alright, I promise.” He finally sat down, and she sat beside him. “I know this past week has been really hard on you, and I don’t want you to feel bad about anything that happened while you were in heat. I’m sorry if I did anything that made you feel bad about it.” 

“Don’t apologize Liv. I had no business asking you for any of that. I understand you don’t see me that way. I wasn’t thinking right. We don’t ever have to mention it again,” Rafael said, and her heart broke for him. He thought she didn’t want him. 

“Rafael, I didn’t say no to you because I wasn’t interested. I said no because you couldn’t give me meaningful consent at that point. I wanted nothing more than to help you,” she said, putting a hand on his arm. He looked confused, taking a few moments to process what she said. 

“What?” he asked, looking up to her. She looked him straight in the eyes. 

“I’ve always felt something for you that I didn’t quite understand. Now it makes sense,” she said, rubbing her hand up and down his bicep. He looked away silently, and she was sure she could see a glimmer of tears in his eyes. 

“I’m not like other omegas Liv,” he whispered. 

“I don’t want another omega Rafael, I want you. You and I will make this work. This isn’t about alphas and omegas. It’s about you and me and what we both want. No expectations and no requirements. I care about you,” she said. He took a shaky breath, and she could tell he was trying to hold back tears. 

“You want me?” he whispered, and she nodded, squeezing his hand. 

“I want you. I want to be your alpha, Rafa. Will you let me try?” Liv asked. He nodded, swiping at his tears. 

“I guess my little show won you over?” he teased, and she laughed. 

“I’d like another show if you would,” she said with a smile. “I like the way you actually smell.” 

“If you want to come over tonight, I can leave all of this off,” he offered, and she smiled. 

“All of it?” she whispered, and he laughed. 

“Woah, woah, hold up. You’re gonna have to buy me dinner before you get in my pants,” Rafael replied, a little smirk on his face. 

“How about I take you to Forlini’s, and then you and I are going to watch some Netflix together,” Liv suggested. A smile broke out on his face, bigger and happier than she’d ever seen before. It made her so happy to see. 

“Netflix and chill?” he whispered, and she couldn’t help but laugh again. 

“No, just Netflix. I’ll pick you up at seven,” Liv said. She kissed his cheek before letting him go. “I will see you later.” 

“Bye,” he whispered. As he walked away, she loved that he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. He looked so happy. Even the way he was walking looked lighter and happier, and that made her grin. She knew they still had a lot to talk about and figure out, but seeing him smile like that made her feel good. She had been missing him the past few days when he was ignoring her. It surprised her how much she felt for him in such a short period of time. He showed up at SVU, all sassy and confident, and he let a man choke him in open court. She never would have guessed he was an omega, but it made sense. He might be able to put on a good show, but he often would defer to her with a little bit of pushing. She honestly didn’t care either way though. All she cared about was him and how they felt about each other. He didn’t have to act any way he didn’t want to. All she wanted was a chance to make this work. 

…………………………..

Liv felt more nervous than she had in a long time as she stood at his door. She knocked on the door, shifting her weight around from foot to foot. The door finally opened, revealing Rafael, looking slightly sheepish in a pair of jeans that fit him perfectly. He adjusted the white dress shirt he was wearing, running his fingers through his damp hair. “Hi,” he said softly. 

“You look very handsome tonight,” she said. “You ready to go?” He blushed, smiling and looking down at his feet. 

“I don’t know.” His voice startled her, and she frowned. “You didn’t even bring me flowers.” She looked at his face, and he was smirking at her. She laughed, grabbing his hand and pulling him out the door. “Is this really what you consider good first date etiquette?” 

“Shut up,” she replied with a laugh, shutting his door for him and dragging him towards the elevator. He let her hold his hand in the elevator, and they headed out to her car. He stopped by the door, looking to her expectantly. “You can open up that door on your own,” she said with a laugh, and he smiled, climbing in. When she settled in beside him, she could smell his natural scent and she turned to him, “You smell amazing.” 

“You always smell so good. It makes me dizzy,” he admitted. “Sometimes I can barely think.” 

“What’s it like with the pills?” she asked. He sighed, thinking for a few moments. 

“It’s just muted,” he said. “I don’t smell as strong, I don’t go into heat. I can act like I’m the alpha everyone expects to do my job.” 

“I didn’t mean to upset you when I asked last time, but are you alright? That man seemed very shady when he was giving me your pills.” Liv said, hoping it wouldn’t upset him again. 

“He is shady,” Rafael whispered. “I wasn’t lying when I said I could handle it though. I’ve dealt with him since I was eighteen.” 

“You’ve been on the suppressants that long?” She asked, and he nodded. 

“I don’t have a choice Liv. Alphas get to go around and do whatever they want, but if anyone knew I was an omega, they would fire me faster than you could snap your fingers. I’d be expected to go home and be someone’s mate and raise kids,” he whispered bitterly. “I wouldn’t have a choice. At least now, I can do something that means something.” Liv reached over and covered his hand. 

“You can be yourself around me,” she whispered. He nodded, looking at her gratefully. 

“I didn’t think I would ever have that,” he said. The rest of the ride was filled with comfortable silence until she parked not far from Forlini’s. They walked down the street, standing close, and she wondered for a second why Rafael was pressing himself right up against her side. It only took a glance around to find the answer. A few tall, intimidating figures had their eyes trained on him. She grabbed his hand, meeting their gazes to give them the message to back off. He wasn’t used to this kind of attention. 

“I’ve got you,” she whispered. He didn’t answer, puffing his chest out a little bit and standing up straighter. He didn’t want to feel reliant. He was silently telling her he could protect himself, and she knew he probably could, but she also knew her hand interlocked with his probably helped to ease some anxiety. Just because he could do it on his own, didn’t mean he had to. 

“Maybe I should have kept on my pheromone mask,” he whispered, and she squeezed his hand. 

“I like you better this way. Just ignore them,” she said. He nodded, but his grip on her hand tightened a little bit. Once they were finally seated, he looked more relaxed. She was talking quietly with him about work when the waiter came by to take their orders. He looked to Liv, and she ordered wine and the pasta dish she usually had. Instead of looking to Rafael though, the waiter kept his gaze on her, looking expectant. 

“And for him?” he asked. Rafael blushed slightly from his seat, and she raised an eyebrow at the man. 

“He can order,” she said. The man looked a little surprised at her words, but he turned to Rafael all the same. 

“Scotch,” he said softly. “And a steak please.” Once he finished ordering, he had this tight look on his face. “I’m not used to this.” 

“Me neither. That was….rude,” she said feeling perturbed. “You can wear your pheromone mask whenever you want. Just so you know. I’m not going to try and tell you what to do.” That put a soft smiled on his face, and he nodded just slightly. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I appreciate you.” 

“I want to be clear with you. I’m not expecting you to change who you are for me. We can take this one step at a time and figure out what works for us both,” she said. He smiled. 

“So you’re not expecting me to be your bitch?” he whispered lowly, and she glared at him. 

“Only if you want to,” she shot back, and he laughed. 

“Work will be weird,” he said. “I have to act like an alpha. I have no choice. I can’t change the way I act at work.” 

“You can act however you want. You can act like that at home if you want to,” she said. “I mean, please don’t be an asshole.” 

“When have I ever been an asshole?” he asked. 

“Let me count….” she teased, and he glared. 

“Wow, no flowers, insulting me, this date is fantastic,” he said sarcastically. 

“Hey now, I’m buying you dinner,” Liv argued. He smiled softly, sipping at the scotch that the waiter set down. 

“I’ve been wanting this for a long time,” he said softly. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been alone all my life.” 

“I don’t know what I’m doing either,” she replied softly, and he visibly relaxed a little bit. “It’s okay that we don’t know yet.” He nodded, seemingly reassured by her words. They talked over dinner like they usually would, smiling and bantering, and after she paid the bill, they walked back out to the car. The smile on Rafael’s face made her feel good. He looked happier than she’d ever seen before. Sometimes he would smile at work, but never this big, never enough that it reached his eyes and made them shine the way they did now. He put on the radio in the car, and he was smiling and talking to her about a hearing he had the next day. When she pulled up to the apartment, he climbed out of the car and waited for her to lead the way, reaching for her hand. When they got into the apartment, he toed off his shoes and hung his jacket up, and she got them both glasses of wine. He was settled on the couch, and she handed him the wine. She took a seat beside him, and she turned the tv on, clicking through Netflix before they settled on something to watch. At first, Rafael sat beside her, but not close enough that their legs were touching. He sipped at his wine watching the show, but as he started to relax, he scooted closer. Liv tentatively rested her arm across his shoulders, and he relaxed even more. He leaned into her body slightly, curling his legs up on the couch beside himself. He joked with her softly, making fun of the tv show or making some comment that boggled her mind. His intelligence boggled her sometimes. He felt like he was on a whole other level than she was, socially, intellectually, and she knew if she told him that, he would probably laugh in her face, but it had always felt that way. He was always dressed so sharply, attending political events and networking. His savviness and confidence blew her away, but now she wondered if he was overcompensating. 

“This wine is really good,” he whispered, breaking her from her thoughts. He was close now, perilously close, an arm resting across her stomach, and she rubbed his back. 

“It’s my favorite,” she said softly, and he tilted his head up, looking at her. Their faces were close now, and she could smell the sweet scent that screamed Rafael. His lips parted slightly, his breathing growing just a tad heavier, and she leaned down, connecting their lips. He came on strong at first, the kiss a flurry of tongue and his hands clutching at her, but then he seemed to remember to calm down, her hand rubbing across his back to relax him. He was soft and pliant then, following her lead. His mouth tasted like wine, and the soft noise that escaped his lips made her feel flushed. His skin was warm, and she wanted to feel more of it. As she pulled back slightly to set the glasses down, she started pulling his shirt from his pants, slipping the buttons out of the holes and running her hands over his soft stomach. His skin was smooth, soft hair trailing from his belly button down past the waistband of his pants. She hadn’t met many other omegas with body hair like Rafael had, but she assumed that was from the suppressants. He had been on them for so long. 

“I thought you said just Netflix,” his voice was breathy and soft, but there was a cheekiness to it, and she grabbed him by his shirt, yanking his lips back up to hers, 

“Shut up,” she mumbled between kisses. She gently dragged her teeth over his bottom lip, and he moaned. She shifted around, pushing him down on his back, and he went easily. She kissed down his jaw, and his breathing sounded ragged. 

“O-Oh God,” he mumbled. She trailed her fingers over his chest, her palms brushing over his nipples, and he arched up toward her. “Is this included in ‘just Netflix?’ Is it some sort of special code you use?” 

“Rafael,” she whispered, laughing against his neck. 

“Should I prepare myself next time you ask if I want to watch Netflix?” he asked, and this time she put a finger over his lips. 

“I don’t want to hear another word out of you, or I’m not going to blow you like I’ve been planning,” she said, and he clammed up. When she looked up to his face, his green eyes were dark, pupils dilated with arousal. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, and she put a hand over the flushed skin. “Maybe we should go back to the bed.” He let her pull him up, dragging him back towards her bedroom and backing him up until his legs hit the bed and he fell on his ass. She pushed him up, climbing on top and working his shirt off of him. He looked down at his chest, swallowing. 

“I--I’m sorry about the hair. The suppressants,” he said, and she shushed him again. 

“I told you, I don’t care about other omegas. I don’t care what is ‘culturally acceptable’ or considered attractive. You are gorgeous,” she murmured, kissing his cheek and running her fingers through the brushing of hair across his chest. He swallowed heavily, tilting his head back, and she scraped her teeth over his neck, kissing over his pulse point and down the smooth skin, and he gasped. She kissed and licked down his abdomen, pulling his nipple into her mouth and making him groan before she worked her way to the waistband of his jeans. 

“This is really classy Liv, ravishing me after our first date,” he said, and she didn’t shush him because she could tell he was a little nervous. He was making jokes to cover up his anxiety. It was evident in the tremor in his voice. 

“You doing okay up there?” she asked softly, fingers on his button, waiting for confirmation that he was okay. 

“Y-Yeah, it’s just--it’s been a while,” he admitted. 

“Just talk to me. I’m gonna take care of you,” she promised. “You tell me what you need.” She popped the button, pulling his zipper down and easing the jeans down his hips. She could see how hard he was, and she smiled up at him, rubbing circles on his lower belly. She kept her eyes locked with his as she started dragging the boxer briefs down his legs. His size was slightly surprising. Maybe it was the shock of the situation, but it hadn’t registered with her that he was so big. It was unusual for an omega, and it was certainly not from the suppressants. Most alphas found it unattractive, and she assumed that may have been a source of insecurity for him, but she was determined to show him exactly how gorgeous she found him. She wrapped her fingers around his thick length, stroking him languidly. The flush she’d seen during his heat was starting to travel up his chest, and his breathing was growing deeper and deeper. She pressed a kiss to the head, looking up to see his reaction. He was clutching at the sheets, his eyes staring back at her, mouth just slightly agape. He was deliciously sensitive, and if these were his muted reactions, she wished she could get her hands on him during a heat. 

“Liv,” he mumbled. “Please don’t tease me like this.” His breathing was labored, and he was gasping. “I don’t know if I can hold on.” She smiled up at him, taking the head into her mouth and sucking. His hips jerked forward almost immediately, and he whispered apologies. She patted his thigh, working her way down his shaft and dragging her tongue along the underside. “Liv,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “Liv, please.” She applied more suction, and he moaned repeatedly. When she started bobbing, he swore softly, his eyes screwed shut. She pulled off for a second, looking down at him. 

“You’re beautiful,” she whispered. “Can you put your feet on the bed for me? Bend your knees.” He swallowed, watching her as he complied. She rubbed his thigh, brushing her thumb over his entrance and keeping eye contact. “Is this okay?” she asked, and he nodded. “Just a finger or two.” 

“There’s lube in my pants,” he whispered, and her eyebrows shot up. Lube was a good idea to make sure everything went smoothly. He would probably fine with just the slick, but there was no harm in being cautious. “I wanted to be prepared.” 

“You are full of surprises Mr. Barba,” she said, fishing around for his pants. She pulled the packet out of his pocket, carefully slicking up two fingers before she went back down on him. She just spread the lube around, waiting for him to relax before she pushed inside to the first knuckle. He was tight and hot, and the sound he made went straight to her groin. 

“When I was in heat, this is all I wanted,” he said. “My fingers just don’t feel the same.” He was breathless and gasping, hips starting to twitch slightly and push into the pressure. She carefully pressed in more while swallowing around him, and he cried out. Working her finger in and out, she relished in his reactions. His legs were spread, feet planted on the bed, pushing his hips up, hands screwed into the sheets, making a wrinkled mess of them. After a few minutes, it was clear he was ready for more, so she worked a second finger in along with the first, pausing to allow him time to adjust to the stretch. He was so tight around her fingers. “Oh my God, Liv, I-I’m gonna--” She bent her fingers, dragging them along his prostate, and that was it for him. He let out a hoarse cry, mumbling her name as he jerked around until he finally collapsed back onto the bed. He was clearly out of it, his eyes looking distant and glazed over when he looked at her. There was a little bit of drool on the side of his mouth, and she wiped that away with her thumb. 

“Hey,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair. “You okay?” 

“Good,” he mumbled. “One minute and I’ll do you.” 

“I think you need to rest,” Liv said. “Next time.” 

“No,” he said, starting to sound distressed. “Let me.” She stroked his hair again. 

“Fifteen minutes. You need to lay down,” she said, and he nodded, seemingly satisfied that she was going to let him do something for her. She could feel herself throbbing in her pants, so it wasn’t like he needed to push that hard. She just didn’t want to overwhelm him all at once, especially not when he looked so fucked out and vulnerable. She cradled him close, petting his hair and whispering reassurances in his ear. His cheek was damp like a few tears had managed to escape, and she kissed his temple. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“M’good. That was…..really good.” His voice was breathy and soft. His skin was damp with sweat, his body gloriously bare. She wanted to take off her own clothes and feel him against her. He perked up after a little bit, leaning up to kiss her, and she let him, her hand cupping his cheek. He reached for her shirt, checking with her and pulling it off when she nodded at him. His fingers were shaking as he unclasped her bra, eyes meeting hers once more to get permission before he started kissing and cupping. He worshiped her breasts, pressing his face against her skin and breathing in the comforting smell that he was addicted to. 

“Alright mister,” she said softly, and he took that as his cue to move on. She was still brushing her fingers through the hair on the back of his head as he slid down her body, unbuttoning and unzipping her pants. It took him a few minutes to wrestle her out of them, but then he was staring down at her, swallowing heavily. She was bigger than most of the female alphas he’d been with, but she wasn’t so big that it was intimidating. It was a good thing too because most of his sexual encounters consisted of him being bent over a dirty couch in the back of a club, room so dark no one could see his face as someone pounded into him from behind. It was just enough to take the edge off when he got stir crazy, but he hadn’t done that in over a year. He looked up to her unsurely, wanting to tell her he hadn’t done anything like this in a very long time, and it was probably going to be bad, but she just brushed her fingers through his hair again. “Start slow, just your hand is okay,” she said. “Don’t worry.” Her words soothed him almost immediately, and he wrapped his hand around her length after slathering his palm with lube. He stroked her, working fingers from his other hand inside, and she nodded at him encouragingly as she gasped. “That’s good, a little tighter,” she said. He did exactly as she asked, listening to her every word and doing his best to make her feel good. He loved the way she looked, chest heaving, spit-slick breasts glistening as she breathed heavily. She had a comforting hand on him at all times, her hips working into his grip and pushing onto his fingers. When she spilled all over his hand, she felt dizzy, shutting her eyes. When she opened them again, Rafael was curling up beside her. “You are perfect. You did so good,” she whispered, and he blushed slightly, scooting closer to her. She held him, her front pressed tight against his back, hand rubbing over his chest. “Good first date?” she asked softly. 

“Mmmm,” he mumbled, “I still want my flowers.” She laughed, shutting out the lights and holding him close as he drifted off. 

………………………………….

Rafael was sitting at his desk, feeling tense. His last case had just blown up in his face, and he was ducking calls at the moment, sipping at some scotch while he brooded and moped. He couldn’t believe he’d managed to mess it up so badly, so quickly. He couldn’t even think about all the work he should be doing instead of letting himself wallow. He looked up when there was a knock on the door, seeing Liv standing there, looking at him, worry in her eyes. “Hey,” she said softly. “I heard about the case.” 

“So has everyone else,” he whispered, standing up. 

“I brought you a cupcake from the bakery down the street,” she said, holding up a little baggie. He could feel his stomach growling now that he thought about it. 

“Thanks,” he said, taking a seat on the couch. She sat beside him, leaning close as he started to pick at the chocolate cake. He peeled the wrapper back, taking a bite, the blue frosting smearing across his upper lip. He wiped at it, his shoulders hunched, and she eased an arm around them, rubbing her hand down his back. 

“It’s all going to be okay,” she murmured, starting the well-practiced motions that she knew would comfort him. He relaxed slightly, feeling a bit drowsy, but then he realized exactly what was going on, and he saw red. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked, jerking away. She looked shocked by his outburst. 

“I was just trying to—”

“I thought you said you were going to ask before you did that,” he said lowly. “Do you think I haven’t lost cases before!? I’m not some sniveling little unstable omega who can’t handle his emotions. I don’t need you to come coddle me.” Liv stood up, holding her hands up and meeting his eyes. 

“You’re right,” she whispered, taking a step closer, but he backed away. “I’m sorry Rafael, I should have asked. I thought you might want some affection or comfort. I know you don’t need it. Trust me. I know you can handle yourself, but you don’t have to.” He stopped backing away, letting her take a few steps towards him. As she got closer, she put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Look at me,” she whispered, and he did, turning his head to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry.” He nodded, looking down. 

“I—I’m sorry too,” he said softly. “I shouldn’t have—I shouldn’t snap like that.” 

“Yes, I certainly did not appreciate that tone. You’re forgiven though. Let’s just sit down and calm down,” she suggested, taking his hand and leading him back towards the couch. He let her wrap an arm around him this time. “Is this alright?” she asked, and he nodded. He went back to eating the cupcake she brought, and he relaxed into her touch. “Maybe you should go home, get some sleep, or let me get you something to eat,” 

“Maybe we could go to your place and just watch Netflix,” he suggested with a little smirk, and her eyes narrowed. 

“After the way you just talked to me? I don’t think so,” she said, and he made a pouty face. “We could go to my place and just sleep.” 

“Is that code too? How is that different than just watching Netflix?” he asked, and she smacked his shoulder lightly. He laughed. When they were in the elevator, after he locked up his office and collected his things, he was leaning against the wall, Liv close to him. His stomach rumbled loudly, and he winced when Liv looked at him. 

“Did you skip lunch?” She asked softly. He blushed, shrugging. “What did you eat today?” 

“That cupcake,” he admitted softly. “Some pretzels at lunch. Coffee.” 

“Coffee isn’t a food Rafael,” Liv said sternly. “Now, we’re going to get you dinner before we go home even though it’s nine at night.” He didn’t argue, following behind her as she led him down to the car. “You have to take better care of yourself.” 

“I know Liv, I wasn’t trying to. I was just so busy today, and I was in court. I didn’t have time to stop and eat,” he said softly as he climbed into the passenger seat. 

“You need to make time or eat breakfast,” she said, and he nodded, sighing. “I just care about you.” 

“I know,” he said. 

“Does Chinese sound okay?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“If you’ll let me pay,” he said, and she shook her head. 

“I’ve got it,” Liv said. “Let me.” 

“Will you let me pay next time?” he asked, and she thought about it for a second. 

“Maybe,” she replied. Rafael nodded, looking out the window as she drove. Things had changed so rapidly. Before, he could have gone home and fallen asleep without eating all day, and no one would notice. The only person he had was himself, but now Liv was watching out for him, and it was a good feeling. She picked up Chinese takeout for them both, driving back to her apartment. They sat on the couch and ate while watching tv, and it was nice to have someone to talk to and wind down with after a long day. He almost wasn’t thinking about how bad he had managed to fuck his case up. After he ate, he ended up cuddling up beside her again, resting his head against her shoulder, and she was stroking his hair. It made him feel sleepy when she did that. He could barely keep his eyes open, breathing in deeply against her shirt. It was then that he realized he still had on his pheromone mask. 

“I should take a shower,” he whispered. “I smell like fake alpha.” 

“You don’t have to,” Liv murmured, kissing the top of his head. “You look really tired.” 

“I should get a shower,” he repeated. In one way, it was for Liv. He knew she liked the way he smelled better without the masking and the cologne, but it was also for himself. He finally had somewhere he could be himself. He had someone who he could be himself with. With Liv, he was Rafael, and it didn’t matter if he was an alpha or an omega. He could just be Rafael, and he didn’t have to hide. 

“Here, I’ll come with you,” she said, standing up. He tiredly got up to his feet, following her back towards the bathroom. A shower sounded better if Liv was joining him. She turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up as she pulled his clothes off layer by layer. He was so sleepy, he just let her do it. She pulled off her own clothes and ushered him under the spray. She let him lean against her, her arms wrapped around his back, rubbing her hand up and down the damp skin. She massaged soap into his hair, and he stood up on his own when she needed to rinse it out. He helped to scrub his skin with soap until he was starting to smell like his natural self again. Liv pressed her face to his neck, breathing in his scent and rubbing his back. He pulled her in for a kiss, clinging to her as she pressed her tongue into his mouth. She dragged his lip between her teeth, and he felt breathless. She knew how to work him up so quickly. “Settle down, just sleep remember?” she whispered, and he did his best version of puppy dog eyes. “Those won’t work on me.” He sighed, going back for another kiss, and she indulged him. She loved the way his lips felt pressed against her own, soft and smooth, his tongue dancing with hers. There were times when he would give just as good as he got, trying to keep up with her, and others where he sat back and let her tongue dominate his own. He would open his mouth for her, tilting his head just right and holding tight to her body. She had to pry him off, turning the water off and helping him dry off. He spent a couple minutes folding his clothes, leaving them on the floor beside her bed. She crawled under the covers, waiting for him to join her. He rested his cheek against her shoulder when he finally did lay down beside her. He was obviously tired, half asleep within minutes. 

“Liv,” he whispered, his voice muffled by her skin. 

“Hmm?” she asked. 

“I really like this,” he said softly, and she stroked his hair. 

“I do too Raf,” she replied. She was glad to see him fall asleep after a long day, a soft smile gracing his features. 

…………………………..

Liv was writing on the whiteboard, Rafael sitting at the conference table, his feet propped up. She wanted to tell him how much she liked that shirt on him, but she couldn’t expose him. It was hard to go from cuddling on the couch on a lazy Sunday to pretending they were nothing more than coworkers. The case was brutal, a serial rapist who would torture his victims for hours. She hung up a picture on the board. “Oh my God,” Nick’s voice was soft. She should have probably warned them before putting up the pictures. They were fairly violent and graphic. 

“Oh come on Nick,” Amanda said. “Don’t be a little omega bitch, or someone is gonna have to put you on a leash.” Liv whipped around immediately. 

“What did you just say?” she asked lowly. 

“Liv, it was a joke,” Amanda said. “I wasn’t serious, and we’re all alphas here, right? Nick can take a joke.” 

“I don’t care if it was a joke, and I don’t care what Nick thinks about it either. That was incredibly rude. What if a victim heard you say that? A leash? Desk duty for the rest of the week,” she said, glaring. Amanda looked shocked at her reaction. 

“Come on,” Amanda said, but Liv’s death stare was enough to shut her up. She glanced at Rafael next, but he was keeping a neutral expression on his face. She shook her head in disgust. The things he dealt with on a daily basis made her so angry. She wanted to ask him if he was alright, but she had to finish the meeting. She ran through the details quickly before they got a call. She sent Fin and Amaro out to meet the victim at the hospital, and she pulled Rafael into her office before he had the chance to leave. 

“Are you okay?” she asked softly. 

“What? Because of that? I’m fine,” he said. “I have to go though. I have court in….fifteen minutes. I’ll see you tonight?” 

“Yeah, I’ll come over to your place,” Liv said, pecking his lips quickly. She was thankful to be in the privacy of her office where she could drop the act just for a moment, but there was something tight in his expression, something under the surface. She was sure it bothered him more than he wanted to admit. 

“Okay, see you then,” he replied before slipping out the door. Liv sat down at her desk, running a tired hand over her face. She couldn’t chew out everyone who made an offhand comment about omegas no matter how much it bothered her. Unfortunately, it was all too common especially at the Police Department, an alpha dominated workplace. She wished he didn’t have to hear any of the derogatory comments, ever, but she was sure he’d already heard just about everything that could be said at some point. She sighed, trying to get all her paperwork done, so she could go home early and spend the night with him. They had been together for close to a month, and they were getting closer and closer. She was at his apartment two or three days during the week, and most of the other days, he spent the evening at her place. What had surprised her most about him was how tactile he tended to be. He would cuddle up in her arms every chance he got, and she certainly wasn’t complaining. Sometimes, he talked in his sleep, and he always snored, but not enough that it bothered her. The soft, relaxed look on his face when he would doze off on the couch, half on top of her never failed to make her smile. She cared about him more than she had ever thought would be possible, and it was a more than welcome development. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still super suggest you read the link. Anyways, here's the next chapter

Rafael’s feet were in her lap as he reclined on the couch, watching the tv. She rubbed up and down his ankle, watching him. She smiled when he laughed, unable to break her gaze from his face. “Like what you see?” his voice was playful, and he turned his head, smiling at her. 

“Always,” she whispered, and he looked down self-consciously. “I want to talk about earlier.” Her voice was soft, but he looked up immediately. 

“I told you I’m alright,” he whispered, and she nodded. 

“I know what you said. I also know you deal with that a lot. I want you to be honest with me. Do you ever feel unsafe at work?” she asked. He was quiet for a few minutes, turning back to the tv. “It’s okay if the answer is yes,” she said, rubbing a gentle circle on the bony part of his ankle with her thumb. 

“I’ve felt very unsafe before in my life,” he said softly, “In comparison, work is not bad, but sometimes, yes, I wonder what would happen if people knew.” 

“I would never let anyone at work hurt you,” Liv said, and he smiled softly. 

“I know Liv. They couldn’t hurt me worse than what’s been done before. It’s hard sometimes when they make jokes, but I’ve heard them all before. Trust me, saying I should be on a leash is not the worst thing Amanda could’ve said,” he whispered, closing his eyes. 

“If you ever need to talk to me about what’s happened to you, I’m here,” she promised, and he nodded. He turned back to the tv, and she took that as a sign that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so she left him alone. She hoped she hadn’t upset him too much by bringing it up. He looked up to the ceiling, for a couple of minutes before he started to sit up, pulling his ankle from her grasp. 

“I’m going to go lay down for a little bit,” he said. She wanted to call his name and stop him from pulling away, but she had already upset him enough. She sat there for a few moments, wishing she could take it back. The hurt in his eyes made her want to deck whoever hurt him in the past. She clicked the tv off, going back to find him. He was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, an arm thrown across his chest. She sat on the edge of the bed, and he looked over to her with a sad smile. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Liv said softly. 

“It’s not your fault. Let’s just not….” he trailed off, taking a shuddering breath. “Could we just watch Netflix?” There was a hopeful glimmer in his eyes, teasing covering up the hurt that was inside. She would let him push it away for now, for tonight. She nodded, stretching out so she could press her lips to his. She ran a hand over his stomach, kissing his jaw and enjoying the soft breathy gasps that escaped every time she nipped at his skin lightly. 

“What do you need tonight?” she asked softly, and he arched up against her lips as she sucked on his pulse point. 

“Please, I want you,” he whispered, and she pulled back to look at him seriously. 

“Are you sure?” she asked. They had mostly stuck to fooling around, never going all the way. Work always seemed to get in the way, and there were a lot of nights where they would both pass out on the couch instead of actually moving to the bed. He nodded, looking up at with explicit trust in his green eyes, and she smiled. “Okay, you’ve got it,” she whispered, reaching for the lube from the bedside table. 

“Condoms are in the back of the drawer,” he said softly, and she nodded, rummaging around until she had a foil package and the lube just in case. She ran her hands down his thighs over the sweatpants he was wearing, and he shivered. She pushed his shirt up, rubbing her hands across his soft stomach, and up to his chest. 

“Arms up,” she said softly, stripping his shirt from his body. He grasped at her as she dragged her tongue across his dusty nipple. His fingernails were blunt, but they dug into her skin all the same. She didn’t mind though, and she continued to kiss and taste her way down his body. She removed his pants almost immediately, throwing them to the floor along with his underwear. She wrapped her fingers around his half-hard cock, stroking him softly, his hips twitching as he pushed into her hand. She loved his reactions, each noise sending a bolt of heat throughout her body. She laughed when he let out a choked noise as she flicked her wrist tightening her grip around the head. She abruptly let go, and he whimpered. “Can’t end this too soon,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss him once more. She put a hand under his thigh, and he bent his legs up for her. “You are so good,” she whispered. “Doing so well.” She grabbed a pillow, easing his hips up and placing it under his low back. He was trembling just slightly, but it was enough to make her pause, meeting his eyes to make sure he was alright. He nodded at her, so she grabbed for the lube, rubbing a finger over the puckered skin of his entrance. He hissed softly, head thrown back, and she could tell she wouldn’t need much lube. She slicked her fingers up, pressing the tip of one against him. She stroked his leg as she eased it inside, working it in slowly, and his breathing was growing more and more labored. 

“Oh Liv,” he breathed. “I need more, please.” She complied, pressing a second finger inside, and he tensed up slightly, but it only took a few soft circles on his belly to get him to relax again. 

“Good boy,” she whispered. “Open up for me.” She watched his face as she dragged them lightly over his prostate. He whined, hips jerking forward to get firmer pressure, but she didn’t give it to him. 

“Please,” he whispered. “Liv, please.” 

“Easy,” Liv said, trying to soothe him. She finally gave him what he wanted, and he let out a pleased sob. Steady drags of her fingers over his sweet spot, and his hips were rolling, pushing himself onto her fingers faster and faster. She finally pulled out, earning another sobbing noise from him. “Shhh, it’s going to be okay. You’re doing great. Almost there,” she promised. She quickly undressed, rolling the condom down her length and slathering lube over the latex. He was looking up at her with hooded eyes, and he swallowed as she moved into position. “Good?” He nodded, and she lined up, pushing into him slowly, stopping each time she felt him clench. He was breathing heavily as she pressed inside, hands scrambling to find purchase. His erection was flagging slightly, likely a result of the burning stretch, but that would fade. He tilted his hips up, pressing against her, and she took that as a cue to push in a little more. It was slow and careful, but she was finally seated inside of him, and he was glistening with sweat. He was bared to her like this, vulnerable, his green eyes shining up at her, and she gently ran her fingers through his hair. “You feel so good,” she whispered. “You’re doing great Rafa, so good.” He let out a strangled groan. She eased a hand under his thigh, pressing his leg up close to his abdomen to get a better angle. ‘Ready for more?” she asked, and he nodded, his chest rising and falling rapidly. She started with shallow strokes, but his eyes fluttered shut immediately. 

“Liv,” he whispered, his voice trembling, and she rubbed her hands over the quivering muscles of his stomach, easing back into him. She pulled him in for a kiss, and he craned up to meet her. Pressing his thigh up more, she picked up the pace and he keened, his face flushing red as she hit his prostate. “Oh my God, there, fuck--again please,” he mumbled. She put a finger over his lips, shushing him, but she thrusted in harder, dragging across that spot again, and he wheezed, breath catching in his throat. He was lifting his hips to meet her movements now, and he was gasping, his foot planted on the bed, the bent leg leaning against her waist, giving him more leverage to meet her movements.

“You are so beautiful, out of breath and gasping for me. It’s okay. You can come if you want,” she murmured, and he whimpered. 

“Please,” he whispered. “Your hand.” She nodded, wrapping her fingers around him and jerking him in time with her thrusts. It didn’t take long for him to spill into her hand, and she wasn’t long after him. His body was gripping her tight, the heat almost overwhelming, and she pressed her face against his skin, muffling the noises. Once they had both come down from their highs, Liv cleaned up, wiping him down with a warm washcloth, and holding him. He was shaking, and he held tight to her. 

“You did so good,” she said, and he made a soft noise of assent. He was struggling to keep his eyes open, so she decided to encourage him to just let go. “Close your eyes, I’ll be here in the morning.” 

“Promise?” he whispered, and she laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“I promise,” she said, and he nodded, closing his eyes and settling in. She couldn’t stop smiling because it felt so right. He felt right in her arms, and she wasn’t planning on letting him go anytime soon. 

…………………………..

She woke up first, and she spent close to an hour enjoying the feeling of a lazy morning, Rafael asleep beside her. He looked wiped out, snoring softly and hogging the covers. She didn’t mind though, she held him close, running her fingers through his soft hair. He looked warm and at peace which unfortunately wasn’t common. She rubbed circles on his back, kissing the top of his head and breathing in his scent. She was glad he had trusted her the night before. It wasn’t long before he started to stir, looking at her through sleepy eyes. “Morning,” she whispered. He smiled. 

“Morning,” he mumbled back. 

“Are you hungry? We could go get some breakfast,” she said. 

“Starving,” Rafael whispered. “But I don’t want to get out of this bed.” She smiled, laughing. She ran a hand through his hair again, and he snuggled in more. 

“Are you feeling okay? Nothing hurts?” she asked. 

“I feel good. A little sore but good,” Rafael whispered. Liv smiled, rubbing her hand over the back of his neck, fingers brushing through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck. He swallowed before looking up at her with unsure eyes. “Was last night….good for you?” He looked worried. 

“Rafael,” she whispered, rubbing his back. “It was amazing. You were so good.” It was like he let out a sigh of relief, and she was glad that was out of the way. “Here, let’s go get something to eat,” she said after a little bit, and he nodded this time, pulling himself out from under the covers with a groan. He stretched before pulling on some boxers. Liv was digging through the drawer he cleared out for her, finding something to wear. They had both started leaving things in each other's apartment, mostly for convenience. Each of them stayed the night often, so it only made sense. Rafael found some jeans and his favorite Harvard sweatshirt, and Liv smiled at him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. She snaked her arms around his midsection, rubbing his back and he pressed his face against her neck. “You’re adorable,” she said softly. He made soft pleased noise, shutting his eyes. “Let’s go, I don’t want to have to wait in a long line.” He reluctantly pulled away, grabbing her hand as they headed out the door. She shifted over to wrap her arm around his waist instead, rubbing up and down his side. They walked down the street to a little cafe, and when they were seated, Liv smiled over at him. 

“Can I pay?” he asked softly, and she made a big show of thinking about it and sighing. 

“Fine,” she said, and he grinned. He ordered coffee and a big meal with eggs and pancakes. He looked happy, smiling and telling her about plans he had with his grandmother the next week. She just ordered pancakes and some tea. 

“I’m sorry about what happened last night.” His words startled her, and she looked up to him, confused about what he meant. He took a bite of his eggs, and didn’t say anymore though. 

“What do you mean?” she asked finally. “You were fine last night.” 

“I mean before….when you asked me about what happened at work,” he clarified, and then she understood. 

“You don’t have to apologize,” Liv said. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You don’t have to talk to me about whatever has happened to you. Not if you don’t want to.” 

“I’m not ready to talk about a lot of it, but it’s not you,” he said softly. “I’m just sorry I shut down on you. I didn’t mean to. You really helped to ground me though.” 

“Whatever you need, I want you to tell me. I want to help in whatever way I can,” Liv told him, and he smiled, nodding. 

“I’ll try,” Rafael said. She reached over for his hand, squeezing it gently. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship before. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and I don’t want to mess it all up. I really love the way this has been going.” 

“I know this is new and scary for you but just be yourself and talk to me. We will figure everything out. Okay?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“Okay,” he whispered. They finished their meals before heading back to the apartment. He settled on the couch beside her, clicking the tv on again and resting his head in her lap. She brushed her fingers through his hair, keeping her eyes on the tv. “Liv?” his voice was soft. “You’d tell me if I was….doing something wrong in bed right?” 

“Rafa, hey, look up here,” she said looking down at him, and he met her eyes. “I told you, you were perfect last night. What is this all about?” He looked away uncomfortably for a moment before he looked back. 

“I haven’t--I’ve been on suppressants since I was 18 years old,” he said softly. “Since then, most of my sex life has consisted of quickies in the back of a dark club. I feel out of my element. I want to make you feel good the way you make me feel. I just want to make sure I’m doing okay.” 

“You’re doing way more than okay Rafa. I promise,” she said, stroking his hair. “Let’s talk about this.” She turned the tv off. “How about you tell me what you like, what you don’t like. Is there anything you want to try?” He thought for a few seconds. 

“I liked being on my back last night, being able to see your face. On my stomach is okay too, but I think I like being able to face you. I like it when you talk me through it. I just don’t like feeling like I’m being used I guess. You took really good care of me last night,” he finally said. “That probably sounds stupid. I don’t really know.” 

“No, hey, it’s not stupid. That’s good information for me. I want to make you feel so good, and I always want you to tell me if I do something that you don’t like. I want you to enjoy yourself,” she said softly. “Is there anything specific you’d never want me to do?” 

“I don't know,” he sighed. “I feel dumb and really inexperienced.” 

“You are anything but dumb Rafael Barba,” Liv said, brushing his hair back again. “You’ve had hard circumstances, it’s never too late to figure things out. I’m here. I care about you. It’s going to be okay.” 

“Thank you Liv,” he said. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“Is there anything you want to try?” she asked. He shrugged. 

“I don’t know…maybe--maybe we could do something with a blindfold?” he looked unsure, and she smiled, cupping his cheek. 

“Sure, we can try that,” she said, thumb stroking across his skin. He brightened at her immediate acceptance. It was clear that he was less than sure of himself, and she filed that away for later. She would need to make sure she encouraged him and told him he was doing well. “Have you ever tried being on top?” she asked softly. He looked a little surprised by the question, shaking his head. 

“I--Is that something you like?” he asked, and she nodded. 

“It’s something I’d be interested in if you are. It’s not problem if you don’t want to though,” she replied. 

“I--I think we could try that,” Rafael whispered. “You’ll help me?” 

“Yes Rafael,” she said. “I will help however you need. Have you ever used any toys on yourself?” He nodded. “Is that something you might like to do?” He nodded again. “We’ll have to go shopping then,” she said with a smile, and he blushed. “Last thing, can you tell me a little bit about your heat?” 

“What do you want to know?” he asked. His face was reddening already. 

“Well first of all, if that would somehow happen again, would you like me to help you through it?” she asked. 

“Oh good lord, yes,” he said. “I was miserable.” 

“What did you do to get through it?” Liv asked, and he blushed furiously. 

“At first, I just jerked off, but it just kept escalating. I--I had a toy from when I was a teenager, and I used that. I was still seriously miserable the whole time,” he finally said softly. 

“What did you feel like you needed?” she asked. 

“I needed someone else there. I needed to feel skin, and I needed someone to talk to me. I felt like it was never going to end,” Rafael said. 

“I can do whatever you need as long as that’s what you want,” she said. He sighed in relief. 

“I don’t think I’ll have a heat anytime soon, but trust me, I would like you to help me more than anything,” he said. 

“That’s all I needed to hear,” she whispered, stroking his hair again. “Are you still feeling okay? No pain?” 

“I’m good Liv, just sore. My muscles haven’t moved like that in ages,” he said, a small smirk on his face. 

“Mm, they better get used to it,” Liv said with a laugh. “I plan to make them work a lot more.” 

“You won’t hear me complaining,” he whispered, and she smiled. Liv couldn’t help but continuing the soft touches to his hair and down his back. She was surprised at how much she felt so quickly. She felt very protective of him already, and it never usually happened so fast. She loved every little bit of him down to the confident way he strutted around in court. She didn’t dislike the way he acted at work, even if it wasn’t completely true to him. There were parts of it were true and real, and she didn’t care if he wanted to act submissive or if he wanted to take charge, and it was almost terrifying. She hadn’t ever felt this way before. “Honestly my abs, or lack of abs I guess, are the most sore.” She rubbed his chest. 

“I think your lack of abs are cute,” she said, and he laughed. They watched a few shows on tv, talking softly and making fun of some of them. She started making lunch once she got hungry, and he disappeared back towards his bedroom. Once she had two sandwiches made, she went back to find him. He was bent over the desk in his study, scribbling numbers on a piece of paper as he looked at what appeared to be his bank account on the computer. He had a hand forked through his hair, and he looked beyond stressed, his shoulders hunched, face screwed up as he thought hard about something. She wrapped her arms around his neck leaning by his shoulder. The number 5000 was written on the paper, bigger than the rest. He flinched slightly when he realized she was there. 

“Jesus Liv, you scared me,” he whispered. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. “You look worried.” 

“Just doing my bills,” he mumbled, clicking around on the computer. She kissed his cheek, leaning by his ear. 

“I made lunch,” she whispered. “Take a break.” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands for a second. His shoulders were so tense, and she hated seeing him like that. “Whatever it is, you’ll figure it out. I can help you if you want.” He nodded. 

“A break sounds good,” he said, following her to the kitchen. She put a plate in front of him, and he started picking at the sandwich. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, and he shook his head. 

“I’ll figure it out, I always do,” he said. 

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Liv offered, but he made a face, so she dropped it. He ate quietly before heading back to his desk, and she sighed, worrying about him. She gave him a few hours, watching tv by herself, but when it was getting close to mid afternoon and he was still nowhere to be found, she went back looking for him again. He was standing up when she walked in the room, shutting the computer and looking tired. 

“I need to run to the bodega,” he said softly. “I’ll be back.” 

“Can I have a kiss before you go?” She asked, and that got a smile from him. He pecked her lips before grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. When he returned, he had a pack of cigarettes clutched in his hand and he went back to his study again. She followed. He was sitting down now, counting cash meticulously and putting it in an envelope, and she suddenly knew what this was about. He had to go pick up his pills. He tucked the rest of the money in the envelope after counting it a third time, and then he stood up. He walked right past her, going out to his balcony, lighting a cigarette and bringing it up to his lips. Liv sighed, opening the door. “What are you doing?” she asked. 

“What does it look like? I’m smoking,” he whispered. 

“You don’t smoke,” she said, and he snorted. 

“I do when I’m stressed,” he replied. She took the pack from his hands. 

“I wish you wouldn’t,” Liv said softly, and he looked down, sighing before he dropped the cigarette, stepping on it to put it out. “Thank you.” He shook his head, following her back inside. “When are you going to pick them up?” 

“Tuesday,” he said softly. “It’ll be fine. I’ve got it.” 

“Are you sure? You look really stressed Rafael. You’re worrying me,” Liv said. 

“I don’t want you getting involved in this. I’ve got it,” he repeated. She sighed, shaking her head and pulling him into her arms. He let it happen despite his protests that he was fine. 

“Let’s just relax then,” she said, dropping the issue. She didn’t want to push him too hard right now. He felt like he had no choice but to take the suppressants, and at the moment, she didn’t have a better solution. He would lose his job if he was outed, and that was the last thing either of them wanted. She didn’t want to see him get hurt though. He leaned up for a kiss, but she turned her head. “Not when your breath smells like tobacco.” He sighed dramatically, leaning back against the couch. She ran her fingers through the hair on the back of his head, keeping him close. “If you need help, I want you to tell me.” He nodded. “Promise me.” 

“I promise,” he murmured. 

“Good,” she whispered. 

……………………………..

Liv hated watching Rafael look stressed out. He had been watching tv all day, barely speaking. He was barely eating, and she prayed he would be okay. She wanted to help him, but he wasn’t letting her, so she would have to find another way. He needed to calm down. She took a seat beside him on the couch, stroking her fingers through his hair. “Hey,” she said softly. “I thought you might be interested in some Netflix tonight.” Her voice was soft, breath ghosting across his ear as she pressed a kiss to his jaw. He swallowed hard before nodding. “Perfect,” she whispered, turning the tv off, and grabbing his hand to pull him up to his feet. He went easily, tilting his head perfectly to accept her kisses. She dragged her tongue across his bottom lip, and he opened up for her, letting her tongue dominate his own. When they made it to the bedroom, she put a hand on his chest, pulling away for just a moment, and he was gorgeous, skin flushed, chest heaving, his hair messed up. She went to his closet, pulling out a baby blue tie and holding it up for him to see. His breathing grew heavier almost immediately, his eyes darkening. He swallowed, but nodded once more, and she took a step closer. She looped it around his neck, pulling him closer and pressing their lips together again. He clung to her, his hands digging into her back. “Just tell me if you don’t like something,” she whispered between kisses, and he nodded again. She pushed him back onto the bed, and he went with no resistance. 

“Did you change my sheets?” he asked softly, but she put a finger over his mouth, shushing him. She had, in fact, changed his sheets to a soft blue pair that was in the closet. She loved blue on him, and he was going to be quite the sight, stripped naked, his own necktie knotted around his head, covering his eyes. She pulled him back in for a kiss, pulling on the tie and he gasped into her mouth. 

“You’re okay with this? With me blindfolding you?” she asked, wanting to actually hear it from his lips. 

“Yes,” he breathed. That was all she needed. She looped it around his head, tying a knot on the side of his head, tight enough that it wouldn’t slide around or come loose. 

“How’s that feel?” she asked. 

“Good,” he whispered. She started on his shirt then, pulling it over his head, baring his chest to her lips. She kissed over his skin, pulling his nipple into her mouth, and his intake of breath was sharp. She had the element of surprise, every sensation he experienced heightened. She pressed open mouthed kisses down his abdomen, and he was squirming slightly the closer she got to his waistband. She unbuttoned his pants, pulling the zipper down painstakingly slowly. She stopped then, trailing her fingers over his ribs, touch alternating between soft and firm. She lightly dragged her nails down his sides and he moaned softly. 

“You’re so pretty like this Rafael,” she said, pulling his jeans down and off his legs. Hooking her fingers in his boxers, she teased him for a few moments before dragging them down his hips. She sat back, admiring him, all spread out for her. He was already flushed, his chest rising and falling visibly. He was half hard, waiting for her attention, so she put her hands on his thighs, rubbing up and down for a few seconds before lightly scraping her nails across his skin, and he gasped again. 

“Oh God, Liv,” he mumbled, hands reaching for her. 

“No, hands on the bed,” she said. He hesitated, but complied after a moment, fisting his hands in the sheets by his sides. She leaned down, kissing his thigh, dragging her tongue over the warm skin, down to the inside of his leg and then back up. She kissed and nipped at his inner thighs until he was wriggling around on the bed. She kissed her way down his leg, over his calf and down to his ankle. She went back up the other leg, teasing him relentlessly. She breathed over his erection and he gasped, throwing his head back, moaning softly. 

“Please, Liv, come on,” he whispered. “Please.” She licked a stripe up his shaft but pulled off immediately, and it was torture for him. He sobbed. She started rubbing her hands over his midsection again. He was sucking in air, gasping at each touch. 

“You doing okay up there?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. She moved down further between his legs, pushing at the back of his thigh, and he lifted his leg for her. She hooked it over her shoulder, leaning down and dragging her tongue over his hole. His reaction was immediate. His hips jerked forward, a loud moan spilling from his lips. 

“You like that?” she asked softly, and he whimpered. 

“Yes,” he said in a soft voice. 

“Do you want more?” she asked, letting her breath billow over his skin. 

“God yes,” he whispered. She indulged him, repeating the motion, and he moaned again. It was music to her ears. Soft repetitive strokes over the sensitive area, thumb rubbing across his inner thigh as she worked, and he was pushing towards her, begging for more. She finally dipped past the tight ring of muscle, and he swore. “Liv, please,” He whispered. 

“What do you want?” She asked. “You’ve got to use your words.” 

“I want you inside me, please,” He whispered. “No more teasing. I can’t.” 

“Okay Rafael, sure,” she said shifting around. She grabbed for a condom from the drawer, and she eased a finger inside of him to gauge if extra lube would be necessary. It wasn’t. She rolled the condom down her length before lining up, and he was pressing into the blunt pressure. 

“Ahhh, yesss, Liv, please,” he groaned, back arching. She grabbed his hips, squeezing them lovingly as she carefully pressed inside of him. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Oh God, please.” He was tense. More tense than he had been the other night. 

“Hey, are you alright?” she asked gently. 

“I’m good,” he said.

“Try to relax a little more,” Liv whispered, running her hands over his belly. 

“Relax? No problem,” he mumbled sarcastically. She laughed, continuing to try and soothe him. Finally, the tension seeped out of his muscles, and she managed to bottom out. He moaned his approval. “Move,” he whispered. “Please move.” She did as he asked, pumping her hips in shallow strokes, working him open. He couldn’t hold the noises in, groaning and begging for more, and she smiled, loving the way he looked under her. His legs were thrown around her waist, ankles locked at her lower back. 

“You are doing so well with this Rafael. How does it feel?” she asked. 

“Good,” he whispered. “So good. I feel so full, and oh god L-Liv, right there--again please.” She grabbed his hips tighter, tilting them up, so she could brush his prostate more directly, and he lost it, coming all over his stomach. He was gasping in breath as she pulled out, jerking herself over his stomach and spilling after just a few moments. He was a mess. She gently untied the blindfold, but his eyes were closed anyways. She stroked his cheek. 

“You alright?” she whispered, and he nodded. “Can you try and sit up for me? I want you to drink some water.” He struggled, leaning against the headboard and letting her tip the water bottle against his lips. “Was that everything you hoped it would be?” 

“That was great,” he said. He looked a little bit out of it. 

“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to grab a towel to clean you up,” Liv said. He whimpered softly, so she hurried, wetting a cloth with warm water, bringing it back to mop the mess off of his abdomen. She stroked his cheek, pulling him against her and stroking his damp hair. “You did so good. You did perfect Rafa.” 

“Yeah?” he whispered. 

“Yeah, you did,” she replied. That made him smile sleepily. “You can nap if you want.” 

“Will you stay with me?” he asked softly, and she nodded, holding him against her, rubbing his back. He passed out fairly quickly, looking much more relaxed than he had been before. She was glad to see him less stressed out. She took that away from him for a few hours, and that was a privilege she would treasure. He was trusting her to take care of him, and she was going to do her best. She breathed in deeply, savoring his true scent. Tomorrow, at work, he would smell like an alpha again, and she much preferred his natural scent. It fit him much better. She hoped that someday, maybe he wouldn’t have to use the pheromone mask. She hoped that people would respect him even without it because he deserved to be respected. He deserved to be able to be his true self instead of having to hide. He was just as competent without the suppressants, but no one would treat him the same. They both knew that. She just hoped that someday it would change. 

……………………….

Rafael looked so tired after work. He had spent all day in court, working tirelessly, and the verdict was supposed to come in the next day. She was proud of him. He had done a great job with the case, turning something that could be incredibly complicated into a fairly obvious win. Ever since they got home though, he was nervously pacing and tapping his feet. “When are you going to get them?” she asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“In an hour,” he whispered. “Don’t worry, I’ve done this hundreds of times.” 

“Why do you look so worried then?” she asked. He shrugged. 

“I just--it’s nerve wracking okay? He’s not a nice person,” Rafael said softly, running his fingers through his hair. 

“Would you let me take you?” she asked. “I’ll stay in the car if you want.” 

“Liv, really, I don’t want you to get involved in this. I don’t want him to interact with you anymore than he already has,” Rafael said. 

“I’ll stay in the car,” Liv repeated. “It would make me feel better.” He thought about if for a little bit before he nodded. He couldn’t deny her that. He couldn’t worry her more than necessary. When it was nearing time, he tucked the envelope into his pocket, and they headed out. She watched from the car as he got out and walked into the dark alley, almost fading into the shadows. She could barely see him, but she didn’t miss the shady man putting a hand on Rafael’s shoulder, and she had to urge to get out of the car and ask him what the hell he was doing. Rafael pulled back though, forking over the envelope, and finally tucking the baggie of pills into his pocket before turning back towards the car. He looked a little unsettled when he climbed back in. “Are you alright?” she asked. “Do I need to go kick his ass?” That got a soft laugh out of him. 

“I’m fine. He just likes to come on to me sometimes. It’s harmless,” he whispered. “He’s never tried anything.” 

“If you need me to hunt this asshole down and arrest him, you just say the word,” Liv said. “I’ll sign for you. I’ll get you actual suppressants.” 

“We can’t do that Liv,” Rafael said. “My papers say I’m an alpha. They’re forged. I can’t get suppressants, and we can’t bond. It’s a little early for that anyways.” She nodded, ignoring the fact that it stung a little bit. It was early in their relationship, but she felt strongly for him, and she wished he felt the same. 

“Right,” she said softly. As she pulled in to the apartment, she tried not to let it upset her. He didn’t seem to notice that she was upset, walking into the apartment and going for the fridge to find dinner. 

“What do you want to eat?” he asked. She reached around him, grabbing the bottle of wine and pouring herself a glass. 

“Whatever Rafa,” she said. “You pick.” He frowned. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, and she shrugged. He shut the fridge, swallowing. “Hey?” 

“I’m fine,” she said. “Just make whatever you want.” She was leaning on the counter, sipping her wine, and then she could feel him pressing up against her back, wrapping his arms around her. His voice was soft by her ear. 

“I--I didn’t mean it like that about the bonding. It’s not that I don’t want to Liv. I’m sorry. I should have said it differently. It’s just complicated with work. I’m a handful, and I know this isn’t easy, but it’s not that I’m not interested in bonding eventually,” he whispered, pressing a kiss by her ear. “I’m sorry.” She put a hand over his arm that was wrapped around her waist. 

“I know it’s complicated,” she said. “We’ll figure it out.” 

“We can come back to this later. I know I’m not the easiest person to be with,” he said softly. 

“You can’t really help it,” she replied. “I know it’s hard. We’re alright.” She sighed, leaning back into him. 

“Thank you for putting up with me,” he murmured. “A lot of people wouldn’t.” 

“You’re worth the hassle,” she said, turning around. She wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. 

“Any idea what you might want to eat?” he asked after a second, and she laughed. 

“Always thinking about your stomach,” she said with a laugh. “Here, I think I have some chicken breasts. You can cut up vegetables for a salad.” He wrinkled his nose, and she laughed. “You’ve got to eat something green.” He chopped up the vegetables she handed him while she seared the chicken breasts in a pan. He tossed the salad while she made some sort of cranberry sauce for their chicken, and then they both sat down at the table. She laughed when he devoured the chicken but left a pile of salad on his plate. “You better eat that,” she said. 

“Or what?” he asked.  

“Or you’re not getting to watch anymore Netflix for a week,” she said, and his mouth fell open. 

“Wow, that’s rude,” he said softly. 

“It’s not rude,” she said. “What’s rude is you refusing to eat any sort of vegetable. I’ll have to make you some broccoli tomorrow.” He made another face. 

“Ew, you sound like my Mom,” he said. 

“Rafa, you are something else,” Liv said, shaking her head. He took another bite of salad. 

“You keep calling me that,” he said, and she looked up at him. “I like it.” She had barely noticed that the nickname started to slip out, but it was much easier to say than Rafael, and it felt a whole lot more intimate and personal. 

“It’s only fair. You barely ever call me Olivia,” she said. 

“True,” he replied, picking up the dishes and taking them to the sink. He washed them, putting them in the dishwasher and scrubbing the pan before he settled on the couch to watch some tv and unwind. She sat beside him, wrapping her arms around his middle and pulling his back against her shoulder. 

“I am so proud of you,” she whispered. “You did so good on this case. You should be proud of yourself. You always knock it out of the park.” 

“I do my best,” he whispered. She rubbed small circles on his chest. 

“You do amazing. Better than any of the alphas I’ve worked with,” she said, kissing the side of his neck. He leaned into her touches, smiling. 

“I’d love to see people’s faces if they found out,” he said softly. “I’d have ten minutes to laugh before my life crumbled before me.” 

“I know this job is important to you, really, but it’s not your life,” she said. “I’m not saying to throw it all away, but I want you to know that if somehow you lost it, you wouldn’t lose me. We would figure it out. Okay?” He nodded, intertwining their fingers. 

“I’ve given up everything for this job,” he said softly. “But then you came along, and I--I don’t know what I’d do without you, so thank you.” 

“Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for letting me in.” He smiled. Giving this all a chance was the best decision he ever made. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh lord, Jesus, here's another chapter. I really do appreciate all the comments even though this is the strangest thing in the entire world. I'm trying to stop freaking out about it.

They settled into a routine. He would spend half the week at her apartment, hair products in her bathroom, his expensive shampoo in the shower. She would spend the other nights at his place where she now had two drawers and some room in the closet amongst his shirts and ties that were organized by color. Every second Tuesday of the month, he would stress out for days, spending hours hunched over his computer. He would count the money and tuck it into an envelope, and then she would drive him to the meeting spot, and he would uncomfortably trade the money for the pills. He always looked a little shaken when he came back, and each time, she felt worse. It worried her. That man worried her. She didn’t like the way he looked at Rafael, and she didn’t like how much money her poor boyfriend was forking over every month. He was going greyer at his temples, and she was sure it was from the incredible stress. She wasn’t sure how he managed it all, the secrets, the stress, work, and now their relationship, but he put forth a valiant effort every day, and she loved him all the more for it. She hadn’t said it to him yet, but it felt like it was on the tip of her tongue every night. Everytime they were together, every time she kissed him, and even when she looked at him at work. She knew she loved him, but she didn’t want to freak him out. It was still early, and she wasn’t sure if he was ready for that, so she held it in, but she found herself thinking about him at random moments: when she woke up in the morning, and he was still curled up, his chest rising and falling evenly, the stress lines gone from his face, the little smirk he would shoot her way when he won a case, the vulnerable look on his face after an orgasm, the sleepy smiles in the middle of the night, the grumpy look that appeared when he couldn’t figure out her coffee maker. She had fallen, and she knew it. The question was, had he fallen too? 

It was one of those moments, her standing in the kitchen with him as he swore at the coffee pot for the umpteenth time. “Rafa,” she said. “It’s not that hard.” She showed him how to start it again, and he sighed. 

“I just want my damn coffee,” he mumbled. 

“It’s a Saturday, you don’t need the coffee anyways,” she said. He glared. 

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want it,” he whispered. 

“Don’t pout. It’s too cute,” she said and that made him smile. He stepped into her space, tilting his head in a way that told her he wanted a kiss. She pulled him in, connecting their lips and wrapping her arms around him. “I like Saturdays,” she whispered. “I get to kiss you.” 

“More kissing I say,” he whispered, and she laughed, pulling him back in. She cupped his ass, squeezing and he moaned into her mouth. 

“You’re too much,” she whispered, smiling as she pecked his lips. He laughed. 

“I know, I’m a catch,” he replied, and she shook her head. 

“Shut up and drink your coffee, it’s ready,” Liv said. He poured himself a mug, taking it to the table, and she followed him, putting her hands on his shoulders. “I heard Rollins make that joke in front of you,” she said. He rolled his eyes. 

“She doesn’t know Liv. She’s not serious,” he said softly. “It’s not worth getting so worked up.” 

“Just because she’s not serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” Liv said. “I wish you didn’t have to deal with that.” She pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. 

“I know. It’s okay though Liv, I’m okay,” he whispered. He was hiding something. She could tell, but she wasn’t going to push. He would share if he wanted to. He practically inhaled his coffee, and after that, he was smiling, scrolling through his phone. She took a seat beside him on the couch, pulling him closer. He made a surprised noise, but went easily, letting her kiss him again. 

“You are my favorite person to kiss,” she whispered, and he snorted. 

“I better be the only person you kiss,” he said, and she smiled. 

“Mmm, trust me, I don’t need anyone else when I have you,” Liv said softly. He smirked a little bit. 

“Can we maybe watch some Netflix before your stupid detectives ruin my Saturday?” he asked. She glared, and he raised an eyebrow. “What? Tell me I’m wrong. They always call me with something ridiculous, and then I have to go work. I want to start the day off right.” She laughed, rolling her eyes but nodding. 

“You want to try being on top?” she asked, and he swallowed for a second before nodding. She smiled, pulling him back in for a kiss. He was running his hand up and down her back, but his body wasn’t as pliant as it usually was. She could tell he was nervous. “I’ll help you. It’s okay,” she said, and he nodded, hands running over her shirt, down her sides, and he swallowed. “Let’s move to the bed.” He nodded, letting her help him up. They walked to the bedroom, holding hands, and when she shut the door, she started undressing him, pulling his clothes from his body. He held onto her shoulder, anchoring himself like he thought he was going to float away. He slipped his hands under her shirt, running his palms over smooth skin. “You can take it off,” she whispered. He smiled, gripping the hem of her shirt and lifting it up. His fingers shook as he removed her bra, and then she slipped out of her pants and underwear, pushing him back on the bed. He leaned against the headboard, waiting for her to tell him what she wanted, and she climbed on his lap, straddling him. One hand was curled around her side, holding her steady as he thrust against her leg. She kissed his neck, hands running down his chest. “You might not last very long, but that’s okay.” She gripped his dick loosely, giving him a few strokes to make sure he was hard enough before she rolled a condom on him. She slicked him up, and he was looking at her unsurely. She laid down, propping herself up with some pillows, and he planted a hand beside her head. 

“Tell me how to make you feel good,” he whispered. She helped him to line up. 

“Just ease in,” she said, and he nodded, pressing his hips forward. He had to press his face against her shoulder. 

“Jesus,” he whispered. 

“That’s it,” Liv said, rubbing his back as he continued to work himself in slowly. “Good, a little more, you won’t break me.” He was sweating by the time he was fully seated, his muscles quaking, and she continued to rub his back. “How’s that feel?” 

“Oh my God,” he whispered. “So good. You’re so tight, I feel like I’m going to…” He trailed off.

“You’re alright, you can move if you’re ready,” she said. He nodded, taking a second to compose himself before he pulled out a little bit, pushing back in. It was a little clumsy and uncoordinated at first, but with a few whispered encouragements, he grew more confident. He was a fast learner, and soon he was fucking into her, his head pressed against her neck as he breathed in her scent. 

“Oh my God,” he whispered. “Fuck. Liv, I’m gonna come--I can’t…” 

“Shh, slow down a little, hold still,” she said. He did as he was told, stilling and fisting his hands into the sheets. He was whimpering slightly. She rubbed his back, shushing him, “It’s okay, breathe.” He was gasping in air, but after a couple minutes he nodded. “Alright, put your hand here.” She guided him to rub against the area where her cock would enlarge and harden when she was going to penetrate him. She guided his movements, and she was moaning, throwing her head back as he started moving again. His hips were pumping rapidly, frantically. 

“Liv,” he rasped, “Please let me come.” 

“Shh, I know, hold on for me, a little longer,” Liv said. He nodded, his face scrunching up as he tried desperately to do as she asked. She took pity on him though, “Alright, you can come, it’s okay,” she said, stroking his hair. It only took a few more desperate thrusts, and he whimpered and whined against her skin, his hips continuing to jerk as he came. Once he recovered a little bit, she pushed at him, and he laid between her legs. She curled her hands in his hair, “Don’t you dare leave me hanging,” she said. He was panting still, but he managed to smile. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said, putting his hands on her thighs and leaning down to swipe his tongue through her folds. He had done that enough that he brought her to edge within minutes, and she came, holding him against her. He collapsed down onto the bed afterwards, and she pulled him close. 

“You did amazing. That was so good Rafa. You did amazing,” she said, and he blushed. “Did you like it?” He nodded. “Good, I’m glad. You did really well.” He was all tuckered out, looking exhausted and overwhelmed. “Do you need some water?” He nodded, throwing an arm over his face. She got up, going to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. He let her hold him as he sipped at the water. She stroked his hair and his back, trying to make sure he knew she was proud of him. As she looked down at his sleepy face, she couldn’t stop thinking it.  _ I love you.  _ Suddenly he was looking up at her with wide eyes, and she felt her heart drop. Had she said that out loud? “Rafael--I--” 

“I love you too,” he whispered, tears in his eyes. “I really love you.” Liv felt her throat closing up, and she pulled him close, pressing her face against his hair. She kissed his sweaty head, clutching him to her. 

“I’ve been wanting to say that for weeks,” she whispered. 

“You don’t have to be afraid to say that to me. You don’t have to hide those things,” Rafael said. “I love you too.” 

“Come here and give me a kiss,” she said, and he leaned up, connecting their lips. She couldn’t stop smiling. He loved her too. 

…………………………………….

Rafael was too quiet. She was worried, but she knew he was counting the money and getting ready to go make the exchange. He was never this quiet though. Not even when he was worried. When she went to check on him, his head was down, and his chest was rising and falling rapidly. “Hey,” she said, leaning down by him, but he didn’t answer. He was hyperventilating, and she needed to figure out how to calm him down. “Rafa, what’s going on?” she asked. He just shook his head. She cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at her. His eyes were filled with tears, glassy and bloodshot like he hadn’t slept a wink the night before. She was sure he had been in bed, but she had fallen asleep first. Speaking of which, he had been up before her which was unusual. “Talk to me,” she said. 

“It’s fine,” he whispered. “I just need a minute.” 

“Hey, no, please talk to me,” Liv said. He shook his head, face crumbling, so she pulled him close, rocking him and stroking the back of his head. “Hey, come on. It’s okay.” 

“Liv, I’m scared,” he whispered. She felt a surge of protectiveness start to rise up inside of her. How dare this creep do this to him. 

“It’s okay Rafa, I’m here. Breathe for me. We can talk this through. Just breathe right now,” she said. He nodded, but he was still freaking out. “Shh, you’re alright. You’re safe. I’m right here.” She finally managed to calm him down, but then he was quiet again, shaking his head, and wiping tears from his face. “What is going on right now?” she asked. 

“I’m just scared,” he said. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I’m okay though.” 

“Do you want me to come with you when you go talk to him?” she asked. He shook his head. 

“I’ll be alright. I want you to stay in the car please,” he whispered. Liv nodded, sighing. She wasn’t sure how much longer he could do this. She didn’t like it one bit, but she didn’t want to step on his toes. She didn’t want him to feel like she was telling him what to do, so she would stay quiet for a little bit longer. 

“I’m worried about you,” she whispered, cupping his cheek. He reached up, covering her hand with his own, and shutting his eyes for a second. 

“Don’t be,” he said softly. She pulled him up into a hug, and he held onto her tight before he pulled away, grabbing the envelope. “You’ll drive me?” She nodded. The drive over was quiet, and she couldn’t help but notice the way his hand shook. When she parked, he hesitated for a moment and wanted to offer to go with him again, but she was sure he would say no. He climbed out of the car, slowly going over to the alley. Usually, it took five minutes, but five minutes passed, and Rafael was still over there, head hung. After ten, she unbuckled her seatbelt, and when Rafael’s back banged into the wall, the shadowy outline of the angry man appearing, she was ready to open the door and run to him. He shoved his finger into Rafael’s chest a few times before he finally pulled away, tossing the bag at her boyfriend. Rafael handed over the envelope and started back towards the car, so she buckled her seatbelt again, swallowing. When he climbed in, she breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“What the hell was that?” she asked. He didn’t answer. 

“Drive,” he said lowly. 

“Rafael, come on--” Liv said, but he looked at her with pleading eyes. 

“Please just drive. We need to get out of here.” She shook her head but did as he asked. When she pulled back into the apartment, she parked but locked the doors. “Please Liv, not now.” 

“Then when Rafa? When he hurts you?” she said, looking at him angrily. 

“I’m fine, really,” he said. “Please just drop it.” She wanted to keep arguing, to tell him just how unhappy she truly was with him at the moment, but he was shaking, and it wasn’t the time. They could talk about this later when she wasn’t so mad. Right now he needed her. 

“This isn’t over,” she said. “Let’s go upstairs though. Maybe we can take a bath.” He nodded, looking at her gratefully. 

…………………………………….

Rafael was in the kitchen, searing steaks in a pan when she walked in the door. She was tired from a long day of work, and he was home before her which was extremely unusual. “Hey,” he called from the kitchen, and she put her keys in the bowl by the door, heading into the room where he was. She wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning up to kiss him as he turned his head. 

“Hey handsome,” she said softly.

“Put your feet up, dinner is almost ready,” he said. 

“Please tell me you made some sort of vegetable,” Liv whispered, leaning her face against his back. 

“Mashed potatoes?” he asked hopefully, and she sighed. 

“Wrong, move. I’m making something to go along with all this,” Liv said. He made a face but moved over so she could start something. She got some broccoli from the fridge, particularly to spite him, and she started cooking it. When they finally sat down to eat, he ate around the broccoli, stubbornly, and she rolled her eyes at him. When he finished with a pile of green still on his plate, she glared. “Rafael Barba, I swear to God. You are acting like a five year old. Eat your damn broccoli.” He didn’t back down though, pushing the plate away. She was trying not to laugh as she pushed it back towards him. He just shoved it away again though. “Eat it.” 

“Or what?” he whispered. She was trying so hard to keep a straight face. He was being such a pain in the ass though. 

“Or maybe I’ll have to spank you.” It was supposed to be a joke, but he went quiet, looking at her with wide eyes for a moment. Slowly his gaze lowered, and he wouldn’t look her in the eyes anymore. Had that upset him? Did he feel like she was overstepping? “Rafa,” she said. “That was supposed to be a joke. I wasn’t trying to--” She trailed off. There was something about the way he was blushing. He was ashamed of something. She stood up, coming closer to him, and when she reached the other side of the table, she realized what the problem was. “Rafa,” she said softly, and he hesitantly looked at her, eyes filled with embarrassment. “Do you want me to spank you?” He looked away again. “Hey, it’s alright. You don’t have to be afraid to tell me.” He swallowed. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I--I’ve never thought about it.” 

“Do you want to think about it?” she asked, watching his eyes carefully. 

“Well clearly someone does,” he muttered, vaguely gesturing towards his crotch. She rubbed his thigh soothingly. 

“Here, let me do the dishes. You go relax for a little bit. We can talk about this. Okay?” she said, and he swallowed. “Whatever we decide later is okay. I promise.” He nodded, standing up and heading back down the hallway. She cleaned up the dishes, thinking about what had just happened. She had never thought that maybe he would want to try that sort of thing. There were lines that she wasn’t sure he wanted to cross. Expectations from society that didn’t matter, but she knew they might matter to him. This was separate from that, and she needed him to understand that. She needed him to know that it didn’t matter what people thought, and it didn’t matter if that was something he wanted to try. It was about them, Liv and Rafa, not about anything else. Liv peeked in the bedroom, and he was sitting on the bed, hands intertwined over his stomach as he watched the tv. She took a seat on the bed beside him. “Hey,” she whispered, putting a hand on his leg. She reached over, grabbing the remote and clicking the tv off. “I want you to feel safe talking to me about this.” 

“I--I do Liv,” he said almost immediately, and she smiled. 

“You know it’s okay right? It’s like I said before, this is not about alphas and omegas, it’s not. This is about you and me. If this is something you might want to try, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that,” she said. He shook his head before looking up at her. 

“It feels wrong,” he whispered. “I feel like I’m playing into a stereotype. I don’t--I don’t know how to feel about it.” 

“Try not to think about the stereotype,” Liv said. “It’s not what’s important. What’s important is what you want. What’s important is what you’re comfortable with. Haven’t we kind of been edging towards this sort of thing anyways. The blindfold. That wasn’t bad. If you don’t want to do this, I totally understand, but I don’t want to see you not try something simply because you’re scared. Okay?” He nodded. “Now really, truly, ignoring everything else, are you interested in trying something like this?” He took a few minutes to think, and she was patient, waiting for him. 

“Maybe we could try it,” he finally said softly, and she smiled, pulling him in for a kiss. 

“We can add a little something to our Netflix,” she said softly. “Netflix and chill.” He laughed at that, and some of the tension disappeared from the room. She wasn’t going to do anything tonight, but she was glad to see him thinking beyond stereotypes and perception. She wanted to make him feel as good as possible. 

…………………………….

It was after a long day, he came home, looking harried. She had been waiting for him, in his apartment, dinner ready. He sat down and leaned against her almost immediately, so she wrapped her arms around him. “Hey,” she whispered. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m exhausted,” he said. “I--I want….can we try Netflix and chill tonight?” Liv’s eyes widened. She hadn’t expected him to be so upfront about it. He must have had a really hard day. She knew sometimes, it was a lot for him to make so many decisions. He had to have complete control over everything, everyday, and she knew that could be exhausting. She had struggled with that when she first started her own job, but it had gotten easier. She rubbed Rafael’s back. 

“I want you to eat your dinner, take a shower, and then we’re going to have a conversation about limits and what exactly you want,” Liv said seriously, and he nodded. 

“Thank you Liv,” he whispered, and she rubbed his back again. 

“Of course. I love you yeah?” she said softly. He nodded. 

“I love you too,” he said back. He ate all his food before disappearing back towards the bathroom. She cleaned up, going to his bedroom and looking around. She didn’t want to do too much for the first time. She hadn’t really done much of this herself, so she was kind of figuring it out as she went. He appeared after a little bit, a towel wrapped around his waist. He was clean shaven, skin still damp, and he took a seat on the bed. 

“Is there anything you don’t want me to do? Anything that would make you really uncomfortable?” she asked. He twitched slightly. 

“I mean, I don’t want you to like cut me or anything. I don’t know Liv, I’m really out of my element here,” he said. She rubbed his back. 

“No cutting, I can do that. I’m going to ask you before I do anything. I will check with you. I need you to be honest with me,” she said, and he nodded. 

“Don’t call me names please. I don’t want to feel like I’m being humiliated,” he said, and she nodded again. 

“Alright. Anything else?” she asked. He shook his head. “Do you just want me to get you off, or do you want me to fuck you?” 

“Whatever you want,” he whispered. She smiled at that. 

“Okay handsome, kneel on the bed for me with your head down,” she whispered. “Naked.” He stood up, swallowing heavily and taking the towel off. He climbed up onto the bed, kneeling on the side, chin leaning against his chest, waiting for her. Liv couldn’t deny he looked absolutely gorgeous like that. She sat beside him, wrapping a loose fist around his cock that was already starting to harden. “Don’t move,” she said softly. “Not a muscle or I stop.” She started to stroke him, not tight enough to make him happy, but he valiantly bit his lip and held still for her. He was starting to flush already, his muscles straining as she worked him up. His hands were white where they rested on his thighs. “You’re being such a good boy for me,” she whispered, running her fingers over his chest. He groaned, shifting slightly, so she took her hand away. “Ah, what did I say about moving?” she asked. 

“Can I talk?” he whispered. 

“Yes baby, you can talk,” she said. “But you moved, so I’m going to have to punish you later.” He groaned again, his face starting to redden. “How about you get down on your knees and show me how sorry you are.” He immediately climbed off the bed, sinking to his knees. He reached for her button, popping it open and dragging her pants down her hips. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for him. He dragged her underwear down too, leaning forward and getting to work. His tongue was tireless, swirling and dragging through her folds. She grabbed handfuls of his hair, pulling him in rougher than she would have thought to do before. “Is that okay?” she asked. He nodded, so she did it again, and he moaned. He doubled his efforts, taking her hardening cock into his mouth and sucking. He looked so beautiful, and she didn’t hesitate to tell him. The praise seemed to affect him more than she would have ever expected, and tonight was about making him feel good. “You look so gorgeous down there,” she whispered, stroking his face. He kept working, taking her deeper than he usually managed. “Oh Rafa, my good boy.” He did something with his tongue that shot a bolt of pleasure through her body, and her hips jerked forward, choking him. He gagged, but when she released his hair, he didn’t move off of her. “You okay?” He hummed his assent, making her moan softly. “That’s enough you cheeky bastard, get up here,” she said. He laughed, climbing back up on the bed, his lips red and swollen. She ran a thumb across his bottom lip. “Lay back.” 

“Yes ma’am,” he whispered, laying down and leaning against the pillows. Liv started fisting his cock again, and it was so hard, it was starting to purple at the head. He was breathing heavily, his skin flushed all over. 

“Legs up.” He complied immediately, but there was a tight look on his face. “Is that uncomfortable?” He nodded a little bit. “Alright, turn over.” He rolled onto his stomach, and she tucked a pillow under his hips. She eased a finger inside of him, and he groaned, his back arching, pushing into the pressure. She rubbed his lower back. “You okay for a second?” He nodded, so she eased a second inside of him, scissoring and working them in and out. He was pushing into her fingers, moaning loudly with each brush over his prostate. 

“Fuck, Liv,” he whispered. “I’m going to--” She stopped immediately, and he let out a sobbing noise. 

“Don’t you dare come,” she said. He was breathing so heavily, it sounded like a freight train. “Good, you’re doing so well. Settle down. If you take your punishment well, I’m going to fuck you.” He nodded, hands clutching the sheets, and she went to his closet. He had various belts hanging in the closet, ties arranged by color. She wasn’t sure what he would like better. She grabbed two belts, taking them to the bed. It was about the anticipation. She wasn’t planning on actually hitting him with a belt. It was too early for something like that, but he might like the leather biting into his skin. She might drag the looped belt across his skin, just put the thought in his mind that there was a chance she would. “I’m gonna put this around your wrists, is that alright?” she asked softly. He groaned, nodding and putting his hands behind his back for her. She looped the belt around his wrists, securing it tightly, and he stiffened. She rubbed his back, “You okay Rafa?” 

“Yeah,” he whispered, his voice gravely with arousal. He sounded hoarse, and suddenly his muscles looked rather tense. The anticipation, just like she wanted. She took the second belt, folding it up, and keeping it in her hand. She rubbed soft circles over the pale globes of his ass with her hand, warming him up. He shivered. She surprised him with a tight slap, and he yelped, jerking forward. It left a nice red mark that she soothed her hand over again. His ass was a nice handful, so she squeezed, mixing it up a little bit. His hips wiggled, pressing into the bed slightly. She slapped him again, twice in a row, and gasped. 

“You like that?” she asked softly, and he nodded. He was clenching his hands, the muscles in his back still tense. She took the belt, running it over his skin, and he tensed up more. At first she thought it was turning him on, but then she noticed the way his chest was heaving, and he was pulling his arms apart, trying to dislodge the belt. 

“Stop!” his voice was sharp and shocked her, and she immediately worked on untying him. Her heart was racing. What went wrong? 

“Okay Rafa, we’re done. It’s okay. I’m just going to untie you. It’s alright,” Liv said softly, rubbing his back. She cursed at herself as she struggled to get the knot undone. She finally managed to free him, and he curled up on his stomach, his sobs making her feel sick to her stomach. She laid down beside him, pulling him close and kissing his back. “I’m sorry. It’s gonna be okay,” she whispered. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” He didn’t respond. He was panicking, hyperventilating and shaking. She rubbed his back, trying to get him to talk to her, but he just kept sobbing. Liv didn’t know what to do. 

…………………………………….

Everything had been going perfectly. He had shocked himself by how much all of it turned him on. Liv seemed to know exactly what to do to work him up until he was desperate. Every touch had felt like fire in his veins, every instruction making his groin tighten more and more. He was so hard, he felt like he could cut diamonds. It was going perfect until she restrained his hands with a belt. There was no way she would have known. He should have mentioned it before, but it was something he didn’t talk about. To anyone. It was something he didn’t even think about anymore because it was so traumatic. There were parts of himself that he managed to recover, but there were parts that he hated thinking about. The feeling of that leather cutting into his skin had set him on edge. It reminded him of unimaginable pain. His breathing picked up as he laid there, hands pulled tightly behind him. He tried to ignore the feeling of the leather. He told himself it was just rope. He told himself that it didn’t matter, and he could ignore it when Liv’s hand came down across his ass. It stung, but it sent a bolt of pleasure right to his dick. He held it together while she smacked his ass two more times, and he thought that maybe he could do it, but when she dragged a leather belt across his skin, the belt clinking, cold metal making him shiver, and suddenly he was nine again, laying curled up on the floor, leather biting into his skin over and over again. He sobbed, hot tears clouding his vision, pain overwhelming his small body. He felt white hot dread consuming him, and he couldn’t breathe. He could barely manage to speak, and all that was running through his head was  _ stop _ over and over again. He hadn’t even realized he said it outloud, or maybe Liv just noticed he was completely losing his shit, but her voice had never felt more soothing. He felt her tugging on the belt, trying to get it undone, and he tried to hold on, to stop the downward spiral that was picking up speed with every minute that passed. 

Liv’s voice was distorted, like she was talking underwater or through glass, and he couldn’t really hear what she was saying. He could feel her though. He could feel her body pressed tight against his back, and he could feel her hand rubbing over his bare chest. He was trying to stop, trying to calm down, but it felt impossible. He could literally feel every impact of the belt with his skin, feel the sharp sting as the buckle bit into his flesh, tearing it open and spilling crimson blood all over the floor. He could feel the time he was five and he left the lights on in the basement, or the time when he was seven and he knocked over a bottle of whiskey. He could feel when he was ten and he got caught falling asleep at school. Every age, different reasons, but all the same outcome: his little body on the floor, beaten half to death, bleeding because of his own father. It happened night after night after night. Liv’s hands were soft, soothing him, a contrast to the harsh explosion of pain that was burned into his mind. “L-Liv,” his voice was soft. He had no idea how to make this stop. She squeezed him closer, rubbing circles on his belly and chest. 

“Rafa,” her voice finally cut through the white noise. “Rafael Barba, you need to listen to me.” He grabbed for her hand, squeezing it tight. “Come on, let’s breathe, together.” He slowly breathed, trying to follow her lead. “That’s it, in and out, nice and slow.” He felt like his chest was going to explode, like that belt was wrapped around his heart, cinching tighter and tighter until it would burst. He felt like he was going to die. “Okay, come on, try to breathe for me. I know this is hard.” 

“L-Liv, I feel like I’m going to die,” he managed to get out. 

“You aren’t going to die. You’re having a panic attack. You need to ground yourself. Focus on me, on my hands on your skin. Focus on the cold air in your nostrils as you breathe in. It’s going to be okay.” Her voice was gentle, comforting, and he tried to do as she asked. With each breath, he started to calm down. He started feel the tight grip of the belt loosening, the tightness in his chest receding, and then he could breathe easier. Liv felt like more than just the last thread connecting him to reality. He felt like he was going to drown without her. As he calmed down, feeling drained of energy, the reality of what had just happened hit him like a tractor trailer. He had just put Liv in an awful position. He hadn’t mentioned the belt, and then he didn’t tell her it was a problem because he was a coward, and he couldn’t face the things that happened to him before. He didn’t want to talk about those things. “Good, that’s great,” Liv said, but he just laid his head on the bed and cried. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and she rubbed his back.  

“Not right now Rafa. I don’t want you to worry about that right now. I need you to calm down tonight. I’m going to get you water, and we’re going to go to sleep. We will talk about this tomorrow.” Liv’s tone of voice left no room for arguments. He nodded, turning over and leaning against her. She held him close, stroking his hair and whispering to him. “Did I hurt you?” she asked. He shook his head. “Can I go get you some water? Would be you okay by yourself?” He nodded this time. He didn’t feel okay though. He laid on his side while she was gone, one hand clutching at the sheets. She made him sip at the water, and then she crawled into bed, turning the lights out and snaking her arms around his waist. 

“Liv,” he whispered. 

“Rafa, not tonight,” she pleaded. “Tomorrow. I promise.”

“I love you,” he said. She squeezed him slightly. 

“I love you too,” she replied. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, one more chapter for tonight. I really appreciate all the support so far. You guys keep me going :)

When he woke up, he still felt like he’d been run over. Liv wasn’t in bed anymore, and he felt alone. He laid there, not feeling like he had the energy to get up just yet. He rolled over, taking a look at the time, and he frowned. It was late. He was late. He shot up, wondering why Liv hadn’t woken him up. He was halfway into his pants when Liv came in the bedroom. “What are you still doing here? Why didn’t you wake me up?” he asked, tripping on himself and falling onto the floor. 

“Woah,” she said. “I called you in sick. We have a long conversation ahead of us. First you’re eating breakfast, and then you have to speak and explain to me what the hell happened last night. Understand?” He swallowed, nodding. He stood up, leaving the pants on the floor. He followed her to the kitchen, eating in silence before they settled on the couch, and she looked at him expectantly. He opened his mouth but it snapped shut almost immediately. He didn’t even know where to start. “Rafa, seriously, I need to know what happened last night. I’ve been running it over in my head all night.” 

“I messed up,” he whispered, his face starting to crumble. “I didn’t mean for it to happen Liv, I swear to God. I thought I could handle it. I should have told you. I should have told you from the beginning, but I can--I can barely think about it.” She hated seeing him like that, she really did, but she needed to know what this was. What had he not told her? What had led to their entire night imploding? She needed to know. She had gone over what happened between them hundreds of times, all night. She had barely slept at all. 

“What didn’t you tell me?” she asked, trying to keep her voice calm. He looked away, not meeting her eyes, and she hated having to push this when he looked so miserable. He looked like he was about to cry. He stood up, forking a hand through his hair. He started pacing before he sat down again. 

“My father used to abuse me,” he finally admitted, and she reached for his hand. “He used his belt, a lot. I didn’t know how to--I didn’t know what to say. I don’t like talking about it, but I should have told you. I didn’t think it would matter, and I should have said something when you got the belts out.” He had been holding himself together valiantly, but tears started to course down his cheeks, and she wrapped an arm around him. “It was just too much. I’m sorry. Really, I’m so sorry.” Liv couldn’t simply be angry. She wanted to hold him close, to comfort him when she knew he needed it, and telling him how mad she was could wait a little bit. He pressed his face against her shoulder, and she rubbed his back. 

“Shh,” she whispered. “I know this is rough.” 

“There are more things, but I don’t--I don’t know if I can tell you yet. I promise, eventually, I will tell you everything, but I don’t know that I can do that today,” he said softly. She nodded. 

“That’s okay. You told me a lot today. I know this was hard for you. I know,” Liv whispered. “I’m very glad you told me Rafael, and I am so sorry any of that happened to you.” He nodded, pressing his face against her more and sobbing. She rubbed his back. “Let’s just try and calm down. I love you. It’s going to be okay.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He grabbed at her, pulling her close, and she ran her fingers through his hair. “I love you too. I didn’t mean to…” 

“I know Rafa,” she said. She finally got hm to calm down enough that they could talk. She handed him a tissue. “I understand you’re sorry, and I am very sorry that any of that happened to you. I know you didn’t mean for that to happen last night, but I am upset with you. I need to make that clear. I am upset that you put me in that position. You should have said something when I got those belts out, when I put one around your wrists. That’s when you should have been telling me that I needed to stop. How am I supposed to trust you now?” He looked heartbroken, his eyes filling with tears again. 

“Liv,” he whispered. “Liv--please--” 

“Shh,” she said. “I’m not breaking up with you. I promise. I still love you.” That seemed to calm him down some. “Did you like any of what happened yesterday?” He nodded. 

“I liked all of it, I was having a good time up until the belts,” he said. Liv nodded. 

“I can’t do this lack of honesty thing. We can’t Netflix and chill or whatever you want to call it, it can’t happen if I can’t trust you. If you leave another thing out like that, we are done,” Liv said seriously. “I don’t want to be done. I love you more than I ever thought would be possible, so I need you to promise me you will not intentionally leave things out like that again. You will not decide to try and push through instead of telling me something makes you uncomfortable. Is that clear?” 

He was crying again, but he nodded, sniffling. “What do I have to do to make this up to you? I’ll do anything Liv.” 

“Honestly, right now, I don’t know. Starting tonight, you’re on the couch, and there will be no Netflix whatsoever,” she said. He nodded again, not putting up a fight at all. “We can talk about this again after a week.” 

“Okay,” he whispered. “I’m really--I’m really sorry Liv.” 

“I know you are,” she said, opening her arms. “Come here.” She pressed her lips against his forehead. “I still love you.” 

“I feel like I messed this all up. I feel like I ruined everything,” he said. She shook her head,  rubbing his back again. 

“No, you didn’t ruin anything. Yes, I am mad, yes, some things are going to have to change and be figured out, but that doesn’t mean it’s ruined,” Liv promised. 

“Thank you for giving me another chance. Thank you,” he whispered. 

“You’re human. I know you didn’t do this on purpose. I know. I know you love me, and I love you too. We’re gonna figure this out. You’re worth trying,” she promised. He nodded, curling up against her and taking the comfort she was offering. She couldn’t just leave him out in the cold, not when she knew how much he needed support at the moment. “Now, I’m going to take a shower, and then I’m going to get some groceries. I’ll see you later.” Usually, she would ask him to come with her. Usually they would do it together, but he didn’t feel capable of asking to tag along, not when he felt like she didn’t want him there. 

“I’ll see you later then,” he whispered. 

“Just take it easy, you had a rough day yesterday,” Liv said, kissing his forehead one more time before she got up. He curled up, hugging the pillow that had been next to her after she left. He held it tight, turning the tv on and watching. He didn’t want to move. No matter what Liv said, he felt like he had screwed everything up. He hurt the person he loved the most. The tv didn’t interest him. He just felt sick to his stomach. He buried his face into the pillow, breathing in Liv’s scent, trying to get ahold of himself. He needed to calm down. His heart felt like it was racing. He felt like he was going to panic again. He cursed at himself over and over again. He couldn’t believe he had messed up so badly. He couldn’t believe he jeopardized the best thing in his life. He hadn’t ever had a chance like this before. He swallowed, wiping at his burning eyes. When Liv came out from her shower, collecting her things so she could leave, he didn’t move an inch. He just laid there and pretended he was asleep because he wouldn’t make her feel bad for being upset with him. He couldn’t make her feel bad for doing what he deserved. He dragged himself up after the door had closed, going to take a shower. He hoped maybe the warm water would calm him down. He needed to stop freaking out, so he stepped under the warm spray, shivering and trying to keep his breathing under control. The warm water did make him feel better. He felt a little bit less like he was going to lose it. He dried off, finding some clothes to wear. He wished they were in her apartment. Everything smelled like her there. He knew he should eat, but he wasn’t hungry at all. Instead, he curled up on a chair, legs bent under him, hugging that pillow. His phone was buzzing in his pocket, so he pulled it out, checking his messages and work emails. Carmen had emailed him four times, and he shook his head. He didn’t feel capable of dealing with work at the moment. He didn’t even feel capable of making himself dinner. 

He was grateful to see Liv when she got home, and he helped carry the groceries, putting them away in silence. She had picked up dinner, putting it on the table, and Rafael sat down, picking at it. The silence was killing him. It felt like it was suffocating, but he didn’t know what to say, so he picked at his food. “Rafa,” her voice was soft. “Please eat.” 

“I’m trying,” he said. He took an actual bite, forcing himself to chew and swallow. He felt like he was going to throw the food up immediately. He shook his head, standing up and putting his food in the fridge before heading back towards the bathroom. He locked the door, sitting on the floor and trying not to vomit. He leaned his head against the wall, shutting his eyes. A soft knock on the door, and he felt like he was going to cry. “I’m okay Liv,” he said.

“Are you sure?” she asked. He was fighting with the tears more and more every moment. 

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a couple minutes. I’m just not feeling the best,” Rafael said. He took a few moments to pull himself together, splashing water on his face before heading out to her. She was sitting on the couch, so he went back to his chair, but she shook her head, patting the couch beside her. 

“Come over here. Let’s watch a movie,” she said softly. He hesitantly stood up, walking over and taking a seat beside her. “Come here,” she said when he sat a few feet away. He leaned against her, feeling the majority of the tension seep out of his body. He just curled up against Liv, and he felt so much better, almost immediately. “It’s the pheromones,” she said softly. “Your body is used to being close to me, and I just think you’re upset, so it wants them more.” 

“I would think the suppressants would help with that,” he mumbled. 

“Unfortunately, they only do so much,” Liv said, running her fingers through his hair as he started to relax. He had taken biology, he knew how pheromones worked. Because he and Liv were so close, his body associated her scent and her presence with happiness. When he was distressed, it craved being around her. Her leaving when he was upset had him feeling even worse. He was grateful she was cuddling him right now. She knew he needed it desperately. He hated needing it, he hated his biology. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever hated it this much. He loved Olivia, there was no doubt, but he hated feeling like he needed her. “Just try and relax for a little bit. You’ve had a rough two days now.” 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “I appreciate this.” 

“Just because I’m mad at you, it doesn’t mean I won’t still take care of you,” Liv said. “I wouldn’t just leave you out in the cold.” In her arms like that, he felt like he could close his eyes and actually relax. Her hand rubbing down his neck and back made him feel sleepy. He was so tired, he couldn’t stop himself from drifting to sleep. 

……………………………

Liv had snuck off to bed after the movie, tucking Rafael in with a blanket and a pillow. He was out cold. She didn’t want to wake him up because she figured he would start freaking out more. She felt bad that it was so distressing for him, but she really needed her space at the moment. She felt unsettled by what happened between them. He had put her in a horrible position, and it made her unintentionally hurt him. That was the last thing she ever wanted to do. He had put her in a position that made her feel sick to her stomach. She never ever wanted to feel like that again, so this space was really important to her at the moment. She just needed time to sort out the way she felt. Going out for groceries on her own had been helpful, but Rafael was really struggling by the time she came back. She felt bad that he was having such a rough time, and she couldn’t resist comforting him. 

She laid in bed a while, reading a book, trying to relax before she needed to go to bed for work the next day. She hoped Rafael got enough sleep for work the next day. She honestly hoped he would stay asleep and not wake up during the night because she knew he would probably have trouble falling back asleep. It was hard for her too though. The pheromone issue was a two way street. She didn’t feel like she was going to die without him, but she felt uncomfortable. She missed him, missed the way he always curled up right next to her. When she rolled over and looked at her alarm clock, it was the middle of the night and she still wasn’t asleep, so she got up and went out for a glass of water. What she heard broke her heart. She could hear Rafael’s muffled cries, and it sounded like he was pressing his face into a pillow to try and keep quiet. She went closer to the couch, and she saw what she expected. Rafael’s face was pressed into one of the pillows, his body shaking with sobs. He would be embarrassed though. She knew he would be embarrassed if she said anything. She was torn between sitting down with him and holding him or just quietly going back to bed. It took her a few moments, but she backed away. He didn’t want to need her, and she knew that. She needed to let him get through this. It would be good for them both.

……………………..

It helped that she was sleeping in Rafael’s bed, so when Liv woke up, she wasn’t too exhausted. She got dressed, and went to the bathroom, wondering why Rafael wasn’t already in there. He usually took forever to do his hair. She went to the kitchen to get some breakfast after she finished getting ready, and she spotted Rafael standing out on the balcony with a mug of coffee. When she opened the door, he barely turned, and she frowned. She carefully approached him, shivering in the cold air. He was only wearing pajama pants and a light tee shirt. “Hey,” she said softly. 

“Hi,” he whispered. 

“What are you doing out here? It’s cold,” Liv asked, putting an arm around him. His skin was ice cold to the touch. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said softly. 

“Come on back inside. You’re going to be late,” she said. He sighed before following her in the door. She pulled him into a hug once they were in the door. She wanted to warm him up a little bit, and make him feel a little better. He didn’t look like he’d fallen asleep at all. The last time he’d looked this bad was during his heat. His face was red, his eyes bloodshot. “Rafa, go take a warm shower, get dressed, and I’ll have breakfast waiting for you when you’re done, okay?” He nodded, clinging to her for another few seconds before he started towards the bathroom. He looked like a zombie. He looked a little better when he returned. It had taken him twice as long as usual, and they were both running late now, but she sure as hell wasn’t leaving without making sure he got to work alright. He sat down, picking at the eggs she made him, and she felt a pang of sympathy. 

“You should just go,” he whispered. “I don’t want you to be late.” 

“It’s alright. Fin is going to handle things until I get there,” she said softly. She pulled a chair up beside him, wrapping her arms around him, and he leaned into her. “I called Carmen, she’s going to stall for you if anyone comes by.” 

“Thank you,” he mumbled. 

“Just breathe. It’s alright,” she promised, running her hand over his back. “Now try to eat your breakfast. I’ll get you a travel mug with plenty of coffee.” He nodded, going back to his food. He took little bites, but it was something. Liv poured him coffee to take with him, adding cream and sugar like he liked it. She managed to get him out the door, and he was only twenty minutes late which she considered a victory. They had just left, and she was straightening his tie in the hallway right outside his door when her eyes went wide. “Rafa,” she whispered. “Where is your pheromone mask?” He must have forgotten it, and he  _ never _ forgot that. He reeked of omega. 

“In my room,” he said. She dragged him back inside, helping him to apply it and tucking the bottle in his bag. 

“Did you take your suppressants last night?” she asked. He shrugged. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I can’t remember.” 

“I’ll count them later. Missing one dose won’t kill you. Let’s go,” Liv said, taking his hand and practically dragging him down to her car. He was quiet on the drive over, but he swallowed down his coffee, seemingly perking up a little bit. When she pulled up by his building, she turned to him. “Call me if you need something. Just try to get through today. It should get easier, okay?” she said, and he nodded. He got out of the car slowly, and she watched him walk in the building. She drove to the office then, heading inside and setting her bag down. She felt so tired. She was worried about him, so worried. There was this dread deep inside of her that she couldn’t quite explain. The further away she got from him, the worse she seemed to feel. The problem was, it was a dull dread, not like the feeling she got when she watched Rafael exchange thousands of dollars for his pills, and it wasn’t the dread she had felt that night when he had tumbled into a panic attack. It was like this ghost of a feeling, like it wasn’t hers at all, but she still felt it. She was going to have to call him at lunch and maybe Carmen as well. She felt the need to check up on him and ensure he would be alright. 

“Where were you this morning?” Fin asked. 

“My alarm didn’t go off. Thanks for covering for me,” Liv replied. 

“Yeah,” Fin said, not sounding convinced. “No problem.” He left the room, and Amanda poked her head in, wrinkling her nose. 

“Busy night Sergeant? You smell like an omega,” she said. 

“I was with a friend,” she said. “Is there something you need Rollins?”

“Yeah, the push in rapist from last week, they’re thinking he’s going to hit again sometime soon,” Amanda said. Liv sighed, shutting her eyes. 

“Alright, maybe you guys could go and talk to the victims again,” Liv said. 

“Sure, I’ll grab Amaro,” Rollins said, ducking out of the room. Liv rubbed her face tiredly. She couldn’t shake the unease. She tried to focus on her paperwork, but it was getting harder and harder, and she broke down around eleven, a full hour before she had been planning on calling. It wouldn’t hurt though. She dialed his number, waiting anxiously for him to answer. She could hear the discomfort in his voice when he spoke. 

“Hey.” It was soft and lacked the warmth his voice always carried when he spoke to her. 

“Hey you, how are you feeling?” she asked. 

“It’s okay Liv. You don’t have to check in on me. I can handle this,” he said softly. “I’m not moping, and I’m not trying to make you feel bad, really. Please don’t.” 

“I know you can’t help this Rafael. I’m just making sure you’re alright,” Liv said. “You looked pretty bad earlier.” 

“I have a headache,” he whispered. “I think it’s cause I didn’t sleep.” 

“Make sure you drink some water, not just coffee,” Liv said fondly. He snorted. “And get yourself some lunch. You have to promise me you’ll eat at least half a sandwich.” 

“Okay. I promise,” Rafael whispered. 

“Good. I’ll see you tonight then. I love you,” she said. 

“Love you too,” Rafael replied before hanging up. Liv sat there for a few minutes, toying with the phone before she called Carmen this time. 

“Mr. Barba’s office, this is Carmen speaking,” she said. 

“Carmen, it’s Sergeant Benson,” Liv replied. 

“Do you want me to put you through? He’s not busy right now,” Carmen said. 

“No, actually I was calling to talk to you. Can you make sure Rafael eats lunch today? I’m worried about him. I just want to make sure he’s alright,” Liv said. 

“He’s been quiet, a little bit restless. I can make sure he orders something,” she said. 

“That would be fantastic. Thank you,” Liv said. She wanted to make this easier on him, but she still felt like she needed her space. When she thought about hurting him, she felt angry. She felt scared and confused and so guilty, and he had put her in that position. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. She never wanted to feel like that again. She knew he felt awful about it, and she knew he was sorry, but it wasn’t about him. It was about her, and no matter how hard it was for the both of them, she felt like it was necessary. She ended up busy after that, sending Fin and Amanda out to do stop and frisk reports. They were desperate to find their serial. Working distracted her from the unease. They were out on patrol late when they heard the gunshots, and by the time Liv made it home, she was exhausted. She came in the door, dropping her keys in the bowl and taking her shoes off. Rafael was curled up, on his side on the couch, staring at the wall. She knelt down beside him. “Hey,” she said softly. 

“Hi.” He looked tired and stressed. 

“Did you eat?” She asked, reaching out and smoothing a hand over his hair. 

“Yeah, I choked down half a sandwich, just like I promised,” he said softly. Liv grimaced. 

“What sounds good for dinner?” She asked. He sighed, shrugging. “Maybe tomorrow we should go to my apartment.” 

“Okay,” Rafael said. 

“I’m gonna order pizza,” she said. “What kind do you want?” He shrugged again. “Vegetable?” He made a face, and she laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m getting pepperoni.” She went and ordered them dinner before sitting beside him on the couch. He was shaking, like he wanted to curl up in her lap more than anything, but he was restraining himself. “You can come over here.” He was just waiting for permission. He immediately, moved closer to her, relaxing more and more. “I think we caught the push in rapist,” Liv said. He looked up at her. 

“What?” he asked. 

“Jolene Castille, that celebrity chef, she shot boy matching his description because he was following her. I have Fin and Amanda on it,” Liv said. 

“You could’ve called me,” he said, but she shook her head. 

“It’s why I was late. You were already home, so I figured I’d just tell you in person,” Liv said. He nodded. She ran her fingers through his hair again. “Do you feel better now?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“A little,” he said. She smiled, glad that he was relaxing some. 

“Watch some tv, get some sleep. I’ll wake you up for dinner,” Liv said, and he nodded, shutting his eyes. He was obviously very tired. She held him close, feeling a sort of peace wash over her. She felt relaxed and sleepy, and she leaned back, continuing to stroke his hair. She jolted awake at the sound of the doorbell, but Rafael was out cold. She eased out from under him, snatching her wallet up so she could pay for the pizza. Rafael didn’t even roll over. He was just laying on the couch, eyes closed, and she smiled at him. Somehow every expression on his face made her smile. She put the pizza down on the able, but she felt the need to wake him up. He only liked his pizza piping hot, and he hadn’t eaten more than half a sandwich for lunch. She gently shook his shoulder. “Hey Rafa, come on, pizza is here.” 

“No, don’t go,” he mumbled, grabbing for her arm. She shook him again. 

“Rafael, come on, dinner is here,” Liv said again. He finally opened his eyes, blinking at her. He looked like he was in a fog, but he stood up, following her to the table. She got him to eat a slice of pizza and drink some water before he refused to eat any more. She took him back to the couch, getting him settled again before she started on her own slice. Rafael was drifting off and fast. She left him there once she was ready to go to bed, and she kissed his forehead, hoping it would be easier for him to sleep tonight. 

………………………………..

Liv loved watching Rafael in court. He was always amazing, putting on a show and painting a picture for the jury. He crafted his questions masterfully, eliciting important reactions from the witness. He was born to be a lawyer, there was no question of that. He had the brains for it, and he certainly had the mouth for it. As he stood up there, fighting for the boy who died, her chest swelled with pride. They had gotten the story so, so wrong from the start, and she knew Rafael was struggling with the case. It was emotional and tense. There was tension throughout the city. He was doing his best, but it was stressing him out, and when he was already distressed, he ended up a mess. He spent his time at home, laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. She was doing her best to take care of him, but keep her distance at the same time. She was starting to feel like it wasn’t worth it anymore. He was doing so poorly, even back at her apartment. He did seem to be sleeping a little better, but he was just despondent. When she did manage to get him to talk with her, he told her his days were easier. He said it was better to be distracted, but she knew this case was weighing him down. She caught him crying in the bathroom after work, but he had blamed it on allergies. 

She walked him to court, getting him seated and looking presentable, and then he managed to function at work, but it was making him completely exhausted. She was considering calling it quits on the space. She missed sleeping beside him, and she felt like she was hurting him like this more than she had hurt him before. She knew how pheromones worked, but this worried her. He shouldn’t have been struggling this much. She was choosing to blame it on work, but she had a feeling, something that was telling her it was more. It was finally time for the jury to come back, and Rafael was still in the bathroom when they should have been leaving. She knocked on the door. “Rafa?” she called, but he didn’t answer. “Rafael? Hey, we have to go.” Still no answer. “I’m coming in.” She opened the door, surprised that he hadn’t locked it. He was adorably leaning up against the wall, fast asleep, all primped and ready for court. She grabbed his shoulder, shaking him slightly. “Hey, wake up Rafa, come on.” 

“Wha--” he mumbled, opening his eyes and blinking at her. 

“It’s time to go, I have coffee waiting for you. Come on,” Liv said, grabbing his arm and pulling him out the door. She put the coffee and the briefcase in his hand, guiding him down to the car and getting him in the passenger seat. He sipped at his coffee on the way to the courthouse. 

“I’m nervous Liv,” he whispered. It was the first real thing he’d said since the day before when she picked him up for lunch. 

“I know this case has been rough on you,” she said. “You tell me what you need, and I’ll help you Rafa,” Liv said. 

“I--I” It was like he was about to say something, to ask her for help, but then he paused. “I’m fine Liv. I can handle it.” Then he clammed up again, and she sighed. He was trying to be okay. He didn’t want her feeling bad for needing her space, but after days of space, she wasn’t sure she needed it anymore. She was getting restless without him, and he was falling apart. She didn’t want him to be worrying about what he did and did not say. She was supposed to be his safe space. She was supposed to be who he trusted, and he was filtering everything that came out of his mouth around her. She walked with him into the courtroom, and he sat down, collecting himself as best he could. She watched as he sat there, and she could see the tension in his shoulders. She was feeling nervous all the sudden, a deep-seated anxiety, and it only got worse as the jury came inside. Had they done their work good enough? Were they good enough to get this lady? Rafael had done a great job with the cross on Jolene, and she was praying the jury would be brave enough to convict, but when they let her go, Rafael slumped back in his chair. Liv felt sick. He disappeared off to the bathroom after he was done, and when he came back out, he looked a little pale. She could tell he felt guilty. He left for his office afterwards, and she went back to work, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She couldn’t stop worrying. She was in the middle of signing annoying paperwork when her phone started ringing. When she grabbed it, she immediately recognized his office number. 

“Hello?” She said. 

“Sergeant Benson, it’s Carmen.” The voice filtering through the phone scared her. She felt ice piercing her heart. “I’m worried about Mr. Barba. He’s sitting on the couch in his office, and he hasn’t moved in an hour. He won’t talk or move. He’s doing nothing.” 

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes, please order him some lunch and leave some water in his office. Thank you for calling,” Liv said. She grabbed her jacket, guilt making her feel sick. She drove over to his office as fast as she could, her heart racing. 

“I’ve been canceling his appointments,” she said. “I didn’t know what to do.” 

“Thank you Carmen,” Liv said. “You did the right thing.” She peeked in the office. Just like Carmen said, he was sitting on the couch, staring like he would at home. She went inside, going over to the couch and sitting next to him. “Hey sweetheart,” she said. He didn’t answer. She scooted closer to him, gently wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Rafa, hey,” she said softly. “Rafa, honey, it’s Liv. Please talk to me.” It took a few moments, but he leaned into her. She felt a little better, running her hand over the back of his head and down his back. “I’m right here. Tell me.” 

“I--I lost Liv,” he whispered. “I failed. He died.” 

“Shh, hey, that wasn’t your fault Rafael. That wasn’t,” Liv whispered. “The jury got scared. You proved your case. You did so well. I am proud of you.” 

“That doesn’t help his family,” he whispered. “I don’t know why I ever thought I could--maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not fit for this. Maybe I should just give it up.” Liv cupped his face in her hands forcing him to look at her. 

“You stop it with that. If you had won that case, it wouldn’t bring their son back. You did the best you could. You did everything you could. Do you hear me? You are good enough. You’re doing amazing,” Liv said, and he shook his head. “You think you could eat something for me?” He shrugged, and she sighed. Carmen brought the bag of delivery in, and Liv thanked her, handing Rafael his food. He picked at it, and Liv wrapped her arm around him. He ate a little more with her nudging, and when she was satisfied, he pushed it away. 

“You should go. I’m okay,” he whispered, and Liv shook her head. 

“I think I’m going to stay here for awhile if that’s okay with you,” she replied. She sat with him until she absolutely had to leave, and she kissed his forehead. “I’ll see you tonight. My place.” He just nodded, looking over some paperwork half-heartedly. 

………………………………..

Liv didn’t get home until late again. When she walked in the door, all the lights were out. She turned on a soft lamp and smiled when she saw Rafael on the couch. He was curled up, clutching something to himself as he slept. She came closer, and her heart melted when she saw he was holding tight to one of her sweatshirts, pressing it against his face. She stroked his cheek, brushing his hair back. She missed him, and she had enough space now. She just wanted to take care of him like she knew he needed at the moment. Liv gently shook his shoulder, and he opened his eyes, blinking at her for a few moments. “Hey Rafa,” she said softly, and he smiled. “Come on, let’s get a shower.” He let her get him off the couch, and she walked him back to the bathroom, turning on the water and feeling the temperature until it was warm enough. She helped Rafael out of his clothes, and they climbed under the spray together. Liv pulled him close, and he just leaned against her as she held him, rubbing his back and lathering soap in his hair and on his skin. He barely even moved, but his body was relaxing in her arms. Once she was done, she helped him to dry off, and he dressed himself for bed. He was ready to head out to the couch when she stopped him. “Come to bed,” she said. 

“What?” he asked, turning back towards her. 

“Come to bed, with me. We can talk tomorrow. Just come to bed tonight,” Liv said, and he nodded, emotion evident in his eyes. He followed her to the bedroom and got in bed, and she held him close. He pressed his face against her neck, his arm thrown across her midsection, legs tangled in her own as he started to drift off. He was exhausted from not sleeping well all work week, and she was content to just let him fall asleep. She laid there for a while, holding him as he snored. It felt right. She finally felt at peace. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This definitely is a bit of turning point in this, and I also I think I hate this chapter too :/ but it's fine...hope it's not as awful as I think it is....

Rafael was still out cold when Liv woke up. She didn’t want to disturb him, so she stayed there, in bed, holding him close. It wouldn’t surprise her if he slept most of the day. Eventually, she had to get out of bed though. She tucked the blankets around him, heading to the living room to relax on the couch with a mug of tea. She was still contemplating how much Rafael had been affected by the tension that had been on their relationship. It didn’t really make sense to her. It was more than she’d ever seen any omega react previously. He had basically shut down by the end of it. She was sure part of that was the case, but still, even with the added stress, he had been struggling on a huge scale compared to what she expected. When he finally appeared, it was almost noon, and she was making lunch. His hair was sticking out all over the place, and he still looked tired, but he was more rested than the entire previous week. He immediately came over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning his face against her shoulder. She turned to get a kiss from him. “Hey,” she said. “I’m just making something small for lunch. How do you feel?” 

“A little less tired,” he whispered. “Can we just talk and get it over with?” 

“Sure, let me just finish this,” Liv said. They sat down at the table to eat, and he was quiet while he ate his food, but then he pushed his plate away. 

“Can I talk?” he asked. She nodded. “I just want to start by saying I’m really, truly sorry for what happened. It wasn’t fair to you at all, and I will do my best to ensure I never put you in a situation like that ever again.” He paused, looking down at the table for a second. “I was six, the first time I remember him beating me. He used to always hit my mom, and then he started hitting me too. I didn’t know what to do. I was terrified constantly. My house was like walking around on eggshells, and I’ve tried to put that behind me. I didn’t even think to mention it, and then you put the belt on me, and I lost it. I messed up. I know that, and I’ve learned from it, but I hope I haven’t ruined my chances with you.” 

“Thank you for telling me that Rafael. I know you didn’t mean for it to happen. You haven’t ruined your chances. We just have to make some changes. You have to talk to me when you feel like you did. I wish you wouldn’t have tried to push through until you had a panic attack,” Liv said. “I’ve had enough space though. I miss you. I love you, and I’m willing to forgive you.” 

“Can you find a way to trust me again?” he asked softly. 

“I think we’re going to have to work on that over time,” Liv replied. He nodded. 

“I--I--there’s something I would like to try if you would,” Rafael said after a minute. Liv nodded, prompting him to continue. “I thought maybe….” He seemed to be struggling to put what he wanted to say into words. “If you can find a way to trust me enough, I enjoyed what we did the other night. I thought maybe you could hold me….accountable in a fair way.” He was looking at her nervously, waiting for her to answer. 

“Rafa, you’re going to have to elaborate a little bit,” Liv said. “I don’t know exactly what you mean.” 

“Like….consequences,” Rafael whispered. “I know I’m self destructive sometimes, and I know you get upset with me like this week. Maybe we could incorporate the two into some sort of….system.” Now Liv couldn’t keep the smirk from her face. 

“What exactly do you want me to do to you?” Liv asked, a smile playing on her lips. He flushed bright red. 

“Well….I liked it when you spanked me,” his voice was little more than a whisper, and he looked so embarrassed. “I don’t know Liv. I’ve never tried anything like this before. Maybe you could tie me up. I don’t know. It doesn’t all have to be punishments. I just liked it when you took control.” She couldn’t help but laugh at how red his face was. 

“I want to hear you say it,” she whispered. He made a grumpy face at her, glaring, and he huffed. 

“I want you to punish me,” he whispered, and she smiled. “Maybe I’m perpetuating a stereotype, but I’ve been thinking, and I believe it would be a way to encourage me to healthier or to work out issues without dealing with what happened this last week. It was very hard for me. I know we wouldn’t bring everything into the bedroom. There would have to be rules.” 

“I think we should go into this cautiously Rafa, especially after what has happened. You’re going to have to be completely direct with me. I can’t have that happen again. I don’t know that I’m ready for it so soon, but I’m not saying no. We should work up to it,” Liv said. He nodded. “We can talk about it more when we get to that point. I’m comfortable with maybe restraining your hands or toys for now.” 

“That’s fair,” he said. “Just think about it.” 

“I will. I love you,” Liv said, standing up to do the dishes. “Really, I love you so much.”

“I love you too Liv,” Rafael whispered. He looked truly happy for the first time since everything, and that made her smile. “Liv,” he whispered, and she looked up. “Will you take me to bed? I just want to feel close to you, please.” 

“Yeah, let’s go,” she said softly. He swallowed heavily when they made it in the bedroom, and she kissed him. She had missed kissing him. His lips were soft and pliant against hers, much like his body. He let her direct him, let her walk him towards the bed as she started to pull his shirt from his body. He lifted his arms for her, breathing heavily as they parted so she could pull the garment over his head. He sat on the bed after that, moving up to lay on the pillows and she started removing her own clothes. He eyed her hugrily from where he was laying, and she smiled, pulling his pants and boxers off before easing her body over his. Feeling his skin against her own, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he lay beneath her, it felt so good. She kissed his neck, running her hands down his chest, and he arched into her. 

“Please don’t tease me too much Liv,” he whispered. She smiled, going back up to his lips. 

“Turn over,” she said softly. He looked at her for a second before moving to do as she said. She put a pillow under his hips to prop them up, and she kissed right between his shoulder blades. He was hugging another pillow under his chest, and his grip tightened when she started running her fingers down the curve of his ass. “You okay?” she asked. 

“I’m good,” he whispered. “Just use some lube, I don’t want to wait.” She nodded, digging through the drawer and grabbing the bottle. She grabbed for a condom, but he turned. “Don’t.” They shared a heavy look, and she stroked his back. 

“You sure?” she asked, and he nodded. She put it back in the drawer, slicking her fingers and easing them inside of him. It was only a few minutes before she was pushing into him, and he was gasping beautifully, arching into the pressure. 

“Oh fuck,” he whispered, “Liv, please.” She was patient, stopping and waiting for the tension to ease before she pressed in more. She was always careful with him, too careful sometimes probably. The lack of a latex barrier made it feel that much more intimate. She stroked her hand down his sweat soaked side, and he swallowed heavily. 

“Almost there Rafa,” she said softly. “How do you feel?” 

“Really good,” he said. “More, please more.” 

“Okay,” Liv whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck, pressing in the rest of the way, and he pushed back against her, spurring her to move. She smiled, gripping his hips and starting to ease in and out. He moaned softly. “You’re doing so good,” she whispered, and he groaned raggedly. She started to speed up a little bit, knowing that was what he wanted. She put a hand between his shoulder blades, balancing so she could thrust harder. She liked feeling his warm skin beneath her hands. He stopped pushing back, and his body started to tense. 

“Liv,” he whispered. “Wait a second.” She stilled, waiting to hear what he needed. He took a few moments to breathe softly. “Please move your hand,” he whispered. “Just don’t hold me down like that.” She shifted her hand onto the bed, rubbing his back gently and trying to soothe him. She leaned down, pressing her front against his back and kissing his neck. 

“I’m right here. Are you okay to keep going?” she asked. 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just...I needed a second,” Rafael whispered. 

“Don’t be sorry. You did exactly what you should’ve done,” Liv replied. “You did good.” She shifted around, starting to move again, and he was relaxed and making little noises with every thrust. She loved it. She loved being so close to him, especially after such a trying week. He was always so loud and expressive in bed, and it was music to her ears. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled. “God, harder Liv, please.” She put a hand on his shoulder, hand gripping his hip and steadying him. He made a choked sobbing sound when she hit his prostate, and she rubbed soft circles on his lower back. “There again, Liv, oh-oh please.” She hit the spot over and over again, and he couldn’t hold back a litany of swear words.

“It’s okay Rafa, come for me, I know you’re close,” she whispered. It was obvious by the way he was meeting her thrusts messily, rolling his hips against the pillow in the process. She eased him up to his knees with an arm wrapped under his midsection, so she could jerk him off. “You’re doing so good, come on.” She punctuated her words with short, hard thrusts that threw him over the edge. His muscles rippled and clenched, his voice hoarse as he called her name. “Good boy, you’re so good for me.” Liv braced herself, thrusting fast and deep, and it only took her a few moments. She collapsed down on his back, resting her head against his sweaty skin, and he reached back and patted her leg. 

“Stay for a few minutes. Don’t move. I just want to stay like this,” he said. She smiled. 

“You’ve got it Rafa.” She held him close, rubbing her hand over his side and kissing his sweat slick back. “I love you. You did so well.” 

“Thank you, for taking care of me. You always do,” he said. The moment felt heavy, and she waited a bit before she gently pulled out of him, starting to clean up. He was boneless, falling asleep almost immediately, and she smiled, wiping him off, and letting him rest. She was sure he needed it. 

………………...

Rafael was doing better already. Liv was so glad to see him thriving again. Watching him shut down had torn her apart inside, especially because it was her fault. She knew she shouldn’t feel guilty about it. She needed space, and she had every right to have been angry. She was waiting up at home for him, and she wanted to relax and talk and maybe watch a movie, but he was stuck at work late. She had been planning on rewarding him a little when he got home, maybe using a couple of his ties to restrain his hands and blowing him. He had been doing so well at work, and he had been eating and drinking healthily. She was honestly just so proud of him. She propped her feet up, sipping a glass of wine and toying with her phone. She decided to call and check up. She wanted to know how he was doing. The phone rang for a couple minutes before Carmen picked up. “Hello? Mr. Barba’s office,” she said. 

“Carmen, what are you still doing there?” Liv asked. 

“He’s….in a mood,” Carmen said. “He hasn’t eaten all day because he’s so busy, and I just thought I wouldn’t leave him here alone. I’m not sure he’d ever go home then.” Liv sighed, shutting her eyes. She knew that sometimes the amount of control he had to exert at work was exhausting for him. That was her personal opinion on why he might want to give that up with her in the bedroom. He needed to decompress, and she hoped it would encourage him to take better care of himself. She would indulge his request, give a try to trusting him. She had to try eventually, and they could start slow. She had a few extra special surprises for him. 

“Will you put me through?” she asked. Carmen put her through to his phone, and he answered almost immediately. She could hear the tiredness in his voice. 

“Hey Liv,” he said. “I’m sorry I‘m so late. I got stuck with a big mess and a lot of paperwork.” 

“Come home,” she said. “You can do it tomorrow. You’re exhausted. Just come home.” He was quiet for a few minutes. 

“Okay,” he finally said. “Give me like twenty minutes. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Alright. I love you,” she said. 

“Love you too Liv,” he replied softly. Liv smiled, hanging up. It had been surprisingly easy to get him home. She poured herself another glass of wine, sipping at it. She went into the bedroom after that, picking out two nice red ties from the closet, and pulling out the box she had picked up mere days before. After she was ready, she got a bottle of water, bringing it in the bedroom so she wouldn’t have to leave him after they were done. She had done some research, wanting this to be healthy for him. He needed to be taken care of, and he needed to feel loved afterwards, and she didn’t want to have to leave his side even for a second. It didn’t matter to her that this was going to be tame in comparison to the other things he was asking for. It wasn’t long before Rafael made it home. She heard the door open, his briefcase thunking to the ground, and she headed out to meet him in the living room. He looked dead tired and beaten down. 

“Hey mister,” she said softly, grabbing ahold of his tie and pulling him in for a kiss. He looked shocked, not responding at first, but then he opened his mouth for her. “We need to talk,” she said after she finally pulled back. He looked confused, his brow furrowing. 

“Wha--” he whispered. She put a finger over his lips. 

“Take a seat,” she said. He visibly gulped, sitting down. She sat down beside him. “If you lie to me, you will just make this worse for yourself. Did you eat anything for lunch today?” He shook his head. “Say it outloud please.” 

“No,” Rafael whispered. “I did not.” 

“Does that seem healthy to you?” she asked. 

“No,” he said, his eyes downcast. 

“Does that sound like something you deserve to be punished for?” Liv asked. His explicit consent was key. He looked at her for a few moments, his mouth falling open. 

“Liv?” he whispered. “Are you--Are you sure?” She nodded, prompting him to answer her question. “Yes,” he finally said. “I deserve to be punished.” 

“Alright then, you’re going to go eat dinner. You have leftovers in the fridge. Then you’re going to take a shower and meet me in the bedroom, kneeling on the bed, head down. Do you understand?” Liv asked. 

“Yes,” Rafael whispered. He sat there for a second, looking shell shocked before he finally started towards the kitchen. He ate his dinner, and then he disappeared off into the shower while she waited in the bedroom. She was shaking slightly as she sat there. She was nervous, but she knew he would tell her this time if something was going wrong. When he showed up, he still had the towel around his waist. His hair was damp, but he looked refreshed. He looked a little bit nervous as he looked at her questioningly. She looked pointedly at the towel so he dropped it. He climbed onto the bed, kneeling as she had asked. He put his head down, and she smiled, running her hand over his hair and down the back of his neck. 

“Good boy,” she whispered, and he started to flush. “Are you going to take your punishment like my good boy?” He swallowed. 

“Yes ma’am,” he whispered, and Liv had to take a second. She hadn’t expected him to add the title. 

“If you want this to end at any moment, you will use your safeword,” Liv said, and Rafael nodded. “Do you remember what that is?” she asked. They had briefly discussed one night on the couch during a movie, his feet in her lap. 

“Green is all good, yellow is stop and talk, and red is stop immediately,” Rafael said softly. 

“Good, now let’s talk about your punishment,” Liv said. She continued stroking his hair. “I have something to show you.” He eyed her carefully as she stood and retrieved the toy she had picked out for him. His eyes darkened when he looked at it. It was a plug, not huge, but it would be filling for him. “It vibrates,” she said, and his gaze grew darker somehow. “I knew you would like it, and I’m going to stretch you open, and ease this inside of you, and then I’m going to tie you up. You don’t come until I say so, understand?” 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

“I need your color Rafa,” Liv said. 

“Green,” he immediately responded. 

“Alright, turn over,” Liv said softly, and Rafael complied. He lifted his hips so she could put the pillow underneath him, and then he waited. Liv squeezed his hips lovingly. “You’re so pretty,” she said softly, running her fingers down the curve of his spine to the swell of his ass. She felt his warm skin for a few moments before she got to business, grabbing the lube, just to be sure, as always. He probably wouldn’t need it. She dragged her fingertips over his puckered entrance, and his breath escaped him in a hiss. She dragged her finger around in a circle, not pushing enough to breech him, and his breathing started to deepen. He was fighting to keep his hips still, his hands white where they were bunched up in the sheets. She finally pitied him, slipping a finger inside of him, and he let out a little moan. 

“Shit,” he whispered. Liv smacked his ass lightly. 

“Did I say you could talk?” she asked. 

“N-No ma’am,” Rafael said shakily. “C-Can I please talk?” 

“Sure, since you asked so nicely,” Liv said, rubbing her hand to soothe the sting. She kissed his lower back once before she just barely brushed his prostate. It was enough to make his hips jerk, but not enough to give him the pleasure he wanted. She squeezed some lube over his ass, easing a second finger inside and stretching him. He started pushing into her fingers wantonly, working his hips against the pillow, and she shook her head, pulling her fingers free. He whined. “You’re being bad right now. Stay still.” He whimpered slightly, but he stilled himself. She picked up the plug. She had been planning on stretching him out more before that, but she knew he could take it. She slicked it up before gently starting to press it against him. His breath hitched, and she stroked his side. “How are you feeling?” she asked. 

“Liv,” he whispered, and she paused. His voice was husky, but he wasn’t calling her ma’am anymore. The role play was slipping a little bit, and she wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. 

“Color Rafa?” she asked. 

“Green,” he said, gasping. She nodded, pressing it in a little bit more, and he groaned softly. She eased it in and out, working him open carefully, and he was making the most beautiful noises as he kept still. Now he was doing so well. 

“You’re being good for me. I know you can take this. Are you feeling good?” Liv asked. 

“It’s a lot,” he whispered. “But it feels good.” She finally worked it all the way inside of him, letting it settle against his prostate, and he groaned. 

“Alright Rafa, turn over for me,” she said, and he slowly did as she said, moving gingerly. She took the ties, gently pulling his wrist up and knotting it carefully so it wouldn’t be too hard to break out of if necessary. She tied the other side to the headboard before doing his other arm, and she smiled, looking down at him, flushed and gasping, his hands tied to her headboard. She picked up the little remote, and his breathing picked up even more. 

“Oh God,” he moaned when she turned it onto the first setting. She just sat back and watched him. He was jerking slightly, trying to stay still, but he was already struggling. He was rock hard and twitching. She put a hand on his thigh, rubbing her thumb over his skin, but never touching him where he really wanted. He let out a breathy moan, his hips rolling, arms straining against the ties. Liv let him writhe for a couple minutes before she finally wrapped her fingers around him, loosely, stroking him. He was moaning, working his hips into her hand, trying to get more friction. “Liv please, tighter, please.”

“No, this is a punishment, remember?” she said, and he let out a little sob. She pitied him, putting the vibration up to the second setting. He groaned, throwing his head back, his mouth falling open. Liv stroked him faster, but then she felt him tensing up, his toes curling against the sheets, and she turned it off, taking her hand away. He let out a tortured noise, trying to catch his breath. 

“Oh--Oh my God,” he whispered. He was so hard, he was purpling at the head. Liv smiled, dragging her thumb through a drop of precome that had landed on his lower belly. She waited a couple of excruciating moments before turning the vibrator up once more. He let out a little grunt, his eyes shutting. He was shining with sweat. “Fuck, Liv.” She waited a couple minutes before starting to pump his cock again, twisting a nipple with her other hand. He bared his neck, letting out a choked noise. She pressed on the remote, increasing the intensity of vibration, and Rafael let out a litany of moans and swear words. She swirled her hand around the smooth head, spreading drops of precome as she made his hips jerk. 

“You’re doing so good sweetheart, are you close?” Liv asked. 

“So close,” he mumbled. “Oh my God, I’m so close.” She stopped again, turning the vibrator down, and he grunted, his body curling in on itself as he whimpered, his eyes squeezed shut. His face was so red, and he was gasping in air. “Liv,” he whimpered. “Liv, I--” 

“It’s okay,” Liv said. “It’s alright sweetheart. It’s okay.” She gently stroked her hand over his stomach, over his slick skin, and he arched into her hand. “Nice and easy, breathe. Just a few more. Okay? What’s your color?” 

“Green,” he croaked. 

“Okay,” she whispered, letting him calm down a little bit before she pressed the switch again, and he jerked against the ties. 

“Liv, I--I’m sorry. Please give me more. I need to come. It hurts,” he whispered. 

“I know you can do one more for me,” she said, and he nodded. “How about this. Do you want one more, and I’ll put it up to the highest setting or three more on low?” He was quiet for a couple minutes, letting out breathy gasps every few seconds. 

“One more,” he finally said, and Liv smiled. She turned the vibration up to the highest setting, and he yelped. She leaned over him, taking his cock into her mouth, and he just moaned over and over and over again. She looked up, seeing his muscles straining as he yanked against the ties, his eyes squeezed closed. It was only minutes before he gasped out for her to stop. She smiled at him, patting his leg as he sobbed and writhed around like a worm on a hook. 

“Good boy,” she said. “Are you ready to come?” 

“Please,” he begged. “Please.” 

“Tell me why you were punished first,” she said. 

“Because I didn’t eat lunch,” he gasped. 

“And what did you learn from this?” Liv asked. 

“To take better care of myself, God, I promise. I promise Liv,” he whispered. 

“You’ve been so good tonight,” she said, turning the vibration up, and Rafael whined. Liv took him back into her mouth, increasing the setting as she took him deeper and deeper, and he practically screamed when he finally came. She gently untied him afterwards, wiping the tears from his face. He was a lump on the bed, unmoving, his chest heaving. Liv, pulled him close, pressing up against his back and keeping him close. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

“Mhmm,” he mumbled. 

“Was that good?” Liv felt unsure of her footing, and hoped he had liked that. 

“God Liv, so good. I wasn’t expecting--I wasn’t expecting nearly that much. I think you almost killed me,” he whispered. 

“You took it really well sweetheart, perfectly,” she said, and he snuggled into her arms more. “Turn onto your stomach, I need to take the plug out.” He groaned, but he rolled over, holding onto a pillow. She pulled at the flared base, easing it out bit by bit before she finally managed to pull it free, setting it on his abandoned towel to wash. She patted the back of his leg. “You feel alright?” He nodded. She picked up the bottle of water from the nightstand, unscrewing the cap and handing it over. “Sip at this, I’ll be right back.” He nodded, following her directions. She cleaned up, washing her hands, drying them off, and wetting the towel with warm water. When she came back, she ran it over his skin, cleaning him off, and he barely moved. His eyes had slipped shut, his breathing starting to even out, and she looked at his face and knew she was in love. She loved him so much, and it became more apparent every day. She stroked his cheek, taking the water bottle that was starting to slip from his fingers, and she set it down, stripping out of her clothes before climbing onto the bed beside him and pulling him into her arms again. He snuggled up close. “You were such a good boy tonight. I am so proud of you.” 

“Mmm, love you,” he mumbled. 

“I love you too sweetheart. Go to sleep. It’s alright. I’ll see you in the morning,” she said. He took only moments to fall asleep, and she smiled. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea.

…………………….

Rafael looked tired when she picked him up from the office. He climbed in the passenger seat of the car, setting his briefcase down at his feet. “Hey handsome,” she said, pulling out so they could head home. “How are you?” she asked. He looked tense, his jaw clenched. 

“This whole thing with Eddie and Alex has me all--I just don’t know. The DA put me in a terrible spot,” he whispered. 

“I know Rafa, but we’ll figure this all out. Just try to breathe, don’t stress yourself out anymore than you need to,” Liv said. He nodded. The rest of the ride home was quiet, and he looked upset when they got inside. He ate dinner quietly, took a shower, and then he disappeared for a little while back towards the bedroom. She ate her own dinner and cleaned up before going to find him. He was laying in bed, just wearing a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, scrolling through his phone. “Do you want to talk?” she asked, sitting down and pulling his feet into her lap. He shook his head. 

“I’m just stressed out,” he said. “This case has been a lot for me so far. If Alex did….I don’t know what to think. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions.” Liv shifted up beside him, taking the phone from his hands and setting it on the nightstand. She pulled him in for a kiss, and he leaned into it, his eyes fluttering shut almost immediately. 

“I’m sorry about Amaro, he’s not helping,” Liv said softly. 

“It’s not your fault,” Rafael whispered, leaning up for another kiss. He was starting to relax as she parted his lips with her tongue, fingers stroking through his soft hair. His hands were running down her back, over her ribcage and back up. 

“You want me to distract you?” she asked softly. He nodded, tilting his head to catch her lips once more. She loved how eager he was. “Do you just want me to fuck you, or do you want some Netflix and Chill?” He made a little noise in the back of his throat. “I’m gonna guess your answer is the latter.” He nodded. “Alright Rafa, I’m gonna go get a couple things. I want you to strip and lay down on your stomach, pillow under your hips, okay?” She rubbed his back softly, kissing him one more time. 

“Okay,” he said softly. She went out to the kitchen getting water and a towel and clearing her head. When she returned, he was laying down, just like she asked, his hips propped up with pillows. He looked gorgeous as always. Liv got the box out from under the bed, unlatching it and pulling out the plug and the little remote. She set it on the bed beside him before climbing up and running her hand up and down his back. 

“I’m gonna put the plug in okay?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. She rubbed his back a little bit first, trying to relax him. He was tense from work. She worked a few knots out of his lower back and his shoulders, and he sighed contentedly. She reached for the side drawer, trying to find the lube. It took her longer than she wanted, but she finally managed to grab it, slicking up two fingers so she could work him open first. 

“Spread your legs a little for me sweetheart,” Liv said. Rafael did as she asked, giving her more space to work. She just grazed her fingers over his hole at first, making him shiver. He groaned softly, obviously straining to not push back against her. She didn’t tease him for too long though, pressing one finger in before easing it in and out, and his breathing was starting to pick up. He pushed against her finger when she curled it to brush his prostate, pressing in little circles, and he gasped. “How’s that feel?” 

“Oh, Liv,” he whispered, “Oh God, it’s so good, more please.” She just kept going though, starting to work him up. When his hips started lifting off the bed, she pulled her finger free, adding a little more lube and rubbing two fingers over his entrance before pressing them in. He grunted softly as they slowly went in, stretching him and making his gasp. Liv rubbed a soothing hand over his lower back, scissoring her fingers to stretch him. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Oh my God.” She pulled her fingers out, wiping them on the towel, picking up the plug and slicking it with lube. He arched his hips as she pressed it against him. 

“Settle down,” she whispered. He groaned, pressing his reddening face into a pillow. It took her a couple minutes, but she managed to press it all the way in, and he was sweating and shaking slightly. “Good?” she asked, and he nodded. “Alright, turn over,” she said. Liv stood up, starting to take her own clothes off. She stripped down, standing beside the bed and running her fingers down his flushed skin. He was rock hard and leaking against his stomach as he laid there, waiting for her instructions. “You’re being such a good boy,” she whispered, and he let out a strangled moan. “Alright, move over,” she said, and Rafael moved slowly. She laid down, motioning for him to lean down and kiss her. 

“You want me to….” he trailed off.

“Yeah, come on, you’re gonna fuck me,” she said. He nodded, swallowing heavily as he positioned himself. He carefully slicked himself up before pressing inside of her slowly. Liv had one hand splayed across the back of his neck, fingers tangled in his sweaty hair, and he was whimpering. “You’re doing good Rafa,” she whispered, and he moaned. She pressed a switch on the plug and his hips twitched, jerking forward. 

“Sorry,” he whispered, pressing his face against her neck. 

“It’s okay,” she murmured fondly. She reached down, running her hand down the curve of his spine. She patted his ass. “Move,” she whispered, and he nodded, bracing himself with a hand beside her head and starting to rock his hips. His movements were clumsy, the plug throwing him off a little bit, but he adjusted. Once he finally managed to find a rhythm, she turned the vibration up, and he let out a strangled noise. 

“Oh fuck, Liv, I--I, oh God,” he whispered, and she petted his hair, shushing him. 

“You’re doing so well Rafa, being such a good boy,” Liv said. He groaned against her, working his hips harder and harder. She dragged his free hand down to help finish her off as he pumped his hips frantically, sending bolts of pleasure throughout her. When she came, he whimpered, but he obediently was holding off on his orgasm. It was a valiant effort, but she could see his control slipping. His hips were getting messier and messier, so she turned the remote up to the highest setting, and he cried out, practically sobbing against her neck as he thrusted. It only took minutes after that, and then he collapsed onto the bed, and Liv turned it off, rubbing his back as he rested, his face pressed up against her breasts. She held him tight as he came down from the intense high, running her fingers through his hair as he relaxed. He felt limp and calm which made her smile. She hated to see him stressed like he had been earlier. She was just glad she had ways that she could help. 

…………………………

Liv sat with Rafael in the gallery as Alex Muñoz was arraigned. She could feel the tension radiating off of him. He had spent hours explaining it to her the night before as they laid in bed, and she wished more than anything that he hadn’t been forced into that position. It wasn’t fair to him. He had been put between his job and his friends, and he lost two of his oldest friends over this. Liv hoped he knew she was there for him right now. He tended to pull away when he got stressed, but he was doing better with communicating how he was feeling or what he needed. 

She wanted to hold his hand, but they were in public, so she couldn’t. She wanted to murmur reassurances in his ear, but there were too many people around. When he told her what his mother had said about Alex, it broke her heart. No one ever believed in him, but somehow he had done the impossible. He held a high power, high profile job, and no one even suspected that he might not be an apha. They walked out of the courtroom together, and she bumped his shoulder. “You okay?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I think I’m just going to go home.” 

“Are you still up for dinner later?” she asked. They had been planning on going to Forlini’s, but she wasn’t sure that was such a good idea anymore. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

“Alright, I’ll see you in a couple hours. I have a few things I need to go take care of,” Liv said. He nodded, wishing he could give her a kiss goodbye, but he just left instead. 

Liv went to her office, working on paperwork and talking to the detectives about details on a case. It took longer than she wanted, but she was glad she could finally head back home to check on him. When she got in the door, it was dark, and she was worried he was shutting down again, but then she heard soft whimpering. She felt uneasy. It was more than worry. She went looking for him. He wasn’t in the living room, so she headed back towards the bedroom. When she opened the door, he was laying on the bed, skin glistening with sweat. “Hey,” she said, her brow furrowed as she approached the bed. “What’s wrong?” 

“Fuck,” he whispered, his face screwing up as he curled up into a ball. Liv felt a vague ache in her lower back all the sudden, and Rafael let out a tortured groan. She put a hand on his cheek, focusing his eyes on her. 

“Talk to me Rafael,” she whispered. 

“Liv,” he whispered. “It hurts. Oh my God, it hurts so bad.” She sat down beside him, shrugging off her jacket. 

“What hurts?” she asked softly, stroking his hair back from his face. 

“My b--back and my side, and Liv.” His voice was scared and soft. She combed her fingers through his damp locks of hair, trying to comfort him. His face scrunched up, and this time, he started to scream. Liv felt that pain again, right in her lower back, and she winced. His face was flushed red. She grabbed for his hand, squeezing tightly. 

“Okay Rafa, try to breathe, I’m right here,” Liv said, moving so she could pull his head into her lap and run her fingers through his hair. He swore repeatedly, writhing around and screaming, and she had no idea what this was or what to do. He was gasping for air, and she tried to keep him calm. “It’s okay, shh,” she whispered. “Maybe we should go to the ER,” she suggested, but he shook his head, pressing his face into his arm to muffle screams. 

“We can’t,” he eventually managed to gasp. “They’ll find out. I’ll--” he trailed off, squeezing his eyes closed again. “I’ll go to jail.” His back was arching of the bed as he sobbed. 

“I can’t just leave you here like this,” Liv said softly. He grabbed at her, sobbing and whimpering, his body curling up again, and she rubbed his back. She had never seen him like this before. 

“Liv, help me,” he whispered. “Please, fuck, make it stop.” 

“I can’t if you won’t go to see a doctor,” Liv said. 

“I can’t!” he exclaimed. She stroked his face again, trying to somehow make him feel better, but she was at a loss. She had no idea what was wrong with him. She spent a little bit longer, stroking her fingers through his hair, over his skin, but she couldn’t watch him like this. She was feeling that ache in her back growing in intensity. He was limp on the bed for a couple minutes before he started writhing again. 

“I need to call someone. You need help,” she whispered. “I can’t sit here and watch you like this Rafael.” 

“Please Liv,” he said. “Please don’t call a doctor, please. I can’t go to jail. I can’t lose my job.” He started crying more, and her heart broke. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you. Please try and trust me,” Liv whispered. “Can you trust me?” He finally just nodded, and she sighed. She pulled out her phone, hesitating for a moment before she dialed the number. She needed his help, and she knew she could trust him. 

“Hello?” his voice was soft, and it sounded like she might have woken him up. 

“George, it’s Liv. I need your help.” 


	7. Chapter 7

Liv was sitting with Rafael when the doorbell rang, and she couldn’t have been more glad. Rafael was miserable. He had started vomiting not long before, and she wasn’t sure what to do. She left him there, promising to be back soon, so she could answer the door. When she opened it and saw George, she sighed with relief. “You’re lucky I was already in the city,” he said softly, coming inside. “Where is he?” 

“He’s in the bedroom. He’s been like this since I got home, and I wasn’t sure what to do. He’s refusing to go to the ER,” Liv said. George nodded, following her, his bag slung over his arm. When they entered the bedroom, Rafael was bent over, clutching at the garbage can, throwing up again, and Liv’s heart broke. He looked like he was in so much pain, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

“Liv,” he gasped before he let out a scream, eyes scrunched closed. 

“I’m here,” she said. “I’m right here.” 

“Hey Rafael,” George said, coming over to the bed. “I’m George. I just have a few questions for you. Can you tell me where your pain is?” He didn’t answer right away. He was gasping, reaching for Liv’s hand, and she let him squeeze it tight. 

“It’s my back,” he whispered. “And my side, oh God.” George gently touched his lower back. 

“Here?” he asked, and Rafael nodded. “Can you sit up?” Rafael shook his head, sobbing. 

“Rafa, come on, sit up,” Liv said softly. “Let George look at you. Can you try for me?” He held tight to Liv’s hands, trying to sit up, but he was in a lot of pain. She finally got him up, and he held tight to her as George felt over his back. 

“I’m gonna put some pressure on your lower back. Just tell me if it hurts or if it doesn’t,” George said. Rafael nodded, squeezing Liv’s hand tighter, and then he screamed again. 

“Stop, please,” he whimpered. 

“Alright, it’s all over,” George said. “Do you drink a lot of water?” 

“Does water used to make coffee count?” He asked before doubling over. Liv ran her fingers through his hair. 

“How’s your diet?” George asked. 

“Not great,” Liv said, answering for him. 

“Physical activity?” George asked, easing Rafael back down into the bed. 

“Also not great,” Liv said. 

“Alright, Rafael, It looks you have kidney stones. It should pass with time. I’m going to give you some morphine right now, and I’ll write you a prescription for pain medicine to get you through this,” George said. “Liv, can you get my bag?” She handed him the black bag, and he pulled out a syringe, unwrapping the package, and getting out a bottle. He filled the syringe before turning to Rafael. “Okay, try and hold still for me. It’ll be a little pinch, and you’ll feel better soon.” Huang pressed the needle into Rafael’s thigh, and Liv was glad that it was almost over. She couldn’t take much more of him screaming. She hissed as he grabbed for his side, letting out a loud moan, and that ache in her back just got worse. “It’ll be over soon,” George said to Rafael, but then he looked at Liv and frowned. “Are you feeling his pain?” George asked, and Liv honestly wasn’t sure. George grabbed her arm, pulling her out of the room. “Have you been feeling this the whole time?” 

“Yeah a little bit,” Liv said. “And when we had a fight, he literally just shut down. He’s not a dependant person, but he totally lost it.” 

“Well that’s not concerning for newly bonded couples. How long have you been bonded?” he asked. 

“We’re not George. We haven’t even spent a heat together. He’s on suppressants,” Liv said, and George looked at her for a couple minutes. 

“How bad did he shut down?” George asked. 

“He wouldn’t eat, he kept crying and laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He was miserable because he knew I was angry with him,” Liv said. 

“That’s not good,” he said softly. “It doesn’t happen often, but you could have formed a surface bond. It’s like a preliminary bond that can happen without knotting or sharing a heat. It’s very fragile though. If there is any tension, Rafael is going to shut down. He can’t handle that kind of stress no matter how independent he is. You’re tied right now. If you broke the bond, he might completely shut down for a little bit. You need to be careful with him.” 

“I’m not planning on letting go of him anytime soon,” Liv said. 

“When’s the last time he was at a doctor’s office?” George asked. 

“I honestly don’t know. You’ll have to ask him,” Liv replied. “He’s not legal. His documents are fudged, he’s on street suppressants.” 

“Unfortunately I can’t get him regulated suppressants unless his documents are right,” George said. “I’ll talk to him, maybe give him a quick exam here. I need to make sure your bond isn’t affecting him physically in any way. There are risks, he could get really sick. You need to keep a close eye on him. It would be better if you actually bonded.”

“He’s not ready for that,” Liv said. “He’s terrified to be outed.” 

“It’s not easy, but he could still work. You would probably have to sign papers,” George said. 

“Probably not, not at the DAs office,” Liv said. George made a face, nodding. When they went back into the bedroom, Rafael was considerably calmer, looking sleepy. Liv took a seat on the edge of the bed, running a hand over his hair. “Are you feeling better?” she asked. He nodded. 

“Let’s talk a little bit so you can avoid this happening again,” George said. “You need to drink water on a regular basis, and you need to eat better.” 

“I told you to eat more vegetables,” Liv said softly. 

“Well, certain vegetables can actually cause kidney stones,” George said. “I’ll get you a pamphlet.” 

“Ha, see,” Rafael said, smirking at Liv. 

“Oh, don’t smile yet. We’re going to be having a  _ discussion _ later,” Liv said. The look on his face was hilarious. His eyes were wide, and he kind of gaped at her for a second. 

“When’s the last time you saw a doctor?” George asked, taking a seat beside Rafael.

“Honestly,” Rafael whispered, “I don’t know. It’s been a long time.” 

“Can I take a look at you? I just want to make sure everything is alright,” George said. Rafael nodded after a second. “How long has it been since you had a heat?” 

“A couple months,” Rafael whispered. George felt his neck, looking over his scent glands. He took Rafael’s temperature, took a quick look over his skin. 

“How long are your heats usually?” he asked. 

“Five, maybe six days. Twenty-eight day cycles,” Rafael said. 

“Have you ever had any STDs or been pregnant?” George asked, and Rafael shook his head. 

“Have you been bonded?” George asked. 

“No,” Rafael said. 

“Do your suppressants give you any side effects?” George asked. 

“Headaches, sometimes nausea and dizziness. Especially if I forget a dose,” Rafael said. George nodded. 

“Olivia and I believe you two have inadvertently formed a surface bond. I know this might be shocking or perhaps upsetting, but it’s going to be okay. You need to be careful, if you start feeling unwell, I need you to tell Liv. Anxiety, depression, feeling hopeless, suicidal thoughts, unexplained nausea, and migraines are some of the symptoms you may have. I’m going to give you a doctor’s name and phone number, and I will call him for you. He will keep your secret, and you will not be outed. You need to see him for a physical every month until the two of you decide to bond. It’s for your own safety,” George said. 

“O-okay,” Rafael whispered. 

“Here is your script for pain medicine and antibiotics. You have to fill this, and I need you to stay on top of the pain or it’s going to become quickly unbearable,” George explained. “If it’s an emergency, you need to go to the hospital. I know that’s scary, but you won’t necessarily be outed then. Even if you are, that doesn’t mean your life is over.” 

“Like hell it’s not,” Rafael whispered. “I’d be arrested.” 

“Not necessarily. There are people who don’t necessarily believe what the general public does about omegas. You wouldn’t be without friends,” George said. “Things could change faster than you realize. What’s your conviction rate?” 

“It’s high,” Liv said for him when he didn’t answer. 

“What could they say about a high functioning omega who works with alphas and does a better job than many of them?” George asked. 

“I would sign for you Rafael. We could bond,” Liv said. 

“And then what? I get laughed out of the DAs office, transferred to tax fraud or something, and then I--I don’t know, get pregnant, have babies, raise a family like a good little omega?” Rafael asked. “I’d be a joke. I wouldn’t be able to make a difference anymore.” He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. It was a reaction, and he knew right away that it hurt Liv’s feelings. He cursed at himself. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just--I am terrified Liv.” 

“You’re tired,” Liv said softly. “Go to sleep.” He could hear the hurt in her voice, and he felt a deep sense dread inside of him. He could feel his breathing starting to pick up, and he tried to get a handle on himself. He wasn’t sure why he was losing it. 

“Liv,” George said softly. 

“Rafael, I’m not upset,” Liv said softly, but he could feel the hurt. He could literally feel that she was hurting. It was a vague sense, but it was there all the same, and that wasn’t accounting for the look on her face. He knew how she looked when she was upset. “Rafael, look at me, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean that. I know you’re scared,” she whispered. “I know you’re terrified, and I love you. It’s okay.” 

“Just try and calm down Rafael,” George said. “Take a deep breath. You’re okay.” 

“I know you’re tired right now. You’ve had a long night. Shut your eyes, I’ll see you in the morning, and it will all be okay. I’m not upset,” Liv said. Rafael finally nodded, shifting so he could curl up and go to sleep. 

“Are you coming to bed?” he asked. 

“Yeah, just give me like fifteen minutes. I’m going to talk to George, and then I’ll be in here. I promise,” Liv replied, kissing his forehead. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” he whispered. She walked George out, stopping at the door. 

“Be careful with him. He is fragile. Being away from you for an extended period of time will be hard for him, and he’s going to hate that. He is used to independence, but right now, his body is working against him. Continue to encourage him to consider an actual bond. It’s much more stable, and there may be issues in the beginning, but that will fade. There is no way to know for sure what will happen with something as rare as this. There have been fewer than one hundred cases documented that I know about,” George said. “Call me if you have an emergency, and I’ll see what I can do. Please, try to get him to see that doctor. He needs to be checked out regularly.” 

“I’ll do what I can George. Thank you,” Liv said. 

“Any time,” George said with a smiled. “Let Rafael know he can call me if he needs to talk. It’s not easy being an omega in an alpha’s world. I may be able to answer any questions he has.” 

“I’ll let him know,” Liv said. 

“Don’t take his hesitancy personally,” George said. “It’s not you. Being outed is terrifying. He’ll get there.” Liv nodded. It was hard for her. She wanted Rafael, publically, completely, but he wasn’t ready. He was being held back, and he couldn’t help that. She didn’t blame him for being scared. His work was important to him, it made him who he was, and she wouldn’t ever want to take that away from him. She couldn’t take that away from him, so she could wait. She could wait for him to be ready even if it hurt her. 

When she headed back to the bedroom, she could tell he was asleep. He had to be exhausted. She quickly changed, climbing into bed behind him, throwing an arm over his midsection. He was so warm. She pressed up against his back, pressing her lips to the back of his neck. “I love you,” she whispered. “I can wait however long you need.” 

………………..

Liv woke up early. She didn’t want Rafael to have to wait for his medicine, so she got up early and headed to the store. He was still asleep when she got out of bed. She kissed his temple, getting dressed and grabbing a coat before going to the pharmacy. It was cold outside, and she shivered on the way inside. She walked up to the table, handing the woman the script. “Do you have ID or bonding papers?” she asked. 

“I have my ID, and I have his,” she said, pulling out her wallet. The woman looked at their IDs and frowned for a couple of minutes, giving Liv a weird look. Finally, she handed over the prescriptions and the IDs, and Liv felt uneasy. She hadn’t realized how much scrutiny he dealt with. She knew what the woman was thinking. She was wondering why Liv was picking up prescriptions for another alpha. Liv started walking away, but then she turned back. “You know, it’s really rude to make assumptions about others people’s lives.” With that she walked out the door, steaming. She wasn’t going to put up with people being rude to him. She headed back to the apartment, unlocking the door, and she started a pot of coffee. She made him some breakfast before poking her head into the bedroom. He was still out, but it was getting to be closer and closer to eleven, so she approached the bed, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Rafa, sweetheart, wake up,” she said. It took a few minutes, but soon he was looking up at her with sleepy eyes. “Hey handsome,” she whispered. “You should take some medicine probably soon.” 

“Okay,” he whispered. She ran a hand over his hair. 

“I’ll bring you some water and your pills, and I made breakfast. I just want you to relax right now. Alright?” She asked, and he nodded, starting to sit up. She took him his plate and pills. He swallowed them without issue, and he started eating his breakfast. Liv sat beside him, turning the tv on. “How are you feeling?” she asked. 

“Wiped out,” He whispered. “Thanks for making me breakfast.” 

“I’m sorry that happened last night. My poor man,” she said softly, rubbing his arm. She let him eat a little bit and wake up but then she decided she wanted to bring it up. “We need to talk about why that happened.” He stopped mid-bite, looking at her with wide eyes. 

“Oh God,” he whispered. “Is this ‘ _ our discussion? _ ’” 

“You heard Huang,” she said. “You need to drink more water, eat better, get some more exercise.” 

“I thought he said vegetables can cause it,” Rafael grumbled. Liv rolled her eyes. 

“Rafael Barba, don’t even try to look at me and claim that you eat enough green vegetables to give yourself kidney stones,” Liv said, glaring. He scowled at her. 

“I don’t have time to exercise,” he said. 

“Bullshit. You could get up earlier, or you could go to the gym in the evening,” Liv said. 

“I need my beauty sleep,” he whispered. That made her laugh. 

“We’ll discuss how to handle this later. Now, I want you to tell me what you think your punishment should be,” she said, and the look on his face was hilarious. He stared at her for a moment, swallowing his food before he responded. 

“My kidney stones were a preexisting condition, and therefore should be exempt from punishment,” he said, and Liv raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms. She snorted. 

“You brought the jokes, huh?” Liv asked. “Why don’t you rethink that answer before I rethink it for you.” He cleared his throat, looking up at her. 

“Anything?” Rafael asked, his voice thick. 

“We need to have a discussion, but how about you just start by telling me what you think I should do to you,” Liv said. She figured doing something would help to make him take care of himself better, and it was a good way to get her frustration with him out instead of being angry. She finally felt like she could trust him. She knew he would tell her if he needed to stop. He swallowed heavily, putting the plate down on the nightstand. 

“When are you gonna punish me?” he asked. 

“Maybe tomorrow. You need some time to recover,” Liv said softly. 

“I think you should spank me,” he said softly, checking her face. 

“Okay,” Liv said. “That’s more like it. Let’s talk boundaries. No belts, we’ve got that covered. Anything else?” 

“Just use your hand,” he said softly. “Nothing else, and I need you to talk to me while you do it.” 

“You promise me you’ll tell me if you need to stop?” Liv asked seriously, and Rafael nodded. “Okay mister, sounds good. I’ll let you know when it’s time.” Her voice was soft when she said it, a whisper by his ear, and his breath caught in his throat. 

“You’re gonna make me wonder when it’s coming aren’t you?” he asked, and she laughed. Rafael just groaned. 

………………………

Liv waited until he seemed to have most of his energy back. The pain was much more manageable, and he had been relaxing at home for a couple days. He was still recovering some, but he was in much better shape. He was up and walking around the house, doing things for himself. He didn’t look so tired anymore. They had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for him, and Liv was happy. She was glad he would have a doctor to look at him and make sure he was alright. She could worry a little bit less. He was in the kitchen, doing the dinner dishes when she decided she was ready. She walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his midsection and kissing his neck. “Hey mister,” Liv said softly. 

“Hi Liv,” he whispered. 

“How about you put down those plates, go back to the bedroom and take off your pants,” Liv said softly, and he stiffened. 

“Is this….” he trailed off. 

“Mhmmm, are you still okay with this?" Liv asked softly. "I know I pushed a little bit, but this is about you and what you're okay with." It only took a moment for Rafael to nod, and she felt better. "Alright, bedroom, get naked on the bed. I’ll be back in a minute,” Liv said, and he swallowed before wiping his hands and heading back towards the bedroom. Liv grabbed a bottle of water and a little container of strawberries. She knew he would make a face when she made him eat them later, but she had been reading up on what he might need after something like this. She had lotion in the closet that she had bought the day before just incase. She was a little nervous, her hands shaking as she headed back to the bedroom. She was nervous about hurting him, but he had definitely enjoyed it the last time they tried spanking. It had just been the belt that had made it all go wrong. Liv took a deep breath, opening the door. Rafael was kneeling on the bed, naked, his head down, and she smiled. She set her things down on the nightstand, taking a seat beside him and running her fingers over the back of his neck and through his hair. “Rafael, tell me why you’re getting punished,” Liv said. 

“Because I don’t take good enough care of myself,” he said softly. 

“Good boy, now I’m going to have to spank you. You know I don’t like punishing you, but I want you to take better care of yourself,” Liv said evenly. He let out a little noise that was somewhere between a moan and a whimper, and Liv smiled. “Twenty and you’re going to count them. Okay?” He nodded. “I need to hear it outloud please.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Rafael whispered. Liv took a seat on the bed, leaning back against the pillows. 

“Rafa, come over here,” Liv said, patting her leg. He visibly swallowed, moving slowly until he was over her lap, hands bunched in the sheets. She rubbed her hand over the swell of his ass, and he shivered. She could feel how hard he was, his erection poking into her leg, and she smiled. She waited a couple moments, letting the anticipation build until she landed a firm swat on his left cheek. He jolted forward, a grunt escaping his mouth. 

“One,” he said softly. The second one was harder and he whimpered, her hand landing on the right this time with a loud crack. “Oh lord,” he mumbled. “Two.” 

“Good boy Rafa, I know you can take this,” Liv said softly, rubbing his back gently. She could feel a wet spot forming on her pants, and she smiled. He was enjoying it just a little too much, so she knew she needed to hit him a little harder. She was trying to toe the line carefully, to not accidentally take it too far, but she wanted to get her point across. The third slap was right in the area where his thigh met his buttox, and he yelped, his hips rolling against her leg. 

“Three,” he said, his voice sounding husky. His ass was just barely red, the skin warm to the touch where her hand had connected with his flesh. She hit him again in the same spot the fourth time, and his voice was strangled as he cried out, his hips jerking forward. “Four,” he whispered. He gasped at five and six which were particularly hard, and seven made him squirm when it landed on an already red area. He was starting to get louder, the pain building with each smack, but he counted each one obediently. He cried out loudly when number twelve landed. “T--” he trailed off for a second, his breathing labored. He was gasping for breath, his body flushed. “Twelve,” he said softly. Liv rubbed her hand over his reddened skin, and he twitched, surely feeling a sting with each touch. 

“You’re taking this so well Rafa, just eight more. I know you can do eight more for me,” Liv said softly. “Can you give me your color?” 

“Green,” he gasped. 

“Alright, good boy. You’re so good,” Liv said. He groaned softly, hips jerking against her leg once more. She smacked him immediately, and he hissed. “If you keep that up, you’re not coming tonight.” 

“Thirteen,” he said, forcing his body to still. She had a nice red color going, not too dark, but red enough that she knew it had to hurt. She smacked him again, twice in a row, and he choked on his cries. His body jerked slightly, and his head dropped. 

“Fourteen, fifteen.” She could hear the tears in his voice. 

“Rafael,” she said softly, “Honey, I need your color. Are you okay? It’s alright if you need to stop.” He shook his head, his sobs hitching. 

“Green,” he said. “Green.” 

“Rafa, maybe we should stop,” she said, dropping the dominant persona entirely. “I think you’ve learned your lesson.” 

“Five more,” he said. “Green.” Liv ran her hand down his back. His muscles were rippled, tense, and she tried to comfort him. 

“Okay, you’re such a good boy,” she whispered. “So good for me. I’ll tell you what, you can rub yourself all over my leg, but don’t you dare come. Okay?” He nodded. She waited a second before smacking him again, down a little further on his upper thigh. He let out a surprised yelp, but it was a nice break from the already abused skin. The next slap came down on the reddest part of his ass, and he let out a scream, but he rolled his hips against her, a soft moan shaking his body. 

“Seventeen,” he said. 

“Alright, three more,” Liv said. The next two were quick, one after the other, and he gasped at each one, his hips jerking fitfully against her pants. “Last one Rafa.” He was sobbing at that point, gasping for air, tears soaking the sheets. She knew he wouldn’t want her to let up though, so she gave him one more hard smack, and he sobbed, letting out a whisper. “Twenty.” He was still hard against her thigh, but she was going to handle that once she knew he was alright. She rubbed his back. “You took that so well Rafa, so well. You are so good. You just took your punishment perfectly. I am so proud of you.” She pulled him up so he could lean against her. He was shaking, and she ran her fingers through his hair. “Shh, you did amazing. It’s okay.” He started to hiccup a little bit as he slowly calmed down. “How do you feel?” 

“Okay,” he whispered, his voice wavering. Liv smoothed his hair back some more.

“What do you need right now? We don’t have to do anything else tonight if you’re done,” Liv said softly. He was quiet for a few moments. 

“I want you to fuck me,” he whispered after a second. 

“Are you sure? I could blow you,” she offered, but he shook his head. “Okay.” She rubbed his back for a few minutes before she motioned for him to lay down on his back. He hissed when his ass touched the covers, and she thought about having him turn over, but she wanted to be face to face with him. “You okay?” Liv asked, and he nodded. She had him lift his hips so she could put a few pillows underneath him. Then, she reached for the nightstand to get the lube and a condom, but he shook his head. 

“I don’t need it,” he said softly, his voice strained. She nodded, still reaching for the condom, but he put a hand on her arm. “Just you.” She stopped. 

“Are you sure Rafa?” She asked softly, running her hand over his lower belly. He nodded. “Can you put your feet flat on the bed for me?” He did as she asked, and she ran a finger over his entrance. She wanted to make sure he was slick enough despite what he already said. There was slick running down the backs of his thighs, and she smiled softly. She eased a finger inside of him and he moaned, so she quickly added a second scissoring them to work him open. 

“Fuuuck Liv, oh God,” he whispered when she started rubbing circles over his prostate. She didn’t linger too long though. He was already leaking all over his stomach. When she pressed inside of him slowly, inch by inch, he let out a guttural noise, back arching. He hissed when she connected with his sore ass. 

“You are amazing,” Liv whispered. “You did so well. I love you.” 

“I love you too Liv,” he said, his voice hoarse. He hooked a leg over her hips, giving her room so she could thrust better. She intertwined their fingers on the bed, easing in and out of him slowly at first. She kept their gazes connected, and he was looking up at her through half-lidded eyes, love evident in his darkened irises. His mouth fell open as she dragged over his prostate. It was slow and loving, but satisfying all the same, and it spoke much louder than words. He leaned up for a kiss, and she gave it to him. He craned up for more as she started to pull away, so she humored him. Once she felt herself getting close, she started to stroke him, and he groaned loudly. 

“Do you want me to pull out?” she asked softly. 

“Don’t you know that’s not an effective contraception method?” Rafael teased, and she laughed. “Don’t pull out.” His voice was a husky whisper. She nodded, leaning down for another kiss, and he opened his mouth for her. 

“Come on Rafa,” Liv said, working her hips harder. She was so close. “Come for me. I’m almost there.” They fell over the edge together, and he whispered her name over and over again. Once she had recovered, she sat up, kissing his sweaty forehead before reaching for the water and the container of fruit she brought in the room. “Drink this for me Rafael, the whole bottle.” He grunted softly, but he took the bottle from her hands. He sipped at the water, his eyes closed. “Do you feel okay?” she asked. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I probably won’t be sitting comfortably for the next few days.” She snorted. She was pretty sure she had found a limit of her own. She wasn’t sure how much pain she could dole out. Making him cry had worried her, and she didn’t mind the spanking, but she wasn’t sure how much further she could go and still be comfortable. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked again. 

“I would have told you if I wasn’t. I promise,” he said. “Some of that response was emotional.” Liv ran her fingers through his hair. 

“I trust you,” she said softly after a moment. Once he finished his water, she handed him the container of strawberries. “Eat.” 

“Liv,” he whispered. “I am not hungry right now.” 

“Eat,” she said again, and he sighed, but he did as she asked. “And turn over, I’m gonna rub some lotion on your skin.” He rolled over onto his stomach, picking at the strawberries as she squirted some lotion in her hand. His ass was a nice red, darker splotches in a few areas. She rubbed some of the lotion into his skin, trying to be gentle. He hissed at first, but then he quieted down. “When are you planning on going back to work?” she asked. He had taken a couple sick days to get over his kidney stones. 

“Probably not tomorrow. Maybe the next day,” he said. “I’m still a little wiped out.” He turned back over on to his back, finishing his strawberries, and Liv leaned over for a kiss. 

“I love you,” she whispered. “And I am so glad you’re feeling better. You really scared me.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to.” 

“I know you didn’t,” Liv said. “I just want you to take care of yourself more.” 

“I know,” he whispered. “I’m trying. I really hate disappointing you.” Tears pricked his eyes when he said that. 

“Hey,” Liv said. “You don’t disappoint me.”

“Yes I do Liv,” Rafael argued. “That was part of why I was crying. A big part. I--I’m trying to be better. I don’t like making you upset.”

“I know you’re doing the best you can Rafael,” Liv said. “I am proud of you, not disappointed. Come here.” She pulled him close, rubbing his back and kissing his forehead. “Try to calm down. Never doubt that I am proud of you even if I punish you, I still love you, and I’m still proud of you. Okay?” He nodded. She clicked on the tv, holding him close. “Just try and relax now. You did amazing.” He snuggled up against her a little more, and she smiled.

……………………..

“Oh come on, dessert was good,” Liv said as they walked through the park. Rafael shrugged, his hands shoved in his pockets. 

“That cake was a little dry,” he said. Liv rolled her eyes, bumping his shoulder. There was a food truck that wasn’t that far away from them, selling cupcakes, and she saw him eyeing it. 

“Do you seriously want a cupcake after all that food you just ate?” she asked. He kept complaining about dinner. They had finally tried a new restaurant that she heard was good, and he wasn’t wrong about some of it. The service hadn’t been very good at all, and Rafael felt like the food was fairly bland. 

“Do you want a cupcake?” he asked. 

“Fine, get me a cupcake too, but you have to wait in line,” Liv said. “I’ll be waiting on a bench.” He smiled. They walked over towards a bench, and Liv took a seat as he got in the line that was a few feet away. It was really cold out, and Liv was regretting her decision to sit down when she heard some laughing. 

“Aw, you’re a pretty little omega.” She turned and saw a couple of guys crowding Rafael, and one put his hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder. Liv felt a spark of protectiveness flair up inside of her. He brushed the man’s hand off. 

“Don’t touch me,” Rafael said lowly. 

“What are you gonna do about it?” the man asked. “Get out of my way.” He pushed passed Rafael who stumbled back a little bit, and Liv stood up. 

“Who the hell do you think you are?” she asked lowly. 

“Oh, is he yours?” he asked. “Maybe you should put him on a leash.” 

“Maybe you should shut up,” Liv said. “Unless you want to be missing a couple of teeth after tonight.” 

“Just a word of advice, I think he’s had enough cupcakes,” the guy said, poking a finger into Rafael’s stomach, and Liv glared. 

“Don’t touch him again,” she growled. Finally, they left, but Rafael was looking down at his feet. “Sweetheart,” Liv whispered. “Are you okay?” 

“Let’s just go home,” he said. 

“Do you still want a cupcake?” she asked, but he just shook his head. 

“Let’s go home,” he repeated. He was quiet in the car despite her efforts to rope him into a conversation. He crossed his arms, leaning against the window, so she left him alone. When they got back to the apartment, he disappeared towards the bedroom, and she debated going after him. She had just stood up when she heard the shower starting to run. She went into the bathroom, stripping out of her clothes before she climbed in the shower alongside him. 

“Hey,” she said softly. He didn’t respond. He started lathering shampoo into his hair. “Rafa, come on,” she said. He was tense, facing away from her. He finally turned around to face her. “Come here,” she said. Rafael took a few steps towards her, leaning back against her, and she wrapped her arms around him, kissing his shoulder. “I’m sorry about what happened earlier.” 

“It wasn’t your fault,” he said softly. “It’s just life.” 

“It’s not fair. You look amazing by the way. I think you deserve more cupcakes,” Liv said, but he didn’t answer. Liv ran a hand over his slick stomach, trailing lower until her fingers brushed against him. He gasped loudly. “Mmm, I think you deserve something nice.” She wrapped her fingers around his length, but he jerked away. 

“Stop,” he whispered. “Just--stop. I’m not in the mood.” Liv swallowed, his reaction concerning her. 

“Sorry,” she said softly. He quietly just continued soaping up. “Can I wrap my arms around you? Is that okay?” 

“Yes,” he whispered. Liv pulled him closer again, kissing between his shoulder blades. 

“I’m here Rafa, if you want to talk. I’m right here,” Liv said. 

“I know,” Rafael said softly, but he didn’t say anything else. He rinsed off, climbing out and wrapping a towel around himself. Liv sighed, turning the water off and getting a towel for herself. She wasn’t sure what about it had upset him so much he was refusing to talk to her. When she went in the bedroom, he was curled up in bed, under the covers, and she took a seat beside him, rubbing his back. 

“Rafael, please look at me,” she said. She rubbed his back some more until he finally rolled over. There were tears in his eyes, and it broke her heart. “Hey,” she whispered. “Rafa.” He shut his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s not your fault.” Liv pulled him close. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Just talk to me. I’m right here,” Liv said. 

“Liv, I don’t deserve you at all,” Rafael said. Liv wrapped her arms around him. 

“What are you talking about Rafael? You deserve so much more than me. You deserve everything,” Liv said, but he just shook his head. “Okay, hold up. Don’t tell me that you don’t deserve me because that asshat called you a couple of names. What he said was not true. He’s just a bigoted piece of shit Rafael, and I know a lot of people are like that, but they don’t matter. All that matters is what I think of you. I think you’re amazing.” He pressed his face against her shoulder. 

“It’s hard not to believe what people say,” he whispered. “Liv, you know that’s what everyone would do if I was outed. Everyone. That’s what I am to everyone, a pretty little omega bitch who isn’t competent enough to do anything. And I’m not in the best of shape. That’s all that anyone cares about because to them, I’m no more than an object to own and to fuck. That’s it.” 

“You are so much more than that,” Liv said, stroking his hair. It broke her heart that he had to deal with people treating him so terribly. “You’re so smart Rafa, one of the most brilliant prosecutors I’ve ever met, and that’s saying a lot. You’re smart and you’re funny, and everyday I thank my lucky stars that I have you. You’re a person, not an object. I love you. I would love you no matter what.” He sniffled, and she continued to rub his back and drag her fingers through his hair. “Look, I want you Rafa. I want to bond with you. I want to take our relationship that next step, and I’ll wait as long as you need, but I’m not going anywhere. I love you. I’m completely in this.” He closed his eyes, starting to cry. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for loving me.” She kissed the top of his head. 

“You don’t ever have to thank me for that. You deserve it,” Liv said. “You deserve to be loved.” Liv wiped a few tears from his face, pressing kisses on his cheeks. She just brushed his lips, but he reacted well, leaning into it. She kissed him over and over again, and he relaxed more and more which made her smile. “You’re beautiful and amazing,” she whispered, starting to trail down his neck. He swallowed heavily, one hand tangling in her hair as she kissed and nipped at his neck. He arched into her touches as she started down his chest. “Is this okay?” she asked. “I want to make you feel good. Let me show you how much I love you.” He nodded, breathing heavily. She kissed her way down his abdomen, all across his belly and over his hip bones. She dragged his boxers down, dropping them on the floor and looking up to him to ensure he was still okay. He nodded at her, and she smiled, pulling at his body until his legs were hanging off the edge of the bed. “Just relax and let me take care of you,” Liv whispered. She gripped him, stroking him firmly a few times before she took his cock into her mouth. He let out a breathy little moan, eyes closed as he laid reclined on the bed. 

“Fuck, Liv,” he whispered. She smiled, dragging her tongue around the head of his cock, and he squirmed. She pulled off for a second, smiling up at him.

“You’re gorgeous, and you deserve this,” Liv said softly, gently running her fingers over his strong thighs. She ran her tongue up the underside from the base to the tip, and his hips jerked. Liv took him back in again, sinking all the way down before she starting bobbing. He let out soft moans and gasps every few seconds. 

“Liv,” he whispered, his voice strained. She gently dragged her nails down his thighs, and he gasped. She loved every little noise he would make. He was so worked up, he didn’t last long after she cupped his balls, rubbing her fingers over his perineum. He was limp on the bed then, breathing heavily as he calmed down. 

“Good?” Liv asked, and he nodded. She kissed him again, and he barely moved. “Come up here, let me hold you. We should watch a movie, and tomorrow, I’m buying you a dozen cupcakes.” He laughed softly, scooting up slowly to settle into her embrace. “Do you feel better?” she asked, and he nodded. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“Of course, anytime,” Liv said. She sat up for a second, stripping out of her own clothes, so she could hold him, skin on skin. She wanted to feel him. She kissed his forehead as they laid there, half watching a movie. He was much more relaxed, leaning into her, sighing contentedly. “Never believe that you don’t deserve me,” Liv said. “Never.” 

“I shouldn’t let it bother me so much. I’ve dealt with it plenty,” Rafael whispered. “I don’t know, it just felt worse somehow today.” 

“It shouldn’t ever happen,” Liv said. “It’s wrong.” 

“What happened today was nothing Liv,” Rafael said. “There’s a lot worse that they could have done. When I was a teenager, in high school, some kids cornered me after school. I was really scrawny, and they pinned me down and took all my clothes. One of them put a dog collar on me and they left me tied against this fence, beat up and bleeding. I would’ve been there all night if my English teacher hadn’t found me.” 

“Oh Rafa,” Liv whispered. “You poor thing.” 

“It’s just part of life. Any male omega would tell you the same,” Rafael said. “Female omegas deal with a lot of unfair shit as well.” 

“No one is ever going to do that to you again,” Liv whispered. “No one or they’re going to deal with me.” He snorted. 

“Thanks,” he whispered. 

“You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be treated equally. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure no one hurts you like that ever again,” Liv said. He rested his head against her shoulder, smiling when she rubbed his back. For once in his life, he felt completely safe being himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get interesting :)

Rafael felt sick as he looked at his bank account. He couldn’t keep up with the debt he was accruing. Five thousand dollars more than what he was already paying was impossible, and he wasn’t going to be able to do it for much longer. He had some money that he put away after working in the private sector, but that was mostly for retirement or if his mother got sick. He was so desperate that he probably would have delved into that money already, but it was locked up for another couple years before he could access it. He was already in a 1000 dollar hole, and he wasn’t sure that he could make that up this time. “Hey, what’s got you so tense?” Liv asked before she peeked over his shoulder. “Oh, it’s that time of the month again,” she said. “Rafa, honey, I’m worried about you.” 

“It’s fine Liv, I’ve got it,” he said. 

“I know how important this is to you, but I want you to be careful, okay?” Liv said. 

“Yeah, I promise,” Rafael said softly. Liv would kill him if she knew. He knew that. He was trying his best though to just get through this year in anyway he could. Rafael sighed. He needed to find some way to make some extra money to pay for his suppressants or he would risk being outed or harmed. He needed to do something and fast, or he was going to get himself into an impossible situation. Rafael waited until after dinner when Liv went to take a shower to casually say he was running out for something. He grabbed his jacket and his wallet, heading out the door and racking his brain for places that might hire him. He needed to pick up work somehow or he wouldn’t be able to pay when it was time. There was a bar down the street from Forlini’s that had a help wanted sign up, and he figured that was as good a place as any to start. It was close to work, so he could walk there afterwards and pick up as many hours as he could until he could pay the money. He opened the door, feeling nervous and desperate. He was ashamed to need another job, but he would do anything to protect his secret. 

When he went inside, they gave him an on the spot interview, and he got weird looks when they asked about his working history and education level. They thankfully hired him though to serve tables if he was in early enough and then do a shift at the bar. He just needed to find a way to explain it to Liv. He wasn’t sure what he could say that wouldn’t get him into loads of trouble. Liv was going to be furious with him. The job was only temporary though, and he thought that he might be able to hide it long enough to dig himself out of the hole he was in. 

When he made it back to the house, he was a little bit of a nervous wreck from all the stress. Liv was on the couch, watching tv and scrolling around on her computer. He hung his jacket up and kicked his shoes off before taking a seat beside her. “Where were you?” Liv asked. 

“I just had to go run an errand,” he said dismissively. “What are you doing?” 

“Shopping,” Liv said, reaching over to run her fingers through the hair on the back of his head. “For you actually. Look here.” He turned his attention to her computer screen, swallowing heavily when he realized what she was looking at. She was looking at toys to try, and he felt a pang of arousal and blood began traveling south. “See anything you like?” she asked softly, and he took a moment to look at them as she scrolled. There were so many options. He finally pointed at one, and Liv smiled, smoothing his hair down. “You like that one?” He nodded. “Alright, it’s yours,” she said, adding it to the bag. He wasn’t sure what else she had already picked out, but he hoped she was done shopping because he wanted some Netflix time. He had been needing her attention more and more, and it bothered him a little bit. He was so dependant on Liv, and without her love and affection, he would almost fall apart. 

“Liv,” he whispered, and she looked at him. “Are you almost done? I want you.” 

“Go in the bedroom and take your clothes off. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” she said. He nodded, getting up early. He wanted something to distract himself from all the stress, and as he pulled his clothes off, he was grateful that he had Liv to calm him down. She had changed his life for the better, and he did not want to go back to the way it was before. 

………………………..

“Rafa,” Liv said from the kitchen as she poured coffee into two mugs. He had just gotten out of the shower after a steamy make out session under the hot water. Liv had been teasing him a little bit about his recent neediness. He was practically insatiable. He was constantly looking for some sort of physical affection whether it was just kisses or late night love making, the moonlight streaming through the blinds. It was a little bit frustrating, especially during the day when they couldn't get any alone time. 

“Hmm,” he asked, working on drying his hair. 

“I was going to schedule your doctor’s appointment at seven on Thursday,” she said, and his head snapped up. 

“No.” It came out a little sharper than he intended. He needed to work on Thursday. Liv looked at him curiously, and he swallowed. “Sorry, it would be better if I went earlier.” 

“Uh, okay,” Liv whispered. “We might be able to do it over my lunch. George said I should go with you.” 

“Okay,” Rafael said. 

“Babe,” Liv whispered. “Are you okay? You seem tense.” 

“I’m fine,” he whispered, suddenly feeling stressed out. Liv rubbed a hand over the bare skin of his back and he practically melted into her touches. She kissed his neck, and he tilted his head back, baring his neck to her lips. 

“I’ll see you at five?” she whispered softly, trying to comfort him with gentle caresses over his chest. He swallowed heavily. He had a shift at the bar. He hated to break their dinner date, but he was going to have to cancel on her later. 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he whispered, hating that he was lying to her. Liv spun him around and pressed her lips to his own, and he just wanted to drag her back to bed. Liv peeked at the clock like she read his mind. 

“Can you be quick?” She whispered, and he nodded frantically. She grabbed the towel around his neck, pulling him back toward the bedroom, and he let out a soft groan. She treated him too well. 

……………………

Rafael had a hell of a day, mountains of paperwork on his desk to finish, but he needed to get to his new job. He wasn’t going to be late on his first day. Liv had sounded concerned when he called to tell her he was going to be at the office late. He told her not to wait up for him. He changed into the uniform they had given him, grimacing at the tacky tee shirt. He slipped into his coat, being sure to pack his suit up so he could change back into it before heading home. 

When he arrived at the bar, he felt stressed out. He was nervous. He hadn’t done anything close to this since he was in college, trying to save up spending money for himself. He ended up behind the bar, someone there to show him the ropes and help him make the drinks. It was hard to keep up when the bar began to get busier, and he was struggling, but he pushed himself to go faster. There were a few drinks that were so obscure, he’d never heard of them, and he had to look up the recipe quick. He was exhausted by the time the night was over, but he had done well with tips. He felt dead on his feet in the taxi, and his suit felt like a thousand unnecessary layers. He felt paranoid when he unlocked the door. Liv was on the couch, waiting for him like he expected. He hadn’t thought she would actually listen when he told her not to wait for him. “Hey,” she said softly when she saw him, a look of pity crossing her face. She took his jacket for him, hanging it up. “Long day?” she asked, and he nodded, dropping his things so he could lean into her embrace. She held him close, running her hands down the back of his head and over his back. “Go put your things down, let’s take a bath,” Liv said softly, and Rafael nodded, grateful for Liv’s attention. She always took such good care of him. He went back to the bedroom, stripping out of his clothes and folding them up for dry cleaning. He would have to wash his uniform when Liv wasn’t around. He only had on boxer shorts, baby blue with polka dots, when he made his way into the bathroom. Liv was adding soap to the rapidly filling tub, and he eyed it longingly. He wanted to get in right then. Liv pulled him close though, slotting their lips together and pressing her tongue into his mouth. He moaned almost immediately, opening up for her. She ran her warm hands down his sides, and he melted with each touch. She was able to relax him so easily with gentle caresses and kisses. She pulled away to turn the water off and he whined, his body straining toward her for more. She chuckled softly. “You’re so needy right now,” she whispered, and he huffed. He couldn’t really deny it. He leaned in closer again, and Liv laughed, reaching for his boxers. She slid the elastic down his hips and let them pool on the floor, and he snaked his hands up under her shirt. “Your hands are cold,” Liv whispered, and he apologized softly. 

Once he managed to rid her of her clothes, she arranged them in the tub so he could lean back in her arms, and he shut his eyes, enjoying the feeling of her arms wrapped around him. He leaned his head back against her shoulder, and she rubbed circles across his chest. “Rafa, did you eat dinner?” Liv asked softly. He shook his head. “Lunch?” 

“Yeah, I ate what you packed me,” he whispered. 

“I’ll make you something when we get out,” Liv said. 

“I want to sleep,” he whispered. 

“I know,” she said softly. “If you eat for me, I’ll make it worth your time.” 

“And if I don’t?” he whispered, the teasing tone obvious in his voice. 

“Oh, you want to be bad now?” she teased, and he smiled. “I’m gonna have to think of some new punishments.” He smiled softly. 

“Please do,” he joked. She reached around his waist, taking him into her hand, and he let out a soft breath. She squeezed him a little tighter than he was expecting, and he hissed softly. “Jesus,” he whispered. “Ow.” 

“Are you going to eat dinner?” Liv whispered, tugging on him with tight strokes. It was just a little too rough to be comfortable, but she wasn’t really hurting him. He grit his teeth, hips moving in little circles. “Hmm?” Liv whispered. 

“Shit, Liv, fine,” he mumbled, and she smiled. He could literally sense the smile on her face. She loosened her grip slightly, but she didn’t stop jerking him. He gasped, hips jerking into her hand, but right when he was about to tumble over the edge, she let go, and he whined, his body doubling over. He was desperate to finish. 

“If you want to come, you have to eat first,” she said, and he let out a soft sob. 

“Please, Liv, Jesus,” he whispered. 

“Are you going to be a good boy?” she asked, and he nodded after a few moments, sniffling. 

“I’ll be good,” he whispered, and she smiled. 

“Okay, then don’t you dare come until I tell you to. Let’s finish this bath and get you something to eat,” she said, and he groaned softly. She was cruel to him throughout the rest of the bath, touching him teasingly, but never allowing him the relief he wanted so desperately. She didn’t usually toy with him so much, but she kind of liked it. He was so sensitive and expressive every time she touched him. She considered herself so lucky to see him like this. He was bared in front of her. He allowed her to see every inch of him, uncovered. She knew his trust was not an easy thing to gain, but she was confident that she had it. He trusted her to love him and to care for him, and she didn’t think that would ever stop feeling special. He was still hard when she ushered him from the bath, shooting her dirty looks while drying off. He struggled to get into hs sweatpants, and she had to bite back a few giggles. He was moping throughout dinner, and she couldn’t deny that he was cute and convincing, but she was going to make him squirm. 

She sent him back to the bedroom while she was doing the dishes, and when she finally made it in there, he was sprawled out, waiting for her. He had ditched the sweatpants, and she admired him as he laid stretched out on her sheets, erection bobbing around and leaking onto his lower belly. He knew she wasn’t done with him yet. She climbed on the bed beside him, hand stroking over his stomach, and he strained toward her, but she wasn’t going to give him what he wanted so easily. “Do you think you deserve to come?” she asked softly, and he looked distressed. 

“Please Liv,” he whispered. 

“Hmm,” she whispered, feigning thought. She grasped him lightly, gifting him a few tight, slow strokes before she let go, and he whimpered again. Liv popped the button on her slacks, stripping out of them. She pulled her shirt over her head, giving him a look. “I think you’re gonna have to work for it beautiful,” she whispered, and he swallowed heavily. She knew he loved this, the banter. He needed to relax and decompress, and she was trying to do that for him. He didn’t move, waiting for her to tell him what to do. Liv reached a hand between her legs, touching herself, and his eyes darkened. She wrapped her fingers around her length, stroking herself to hardness, and Rafael watched her every move with hungry eyes. She moved up closer to his face, straddling his chest, and he swallowed heavily, throat bobbing. “Open up,” she whispered, and he parted his lips, waiting for her. “This is okay?” she asked, and he nodded. “Color?” she checked. 

“Green,” he said firmly. She rose to her knees, leaning forward, pressing against his soft lips, and he opened up for her, sucking softly. Liv gently ran a hand through his hair, easing her hips forward, and he opened his mouth so she could do as she pleased. She started with shallow strokes, getting him used to the feeling, and he moaned softly. She had to scold him softly when she saw him reaching to wrap a large hand around his own erection. He whimpered, but dropped his hand, and she pressed deeper into his mouth. 

“Doing alright?” she asked softly, and he gave her soft nod. “You can tap out if it’s too much, and I somehow don’t notice.” He was looking at her with complete trust in his eyes though, and she savored that. She continued to stroke her fingers through his hair, flexing her hips, and he gagged. She stopped, meeting his eyes and trying to let him recover, but he tilted his chin, spurring her on, so she flexed her hips again. “Oh Rafa, you’re taking it so well, baby,” she whispered, and he moaned from deep in his chest. She held his head steady, thrusting again, deeper this time, and he managed to relax his throat. He grabbed for her hips, hanging on as she fucked his mouth, and she smiled, rocking her hips harder. He pulled at her hips, urging her on, and she lost herself in the sensations. She managed to open her eyes, and Rafael looked gorgeous, taking everything she gave him, and she fisted her hands deep in his dark locks, shuddering as she finished. His chest was heaving, and the tip of his cock was glistening with precome that had dripped all over his belly. 

“Fuck,” he murmured hoarsely. 

“You’re such a good boy,” Liv whispered. “Are you okay?” He nodded. 

“Please let me come,” he begged, and Liv smiled softly at him. 

“I suppose you have behaved very well,” Liv said. “Put your feet flat on the bed for me.” He did as she said, and she eased herself between them, pulling them so he would rest his thighs on top of her shoulders. He hissed when she licked over his entrance, and she couldn’t resist doing it again. He rolled his hips into her, groaning as she ravished him. 

“Liv,” he sobbed, “Please.” She playfully slapped his ass, and he let out a deep moan. 

“Alright, alright,” she whispered, wrapping her lips around the head of his cock, and his eyes fluttered shut. She sucked his hard and fast, slipping a finger inside of him, and he was thrashing. 

“ _ Liv,”  _ He was so desperate that she finally took pity on him.

“You can come,” she said, and he let out a relieved sob, letting go as she pressed her finger against his prostate. He painted his chest and stomach, sobbing her name, and she pulled him close afterward, feeling his body shake against hers. He pressed his face against her shoulder, breathing in her scent, and she kissed his damp skin. “Do you need anything?” she asked, and he shook his head. He was fading fast, and she let him. She hoped he would sleep like a baby.

……………………….

Rafael was running himself ragged with two jobs. Liv seemed to be getting suspicious of his daily texts letting her know he would be stuck at the office late, and he was starting to feel paranoid. He wanted to come clean to her. He was losing sleep over all the lying. He hated thinking that he wasn’t being honest with her. He loved her more than anything. He sat at his desk, head aching as he tried to find his way out of the mess that his life had become. If he didn’t keep working, he couldn’t get his suppressants, and he was going to jail. If he kept working to get the pills, he could lose Liv. It made him feel physically ill just to think about that situation. He wouldn’t survive. 

He felt tears beginning to prick his eyes when he heard a knock at the door and he had to pull himself together. “Rafa?” Liv’s voice was soft, and when he looked up, he could see the concern in her eyes. “Why aren’t you answering your phone, sweetheart?” she asked. His phone had been going off? He usually kept it on when he wasn’t in court. He pulled it out, scrolling through the four text messages she sent him. 

“Sorry,” he said. “I must not have heard it.” 

“It’s time for your appointment,” Liv said, and he looked at her with wide, uncomprehending eyes. “Remember? You need to be checked by a doctor.” He swallowed. He had forgotten. 

“Right,” he said, trying to feign normalcy. “Let me just--” he trailed off, looking at his desk like a deer in headlights. Papers were everywhere, far from the normally neat and organized piles he would usually leave. Generally, he sorted things into chronological order. His mind was racing constantly, and he couldn’t make it stop. He was about to spiral off the deep end, but then there was a hand in the middle of his back, and Liv’s voice was filling his ears. 

“Okay, take a breath. It’s all okay,” she whispered. He grabbed for her, a whimper tearing its way from his throat, and she cradled his head against her neck so he could shut his eyes and focus on her calming scent. Liv’s soft words and touches were enough to pull him back from the precipice, and he took a few calming breaths, closing his eyes and hanging onto her until he felt steady again. “Rafa, breathe darling. Are you this stressed out about seeing the doctor?” 

“I don’t know,” he whispered, tearing up. 

“Listen to me, I promise I’ll be with you the whole time. You’re going to be fine. I’m positive that it’s going to be okay. Maybe we can get something to help you when we’re apart. I know that’s hard for you,” Liv said. 

“Liv,” he mumbled, clutching at her back to keep her tight to him. 

“Alright Rafa, shhh. It’s going to be okay,” she said. He finally managed to get a grip on himself, and Liv looked worried as he wiped his eyes. Liv walked him out of the office, wanting to hold his hand, but they were in public. It hurt her that they couldn’t be themselves at work. She wanted to hold his hand everywhere she walked. He was tapping his fingers on his thigh in the car, and she watched him carefully out of the corner of her eye. She held his hand on the way into the office, but he didn’t talk very much. Liv checked him in, glad that he was finally seeing someone. She worried a lot about his physical health. According to him, he hadn’t seen a doctor in years, and she had no idea what might be going on. Now that things were more complicated with their weird bonding issues, he needed to be watched closely, and she was going to ensure that happened. When the nurse called him back, he glanced at Liv unsurely before rising to his feet and waiting for her to follow. He was holding her hand like it was the only thing keeping him alive. 

“Step on the scale,” the nurse said, and Rafael looked at Liv for a second. She nodded encouragingly. He took a step forward, and she squeezed his hand, releasing it. 

“Take your shoes off, honey,” she prompted, and he nodded, slipping out of his dress shoes before stepping onto the scale. He started to put them back on after the woman wrote the numbers down, but the nurse stopped him so she could do his height as well. When he finally made it to the exam room, he looked questioningly at the table and then to the chair and back, but Liv nudged him into a chair. They handed her a clipboard to start filling out while the woman took Rafael’s vitals. 

“Ow,” he grumbled, and that brought Liv’s attention to his face. The nurse was taking his blood pressure and he was grimacing. “Do you really have to squeeze it that tight?” he griped. Liv snorted softly, filling out the information she could. His name and birthday were easy enough, but she didn’t have his official information or his medical history, so he was going to have to help her with the rest. She felt a little bit negligent. If he was going to be her partner, she wanted to know this information, and she was sure he would want to know hers as well. The nurse looked exasperated with him as he grumbled and squirmed around in his chair. When she finally left, Liv shot him a look. “What?” he whispered, looking sullen. 

“You know what. You’re being difficult,” she said. 

“She was trying to amputate the lower part of my arm,” he grumbled back, and she rolled her eyes at the dramatics. 

“Here, you’re going to have to help me with this,” she said. He moved his chair beside hers, helping her fill out the necessary information. In the box that designated his presentation, he hesitated, but Liv glared. “You have to tell the truth,” she whispered. “George promised it would be okay.” He didn’t do it right away. He looked incredibly anxious, biting his lip, but he finally put a check next to omega. “Rafa. I will not let them take you away,” Liv whispered. He swallowed heavily, and she saw his adam’s apple bob. She hoped it provided some sort of comfort. 

“I’ve survived this long. Why do I have to be here?” he whispered. 

“Rafa, you heard what George said, you need looked at. You’re at high risk because of our bond. Let the doctor look at you,” Liv said. “It’s going to be alright. I’m right here.” He nodded, looking forlorn. He leaned his head down on her shoulder, and she felt a pang of pity. She stroked his hair and his back, trying to keep him calm. 

“What are they going to do?” he whispered, and she wished she had an answer, but she didn’t know. When there was a knock on the door, Rafael tensed up. The doctor seemed kind when he walked in the room, and Liv rose to her feet to shake his hand. 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Cooper,” the man said. 

“I’m Olivia,” she said, waiting for Rafael to say something, but he didn’t move from his spot in the chair. He had his arms crossed over his chest. “And that’s Rafael.” 

“Rafael,” the man said, holding his hand out. Liv glared at him when he didn’t shake it. Finally he gave in. “I got all your information from Dr. Huang. He told me you were coming, the importance of discretion with your information, and rest assured, I have no interest in getting you in trouble. I just would like to ensure you’re healthy. I’m sure this is a lot to take in.” Rafael didn’t say anything. 

“I’m sorry,” Liv said. “He’s nervous.” 

“George told me you are not actually bonded, correct?” he asked. 

“Yes, that’s correct,” Liv said. “Rafael is on suppressants.” 

“Rafael,” Dr. Cooper said, looking over at him. Liv sighed. He was sitting with his arms crossed, refusing to look up. 

“Babe, please,” she whispered. He huffed softly. 

“What?” he finally mumbled. 

“Have you ever been bonded before?” he asked. 

“No,” Rafael said softly. 

“Have you ever had any STDs?” the doctor asked, and Rafael shook his head. He asked a few more questions about Rafael’s heats, among other aspects of his health, and all they could draw out of the usually loud-mouthed lawyer were soft, one word answers. The doctor excused himself to get a few things, and Liv sighed, looking at Rafael. 

“Honey, please, you’re being so difficult,” she said. He sighed dramatically. “If you’re good, we can do whatever you want tonight,” she offered. 

“Anything?” he asked softly. 

“Anything,” Liv repeated. He looked at her shyly for a second. 

“Your handcuffs?” he asked softly, and Liv smiled, imagining him straining against the steel. It was an arousing thought, but she had been avoiding it, not wanting to hurt him with the unyielding metal. He was determined to get his way though no matter what she said. It wasn’t the first time he had asked. She didn’t get a chance to answer before the doctor came back, and Rafael already looked a little more cooperative. 

“Can you hop up on the table, Rafael?” he asked, and Rafael nodded, slowly getting to his feet. The doctor looked him over for a moment, reaching up to gently feel his neck. He examined Rafael’s scent glands for a few moments before looking in his ears and his nose. Rafael made a face when the doctor slipped his stethoscope under the lawyer’s shirt. 

“Jesus, was this in the freezer?” he whispered, jerking back a little bit. Dr. Cooper smiled a little bit and laughed, apologizing, but Liv just glared at Rafael. 

“Breathe normally,” Dr. Cooper said. 

“I didn’t know there was another way,” Rafael muttered, and Liv rolled her eyes at him in exasperation. The doctor snorted. 

“Now take deep breaths,” he said, moving the stethoscope to Rafael’s back, and Rafael did as he was told. “Have you ever had chest pain or shortness of breath?” 

“No,” Rafael said. 

“Alright, I’m going to have you change into a gown. I need to look at your skin to start with,” the man said, and Rafael eyes went wide. Liv couldn’t help but laugh softly at the look on his face. Dr. Cooper pulled one out of the cabinet, handing it to them. He left the room, and Rafael was eyeing it warily. 

“I’m not putting that on,” he said softly. 

“Yes, you are,” Liv replied. He clenched his jaw. “Rafa, put the damn thing on, come on. If you want those handcuffs tonight, you’re going to do whatever they ask.” He glared at her, but he started to shed his jacket and vest. Liv took them from him, folding them as he undressed. He huffed as he unsnapped the cuff links. 

“If you lose these, I’ll never forgive you,” he grumbled, dropping them into her hand. He started unbuttoning his shirt, and Liv couldn’t help but think she’d never seen anyone undress with so much attitude. He unsnapped his suspenders, unbuttoning his slacks and shoving them down. He held his hand out for the gown, dressed in only his silk boxer briefs and a white tee shirt, and Liv shook her head. 

“You have to take those off,” she said, and he leveled her with a piercing glare. He swore under his breath, pulling the tee shirt over his hand and handing it over, but she shook her head again. “Boxers too.” 

“No, not happening,” he said. 

“Rafa, take the damn shorts off. I’ve seen it all before,” she said, but he shook his head. 

“Absolutely not,” he said lowly. “I refuse.” 

“Rafael, don’t make me take them off for you,” Liv said. 

“That would be assault,” he hissed, grabbing for the gown and slipping his arms in. 

“You are such a pain in the ass,” Liv said, and he sat down with a huff on the exam table. 

“I draw the line at my underwear,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. His biceps bulged comically in the little gown. 

“What about the socks,” Liv said. 

“Then my feet will be cold,” he whined, “And this floor is disgusting.” Liv rolled her eyes, reaching around him to tie the gown in the back so he would have a little more privacy. 

“You better take all that off when he asks you to,” Liv said. 

“What’s he gonna do? Feel me up,” Rafael grumbled. 

“He has to examine you and make sure everything is okay,” Liv said, and Rafael didn’t respond. “Raf, honey,” she said softly when she saw how tense he was. “Are you alright?” 

“How much is he actually going to touch me?” He whispered. Liv ran her fingers through his hair, trying to help him relax. 

“Rafa, he’s just going to make sure you’re healthy. I’ll sit right here with you,” Liv said. 

“Hold my hand?” He whispered, and she immediately took his large hand between her own. 

“The whole time,” she promised. 

“Could they have given me anything smaller to wear?” He whispered, and she laughed softly. 

“If you can get through this, I promise we’ll use the handcuffs,” Liv whispered, and he nodded. She needed to keep him calm because she could tell he was getting agitated. When Dr. Cooper knocked again, Rafael twitched uncomfortably on the table. The doctor palpated his abdomen, and Rafael was silent the whole time, eyes shut. He looked over Rafael’s back and at his feet. He tested his reflexes next, and Liv was trying to keep a hand on her boyfriend at all times. He was relaxing more when he could feel her. 

“Okay Rafael, I need to do an examination of your genitals. I assume you’re sexually active?” he asked, and Rafael nodded. “Do you use protection?” he asked. 

“Sometimes,” Rafael whispered. 

“Are either of you with multiple partners?” he asked, and Rafael shook his head. “Alright, I need your boxers off. It’s up to you if Olivia stays in the room.” Rafael hesitantly climbed off the table, and Liv could see how much he was shaking. He reached under the gown, dropping his boxer shorts to the floor and stepping out of them. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, but when Dr. Cooper approached him, he took a step back. 

“Rafa, do you want me here with you?” Liv asked softly, and he nodded, grabbing for her hand. 

“I just need to ensure you have no testicular abnormalities. It’ll take only a second,” the doctor said gently, trying to reassure him. “Take a moment, deep breaths, and tell me when you’re ready.” Rafael was beet red, worse than when he was flushed in bed, chest heaving. Liv had never seen his blush grow so dark. She squeezed his hand, and he turned his head so he could rest it against her. 

“Okay,” He whispered, squeezing his eyes closed. Dr. Cooper was true to his word, stepping back after a few moments and taking the gloves off. 

“Alright, back on the table. A nurse is going to take your blood quick, and then I need to do a prostate exam. After that, we’re going to talk about your bond,” he said. Rafael blanched, going very white, and Liv steered him into a chair before he collapsed. 

“Are you going to do a full pelvic exam?” He asked softly, and Liv could hear the tremor in his voice. 

“I’m going to take a look, but I’ll keep it really short. I promise. Have you had one before?” Dr. Cooper asked. Rafael didn’t really answer. Liv rubbed his back gently. “Alright, try to relax, I’ll be back shortly.” 

“Babe,” Liv whispered. “Are you okay?” He didn’t answer her either. “Rafa, what was that about the pelvic exam? Is something bothering you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he whispered forcefully. 

“Rafa,” she said, sounding worried. She tried to look him in the eyes, but he refused to meet her gaze. 

“Just hold my hand. It’ll be fine,” he muttered. 

“Okay, okay,” Liv whispered, helping him back up on the table. He laid back, and she intertwined their fingers, stroking her free hand down his arm. She hated how tense he was. His breathing had picked up slightly, but she noticed. “I’m right here,” she whispered. “I’m not going anywhere.” A knock on the door interrupted her, and she looked up to see one of the nurses come in. 

“Can you clench your hand into a fist for me “ she asked, rubbing an alcohol wipe over his skin. He winced when she pressed the needle in, but the vial filled quickly, and it didn’t take long for them to finish with the blood work. They gave him ten minutes to get himself together then with a glass of apple juice so he wouldn’t be dizzy. Liv sat with him, but he was silent, shaking and pale. 

“Liv,” he finally whispered, and she looked at him. “Don’t leave me alone in here with him.” 

“I won’t, sweetheart, I promise,” Liv said. She could see his eyes filling with tears when the door opened. Liv squeezed his hand again, leaning over to try and keep his attention. “Just look at me,” Liv said gently. “Talk to me.” 

“Okay Rafael,” Dr. Cooper said gently, washing his hands and putting gloves on. “I’m going to have you turn over onto your side and tuck your right leg up by your chest. I’m going drape a sheet over you, and I’ll warn you before I do anything. Okay?” he explained. Rafael was barely holding in a sob as he turned onto his side, and Liv focused his eyes on her. She gently stroked his cheek, trying to relax him, and some of the tension did leave his muscles. 

“When you come home, I’ll give you a back rub, and then you can have your prize. It’s going to be a good night, and all this will be the furthest thing from your mind,” Liv whispered, holding his hands. 

“I’m going to do the prostate exam first. It’ll be one finger, and I’m just going to make sure there are no abnormalities. Just some light pressure,” Dr. Cooper said. “If you’re uncomfortable or need to stop, just say the word.” He grimaced, squeezing Liv’s hand, and she hushed him, stroking some hair back from her face. She imagined it was the unfamiliarity with the doctor that was bothering him, but she was getting a bad feeling. She knew to trust her gut, and something felt wrong. “Almost done,” he said, and Rafael closed his eyes. 

“I’m right here, Rafa,” she whispered. “It’s okay. You’re doing so well.” 

“Alright, all done. Relax for a second,” the doctor said. “Have you ever been pregnant, Rafael?” 

“No,” he whispered, his voice distorted by tears. 

“Okay in a second, I’m just going to use a speculum. It’ll take a few minutes. It shouldn’t hurt. Minor discomfort at most. I need to just make sure everything looks normal,” Dr. Cooper said gently. Rafael swallowed heavily, and Liv was desperate to distract him. She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his forehead. 

“Liv,” he whispered. “I’m scared.” 

“Don’t be,” she whispered. “You’re doing so well. It’s almost over. I’m here with you.” She whispered to him until it was finally over, and he was allowed to sit up again. His chest was heaving, his breathing a little shallower than she liked, but he hadn’t lost his grip completely. He was still hanging on. “Okay, it’s over. You did it Rafa,” Liv said. Tears were dripping down his cheeks, and the doctor left the room to give them a few moments of privacy. Liv got him a tissue, but he pressed his face against her shirt instead. She ran her hand through his hair and down his back, holding him close until he calmed himself down. “Are you okay?” she whispered, and he sniffled, nodding. “Okay, Rafa. I think you should just come home with me after this. You’ve had a hard day.” 

“I can’t,” he murmured. “I have things that I need to get done.” 

“They can’t wait a day or two?” Liv asked, and he shook his head. “Okay. I’ll wait up for you. You’re getting that back rub I promised and your prize.” 

“Can’t wait,” he whispered, but he didn’t look happy or excited like she might have hoped. He looked beaten down. She rubbed his back some more, but he wasn’t perking up. He wiped at his face when there was a knock on the door, and the doctor stepped back in. 

“Okay, you can feel free to redress yourself Rafael. A nurse is going to come in and hook you up to a machine that reads your vital signs really quick,” he said. Rafael nodded, and Liv helped him to get back into his clothes. He looked a little better once he was dressed, but he was not letting go of her hand, and he flinched when the nurse touched him. Once he was all hooked up, he looked at Liv miserably. 

“I want to leave,” he whispered. 

“I know,” Liv said. “As soon as I can, I will get you right out of here.” The nurse wrote down the numbers before turning to Liv. 

“The doctor wants to talk to you in the hallway for a few moments,” she said, and Rafael’s eyes went wide. 

“He can’t come in here?” Liv asked. “Rafael is having a lot of--” 

“It needs to be in the hallway,” the nurse interrupted, and Liv sighed. Rafael clutched at her hand as she walked away, and she stopped. 

“I’ll be right back,” she said softly. 

“Liv,” he whimpered, but he did let her go. 

“Right back,” she said before slipping out of the room completely. Dr. Cooper was waiting in the hallway or her, and she approached him. “Please make this quick. He’s really having a lot of anxiety.” 

“I actually need you to stay out here for fifteen minutes. We’re testing your bond,” the doctor said. “I need to see how he reacts under stress when he’s separated from you.” Liv didn’t like it one bit. 

“He’s already had such a tough day. I don’t know if he can take this,” Liv said. 

“The nurse is monitoring him. He’ll be fine,” Dr. Cooper said. “If he starts to get too upset, we’ll let you in the room.” Liv hated being away from him, and she could literally feel his distress. They made her fill out a survey about how she was feeling, and Dr. Cooper kept asking her odd questions. Finally, he let her back in, and Rafael was curled in on himself, drenched in sweat, and whimpering. 

“You said you were coming right back,” he sobbed when she managed to get his attention. 

“I know,” Liv whispered. “I know. I’m sorry.” She turned toward the doctor with a glare. “You don’t consider this too much?” she hissed, pulling him close. He was clutching at her, pressing his face against her neck. He was shaking in her arms, and she was ready to deck everyone involved. She rocked him softly, trying to calm him down, and eventually he managed to stop breathing heavily. He looked like a zombie afterward, and she had to take a moment to compose herself before she completely lost her temper. She sat with a hand in the middle of his back. 

“I know that was not easy for either of you,” the doctor said. “It was a necessary test though. I needed to observe your bond so that I can better understand what we’re dealing with. The truth is, surface bonds are very rare. I’ve pulled research and read it, but there’s only so much that we know. Each bond tends to be unique just as regular bonds are. I have never seen or heard of such a strong surface bond. The two of you are deeply connected. Rafael was not functioning very well when he was separated from you. He became distressed, his vitals skyrocketed, he was delirious at a few points. You could feel his emotions strongly, and he was repeating phrases that you said in the hallway. This is all very concerning to me.” 

“What does that mean?” Liv asked, grabbing for Rafael’s hand. 

“We don’t know,” the doctor said. “If he was separated from you for a prolonged period of time or if there was stress on your relationship, it could be catastrophic to his health. He could slip into a coma or even die.” Liv felt like she had been doused with a bucket of ice water. She had only been gone fifteen minutes, and he was falling apart. She hadn’t realized the bond was so fragile, especially when he was stressed. “The bottom line is, it’s unstable. The safest option is for the two of you to bond. That would relieve the symptoms after the initial post bonding phase, and he would be absolutely fine after a year. Obviously though, if you aren’t outed, that’s not a feasible option at the moment.” 

“It would be impossible,” Rafael whispered, and Liv wished he wouldn’t say that. She wanted to bond with him more than anything, and she understood his hesitance, but it still hurt. 

“You need to monitor him very closely. If you’re away, you need to talk on the phone, video chat, do things to help him relieve any anxiety he may get. Stress and separation are a recipe for disaster. I’m going to prescribe him some Xanax to help with his anxiety. He can take it as needed, following the directions on the bottle. Until you can bond, you are both going to have to be vigilant about this because otherwise, Rafael might end up in the hospital, and none of us want that,” Dr. Cooper said. Liv swallowed heavily, feeling stressed out herself. She shook the doctor’s hand before ushering Rafael out of the office. He was shivering in the cab, and she cursed softly. She wished she could drape him in her jacket, but they needed to get into his office. She hated to let go of his hand, but she had to when they stepped out on the sidewalk beside his office building. He followed closely behind her, and when they made it to his office, Carmen eyed him oddly. Liv guided him inside the office and to the couch where he could sit down. He was still trembling slightly, so she took his hand into her own. 

“Are you sure you can’t come home?” she asked, and he nodded. “Promise me you’ll call if you need me.” 

“I promise Liv,” he said. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. 

“I’ll be waiting for you at home. I love you,” she said. He smiled. 

“Love you too,” he whispered, leaning over for a real kiss, and she gave him a quick one. She hated to leave him alone, but that’s what he seemed to want, so she squeezed his hand one last time before heading back out ot her car. 

………………….

Rafael felt shaky when he arrived at the bar. He was on time though, and he was trying to get a grip on himself. His boss, Tony, noticed he wasn’t looking well almost right away. “Hey, Rafael, are you okay?” he asked, and Rafael swallowed heavily. 

“I’m good,” he said softly. “Nothing that means I can’t do my job.” 

“Alright buddy,” he said, clapping the lawyer on the back. Rafael got right to work. He couldn’t afford to lose this job, so he wasn’t going to show any weakness. He turned his phone on airplane mode, washing his hands and getting started behind the bar. He was doing fairly well on his own for the first time, keeping up with the rush.

He was in the middle of his shift, making drinks when he noticed someone took a seat at the bar. He reached under the bar for a napkin when he looked up at saw Olivia glaring at him. His heart dropped. His mind was racing. He could see how angry she was. “Cabernet?” he asked, mostly out of nervousness, and his eyes went wide, realizing that he probably wasn’t helping himself. “On the house,” he added lamely. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Liv asked softly, and he swallowed, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Give me a second,” he said, panicking as he realized he had other people he needed to take care of, and he needed to talk to Liv. He needed to somehow explain this to her. He started to try and make a drink, but he about spilled it all over himself, and he felt tears starting to prick his eyes. “Liv, wait,” he said, praying that she wouldn’t just get up and leave. “Just--I need to--” he took a breath, trying to calm himself. He needed to find Tony. He spotted his boss in the back, and he headed back there, poking his head in the office. 

“Do you need some help out there, Rafael? You’ve been doing a great job,” he said. 

“Actually, I hate to ask you this,” he started to say, tears building up in his eyes. “I need fifteen minutes. You can take it off my break later or dock my pay. Whatever, but I really just need fifteen minutes to step outside. It’s this personal thing and I--” 

“Woah, breathe. Go, take your fifteen minutes. It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll have someone cover you, and it’ll be fine,” Tony said. “Go.” 

“Thank you,” Rafael whispered, heading back out. Liv was glaring when he made it out to her, and he felt absolutely miserable. “Let’s go,” he said. “We can talk outside.” Liv stood up, following him. As soon as they were out the door, she leveled him with a murderous look, and he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He twitched nervously, rubbing his hands on his apron to wick the sweat away. 

“What the hell is going on?” Liv said, her voice tight with fury. 

“I--” She held up a finger, cutting him off. 

“I was bringing you dinner at the office, and you weren’t there,” she said softly. “So I thought that something happened to you. I tracked your damn phone Rafael, and I find you here, bartending.” 

“I needed the extra money,” he said miserably. 

“I cannot believe you would hide this from me instead of telling me you need help. I’m going to let you explain yourself eventually, but the lying is completely unacceptable. You better expect serious consequences when you get home tonight,” she hissed, and he nodded, too scared to even respond. He felt tears starting to fill his eyes again, a sense of dread coiling up at the pit of his stomach. The tears were hot and tacky as they ran down his cheeks, and he started to feel like he couldn't breathe. 

“Liv, I’m sorry. I’m--I’m so sorry. I don’t know--I fuck everything up,” he whispered, covering his face with his hands, but she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close, and he clung to her, afraid she would slip out of his arms and his life if he let go. 

“Breathe,” she whispered, her voice much softer. “I’m not going anywhere. Deep breaths.” 

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t deserve you. Everything is so ruined. I ruined it all.” 

“No, no,” Liv said. “I’m not happy with you, but I’m not going anywhere Rafa, just calm down a little bit.” 

“I can’t come home yet. I have to work, and if I don’t, I’m dead,” he whispered. “I got myself all tangled up in this horrible situation, and I didn’t mean to lie, I didn’t mean to Liv.” 

“Okay, alright. You need to calm down, Rafael. You’re overreacting honey. I’m upset, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to be there when you get home. I’m going to be waiting for you. We will talk, we’ll work it out. I love you.” Liv was trying to reassure him, but he was so angry with himself. “Shh, take a deep breath. Calm down. Deep breathing. I’m here.” He nodded against her shirt, trying to calm down. She gently stroked her hand over his hair, guiding his face against her neck so he could calm down faster. “That’s it, breathe in and out.” 

“Liv,” he whispered. 

“Hon, it’s okay. I’ll be there when you get home. We’ll talk more then. Go back inside, finish up, but I expect you at home immediately. Understood?” she asked. 

“Yes ma’am,’ he whispered. Liv wiped a few tears from his face.

“Good boy,” she whispered, smoothing his hair down. Liv shooed him back inside, and he had to pull himself together enough to work. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through the rest of his shift, but he knew he had to try. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter is pretty intense. It also contains some discussion about a past assault.

Rafael swallowed heavily. He had just finished his shift, and he would have lost it if Liv hadn’t sent him a few texts.  _ I still love you. I’ll be right here when you get home. We’ll talk then. Have a good shift.  _

He felt uneasy and upset, but he had a grip on himself. He didn’t want Liv thinking he was trying to get out of the punishment. He was trying to put on a brave face and take his punishment like a good boy. He wanted to be Liv’s good boy, and he had never felt that way before. When he made it to the apartment, he had to take a moment to collect himself before he went inside. Liv was waiting on the couch, and he hung his coat up, waiting for her instructions. 

“Pour me a glass of wine,” she said, and he nodded, heading to the kitchen to do as she asked. He was back quickly, and she took the glass, practically ignoring him for a moment as she sipped it. She looked him over for a second, and he tried to hide the tension in his muscles, the emotions that were surely evident deep in his green eyes. “Let’s get a shower,” Liv said softly, taking his hand, and he followed her without argument. She stripped him, waiting until the water warmed up to get them both under the spray. Liv pulled his wet skin against her own, and he shut his eyes, loving the closeness. Liv leaned down by his ear, holding him as the water washed over them both. “I love you,” she whispered. “No matter what, I love you.” He was comforted by her words, shutting his eyes to ward off the tears, and she swayed with him in her arms. He couldn’t help but relax against her completely. His body was limp in her arms, and that was just the way she wanted him. She rubbed soothing circles on his back. 

He felt like a puddle of mush when they got out of the shower, and Liv wrapped him up in a towel, drying him off. He felt his stomach clenching with nerves, trying not to get himself too worked up before his punishment. He knew it would go better if he could relax. Liv kissed him which helped him to relax his body. She didn’t indulge him much though, steering him into the bedroom so they could start. Liv got him sitting on the bed, a towel wrapped around his waist. He felt vulnerable and exposed when Liv sat on the bed, dressed in a pair of shorts and a ratty tee shirt. “You’re going to tell me what happened.” Her voice left no room for argument. 

“I lied,” he said softly, eyes glued to his lap. He couldn’t meet her gaze. He was so ashamed of himself. “I know I lied, and I shouldn’t have, but I needed the money, Liv. I’m in so deep. I was embarrassed, and I didn’t want to put you in the middle of everything. It was the easiest way to make the money up, and I am so sorry I lied. I know I deserve to be punished, so I accept whatever you think I deserve. I love you. I’m so sorry, and I won’t let it happen again.”

“Rafa, look at me,” Liv said, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze. She reached for his face, tipping his chin up so he would look her in the eyes. “Thank you for accepting your guilt in this situation. I am very disappointed in you though. Rafa, you know you can come to me and trust me, and because you won’t, I don’t think you deserve to sit comfortably for a few days,” Liv said softly. “Take the towel off. I think you deserve 25 this time, do you think that’s fair?” Rafael swallowed heavily, dropping the towel and nodding. “Because you’re going to count each one, and if you forget, we’re going to start over.” Liv motioned for him to lay over her lap. “Are you okay?” She whispered, and he nodded. “You know your colors.” 

“Green,” He whispered, laying his head down on the bed and fisting his hands in the sheets. Liv rubbed a hand over his bare ass, squeezing a meaty handful and making him squirm. 

“You’re so gorgeous like this,” Liv whispered. “You know I hate having to punish you.” His eyes were squeezed shut as he braced himself. He let out a little yelp when her hand came in contact with his ass, leaving a nice red mark. 

“One,” he whispered. Liv ran her hand over the warm skin, soothing him softly. The next smack came unexpectedly, and he gasped, his hips jerking slightly. She could already feel him hardening against her leg. “Two,” he said. 

“Don’t you dare come,” she whispered, fingers brushing over the damp curls at the nape of his neck. 

“Yes ma’am,” he whispered, his chest heaving already. She hit him again at the top of his thigh, and he sucked in a sharp breath. “Three.” The next five were spread out, and he took them well, counting each one quietly, but when he said number nine, she could hear the emotions in his voice. When the dam broke, he started sobbing. Liv ran a hand over his lower back, waiting, but he wasn’t stopping. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “Have you had enough? Maybe we should stop.” 

“Green,” He whispered. “Keep going. I deserve it.” 

“Are you okay?” She asked gently. 

“Yes,” he said. “I’m just sorry, Liv, God, I’m so sorry.” 

“I know you are baby, it’s going to be okay,” Liv whispered. 

“Keep going,” he said, and she nodded. He yelped when her hand landed on an already dark red area. She was paying a little too much attention to his left side, so she moved away from there for the next few smacks. “Fifteen,” he whispered, and she took a break, rubbing his back and his bright red ass. His body was quaking with sobs, and she wanted to give him a chance to calm down adequately before she did any more. 

“You’re doing so well sweetie, breathe,” Liv murmured. She rubbed his leg and shushed him until he stopped hyperventilating. “Alright, I’m going to do ten more now. Color?” 

“Green, Liv, green,” he said softly. She started with a light smack on his still pale, upper left thigh. “Sixteen.” He was hiccuping slightly which made it hard for her to hold herself together. She hated hearing him cry like that. She was holding back a little bit on the next few, but he noticed. “Liv, don’t go easy on me,” he whispered. She sighed and landed a hard one on his right cheek, and he cried out loudly. “Twenty.” The last five were hard, and he was crying again by the end, but she was so proud of him for making it through. He was flushed red and sweating, tears rolling down his cheeks, and she pulled him into her arms so he could calm down. His face was pressed against her neck, and she ran her fingers through his soft hair. 

“You were such a good boy Rafa, you took that so well,” she whispered, and she could feel his tears on her skin. “You’re forgiven, and it’s all over.” 

“You’re not going anywhere?” He mumbled, his voice watery. 

“I’m staying right here with you,” she promised. “I love you.” 

“I—I love you too,” He whispered. “Will you…” he trailed off, but she knew what he was going to ask for. 

“You’re not getting me tonight,” she whispered. “But I can’t resist seeing you writhe around like a worm on a hook until you come, so I’m going to get the handcuffs you asked for, and I have a surprise.” 

“A surprise?” He whispered, and she wondered if he’d had enough, but she wanted to see how he would react. If he was asking for her, she knew he wanted the intimacy, but he certainly wasn’t done for the night then. Her handcuffs were in the drawer at the bedside table. She wanted to get a padded pair so she wouldn’t hurt his wrists, but he had only asked for them earlier that day. She made a mental note to order a pair with a safety release and everything. She set them on the bed before reaching under it for the locked box she had purchased for his toys. She had bought a few new things she wanted to try on him, but she went for the dildo he had picked out when she was shopping. When he saw it, his eyes went wide, pupils consuming the green, and he swallowed. “That’s like 3 sizes bigger than what I pointed to,” he whispered. He was exaggerating, of course, but it was a bigger size of what he picked. She had taken some liberty there. She had no doubt in her mind that he could take it with a little extra lube and some hard work. 

“I know you can take this for me, Rafa,” she whispered. “And you’re going to look so beautiful doing it. You want to try?” She was stroking her hand over his belly, and he swallowed again, thinking about it. 

“Yes,” he finally whispered. He was already hardening again, and she smiled. 

“Remember your colors, and you just tell me if it’s too much,” Liv said softly, and he nodded. “Let’s find a comfortable way for you to lay on your back.” It took some maneuvering, but she put him on his back, pillows supporting him in different places to prop his hips up. She gently secured his hands to the head board, careful to keep the cuffs loose enough to give him room to move a little bit. She dug around in the drawer for the lube, coating her fingers first. She stroked one finger tip over his entrance, coaxing him to relax and open up for her. She let him rest his legs over her shoulders to take some of the strain off of his hamstrings. She kissed his lower belly as she worked, trailing her way down to his cock, and he gasped at the feeling of hot air blowing across his heated skin. She gently pressed one finger inside of him and then two to spread the lube around, but she didn’t stretch him almost at all. It was a punishment after all. She picked up the purple silicone, covering it in lube, and Rafael was straining to watch her every move. “Is this okay?” she asked softly, meeting his eyes. “You aren’t getting anymore prep.” 

“Green,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and scratchy. Liv nodded, rubbing generous amounts of the clear, slick liquid over the toy until she was satisfied. She pushed Rafael’s thigh up, bending it so his knee was touching his chest, and he was already at full mast. He planted the other foot on the bed, bracing himself. Liv pressed the silicone against him, pressing just slightly, and he let out an involuntary noise that was somewhere between a grunt and a moan. “Fuck,” he whispered as she rubbed the slick toy over his entrance, just pushing in a little bit at a time before pulling it back out. His hips were jerking futilely, trying to get her to stop teasing, but she couldn’t resist toying with him a little. “Liv,” he moaned. “Please, come on.” 

“You hush,” she said immediately, and he swallowed, his arms straining against the cuffs. He was already leaking all over himself, and she smiled at him. His face a flushed red, his eyes fluttering shut. She gave him a little more, and he let out a noise from deep in his chest. He could feel each millimeter  of the cool toy slip inside of him, and it felt huge. It was thick and endless, and he knew he probably had only taken an inch or two. The stretching sensation burned, but it also sent jolts of warmth to his dick. He gasped when Liv stopped, twisting the toy around before pulling it back out. 

“Jesus,” he whispered, his chest heaving with the exertion. She starting pushing it inside of him again, just as slow as the time before, and he swore. He tensed, flexing his leg to push his hips up, but that pulled on his arms. He could hear the chain rattling against the wood as Liv kept easing it inside of him, inch after inch, and he felt flushed, like he could barely breathe. The mix of pain and pleasure was overloading his senses, and he could hear his own voice, but it sounded like it was coming from someone else’s body. 

“You’re doing so well,” Liv whispered, rubbing a hand over his damp skin. “You’ve almost taken a fourth of it. You’re doing so well Rafa.” He felt like there had to be so much inside of him, but he wasn’t nearly done. He hadn’t even made it through half. It was the thickness that was making it such a challenge. It was long, but it wasn’t impossible. It was so wide though, and he felt like he was split open. His cock was twitching and dripping with every miniscule movement, and he was trying not to explode all over his stomach before Liv gave him permission. “How do you feel?” Liv asked softly. 

“So full,” he mumbled. “Jesus, Liv.” 

“Color?” she asked. 

“Green,” he said immediately. He twitched when he felt her finger tracing around his swollen rim. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” she whispered. “You’re taking this so, so well.” She pushed it in a little bit more, and he could barely breathe. 

“It’s so-- _ uhhn _ \--Liv, it’s so much,” Rafael groaned, back arching. He was pinned, at at her mercy, and while he would usually feel an intense sense of panic in that vulnerable situation, he found that he trusted Liv unconditionally. He knew she would let him out. He knew she would never hurt him. He hadn’t ever trusted another person so much in his life, and it had been a long time since he trusted anyone even a fraction of how much he trusted Liv. “Jesus,” he mumbled. Liv pressed it forward again, and he let out a choked noise, pressing his hips forward to try and take more. He misjudged, and had to stop when it was too much all at once. Liv held it still, waiting for him to recover. Her hand was gentle as it wrapped around his erection, pumping to make sure he stayed hard through the pain. 

“Woah there,” Liv whispered. “You need to take it easy, babe. You’re going to hurt yourself.” She waited until he stopped grimacing, easing another half inch inside of him, and he practically sobbed as part of it dragged over his prostate. 

“Liv, Liv, I can’t,” he sobbed. “I need--I need to--” He couldn’t even finish his sentence. 

“Just a little more Raf. You’re almost to half. When you get there, you can come,” she said, and he nodded, bracing himself. He had to grit his teeth to try and hold back from the abyss of pleasure that was sucking him in. He was so, so close, and with each twist and inch of the toy spreading him wide open, he was having trouble holding on. “One more,” Liv whispered, pressing on it again, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay, you can come.” She barely wrapped her fingers around him, pressing the toy a little farther inside of him, making it drag against this prostate again, and he sobbed, painting the sheets and his stomach with white. He felt completely wrecked and taken apart. He hissed as Liv eased the toy out of him, and she unlocked the cuffs almost immediately, rubbing his wrists gently. He felt out of it. He had no idea what actually hurt or how he felt. Exhaustion was threatening to drag him down. Fighting to keep his eyes open, he saw Liv leaning over him, looking at him with love in her eyes. “I am so proud of you,” she whispered, stroking his face. “So proud. I know you’re tired. Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” The world quickly faded to black. 

………………..

Rafael had to blink the sleep away, feeling warm and safe with strong arms around his abdomen. He could feel Liv pressed up against his back, her hand stroking over his still damp skin. “Morning,” Liv whispered, and he swallowed heavily. His mouth felt thick like it was full of cotton balls. 

“Hi,” he said back. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked. 

“Like I’m going to pass out,” Rafael murmured. Liv started to move, probably to get water that she wanted to force down his throat, but he grabbed her. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, pressing her lips to his shoulder. It took him a moment to realize she had stripped at some point, and he reveled in the skin on skin contact. He still felt emotional from earlier, and he needed her to reassure him, to be there for him. “Here, you need to drink some water,” she said, and he sighed. There it was. It figured she would have some waiting for him. He took the glass, sipping at the cool liquid as he was told. “Does anything hurt?” she asked. 

“My ass,” he whispered with a snort. 

“Do you want some aloe?” Liv asked. 

“Not if you have to get up to get it,” he mumbled, turning over so he could press his face against her chest. She sighed softly, rubbing his back. 

“How are your arms?” she asked. 

“Sore,” he whispered. The lower half of his body felt like jelly. He didn’t feel like standing up would be an option for hours. Liv’s hand was heavy on the back of his neck, stroking over the skin and through his damp hair. 

“Liv,” he whispered, and he could feel her gaze, boring into the top of his head. He couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes though. He traced little shapes across her bare skin, over her stomach, calming himself. 

“What, Rafa?” she whispered. 

“I want to tell you something, but I need you to promise you won’t freak out,” he murmured, shutting his eyes. He didn’t feel like he could meet her gaze. She was quiet for a moment, her hand continuing to card through his thick locks. 

“I promise I won’t freak out,” she said softly. He took a deep breath. 

“You asked me earlier about why I was upset at the doctor’s office,” he said, trying to keep himself calm enough to talk about it. He had been thinking about that trust he was developing with Liv, and he wanted to show her evidence of it. He was going to trust her with something he hadn’t ever told anyone else. “I told you before that a lot of things have happened to me, and I’m not ready to talk about all of them, but I want to tell you one.” His eyes flicked to liv’s face, but she nodded at him, trying to encourage him to continue speaking. He took a deep breath before he said anymore. “When I was a teenager, I was assaulted by someone who could see my vulnerability. I was in a bad home, no parents to turn to, no support, and this person assaulted me and raped me.” Liv’s hold on him tightened. 

“Oh Rafa,” she whispered. “Honey.” 

“It was a long time ago. I was sixteen, but it still affects me some. I have dealt with a lot of my emotions, but I still have triggers, and I feel ashamed of myself,” he said. “He made me feel worthless, you--” He started to tear up. “You make me feel like I’m priceless, and I couldn’t ever repay you for that, Liv. I love you, and I trust you. I trust you with my life in a way that I’ve never felt before.” There was a long period of silence in the room, Olivia’s arms wrapped tight around him. She was kissing over his bare skin, holding him to her, and he just shut his eyes and breathed in Liv’s calming scent. She was enough to keep him so calm. 

“Have I ever triggered you?” she whispered, and he felt a rush of emotions. He knew she was worried now and needed reassurance. 

“Liv, I feel safe with you,” he said softly. “The one time something happened, I told you right away, and you stopped. It was fine. You always stop or ask me if I’m okay. I know I can trust you.” 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “I love you more than anything, and I never, ever want to hurt you.” 

“I know. I know you don’t, and we are always communicating. You won’t,” he promised. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she whispered. “I’ll listen. No judgements, Rafael.” He was silent for a few moments, still pressing his face against her bare skin. He couldn’t look her in the eyes. 

“I was sixteen,” he whispered. “I was an early bloomer, and I presented as an omega at fourteen, and my Dad was ashamed of me. I had to start seeing this doctor, but because we lived in the projects, we didn’t have insurance, so it was this shady clinic in the Bronx, and let’s just say he took a special interest in me.” Rafael went quiet then for a little bit, and Liv kept stroking her fingers through his hair. 

“Did it happen more than once?” Liv asked, and Rafael nodded. 

“The first time, I was in heat, and….” Rafael trailed off, tears filling his eyes. He hated crying like this. “I was just a kid. I fought him, Liv. I tried to get away, but I was so weak, and he knew how to manipulate me, to manipulate my body. Sometimes he would pretend that he was treating me, like he would tell me it was time for a ‘pelvic exam.’” 

“You can always tell me things like this. I’m very sorry that happened to you honey,” Liv whispered against his hair. “I love you more than anything.” 

“Thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you for loving me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“Loving you is easy,” Liv promised. 

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Rafael said. “He started charging me 5000 extra each month, and I was running out of money. I needed extra work. I didn’t want to get you involved, and I was ashamed.” 

“I can lend you some money,” Liv offered, but he tensed up. 

“No,” he said sharply. “No, if the police were involved, they would--Liv, you would be implicated. It’s not fair, but it’s life. I don’t want you involved. At all.” 

“Okay,” Liv said, rubbing his back. “Okay. When’s the next time you have to see him.” 

“Next week,” Rafael said. “I think I can get enough.” 

“Okay,” Liv whispered. “Can I get up now? I want to get you some aloe and maybe something to eat.” He sighed, but unhanded her. 

“Please be quick,” he whispered. “You almost killed me earlier. I want cuddles” She smiled, gazing at him ardently, love shining in her eyes. 

“You did so well,” she murmured. “You took half of it on your first try. You’re going to take all of it eventually.” He swallowed. He couldn’t even imagine managing to take the entire toy, but maybe if she prepped him a little more. “I’ll be right back.” Rafael laid in the bed, his face resting on Liv’s pillow as he waited for her to return. He was still tired, and if he let himself, he thought he could very easily fall back asleep. He wanted to stay up though. He wanted Liv to hold him. He felt the bed dip with her weight when she returned, and she ran a hand gently over his back. “Hold still.” He did as she said, hissing softly as the cool aloe came into contact with his sore ass. She rubbed it all over, paying special attention to the areas that made him suck in a sharp intake of breath. He felt her gently spread him, probably checking to make sure the toy hadn’t torn anything. He was confident it hadn’t even though it felt like it was splitting him open when it went in. He really didn’t have much pain, just a dull ache from the stretch. “Alright sweetheart, turn over,” Liv said, and he did as she said, flopping onto his back. Liv held out her hand, and he took whatever she had clutched there, opening his fist to find two pills. “Advil,” she said, handing him a cup of water. He took them. “Does it hurt too bad?” she asked, and he shook his head again. He knew she was worried about going too far and really hurting him. 

“Liv, I’m fine,” he said again. “Really, I’m alright. It could be worse.” She nodded, handing him a little bowl of food that he started to pick at. Liv climbed back in the bed, sliding up next to him, covering his skin with her own. He sighed contentedly. It was just under the surface, but any time she was away from him, he felt this buzzing discomfort that was somehow burrowed beneath his skin. It was like it was simmering, a warning. When she was with him, he felt this sweet pleasure, a joy that he felt no where else. Liv made him so happy. She kept him close, arms around him, and he relaxed. Her hands running over his bare skin sent tingles throughout his body. “Liv,” he whispered. “I want you.” There was a hint of a whine in his voice. 

“No,” Liv said softly. “Not tonight. You’ve had more than enough. I doubt you could stand if you wanted to.” 

“Liv,” he whined, pouting. 

“I’ll tell you what, maybe tomorrow,” she said. He sighed dramatically but nodded. “I think you should get some rest. I’m right here. I’ll be here when you wake up.” He didn’t let himself wonder about how that would be possible. Liv had been gone when he woke up a lot in the recent weeks. He trusted her instead, closing his eyes and letting sleep overtake him. 

…………………….

Rafael woke up, his skin throbbing. It was a hell of a lot worse than the night before, and he groaned softly, rolling over in the bed. He was on his stomach, but even the sheets against his bruised and sore skin hurt. He pulled the blanket off, getting himself out of bed, and he dug around for a pair of boxers. A loose pair. He was stepping into them when the door opened. “Rafa,” Liv said. “Get back in bed. I have something for you.” It was then that he noticed the time, and his eyes went wide. 

“I have to get to work,” he said. “I’m so late.” 

“Nope, get your ass back in that bed. I called us both off. It’s just us today,” Liv said, and he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. A day with only him and Olivia sounded amazing. He winced when he sat down, and Liv looked worried. 

“You did say I didn’t deserve to sit comfortably,” he offered, grimacing again when he scooted back on the bed. “I’ll be okay,” he whispered. “Really.” 

“You’re getting more aloe and Advil,” Liv whispered, and he wished he could soothe her worry. In a couple days, he would be as good as new. 

“Okay,” he whispered. After a moment, she revealed breakfast for him, and he took it, noticing the growling of his stomach. Liv climbed into bed beside him, pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. 

“Oh baby,” she whispered. 

“Liv, honey, it was supposed to hurt. That was kind of the point,” Rafael whispered, reaching for her hand. “Thanks for breakfast.” 

“You’re welcome,” she said, kissing over his hair again. 

“Jesus, can you get me that aloe though,” he whispered. He wished it didn’t hurt so much, only because Liv was worrying, but he wanted the cool soothing feeling of the aloe rubbed into his red, throbbing ass. Liv nodded, disappearing from the room. He turned over for her, and she eased the boxers down his thighs so she could rub it on his skin. 

“Rafa, I don’t know if we should--” 

“Stop, really, I’m okay. Like I said, it’s supposed to hurt a little. That’ll feel better by tonight,” he said. “I’m being a baby. I just like your hands on my ass.” His joke made her laugh a little bit, and and he sighed contentedly as her hands gently rubbed over his skin, soothing the inflammation. 

“You can have my hands on your ass all you want,” Liv finally whispered. He was still eating as she took care of him, and he smiled. He loved these lazy mornings that he never thought he could have. He felt so safe with Liv, so at home. Her scent was enough to make him a puddle of mush, and somehow, he didn’t mind it. “Rafa, honey, I didn’t say this last night, but I’m so proud of you for finding ways to make extra money. I was upset you lied, but you did really well getting a job. I am always proud of you.” He had to swallow the tears back. 

“Thank you, Liv,” he whispered. “I wish I could give you more. You give me everything.” 

“No, I don’t,” Liv said. “You give me enough.” 

“No, Liv, I don’t give you anything. You deserve someone who can bond with you. You deserve an omega who you can love in public. You have to hide because of me. You have to worry about me. I wish I wasn’t like this,” he whispered. 

“Rafael, I will tell you over and over again,” Liv said. “I will wait as long as you need. I love you. I will wait for you. I want you. I don’t want anyone else.” Liv kissed his temple when he turned over, pulling his boxers up as he went. He snuggled up against her, setting his empty plate aside, and Liv started kissing what skin was readily available. “I love you so much,” she murmured, making her way down the side of his neck. He leaned his head back, baring himself to her. “We will bond eventually,” she promised. “Eventually, things will get better, people won’t judge you as much, and I’ll kick their ass if they do.” He snorted softly, eyes fluttering shut as she scraped her teeth over his adam’s apple. Liv pushed his shoulders back until he was laying down. “You’re such a good boy,” she whispered. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” he whispered breathily as she pulled one of his nipples into her mouth. He hissed, arching into the attention, and she worked the other with her fingers. 

“Just relax,” she whispered. “I’m going to spoil you rotten.” 

“Jesus,” he muttered, getting comfortable on the bed. Liv left a few marks across his chest, hidden where no one but she would see, and he was shifting around every few seconds as she continued to tease him and leave open mouthed kisses down his abdomen. She paused just above his boxers before she took him into her mouth, clothing and all, and his hips jerked forward at he sudden stimulation. “Fuck, Liv,” he whispered. Finally, she pulled the underwear down his thighs, kissing his lower belly before paying his erection more attention. He gasped, hands fisting into the sheets. She was teasing him, leaving kisses up and down his shaft. 

“You’re so good for me,” Liv said.

“Liv,” he breathed, “Please.” She smiled at him, and she ran her hands over his thighs, easing her lips over him. 

“ _ Uhhhn _ , Liv, more,” he begged. She complied, taking most of his erection into her mouth and giving his balls some attention with her hand. He gasped, moaning softly as she started bobbing. She ran her hands over his hips, over his bare skin, and he slid his fingers into her hair. She pulled off with a pop, looking up at him with a soft smile. 

“What do you want most?” she asked softly. “Whatever you want.” 

“Liv, I need you,” he whispered. “Please.” 

“Okay, since you’ve been so good,” Liv said. “Turn over. Are you sure you aren’t too sore from last night?” 

“I’ll be fine,” he whispered, rolling onto his stomach. Liv put a pillow under his hips, and he used one to support his chest. Liv reached for the lube from the bedside drawer, using some just incase. She knew she had put him through the wringer the night before. She eased a finger inside of him, listening carefully for any signs of pain. There weren’t any. “I’m good, Liv, really.” She still eased a second finger in along with the first, giving him a chance to acclimate. He rocked into the languid strokes of her fingers. “Please.” Liv stroked his back soothingly, easing inside of him, and he let out a breath. He reached back, hand rubbing down Liv’s side. Liv wrapped an arm around his chest, keeping him close as she started a slow and rocking pace. He felt breathless, using a hand to push himself back into her movements as best he could. Liv was kissing his shoulder, whispering to him softly. 

“I love you,” she whispered softly, and he groaned, turning his flushed face for a kiss. She smiled, giving him kiss after kiss as he tipped his chin for more. Her motions were more of grind than a thrust, but he was moaning softly with each one. Liv kept rubbing her hands over his arms and down his strong biceps. “You’re such a good boy.” 

“Liv,” he whispered. 

“What?” she asked softly, kissing his damp skin again. 

“Can you--I want to look at you,” he said, and Liv nodded, gently easing back and pulling out.   
“Roll over,” Liv whispered, and he did as he was told, shoving the pillow under his hips once more. Liv pushed his thigh up so she could ease inside of him again, and he gasped. She was so close to him, it felt perfect. He could look into her soft brown eyes and lose himself. She was his rock. She grounded him in the present, away from all the bad memories, from all the trauma. With her, he was safe. He was so safe, and she wouldn’t ever hurt him. She was promising to love him forever even if he couldn’t give her everything she deserved. Late nights, in his bedroom, by himself, she was the kind of person he wished for. It had seemed so unattainable then, at time when he was only ever put down for being himself. Liv accepted all of him, the good and the bad. He could feel tears filling his eyes, and she wiped a few away with her thumb, intertwining their hands on the bed, and he leaned his face against her neck. “I love you,” she said again. 

“I love you too, Liv,” he murmured, feeling whole. 

………………………….

Rafael was sitting on the couch, foot tapping nervously as he waited for Liv. She was supposed to be home to go with him so he could pick up his pills, but she was still stuck at the office. He checked his phone, feeling nervous. He couldn’t be late or he would absolutely be dead. He was a couple hundred short of making his debt up, and he was already on edge about this exchange. He ran a nervous hand through his hair, feeling sick to his stomach. He wanted Liv. She would make him feel so much better. He pulled the envelope out of his pocket again, counting the money for a fourth time. He wanted to make sure it was all there. He was three hundred short, and he could feel his heart racing already. He had worked so hard for his tips, but somehow, it still wasn’t quite enough to make the difference up. 

He felt a lot better that everything was out in the open with Olivia. He hated lying to her or hiding anything. He could barely breathe. He needed to leave, and it didn’t look like Liv was going to be there in time to go with him. He checked his phone one more time, sending her a text.  _ I can’t be late. I have to go. I’ll see you in an hour at home. _ He waited a moment to see if she would respond but nothing came through. He stood up, collecting himself, slipping into his jacket and heading out to the street. He hailed a cab, his stomach clenching and turning as he rode to the shady part of town that he grew up in. Running his fingers through his hair, Rafael looked out the window at the beat down buildings until the car stopped a block away from the location he had received over text. He got out, feeling more nervous than ever before. He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking around before ducking in the alleyway. 

He was face to face with the tall man who was glaring. “You’re late,” he said simply, and Rafael bit his lip. 

“Traffic. Sorry,” he whispered. 

“Look at me,” the man said, and Rafael swallowed before meeting his eyes. “You better have all the money you owe me. I’ve been nothing if not generous with you.” Rafael swallowed heavily. 

“I’m three hundred short,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I got a second job. I can make it up next--” He stopped short when a strong hand grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back and shoving him up against the dirty brick wall. Rafael felt a little dazed, rough brick biting into his cheek. 

“You have some real nerve, Barba. I’ve cut you break after break,” he hissed. He reached down, hand resting on Rafael’s ass. “I can think of one way you can make it up to me. I’ll give you an extension. Your pretty alpha doesn’t have to know.” Rafael felt his stomach turning. He struggled against the strong hold. 

“No,” he whispered. 

“I won’t tell her if you don’t,” the man whispered, and his hot breath made Rafael feel ill. He could barely breathe, tears welling up in his eyes. His big hand reached around Rafael’s waist, reaching for his belt, but Rafael shoved back nearly dislodging his grip. His arm was bent in a horrible position, sending shots of pain throughout his body. “That was a mistake,” the man hissed, shoving Rafael’s face into the brick. It took a second blow before everything finally went black. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for implied sexual assault/mentions of sexual assault and some violence. Sorry this chapter is so short

Liv was sitting at her desk, wishing that this interrogation would end already. Rafael was waiting for her, and she knew he was anxious about the exchange. She had just gotten out of the room, switching places with Fin. She had a bad feeling, something inside of her that was screaming. Something was wrong. She was trying to hurry up and finish her work so she could get home, but she was having trouble focusing. She was signing some paperwork, but in the middle of scribbling her signature across the bottom of the page, she was hit with a dizzying wave of panic. Complete and utter panic. She scrambled for her phone, and the text message that appeared on her lock screen made her heart stop.  _ I can’t be late. I have to go. I’ll see you in an hour at home.  _

She hated herself for not making it home on time. It was later than she even realized, and he needed her. Collecting her things, Liv stood up, dialing Rafael’s number. She needed to talk to him and hear his voice. It rang for a few moments, but there was no answer. She had this horrible feeling like he was slipping from her fingers. He went without her, and now he was in danger. Liv felt sick to her stomach. She had failed him. She let him end up in this situation, and she was never going to forgive herself if he got hurt. Suddenly, she felt nothing, and that worried her even more. She couldn’t feel anything from Rafael at all. She had to put a hand on her desk to steady herself, her vision blurring as she tried not to panic. If she panicked, she wouldn’t be able to find him. She needed to save him. 

She knew there was limited time. The bond complicated things even more, and this was exactly what would put him at the most risk. She couldn’t just chase after him all by herself or she wouldn’t ever get him back. She needed back up, but that would require outing Rafael, something that she wasn’t willing to do to him. That would be a last resort. She needed at least one persons help though, so she peeked out into the squad room, glad to see Fin coming toward her office already. Fin was someone who she knew she could trust. She had known him long enough to have full confidence in the detective. When he poked his head in, she swallowed. “Come in and shut the door, Fin.” He stared at her for a second before doing as he was told. 

“I was just going to tell you the perp lawyered up,” he said. 

“Of course he did,” Liv said. “I’ll deal with that later. Sit down. I need your help.” 

“Liv--” 

“Sit,” she said, her eyes ablaze. Fin sat down. She paced for a second, but with each passing second, Rafael would be further away and in more danger. “Rafael is in trouble, and I need you to help me find him.” Fin stared at her for a second. 

“Let me get Nick and Amanda, I’m sure we can figure this out,” he said. 

“No,” Liv exclaimed. “Don’t get anyone. I need you to keep this a secret. Rafael is...look, he’s not….we’re together. He’s an omega.” Fin just looked back at her, his amusement obvious on his face, and she glared. “This isn’t funny.”

“It’s funny that you thought I didn’t know you and Barba have the hots for each other,” Fin replied. “It doesn’t take a genius to guess that he’d be the omega in that equation. I don’t take you as an AA kind of girl. I guess he coulda been a Beta.” 

“What? How would you know….” she started to ask. 

“Have you seen the way you look at him, Liv? Not to mention all the times you go, ‘Barba, my office.’ I don’t even want to know what you're doing in there,” Fin said. Liv stared at him for a second. “What, I’m just tellin’ you the truth.” She shook her head. 

“He left to get his pills. There’s this dealer who I’ve had a bad feeling about since the beginning, and I know something is wrong,” Liv said. “I can feel it. We have this weird not quite bond thing that I don’t have time to explain, but I know he’s in trouble. We need to find him.” 

“Let’s find him then,” Fin said, standing up. “Where do we start?” 

“I ran a check on this dealer awhile ago. I got some touch DNA off a baggie. I knew he was bad news,” Liv said. “I just need to find the information. I’m going to give you Rafael’s phone information. I want you to discretely have TARU trace his phone, as a favor. Don’t tell them why.” 

“Done,” Fin said, and Liv grabbed her keys. “Where are you going?”

“After I send you the information, I’m going to drive around and try to find this bastard,” Liv said. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” Fin asked, but Liv shook her head. 

“I’ve got it. You get on TARU for now,” she said. It didn’t take her long to find the file she put together on the dealer, and she sent the information to Fin before sprinting out to her car. She was trying to stay calm, to send Rafael calming vibes. She knew he could feel her emotions as well. It was hard to keep a handle on her emotions when she knew Rafael was a ticking time bomb. He could slip into a coma or die, and she had no idea how long she had until that would happen. Losing Rafael would tear her apart. He was the most important thing in her life, and she was determined to find him because she had no idea what she would do otherwise. 

……………………..

Rafael’s head hurt. It was a throbbing pain that was radiating to his temples. He felt sick to his stomach and shaky, and as he forced his eyes open, all he saw was black. His wrists were tightly bound, tucked behind his back. “Fuck,” he whispered, feeling dizzy and confused. He was cold, shivering actually, and he could feel his heart racing in his chest. He had to blink, his vision swimming, and he wanted to reach for his phone, but he didn’t feel like he could actually move. He groaned softly. He wanted Liv. He felt like he was going to fall apart at any second, and all he wanted was her arms around him. She would know what to say, what to do. He felt helpless and small, and he knew it was only going to get worse. He wished he might have fought harder, been smarter. 

He felt a horrible dread settle into the pit of his stomach when the car stopped. He blinked as light assaulted his vision, and then he saw him. The man stroked his cheek for a second. “You’re definitely a pretty one,” he breathed. “Come on.” He hauled Rafael out of the trunk, dragging him to a door of some sort of beat down house. He shoved the smaller man down the stairs roughly. “I’d hate to have to mess up your pretty face, so you better cooperate.” Rafael didn’t answer. He was trying to keep his mouth shut, to bide his time until he could get out. He needed to wait until Liv could come for him. He could feel her burning panic, but he also felt this strange calm, and he knew she was trying to keep herself together for his sake. He wanted to do the same, to tell her that he wasn’t half dead or injured yet, but he couldn’t calm himself down no matter how hard he tried. He was starting to feel weak, shakier as he walked. His breathing was picking up. The room the dealer pushed him into was a small square space, and it was empty. The man shoved him onto the floor, kneeling down beside him. He patted Rafael down, pulling his phone out and smashing it. 

Rafael shut his eyes and tried to get a handle on his swimming vision. He needed to stay alert and conscious as long as possible, and he wasn’t sure how much time he had. It was hard to stay calm when he felt hands pulling at his jeans. His eyes flew open, and he started to try and inch away, but he couldn’t move very well. The man rid him of his shoes, his jeans, and then he pulled out a knife, and Rafael’s eyes went wide. “Please,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

“Relax. I’m not going to cut you, yet,” he said softly, going for the zip ties around Rafael’s wrists instead. Then he took Rafael’s coat, leaving him in his boxers, socks, and one of Liv’s tee shirts that he had snatched. It smelled like her, and he sometimes wore it around the house. It didn’t fit him perfectly, riding up at the bottom, the fabric pulled tight across his chest, but it comforted him. “I’ll be back later,” the man said, and Rafael hated that he was simply grateful to still be in one piece, untouched. His face was bleeding though. He could feel the sticky, hot blood traveling down his cheeks. He was having trouble thinking clearly, his head feeling fuzzy. When the door shut and he was alone, he pulled his tee shirt up around his face so he could breathe in Liv’s scent. That was his only hope of staying temporarily calm. 

……………………

Liv was sitting in the squad room, her head buried in her hands. She could feel Rafael’s emotions. He was scared, terrified really. He was in pain, upset, alone, and she wanted to have him in her arms. She was trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. With each hour that he was gone, the chances of finding him in one piece decreased. 

“Liv, do you want some tea?” Amanda asked softly. Liv nodded. They hadn’t told Amanda what exactly was going on, but it had spilled that Rafael was kidnapped. Amanda knew they were close friends. She stood when she saw Fin come in the room. 

“Anything?” she asked. 

“Something happened to his phone. There’s no signal,” Fin said. “It’s either off or destroyed.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Liv whispered. “Fin, he’s really messed up right now. I can feel his panic. We have to find him.” 

“We’ll find him, Liv,” Fin said. 

“We have to look at all his known associates. We’re running out of time Fin,” Liv said, running a hand through her hair. 

“I’ll go take a look,” Fin said. Liv felt helpless and useless. She needed to have him back in her arms before the sun was up. When Rollins handed her a mug, she took it gratefully, sipping the warm liquid as she tried to figure out what to do next.

…………………

Rafael was shivering. He didn’t feel strong enough to stand anymore. He was curled up on the cold floor, trying desperately to calm himself down, but his heart was slamming in his chest, his breathing was rapid and heavy. He felt light headed and exhausted. He just wanted to close his eyes for the rest of eternity. He barely managed to blink when the door opened, and as he heard footsteps approaching him, he tried to inch away. “Not so fast pretty boy,” the man whispered, and Rafael whimpered. 

“Please, let me go. I’ll get you your money,” he whispered, his voice so soft, it was barely audible. 

“It’s too late for that,” the man said. “Besides, I want to have some fun. You have a little while until I get bored.” The man handed him something, but Rafael was too busy trying to blink the dizziness away to look at it. “Drink. I don’t want you dead yet.” It was probably water. Straining to sit up, Rafael needed help inching his way back against the wall. The water helped a little bit. He felt less like he was going to pass out. He leaned his head back against the wall as he started to sip from the bottle. 

“Oh God,” he breathed, blinking a few times. He needed to get out of there, but holding his head up felt like too much work. The next time he tried to drink, he spilled most of it all over his shirt. He was already cold, and getting wet wasn’t going to help him at all. He coughed softly, letting his head lull back against the wall. 

“You’re not going into heat already are you?” the guy asked. “You’ve missed maybe one dose. That’s impossible.” His rough hands made Rafael feel ill as he pressed one against the lawyer’s forehead. “You’re burning up. I’ll get you some tylenol. I don’t want to have to dump your body yet. Plus, I want to take my time with you.” All Rafael could do was let out a little sob. He brushed his fingers through Rafael’s hair before standing up. “I’ll be back, pretty boy.” 

…………………………

Liv grabbed her bullet proof jacket, and Fin looked at her. “We’re going to find him.” 

“I don’t know Fin. He’s fading,” she whispered. “He’s upset.” 

“Of course he’s upset,” Fin said. “He was kidnapped. We will find him. I’m going to make sure of it.” Liv nodded. “Come on, we have dirtbags to interrogate.” The whole car ride, Liv couldn’t stop wondering what was happening to Rafael right then. She needed to find him. If she didn’t find him quickly, there was no way to know what lasting effects he might have from their bond. When Fin pulled the car over, she took a deep breath, trying to banish all of that from her mind. She needed to find him, and she wasn’t going to accomplish that by worrying. Fin pointed the guy out to her, and she took him down with one solid punch to the face. Fin slapped cuffs on him, and they dragged him out of the building. Liv pushed him up against the wall. 

“What do you know about this man?” she asked lowly, shoving the picture into his face. 

………………………….

Rafael was slumped on the floor, his head feeling airy. He had the shirt pulled over his nose again, breathing in Liv. It was helping a little bit. He was curled in on himself, waiting for something to happen. He needed to hold on because he knew Liv was coming. She was going to save him. He had no idea how long he’d been in the little room, but it was getting harder and harder to stay awake. 

He jerked slightly when he heard the door open behind him. “Here’s your tylenol,” he said, but Rafael wasn’t going to be able to take it himself. He managed to roll over, but he was having trouble sitting up. The dealer put a hand under his shoulders, easing him up into a sitting position, and Rafael choked the pills down. He slumped back down when the dealer let go of him, laying on the floor. His stomach clenched when he felt hands on his back, rubbing over his shirt. “You don’t look like you’re going to give me too much trouble now,” he whispered. When his fingers hooked in Rafael’s boxers, the smaller man tried to inch away, but he was so weak. 

“No, please don’t do that,” he sobbed. 

“Shh, calm down,” the man whispered, pulling the shorts down Rafael’s thighs. The lawyer pressed his face into his elbow, smelling Liv’s scent and trying to think about anything else then what was happening.

…………………….

Liv had a shady looking man pressed up against a brick wall when she felt complete and utter despair coming from Rafael. It hit her so hard, she felt dizzy, stumbling back and grabbing for something to steady herself. “Liv, hey,” Fin said, and she had to swallow.

“Something’s really wrong,” she said, and then she yanked away from Fin, grabbing her gun and pressing it to the man’s head. “Where the fuck is he? Tell me right now or I’ll put a bullet in your head.” 

“Liv,” Fin said. 

“Shut up,” Liv hissed. She pressed the gun harder. “Tell me where he is.”

“Okay, okay Jesus,” the man said. 

………………………

When Liv kicked the door down, her heart broke. Rafael was curled up on his side in a little room, pressed against the wall like he was trying to protect himself. She went to his side immediately, kneeling down. She could barely breathe. She pulled him onto his back, “Rafa,” she whispered. “Oh baby, I’m right here. Are you okay? Wake up, please, open your eyes.” He didn’t move. She pressed two fingers against his neck, thankfully feeling the thudding of his heart beat against her fingers. It was faint, but it was there. His skin was hot, but he was naked from the waist down, his boxers laying in a pile on the other side of the room. Liv shed her jacket, laying it over his bare skin to cover him. “Fin, where are the paramedics?” she called. 

“En route. I found a rat,” he said, dragging in the asshole that had been occupying her thoughts since Rafael had disappeared. She pressed a kiss to Rafael’s temple before standing up and punching his captor square in the nose. 

“What the hell did you do to him?” She asked dangerously. 

“I might’ve roughed him up a little bit, but he passed out like that all on his own,” the man said, and Liv’s jaw clenched. 

“What did you do?” She hissed. He just glared right back at her. Liv punched him again and then another time. She was so angry, and each punch was satisfying. The crack of her knuckles connecting with his jaw made her feel far better than she expected. Fin let him drop to the ground, going outside to lead the paramedics in to Rafael, and Liv started kicking him in the stomach and in the groin. “Tell me what the hell you did.” He spit some blood on the floor, refusing to answer, and she knelt down beside him, grabbing his face and smashing his head into the concrete. “I will shoot you,” she growled, getting so close to his face that he would know she meant business. He still wasn’t answering, so she unholstered her gun, pressing it below his chin. 

“He’s a good fuck,” the man finally spat, and Liv saw red. She brought the pistol down on his face, dazing him. It had been a thought that crossed her mind when she saw Rafael, but now it was confirmed. She had let that happen to him. Her finger was curling around the trigger when Fin’s voice interrupted. 

“Liv, drop the gun,” he said. “Liv, really, don’t. Drop it. Rafael needs you. I’ll take this slug and shove him in the back of the car. You stay with Rafael.” It took all her self control to pull the gun away from the man’s face. Fin pulled her back, grabbing the man, and Liv returned to Rafael’s side as the paramedics began to look him over. He was still laying there, his eyes closed, and Liv’s heart was breaking. His face was bloodied, a gash on his forehead, and he looked small and weak. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “I’m right here.” His eyes fluttered open, giving her a flash of green hope, but they shut almost immediately, and all she could do was squeeze his hand and follow as they wheeled him out. 

She had to tell them he was an omega so they would understand the surface bond issue. They thankfully allowed her to call Dr. Cooper and he took over as Rafael’s doctor as soon as they reached the hospital. Liv was crying in the waiting room while they were examining him, but thankfully they didn’t keep them apart for long. She practically burst into the room, but stopped short when she saw the handcuffs that kept him hooked to the bed. He was still unconscious, laying there in a little hospital gown, his face cleaned up. “You should sit with him,” Dr. Cooper said. “There’s enough room on the bed. We’ll get a bigger one so you can lay with him more comfortably.” 

“Is he going to be okay?” she asked softly, going to his side, stroking his face. 

“It’s too early to tell,” Dr. Cooper said. “Get in the bed with him. Hold him. He needs you.” Liv nodded, tears filling her eyes as she carefully climbed in the bed. 

“Why the hell is he shackled?” she asked, sliding in beside him and pulling him close so he would be right in her arms. 

“They did that right after I stabilized him,” Dr. Cooper said. 

“He hasn’t done anything wrong,” Liv whispered. “Please get me whoever is responsible for this because it’s unacceptable.” He nodded. Liv focused on Rafael then, stroking her hand through his hair and down his back. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much. Please, you have to pull through this Rafael. I’m right here. It’s all okay now.” There was an IV in his arm, and he looked pale and weak. His body was limp and unmoving except for the soft rise and fall of his chest. 

It wasn’t long until an officer made his way into the room, and Liv sat up, keeping a protective hand on Rafael. “You have five seconds to explain to me why the hell he’s handcuffed before I call your captain.” 

“He broke the law ma’am,” the young man said. “He’s under arrest.” 

“Under arrest my ass, do you know who I am?” she said menacingly. “I have friends who could end your career.” 

“Are you threatening me?” he asked. “I’m sorry, but Mr. Barba is under arrest for falsifying his documents. Take it up with the DA.” 

“Oh, trust me, I will. I’ll take care of you too. Get out of my sight,” she said, glaring. She went back to murmuring to Rafael, trying to comfort him as she laid there. She needed him to pull through. Liv couldn’t imagine how he was feeling. She was trying to prepare for when he woke up because he had to wake up. She wasn’t sure how she could possibly go on if he didn’t. Her life was forever changed by his presence. She hadn’t ever loved someone so much in her whole life. She leaned down to breathe in his scent. She didn’t need it the same way he did, but it was still a comfort to her. He smelled amazing, sweet and enticing. She loved being in his apartment because it smelled like him. They spent most of their time at hers because Rafael needed it. When she wasn’t around, it soothed his anxiety. The bond had over complicated everything for them. Rafael was struggling to be independent, and she knew he hated it. He put up with it though because he loved her. “When you wake up, everything is going to be okay,” she promised, sniffling. She was crying, and she couldn’t stop, warm tears dripping down her cheeks and into his hair. “Look Rafa, you can’t die on me because you just showed up, and I only want you. I don’t want anyone else. You hear me? You’re my one and only.” She ran her fingers through his soft hair, holding his head against her chest, and the tears kept falling faster. “You can’t die.” 

“Liv.” The voice was soft, and when she looked up, she saw Fin standing there, Nick and Amanda behind him. 

“How is he?” Amanda asked, and Liv’s eyes filled with tears. 

“They don’t know,” she whispered, kissing the top of his head again. She didn’t care if they saw. 

“They had to cuff him?” Fin asked softly. Liv tried to hold her tears back, and she nodded. 

“He’s going to be so upset,” she said. 

“Is there anything….is there anything we can do?” Amanda asked. Liv just shrugged, continuing to cradle Rafael in her arms. 

“Liv,” Fin said. “Maybe you should go home, get some dinner. It’s been a long day. You didn’t sleep last night.” 

“No,” she said. “I’m not leaving him. He needs me right now.” 

“Can I bring you some dinner?” Fin asked, and she nodded. She wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, but she hadn’t eaten anything all day. Nick and Fin left the room, and then it was just her and Amanda. 

“How long have you two uh….how long have you been together?” Amanda asked. 

“It feels like forever,” Liv whispered. “Since before the Mehcad Carter case.” 

“You know I didn’t mean those jokes, I didn’t know. I never would have said that in front of him if I had,” Amanda said softly. 

“I know you didn’t,” Liv said. “He knew you didn’t mean it.” 

“He’s a good ADA, it shouldn’t matter,” Amanda said. 

“He can’t go to jail, Amanda. He has too many enemies,” Liv whispered. “Grudges. Protective custody only helps so much.” 

“We’ll figure it out, Liv, he doesn’t deserve to go to jail. People have to see that,” Amanda said. 

“I don’t know that anyone sees it,” Liv whispered, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his hair. 

“We’ll do everything we can,” Amanda said, and Liv nodded, tears falling from her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit longer. I'm loving all the comments you guys are leaving for me, and I really, really appreciate it. They keep me motivated to post more sooner! :) Enjoy!

Fin stayed in the room with her for hours, bringing her dinner before she finally told him to go home and get some sleep. She hadn’t left Rafael’s bed once. She couldn’t bear to let him out of her sight. The doctors told her his vitals were stronger when she was with him. She just kept stroking her fingers through his hair and whispering softly to him. He kept breathing softly, eyes closed. 

“I got you something,” Liv whispered, hands running over his shirt, resting over his heart to assure herself that he was still there. He was still alive. “I was going to give it to you last night, but uh--I couldn’t. I love you so much.” She was trying to hold back another wave of tears. “Oh Rafa, I’m going to fix this mess. Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” She had to press her face against his hair again, trying not to lose her tight grip on her emotions. “I got you a necklace, something to remind you that I’m going to wait as long as it takes. I’m going to wait for you because you’re all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t care how long you need.” 

It was quiet then, Liv holding him close until there was a soft knock on the door. She looked up, and she was glad to see George standing there. She had called him earlier, knowing they would need the support. Rafael’s job and future were both in question not to mention his health. “How is he?” George asked softly, and Liv had to take a calming breath. 

“Unconscious. They don’t know,” she said. 

“It’s good you’re with him,” he said, coming into the room. He was looking at the handcuffs, a grimace on his face. 

“They cuffed him as soon as he got here,” Liv whispered. 

“He’s going to need a lot of love and support when he wakes up,” George said softly. 

“I know,” Liv whispered. 

“You’ll need to bond if he’s going to end up in prison. He won’t make it in there if he’s away from you,” George said. “I can make sure that happens if there are any issues.” 

“Thank you, George,” Liv whispered. “I don’t know how we’re going to get through this.”

“Just love him and reassure him. That’s the best you can do right now,” George said. Liv nodded. 

“I just hope that’s enough,” she said. “And I can’t deal with him in prison. I’ll worry about him every moment of every day. Protective custody won’t do anything. I’ve had suspects killed in protective custody. He’s already been through enough.” 

“You can’t think like that Olivia,” George said. “Look, I’ve been in his position before. It’s terrifying. He’s going to need you to promise him it will be okay or he won’t make it through this. His world is falling apart. You’re his rock.” Liv nodded, wiping at her eyes. 

“Rafa,” she whispered, “Oh baby. My poor, sweet man.” 

“Here, let me get you some coffee or something,” George offered. 

……………………………

“So he might not wake up?” Liv asked softly, terrified that the answer might be yes. 

“We don’t know,” Dr. Cooper said. He had pulled Liv out of the room so they could talk about the next few days. George was keeping an eye on Rafael for her. “His body took a lot of stress, and he’s been comatose for about a day now. I’m not sure when he will wake up, and there’s a real chance he won’t wake up. Does he have any family? Technically, you can’t make his medical decisions if it would come to a point where he would need long term care or life support.”

“Will he be himself if he wakes up?” Liv asked. The doctor sighed. 

“It’s hard to say. His pulse was weak when you found him. He had head trauma. He could have lasting effects. We won’t know unless he wakes up,” Dr. Cooper said. Liv covered her face with her hand. 

“I’ll look at his phone. I think his Mom is still alive,” she said. 

“We’re doing everything we can,” Dr. Cooper said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “He will be very weak, probably won’t move very much or talk very much when he wakes up. I’m not sure how long that would last. He may be in pain. And I’m not sure how long it will take, but he will likely go into heat. He’s been off his suppressants for a few days now, and he won’t be able to get anything until you’re bonded.” 

“Don’t tell me he’s going to have to stay cuffed to that bed during his heat,” Liv whispered, praying that somehow he would be allowed out. 

“I can speak to the police,” Dr. Cooper said. “We have rooms where you could be with him if he’s not well enough to go home.” Liv rubbed her face tiredly, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m very sorry,” Dr. Cooper offered softly. Liv felt exhausted. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Rafael was supposed to be fine, to be at home, making her laugh like he did every day. His last heat had been a lot for him, and Liv had no idea if he could handle a similar experience at the moment. 

“Thank you for everything you’re doing,” she finally whispered, and he nodded, patting her on the shoulder before leaving. Liv sunk down into a chair, trying to figure out what she should do. 

…………………

Liv was back in the bed with Rafael, holding him close. It was the early hours of the morning, and George was typing something up on his computer in a chair in the corner. Liv couldn’t sleep. She was too worried about Rafael. Somehow, the adrenaline was still keeping her awake, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would crash. She was trying her best to keep her emotions in check, but it was so hard. She had called his mother a few hours before, and after and brief but awkward conversation, she had agreed to come visit in the morning. 

Liv stroked her fingers through his thick locks, shutting her eyes. “You have to wake up Rafa,” she whispered. “I love you so much. Please, please wake up. Everything will be okay, I promise.” She wasn’t sure she could keep that promise though. “I won’t let them take you away. I’m going to fix this. We’re going to be happy.” Her voice was so soft, whispered right by his ear. “Please, you have to wake up. Please, just say something, anything.” 

“Liv.” His voice was like the drop of a pin, and she almost missed it. Tears immediately overflowed, and she looked down to see him blinking tiredly. “Liv,” he whispered again, tears filling his own eyes, and she tangled her fingers in his dark hair, guiding his face against her neck. His breath was hitching as he pulled at the handcuffs, rattling them against the bed rail. 

“It’s okay now,” Liv said. “You’re safe. I’m here.” 

“Liv, he hurt me,” he sobbed. “And I—” He paused for a few moments before starting to talk again. “I—I’m going to jail.” 

“Shhh,” Liv whispered, noticing Huang rising to his feet and leaving the room to give them privacy. “He can’t hurt you anymore. I’m going to fix this. You won’t go to jail.” He stopped talking then, and she assumed it was from exhaustion. He just cried silently in her arms and she rubbed his chest, kissing the top of his head over his hair. He just kept crying and crying, and she tried to comfort him, but she was having trouble keeping herself from crying. He looked anguished, but his sobs were silent, his body shaking slightly every few seconds. “Honey, you’re safe now. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He didn’t answer, but he started to calm down a little bit. 

“Liv,” He whispered, but she could see how tired he was. 

“Shh, go to sleep, don’t talk,” she said. “I’ll be here in the morning. I promise, if you are arrested and convicted, we will bond before you go to prison. I’ll make sure of it. We will get through. I’ll visit you every single day. Nothing will happen to you.” 

“Liv,” he whispered again. 

“Rafa, hush honey. You can tell me later,” Liv said. 

“No,” he said, and she could hear how worked up he was getting. He was breathing heavily like talking was taxing, and she was sure that it was. “I’ll sleep, just—” He had to pause. “Please let me talk.” 

“Okay,” Liv finally agreed, and he groped around for her hand. 

“Not your fault,” he breathed, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her throat was stinging. “I--I don’t blame you.”  _ But I do. _ Liv was fighting with her own guilt. She felt responsible even if Rafael wasn’t going to hold her accountable. She should have been with him. He never should have been left alone, and now his entire life had been turned upside down because of her. “Do you hear me?” he gritted out. 

“Yes, yes, I hear you,” she promised. “I hear.” He finally calmed down, resting and she sat up. His eyes flew open, and he let out a little distressed noise. He weakly grabbed her wrist. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, reaching for her bag. “I got you something actually, and I want you to have it,” she said. Liv was sitting beside him on the bed now, and she reached down, stroking a hand over his tear stained cheek. She opened the box, tilting it so he could see inside. “I bought you this necklace. I love you so much, and I’m never going to stop.” Tears were shining in his eyes, and she kissed his forehead. “The inside of the ring says, ‘I’ll always choose you.’” He managed to squeeze her fingers before he lifted his head up wordlessly. She saw how much he was straining, so she scrambled to unhook the necklace and put it around his neck. He laid his head back down then, reaching his hand up to touch the ring that rested over his heart. He tilted his head toward her, and she watched him carefully. She was pretty sure she knew what he wanted, but she didn’t want to startle him. “I’m going to kiss you.” He nodded slightly, and she leaned down, brushing her lips against his. It was a soft, quick kiss, and when she pulled back, he let his eyes shut. 

There was a knock on the door, but Rafael had fallen asleep, his hand still clutched around the ring. “He’s awake?” Dr. Cooper asked softly, coming in the room. 

“He was,” Liv said. “He was talking to me. He’s exhausted though. I told him to go back to sleep.” 

“I’m just going to take a look at his vitals then,” Dr. Cooper said. “I’d like to do a full exam in the morning when he’s up. Have you talked to him about going into heat? Or if he wants contraceptives?”

“I’ll talk to him as soon as he wakes up,” Liv said. The doctor looked him over briefly, writing down a few numbers before he left, and Liv was alone with Rafael once more.

…………………….

Liv woke up in the morning to the sound of the handcuffs rattling against the metal bed railing. She sleepily looked over at Rafael who was curled up, staring forlornly at the handcuffs. “Liv,” He whispered. “Everything is ruined.” 

“Rafa, honey, it isn’t. I promise,” Liv said softly. His other hand was still clutching the necklace she bought him, and he looked defeated. 

“I’m going to jail, my career is trashed, I don’t deserve you,” he whispered. “He ruined me.” 

“I don’t ever want to hear you say that again,” Liv said softly, pulling him close. “It was not your fault. Do you hear me? It was not your fault, Rafael. I don’t care what he did. I know you didn’t want it, and it doesn’t change anything,” Liv said seriously. He was quiet then, shutting his eyes as he leaned his face against her. “We have to talk about a few things, okay?” She said gently, and he nodded. “You’ve been off suppressants for a few days. You’re going to go into heat soon.” He made a little noise of distress, shutting his eyes. 

“Liv, I want to bond,” he whispered, and she froze. It was what she had wanted to hear from his mouth for months, but now she didn’t know if she could take him seriously. She would not take advantage of his current vulnerability. 

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea right now, honey. I think we should wait a few weeks, make sure that’s still how you feel. You’ve been through a lot,” Liv whispered. “You won’t be back on suppressants until we bond, so we could wait a month. George will work everything out if for some reason you’ve been convicted.” 

“Liv, please,” He whispered. 

“Rafa, I want nothing more, but I need you to wait for me. One month,” Liv said. “Can you do that?” He finally nodded. “Alright, but that doesn’t mean we can’t share your heat. You have to tell me if that’s going to be okay. I don’t want to hurt you or make you panic.” 

“Liv, I need you to get me through this heat,” he whispered. “I need you to make me forget.” 

“Okay,” she whispered, kissing his forehead. “You’re going to have to communicate with me the whole time.” He nodded softly, and Liv ran a hand over his hair. “We have to talk about a few more things. They did a rape kit while you were unconscious. I sat with you the whole time, and I made sure it was done right. You need to decide if you’re okay with it being released to the police, and Dr. Cooper wants to know if you’d like contraceptives. You’ve been on antibiotics to prevent STDs.” Rafael’s face crumbled, and he pressed his face against her shirt. “I know, honey,” Liv murmured. He didn’t answer right away, but Liv didn’t push him. He needed time to process everything that was happening. He had been up intermittently during the night, crying, and she kept reminding him that he was safe now, but things were happening at such a fast pace. He was worrying about going to jail, his job, their relationship. She was going to make sure he had no doubts about their relationship. If that was the only stable part of his life, then she was going to make sure it didn’t falter. 

“I want the pills,” he finally said. “I’ll think about the rape kit.” 

“Alright, I’ll let them know,” Liv said. “Listen, I’m going to call the DA, and I will work all of this out.” 

“Don’t bother,” Rafael whispered. “It’ll be a waste of time.” Liv sighed, kissing his temple. 

“We’re going to figure this out Rafa, I won’t let them take you,” Liv said. 

“You can’t stop them, Liv,” he whispered. She wished he didn’t feel so trapped. It wasn’t fair to him. He didn’t deserve to go to jail when he had only helped people. Rafael wasn’t a criminal, he wasn’t a bad person, and he sure as hell hadn’t done anything that warranted going to prison. The unfair laws and the wrong way that everyone treated him drove him into a corner, and all he could do was pretend to be something else. He had sacrificed a love life, important parts of himself, and a lot of money in order to be treated the same as everyone else. 

“Rafael, this isn’t fair. You don’t deserve to go to prison. I’m not going to let it happen,” Liv said. 

“Whatever,” Rafael whispered. He was quiet after that, and it broke Liv’s heart to see him so upset. She stood up, untangling herself from him, and he reached for her. She sat back down, not wanting him to strain too much. “Don’t go.” 

“I’m not. I’m not, sorry,” Liv said. “I’m just going to get your water for you, and I thought you might want some breakfast.” 

“I’m not hungry,” he said. 

“You won’t eat anything?” Liv asked, reaching for his hand. 

“Liv, I’m not hungry,” he said more firmly. She sighed, running her fingers through her hair tiredly. She knew he was just upset and that was why he was being difficult. 

“Would you like me to pick you up some clothes to wear?” she finally asked softly. 

“Sure,” he whispered. He wouldn’t even look at her as he laid on his side, staring at the wall. Liv grabbed his glass of water from the table, bringing it over to him, and he drank a little bit, but he pushed it away after a moment. Liv took a seat in the chair beside his bed, trying to give him a little bit of space. 

“Would you like your phone?” she asked softly. 

“No,” he whispered. He pulled his blanket up more the best he could, looking miserable. They sat in silence until there was a knock on the door. Liv looked up before turning back to her phone, but she had to do a double take. The mayor was standing right at the door to the hospital room. 

“I’m here to speak to Mr. Barba if he has the time,” the man said, and Liv’s jaw practically dropped. Rafael looked up from where he was wallowing, and he pulled his blankets up a little bit. 

“Uh Mr. Mayor,” he said, running a nervous hand through his hair. He looked at the handcuff that was keeping Rafael chained to the bed. He poked his head out the door, waving at someone, and the young cop who had been guarding Rafael’s door all night came inside with a grimace on his face. Liv wasn’t sure what exactly was going on, but she had to stop herself from socking him right in the nose. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here, but I had some conversations with the DA and the PC. You have done so much good for this city, and even though you broke the law, you sure as hell didn’t hurt anyone. If anything, you’ve helped everyone. I told them if they chose to charge you, I would call the Governor, and you would be pardoned. He owes me a favor,” the mayor said. Liv couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face. It had seemed so hopeless, but now, he had a way out. 

“But-But why?” Rafael asked softly. 

“You don’t deserve to go to prison for an outdated law. It’s about time that we make some changes,” the mayor said. “Unlock him.” 

“I want your badge number,” Liv said, standing up as he took the cuff off of Rafael. “By the time I’m through with you, you’ll be working traffic duty. What precinct do you work?” 

“The Five Five,” he finally answered. 

“Oh, I know your Captain,” she said. “Sometimes being a Sergeant pays off. I think you owe him an apology.” 

“Liv,” Rafael said softly, laughing a little bit. “He was only doing his job.” 

“No,” she said, grabbing for his arm. His wrist was red and scraped from the metal. “Look at your arm. This is unacceptable.” 

“Liv,” he said again, but she was mad. She was mad he had been treated so awfully. 

“Expect a call into your Captain,” she said lowly, taking a good look at his badge. The young man’s eyes were blown wide as he left the room, and Liv turned to Rafael. “Oh, honey,” she said softly. “Your wrist. Does it hurt?” 

“Only a little,” he said softly. The more she looked at it, the worse it looked though, and she was wondering if he was going to need some medical attention. 

“I’m going to get Dr. Cooper,” she said, and he grabbed her hand. 

“Stay,” he said, his eyes pleading with her, so she finally stopped, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She raised the top up a little bit so he could lean against it more comfortably. He turned toward the Mayor then. “How can I ever thank you?” he asked. 

“Consider it a thank you for everything you did for my daughter. My wife was distraught when she heard you were arrested. I know you’re still recovering, so I won’t keep you long. I don’t want you to worry about your job. I need time, but you deserve to continue getting justice for the people of this city. I’m going to do everything I can, and when you’re feeling better, my wife and I would like to take you out to dinner. Both of you,” the mayor explained, and Rafael smiled. 

“Thank you,” he said, tearing up slightly. 

“No, thank you,” the mayor said, holding his hand out, and Rafael shook it. 

It was only when they were alone again that she noticed Fin had slipped into the room. “Wow Liv,” he said. “You really chewed that little shit out.” 

“Shut up, Fin,” she said. 

“Liv,” Rafael said after a second, and she looked at him. “I guess I wouldn’t mind some food.” That made her smile. 

“You can have whatever you want, honey,” Liv said. “Anything.” He hadn’t eaten anything real in days. 

“Get me something from Forlini’s?” he asked softly, and Liv smiled. 

“Sure,” she said. “I just need my jacket.” 

“Where are you going?” he asked, sounding panicked.

“I’m going to get your food, and the clothes you wanted,” Liv said. 

“No,” he said firmly. “You can’t leave.” 

“Fine then,” she said. “You can go home in an open backed gown.” He blushed, glaring at her, and she laughed a little bit. “I’m just kidding. Uh, Fin, do you think you could run out for me?” He nodded, agreeing to help. She gave Fin her card and sent him to get food and to pick up some clothes for Rafael. She sat down beside him again holding his hand, and when he looked up at her, he burst into tears. She pulled him close, cradling his face against her chest. “It’s over. You aren’t going to jail,” she promised, and he just sobbed harder. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“Don’t be,” Liv said. “You’re okay. It’s over. I’m right here.” He cried himself out, shaking against her until he was just hiccuping and straining to keep his eyes open. “It’s okay,” Liv said, pulled the blanket up more. “Get some sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“Liv,” he whispered, and she looked right at him so he knew she was listening. “I still want to bond.” 

“Okay,” she whispered, holding back tears of her own. “We will. One month.” 

“One month,” he repeated softly, his eyes already shut. She pressed her lips to his forehead, in awe that she’d come to love him so much, so quickly. 

……………………

Rafael had been feeling an awful, bone deep tiredness since he’d woken up in the hospital. It felt impossible to move, to talk, to stand up. He had pushed himself to talk to Liv. She was worth the strain, and when the Mayor had set him free, he had been hit like a truck with so many emotions, it was hard to process them all. Waking up felt like coming out of a heavy fog that was weighing him down. He could hear Liv talking somewhere in the room, but he couldn’t really answer. It felt like forever before he could finally open his eyes. They felt stuck together with some sort of gritty paste. The light was too bright, making his head hurt, and he groaned softly. “Rafa?” Now Liv was talking to him. He could see her blurry figure bending over his body as she checked on him. “Are you okay?” 

“Too bright,” he managed to grit out, his mouth feeling like it was full of cotton, tongue so thick, he could barely move it. It was almost as bad as the time he had accidentally eaten a cupcake that had pieces of coconut in it. His throat had swollen shut in almost no time, and his mother had begged until his father carried him to the hospital. 

“Here,” she whispered, and he felt something poking at his lips.  _ A straw _ , his tired brain told him. He opened  his mouth, sucking softly until cool water hit his lips, making him feel a little better. When he tried opening his eyes again, it was dimmer in the room, and he blinked a few times, clearing his vision until he could see Olivia. She cupped a hand over his cheek, looking at him lovingly. “Hey,” she said softly. 

“Hi,” he whispered, still feeling like he was half asleep.

“Do you want to sit up?” she asked softly, and he nodded. He heard a click and soft whirring sound before the head of the bed began to slowly rise. Liv pressed a kiss to his forehead once it stopped, and he tilted his chin up for a real kiss. He craved the safe, secure feeling that Liv always brought because he felt anything but safe. He felt tattered and ruined, and he knew it wasn’t his fault, but he couldn’t stop beating himself up for everything that went wrong. He felt tears pricking his eyes, and he tried desperately to hold them back, but a few managed to escape. “Hey,” she whispered, sitting on the bed as he sniffled. She wiped the tears away from his cheeks with her thumbs. “Rafa, oh honey, it’s okay. You’re safe now,” Liv said. “And if you need to talk about it, about anything, I’m here. You don’t have to, but I’m here when you’re ready.” He nodded, pulling at her so he could press his face against her shirt. She gently stroked her fingers through his hair. 

“Liv,” he whispered, on the verge of sobbing. 

“Honey, I’m right here,” Liv murmured. “It’s okay now. It’s going to be alright.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael whispered. 

“Don’t apologize,” Liv whispered. “Just let it out.” It took him a bit to calm down, clutching at her the whole time, and then he felt tired again. It seemed like everything was draining his energy. “Do you want some more water?” she asked. He nodded, letting her lift the straw to his lips. He felt better after drinking a little bit. “What would make you feel a little better?” Liv asked. 

“Will you hold me again?” he asked, and she nodded, moving to sit beside him on the other side of the bed where there was room. She pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him close. He turned over, resting his face against her shirt, and she rubbed his back, shushing him. “This isn’t how anything was supposed to happen.” 

“I know,” Liv whispered. 

“I guess we could have a family now,” he said. 

“Is that what you want?” Liv asked softly. She hadn’t pegged him as an omega who was interested in being pregnant or caring for children. He shrugged. 

“Why not,” he whispered bitterly. “My career is trashed.” 

“Don’t say that,” Liv whispered. “You heard the Mayor.” 

“Who cares. He won’t be able to get my job back, and even if he does, no one will ever respect me again. I’ll be laughed out of the courtroom. I might as well just go home, be a good omega, and give my mom some grandchildren. Maybe she’ll start talking to me again,” he whispered. His mother had dropped by for a little bit while he was still unconscious, and Liv hadn’t gotten around to telling him that she was going to be visiting again sometime soon. She wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.

“Rafael, even if you didn’t have a job, I would never expect you to have children or behave in a way that wasn’t true to yourself,” Liv said. “You could always get a different job. I would sign for whatever you want. I’m sure you could find something you like.” He shrugged again, shutting his eyes against her, and she just kept stroking her hand over the back of his head. “I know this is scary, but it isn’t necessarily the end of the world.” 

“It sure feels like it is,” he replied. “Liv, everything is fucked up. It’s all crumbling around me. There was no point in any of this. I’m only glad that I met you.” 

“Rafael, be quiet. You did a lot of good. Even if you can’t finish, you helped so many survivors. You changed people’s lives, including mine,” Liv said. She ran her fingers down his back, gently scratching, and he sighed. “I know this is hard, but you can’t just completely give up hope.” He was quiet for awhile, laying curled up in her arms. “Are you interested in having a family?” She asked softly. “For real?” She hadn’t ever asked him before because it hadn’t been a possibility then, but now, if he wanted to, they could. She wasn’t sure that he was still going to easily conceive, but they could always adopt, especially if he wasn’t interested in being pregnant. She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question. 

“I’ve never thought about it,” Rafael whispered. Liv didn’t say much, and he looked up at her. “Are you?” 

“Maybe,” she said softly. “I don’t want to push you into anything though. It’s okay if the answer is no.” 

“I might be interested,” he finally said. “Maybe with you.” 

Liv felt warmth spreading in her chest. It felt so special that he would consider that for her. Their relationship was like nothing she’d ever experienced. He was so selfless, so sweet, and she loved him with all her heart. She was about to respond when there was a knock on the door, and she looked up to see Dr. Cooper. 

“Hey, guys,” he said softly. “Sorry to interrupt. I need to check Rafael really quick.” 

“No problem,” Liv said, sitting up. Rafael looked to her unsurely, and Dr. Cooper picked up on it immediately. 

“We’re going to take this at your pace, Rafael. Liv can be right here with you the whole time, and if you need to take a break or something is too much, you just say the word, okay?” Dr. Cooper said. Rafael paused a second, but he eventually nodded. Liv sat up, giving Dr. Cooper room to look at her omega. Rafael was shaking a little bit, so she took his hand, squeezing it tight as the doctor came closer. “Is it okay if I feel your wrist?” Rafael nodded, offering up his uninjured one. 

“His other wrist was actually not looking very good from the handcuffs,” Liv said, and Dr. Cooper nodded. He wrote down a few things, taking out his stethoscope. 

“I’m just going to listen to your breathing really quick,” he said. Rafael flinched when the cool metal touched his skin under the gown. He hissed. “Sorry,” Dr. Cooper said, and Rafael nodded. He was so quiet, it was concerning her. “Okay deep breaths,” the doctor said. Rafael did as he was told. Dr. Cooper took his blood pressure and shined a light in his eyes. He made Rafael repeat words back to him and read lines of numbers forward and backward from a little booklet. Rafael did great, and Liv kept squeezing his hand and telling him how proud she was. He was tense and nervous, but he was holding himself together. “How are you feeling?” Dr. Cooper asked. 

“Tired,” Rafael whispered. “Really, really tired.” 

“Are you sleeping alright?” he asked. 

“I have nightmares,” Rafael admitted. 

“I can prescribe you something to help with sleep if you’d like. Are you interested in something like that?” Dr. Cooper asked. Rafael stared at him, eyes wide. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered, tears filling his eyes. He was toying with his blanket. 

“Okay, take your time, think about it. I know I mentioned a contraceptive to Olivia. Is that something you would like?” he asked. 

“Yes please,” Rafael said. 

“Alright, I want to draw some blood, just to check everything out, and I’m going to take a look at this wrist if it’s okay?” Dr. Cooper said. Rafael clenched his jaw, but he nodded. 

“Okay, let’s just take a quick look,” he said, and Rafael didn’t move. The doctor lifted his arm, inspecting the gash for a few moments. “Alright, this does look a little bit deeper than I’d like to see. I’m going to get some saline, we’ll wash it out and bandage it, and it’ll be good as new soon. How’s that sound?” he asked. Rafael twitched nervously. 

“Honey,” Liv said softly. 

“No,” Rafael whispered. “I--I don’t want--I don’t feel so well. Liv.” 

“Woah,” she whispered. “Let’s take a deep breath.” 

“He has the Xanax I prescribed?” Dr. Cooper asked, and Liv nodded. “Maybe he should take one. I’m going to get some supplies, and you take a little bit, try to relax some. A nurse will be in to take your blood and to give you the contraceptive. Okay?” Rafael didn’t really answer, so Liv nodded for him. She dug around in her purse for his pills, giving him one that he swallowed with a sip of water. He settled back against his pillow then, a look of despair on his face. 

“Rafa,” she whispered, but he couldn’t bear to turn and look at her. He was trying to get a hold on himself, on his panic. She took his hand into her own, and he shut his eyes, feeling tears welling up once more. “Hey, it’s okay. He’s just going to bandage your arm.” 

“I don’t want him to touch me,” Rafael bit, hand bunching up in the blankets surrounding him. 

“Rafael,” she whispered. “He’s not going to hurt you.” He clenched his jaw, and Liv sat closer to him, guiding his head against her shoulder. “Let’s try to calm down a little bit.” 

“Liv,” he whispered, a sob breaking through his voice once more. He could feel her body shaking against his own, and he reached for her, clutched at her really. “Why is this happening to me?” 

“I don’t know, Rafa. You don’t deserve this at all. I know it’s hard, but listen, Dr. Cooper is only here to help you,” she murmured. Her voice was distorted by tears just like his own. “If your wrist gets infected, you’re going to have more problems, and you’ll be stuck here longer. Let him wash it out and dress it, and I’ll be here the whole time.” He pressed his face against her shirt more, but he nodded. “I know you feel like everything is ruined, but I promise you it isn’t.” He didn’t respond. He could feel the medicine calming him down, the tension draining from his muscles, but he was done. He felt overloaded, overwhelmed. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he didn’t want to think anymore. He just wanted to lay in that bed and stare at the ceiling. He let himself settle against the pillows, his head still leaning on Liv’s shoulder, and he didn’t move. He just rode the rise and fall of her chest, one arm thrown across her. She gently ran her fingers through his hair, lightly scraping her nails against the back of his neck, and he let himself space out. He traced the patterns on the ceiling, eyes roaming over the tile, the curves and divots of the marks in the drywall. It was safe. He could feel the vibrations from deep in Liv’s chest, and he knew she was talking, but he had no idea if it was to him. He wasn’t listening. He was smelling her though. Her scent was one of the only comforting things he had anymore. He had his face pressed into her shirt, and he closed his eyes taking a deep breath, but then he felt like he couldn’t move, the cold floor syphoning the heat from his body. He was shivering, but there was a hot body pressed against his back, an insistent pain as he tried to ignore the hips rocking against him. Sweat stuck skin together, his face rocking into the ground with the force of the thrusts that jerked his body back and forth. “Rafael.” 

He blinked, the torturous images fading away as Liv’s face filled his vision. “What?” he asked, feeling out of breath, and he could see the worry in her eyes as she regarded him. 

“Your arm. I need you to turn onto your back, so the nurse can take your blood,” she said gently. He nodded, but she had to help him. He was feeling weak again. His strength was intermittent, coming and going. There were moments where he felt like he could surely stand on his own, but then an hour later, Liv had to push him onto his back because he couldn’t roll himself. The press of the needle drew a loud hiss from his lips, and Liv squeezed his fingers lightly. He blinked back the prick of tears. He was too tired to cry. His head was swimming as they handed him more pills. Liv helped him by holding the cup for him as he choked them down. He just wanted them to leave him alone. The only person he wanted to see was Liv. 

He shut his eyes in frustration when Dr. Cooper returned, but he didn’t even have the energy to complain. The Xanax was making him feel drowsy again, but he was fighting to stay awake. All he had been doing was sleeping. He felt the doctor reach for his hand, lifting it so he could take a look once more. Liv continued to try and comfort him, but it felt like every source of comfort had been stolen. He couldn’t even trust her scent to relax him without the threat of bad memories. He was fighting tears as saline washed over his wound. It stung like a bitch, but he bit his lip and took it. What was a little more pain. It was better than feeling simple despair. “Almost done,” Dr. Cooper said gently. It wasn’t long before his arm was bandaged up, and he was finally done. He swallowed heavily, and he could feel Liv’s gaze boring into the side of his head. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “Are you okay? You’re worrying me.” He wasn’t even close to okay. He felt like the memories of the assault were eating him from the inside out. They were all bottled up and threatening to explode. He shook his head, and words began tumbling from his mouth before he knew it. 

“I was on the ground in that little room, and I was so cold,” he whispered. “I couldn’t move, my head was spinning, but I knew you were coming to save me. I knew you would. I was so scared. I couldn’t stop feeling scared no matter how hard I tried.” He paused, groping around for a better grip on her hand. He needed to feel her. “He got me some tylenol because I had a fever, and then he just started pulling my boxers off, and I didn’t even fight him. He just pulled them down my legs, and I covered my face with your shirt. And when he pushed inside, it hurt, and I cried, but he spit, and I just cried more. All I could do was lay there and squirm around uselessly.” 

“Oh Raf,” Liv breathed. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get there in time.” 

“It’s not your fault,” he whispered. “I-I should have fought him harder.” 

“You had no control over your body, Rafael. It was not your fault,” Liv said. He shook his head a little bit. 

“It felt like forever, he was just pounding into me, dragging my face across the floor. He left me alone for a little bit, but then he came back. Eventually I passed out,” Rafael whispered. 

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Liv whispered. “You don’t deserve to have to deal with that. You’ve already been through enough. It’s over now, and I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He nodded, hiding his face against her shirt once more. “Do you want your food?” Liv asked. He grimaced as his stomach rumbled right on cue. “I’ll take that as a yes.” She was smiling at him when he looked up, and he forced his lips to curl up as well. He was trying for her. He whimpered slightly when she got out of his bed, leaving him alone. “I’ll be right back. I just need to warm up your food.” 

“Liv,” He whispered. 

“Five minutes,” she said, and he nodded, gripping the blanket so tight, his knuckles were a pale white. He felt airy as he laid there. He had no idea how long it had actually been since he ate anything, but it had been days. He needed to stay awake and try to get something down. When Liv finally came back, she set a warm container of pasta in front of him and he tried feebly to sit up. Liv raised the bed up to take the strain off of him. He felt exhausted, and even leaning forward to eat was taxing, but he did it for Liv. He knew she would worry if he didn’t at least try. He took one bite, and as soon as he swallowed, he started to realize he was starving. Liv had to slow him down as he started shoveling noodles into his mouth. “Woah, slow down a little. You’ll choke,” she whispered. “It’ll still be there in a couple minutes.” He glared, taking the time to actually chew his food. Liv smiled at him, rubbing his back again. “Do you want me to read you a book?” she asked, and he finally nodded as he continued to work on his dinner. Liv began reading to him from a book she must have gotten from his apartment, and he let himself be comforted by the sound of her voice. When he finished all of the pasta, he leaned back against his pillows, leaning into Liv who was still sitting next to him. She started running her fingers through his hair, and he was starting to feel more relaxed than he had been since he woke up. 

………………………….

Rafael jolted awake, his heart hammering in his chest. He felt like he could barely breathe. “Rafa?” Liv asked sleepily, sitting up in the dark room. “Are you okay?” His throat felt blocked, and he couldn’t answer. Liv sat up even more, and he tried to get a handle on himself.  _ Pinned to the floor, soft noises escaping his throat every few seconds. His arm was outstretched on the cement as he tried to find some purchase, some stability. His face kept scraping across the floor, and it was too exhausting to try and hold his head up the whole time. “Liv,” he sobbed softly. “Liv, I’m sorry.”  _

“Hey,” Liv whispered, getting his attention. “It’s okay now Rafa, you’re safe. I’m right here.” 

“Liv,” he whispered, and she rubbed his back. 

“Alright, let’s drink some water,” she said, and he nodded, letting her hand him his styrofoam cup. He sipped at the water, trying to calm down. “You’re okay now. It’s over.” 

“It’s over,” he whispered, trying to remember that he was safe. 

“Here, let’s watch something,” Liv suggested, grabbing the remote and turning the tv on. She pulled him close, his head resting against her shoulder as they watched something. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Thank you,” he whispered, and she nodded, kissing the top of his head. 

“Everything is going to be okay, I promise,” Liv said, and he tried to believe her. 

……………………

Rafael was sitting up in bed, eating the jello the nurse brought him. That was all he would touch from the hospital breakfast, and Liv promised she would have someone get him something soon. He felt exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night, and he was heavily considering the sleep medication that Dr. Cooper had offered him. He didn’t want to flashback to that little damp room every time he closed his eyes, especially not when he was so exhausted all the time. There was a knock on the door to his room, and he looked up, running his fingers through his unruly hair. 

“Uh, hi guys,” Amanda said, poking her head in the door. 

“Rollins,” Liv said with a smile. 

“Oh, Barba, you’re awake,” Amanda said, and he smiled, feeling tense. This had always been his worst nightmare. How would people treat him once they knew his secret? Amanda especially. She had always been the one who would make jokes. He knew she didn’t know, but it had always hurt him a little bit. 

“Yeah,” he said softly. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, coming closer to his bed. 

“Okay I guess,” Rafael whispered. 

“I’m glad to see the handcuffs are off,” Amanda said. 

“Us too,” Liv said, standing up. She reached for Rafael’s hand, and he could feel her questioning gaze. He squeezed her hand back to let her know he was alright. 

“Listen, Rafael,” Amanda said. “I owe you a huge apology.” He swallowed heavily. He was fighting with tears that were threatening to spill. “I shouldn’t have ever made those jokes, and if I had any idea, I wouldn’t have said any of that. I should have thought about what I was saying.” 

“Thank you, Amanda. That means a lot,” Rafael said softly. “I don’t have any drinks to offer you. Do you uh, do you want a bite of my jello?” He was trying to lighten the mood, and she laughed. 

“No, I’m okay. I think I can get my own green jello,” she said, and he smiled a little bit, glad to have acknowledged the elephant in the room. If Amanda could accept him for who he was, he wondered who else might. 

……………………………

Rafael was resting again, trying to catch up on his sleep when he heard some noise at the door. He groaned, blinking a few times before his vision cleared. George was standing there, talking to Liv. They heard him stirring, and Liv looked at him with a smile. “Hey,” she said softly. “I think it might be good if you talk to George for a little bit.” He wanted to go back to sleep. 

“I’m tired,” he whispered. 

“I know,” Liv said, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He leaned into her hand when she started to stroke his hair. “I’m going to head home, get you a bag packed with lots of clothes so you can change and be comfortable, and you stay here with George.” He grabbed her hand, his breathing picking up. 

“Liv, don’t leave, please,” he whispered. “I don’t think I can—please Liv.” 

“Raf, I’ll be back in an hour, maybe a half hour if traffic is good. You’ll be fine,” she said softly. 

“Liv,” he whispered, feeling tears filling his eyes. 

“Honey, shhh, I promise, it’s going to be alright; I’ll be right back,” Liv said. She pulled him closer for a hug, and he pressed his face against her, breathing in deeply so he could try to calm down a little bit. She rubbed a few circles across his back, and he felt some of the tension and panic seeping away. 

“One hour,” he finally relented, and she smiled, kissing his forehead. 

“Alright. Call if you need something. I’ll see you soon,” Liv said. 

“Will you get me a coffee?” he asked, and she sighed, thinking for a second. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” she replied. Then he was alone with George, and the uncomfortable buzz underneath his skin was back. He remembered how miserable he’d been in that little concrete room, and he was fighting flashbacks. 

“Hi Rafael,” George said, and he latched onto the psychiatrist’s calming voice, trying to relax himself. Talking was good. It would distract him from his misery. “How are you feeling?” 

“Very tired,” Rafael said. “Recovering has been a lot.” 

“I’m sure. You nearly died,” George said. 

“It all feels like a nightmare: him kidnapping me, assaulting me, and everyone knows now. I thought I was going to jail,” Rafael said. George looked at him sympathetically. 

“I’m sure that was not easy,” he said gently. Rafael shook his head. 

“It still feels like my life is over,” he whispered. “Liv thinks I’m being melodramatic. She won’t say it, but I can tell. I’m going to lose everything, my job. It’s been my life since I graduated. I don’t have hobbies or family. I have my job.” 

“Now you have Olivia,” George offered softly, and Rafael smiled. 

“Yeah, I do have Liv, and I couldn’t be more grateful for her,” he said. “It’s just, I don’t think it’s fair that they’re mutually exclusive. Being myself, living my life, can’t happen if I want to keep working.” 

“Have you asked?” George said, and Rafael shook his head. 

“I’m already on leave. They called Liv,” he whispered. 

“Listen, I know it’s tough to risk people not accepting you, but you don’t have to be afraid to be proud of who you are, Rafael,” George said. “You are Rafael whether you have your job or not. No one can take away all the good you were able to do. Now, I think it’s time for you to focus on yourself. Focus on being happy, and if you get to go back and continue to make a difference, then great, but if you can’t, that doesn’t mean you can’t find another thing that makes you happy. I work with young omegas because they often need some sort of counseling. That’s been my latest project on the side. You need to find something that makes you happy.” 

“I don’t know, George,” he said softly. “This sucks.” 

“Hopefully things will start to change,” George said. “But for now, this is your life. You can’t catastrophize, and you can’t lament what you don’t have. Be grateful that you’re going to be a free man with a wonderful partner, and hopefully your job will figure itself out.” Rafael nodded, trying not to feel sorry for himself, but he was terrified. Everything he’d ever known was being taken away from him, and he felt like his life was spiraling out of control. “I know this is hard.” 

“I’m really trying,” Rafael whispered. “I don’t want Liv to feel like she’s not enough, but everything is changing.” 

“Change isn’t always bad,” George said, and Rafael nodded, laying his head back. He knew George had a point. He couldn’t change what was happening. He needed to find a way to come to terms with any of the possible outcomes. It was so much harder in practice though. His job had been his life. That had been all he cared about for a very long time, and Liv’s presence in his life was fairly new in comparison. It was a hard adjustment to make, to losing the one thing he’d been focused on for so long. He was grateful to Liv for helping him through such a tough time. Without her, there would be no meaning. He wouldn’t want to go on. 

He was glad to see Liv when she returned, and thankfully, it felt like no time at all. She was carrying a little cup of what looked to be steaming coffee. He felt anticipation build up inside of him, craving the hot, rich taste of the dark roast he loved. He hoped Liv had taken the time to get him something of quality rather than the horrid, watery disgrace that they served in the hospital cafeteria. He had sampled more than his fair share while his father had been in the hospital right before his death. He wouldn’t complain either way. His body was craving the caffeine he’d been denied for days, and his head was throbbing dully. Liv handed it to him, and she opened her mouth to say something, but he was distracted by his prize. He lifted the cup to his lips, not even taking the time to let it cool off. He tipped it back, eyes fluttering shut as the warm liquid finally reached his mouth, and then they shot open again. He spit the coffee out almost immediately, sputtering slightly. “Are you trying to poison me!?” he exclaimed, and Liv looked shocked at his response. 

“They said not to give you caffeine. The best I could do was decaf. I didn’t realize you were going spit it all over the place,” Liv said, eyes wide.

“I’m not drinking this disgusting shit,” he whispered grumpily. 

“You are such a drama queen,” Liv said, rolling her eyes and taking the cup back, but she had a fond smile on her face.

“Thanks anyways,” he said softly, acknowledging that she did take the time to try and get him coffee. 

“Sure,” she said, leaning down for a quick kiss. He had to shut his eyes then, feeling the exhaustion creeping up on him once more. 

“Liv,” he mumbled, reaching blindly for her. 

“Shh, I’ll be there in a second,” she assured him, probably as she walked George out. He just wanted to feel her pressed up against his back, holding him tight so he could get some sleep. 

When the bed dipped, he let out a contented sigh, letting her pull him close and relaxing into her. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, it's late. I hope you guys like this. A little more angst, and also this does explore Rafa's heat so fair warning for that

“Rafa, honey.” Liv’s voice pulled him back into reality. He hated that he was still exhausted. He forced himself to open his eyes, trying to orient himself to his surroundings. He turned his head, finding Liv’s lips, and she chuckled, letting him have a kiss before directing his attention to the door. That was when he saw his Mom. 

Rafael felt like he had been doused with an ice cold bucket of water. He definitely wanted a stiff drink. “Rafi,” his mother said, a tense smile on her face. He swallowed, running his fingers through his hair as he sat up straight. 

“Hi,” he whispered. 

“You look better,” she said, and he wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that, but he forced a smile onto his face. 

“Thanks,” he said. He didn’t really know what to say to her. They hadn’t been talking on a regular basis in years. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” Rafael replied. “Tired. I’m trying to stay positive, but everything is messed up. Well...not everything.” He looked to Liv as he said the last part. 

“Well, what do you expect darling? I told you that pretending to be something you’re not was a recipe for disaster,” Lucia said, and Rafael sighed. 

“Mom, please, I can’t do this right now,” he whispered. He could feel Liv’s hand on his back, starting rub soft circles. 

“You did this to yourself. It’s time to face reality and accept that your role is at home. I don’t know where we went wrong with you,” she said, shaking her head. Rafael felt panic starting to overtake him. He was fragile, and her yelling at him wasn’t helping anything. He thought that maybe he was starting to come to terms with the possibility of losing his job, but apparently, he wasn’t as over it as he originally thought. 

“Mrs. Barba,” Liv said, and Rafael tried to focus on her, on anything to calm himself down. He knew she could feel how worked up he was getting. “Rafael is an adult. He can make his own decisions.” There was a bite to her voice. “If you can’t respect him, you can’t stay.” 

“I don’t know you. You might be his girlfriend right now, but I’m his mother,” Lucia said. “I don’t need your help during a conversation between my son and myself. Thank you.” Rafael could feel Liv’s temper flare. 

“You are  _ no _ mother,” Liv practically growled. “You have damaged him far more than most anyone in his life. He is the most amazing lawyer that I have ever worked with, and he deserves so much better than you. His  _ role _ is whatever he wants it to be. Get out. Now.” Rafael let Liv pull him close, running her fingers through his hair gently. “ _ Now. _ ” He figured she must have left when Liv started murmuring soft words to him. “It’s okay, Rafa. She’s so wrong. Don’t you ever think that you have to be anything that you don’t love.” He leaned his head against her, shutting his eyes and taking deep, deep breaths. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. 

“I love you,” Liv promised. “I love you so much.” 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Rafael said. He wished his mother didn’t have the ability to get under his skin so much. She had always been like that. She knew just how to cut him the deepest. His father hurt him with his fists, but his mother’s weapon of choice was words, and she hurled only the sharpest at her only son. Liv was like some sort of band aid. She held him together so he could heal. She comforted him and took the pain away for a little while. 

Liv was like a breath of fresh air. 

…………………..

Rafael was sweating. He was pulling his sweatshirt off when Liv came back in the room. “Hey,” she said. 

“What did Dr. Cooper say?” he asked softly, still struggling to pull the hoodie over his head. Liv laughed softly and helped him. 

“He wants to keep you another couple of days, at least. You’re barely walking,” Liv said softly. “Just work hard during physical therapy. I’ll be here with you, and you’ll be home in no time.” 

“Liv,” he groaned. “I want to go home. Please.” 

“Soon,” she said, leaning in to kiss his forehead. “How are you feeling?” she asked softly. 

“Sweaty,” Rafael replied. “And tired. My head is pound... _ shit _ . Liv, I will not stay here during my heat. It’s not happening. You take me home this minute.” 

“Hey, breathe,” Liv said softly, cupping his cheeks so she could look him in the eyes. “Alright. I’m going to go talk to Dr. Cooper. There are rooms here at the hospital. I’ll get anything you want from home. It’ll be fine.” 

“No,” he said, his eyes blowing wide. “Absolutely not. We’re going home. I don’t care if I have to drag myself.” 

“Rafael, you stay in this bed,” Liv said seriously. “I’ll get you home. I promise. Just give me a half hour.” He finally nodded, feeling harried and panicked. 

“If you don’t get me home, I’ll never forgive you,” he whispered. He knew that wasn’t true. There wasn’t anything he could think of that wasn’t forgivable when it came to Olivia. He could feel her staring at him before she went out the door. He started bunching his hands in the blankets nervously. He could barely breathe. He wasn’t sure how to feel. He hadn’t ever actually shared a heat with anyone before. Liv was going to see his inexperience all over again. He forked a nervous hand through his hair. He was so warm. He shucked the blankets off, pulling at the legs of his sweatpants. He already had sweat stains in his shirt. 

When Liv came back, she was carrying a stack of paperwork, and he looked at her pleadingly. “Please, Liv, we need to go.” 

“I know honey, I’m just going to fill this out. You still have some time. A few hours at least,” she said. He knew she was right, but he needed to be at home, in their bed. He needed Liv to hold him. He was restlessly laying in the bed, shifting around every few seconds. He was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable, and it seemed like the paperwork was endless. 

Finally, Liv started collecting his things, packing his bag up, and getting ready to take him home. When Dr. Cooper came in the room, Rafael was starting to feel dizzy. “Hey Rafael,” he said kindly. “I’m not going to argue with you about going home. Liv has already signed all the papers, but I need to discuss a few things with you. You have to take your medicine, every day. You have to go to physical therapy after your heat, and I expect you back here for a check up as well. Is that understood?” 

“Perfectly,” Rafael whispered. 

“Alright, I’m going to discharge you then. He is cleared for the heat, but I don’t want you doing anything strenuous otherwise,” Dr. Cooper said seriously. “Not unless you’re at physical therapy.” 

“I’ll make sure he behaves,” Liv said, throwing his bag over her shoulder. 

“I’m going to send a wheelchair with you. He needs to be careful. I don’t want him falling,” Dr. Cooper said. “A little bit of walking is fine, but he can’t overexert himself. Keep an eye on him, make sure he rests.” 

“No, I can walk,” Rafael said, but Liv shot him a look. 

“You’re getting in the chair,” she said, her voice serious enough to tell him she wasn’t going to budge. He glowered but didn’t argue. He just wanted to get back to the apartment. Liv helped him over into the chair, pushing him down towards the car, and he tried to ignore the people that were staring at him. He was sure they could smell him. Liv was there to protect him though, so he tried not to worry. He was glad when he could finally buckle himself into the front seat, and Liv tucked the wheelchair into the back of the car before getting in her side. He shut his eyes during the drive to the apartment, and Liv kept a hand on his leg, trying to comfort him. When they finally reached Liv’s building, he started to swing his legs out of the car, but Liv glared at him, so he sighed dramatically, waiting for her to come get him. He didn’t let her help him into the chair, and he made it without incident. As they went through the lobby, one of the neighbors regarded them for a moment, but didn’t say anything. He smiled at Rafael which was comforting. Rafael was grateful when they made it inside, and Liv let him shakily walk back to the bed with her help. He was easily fatigued, and he laid back against the pillows as Liv started to unpack his things. “How do you feel right now?” she asked him as she put the bag away in the closet. 

“Hot,” he whispered. 

“How do you feel about all of this?” Liv asked, watching him seriously, and he swallowed. 

“About my heat?” he asked, and Liv nodded. He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never shared a heat with anyone.” 

“Are you nervous?” Liv asked. “It’s okay if you are.” He nodded, and she rubbed a hand down his bicep. “We’ll figure this out together. Is there anything you don’t want during heat? I know its a completely different thing than normal.” 

“Can we just...take it easy?” he asked softly. “I don’t think I want to be restrained and no toys. I just want you.” Liv nodded, reaching for him. She kissed his temple, knowing some of his hesitancy was due to the assault. 

“Whatever you want honey. Just tell me if you need to stop or take a break, okay?” she asked, and he nodded. “I love you so much.” 

“Love you too,” he whispered. 

“Alright. I’m going to get a shower really quick. You rest up, and I’ll be back soon,” she said. Rafael nodded, pulling his shirt off so he wouldn’t feel so damp. He was feeling so hot, and his head was pounding so hard he could barely think. He wanted Liv. He rolled onto his side, groaning softly, pressing his cheek against his pillow. It felt like there was a fire blazing beneath his skin, and he knew Liv wanted to stop smelling like hospital. She had been at his side for days, no chance to get a shower, so he waited. He tried to wait. He could smell Liv on the sheets, her perfume, her scent, and he felt himself twitching in his sweats. Trying to hold on was so hard. In the end, it was an impossible feat. He wriggled out of his sweatpants and boxers, leaving them stretched across his thighs. The movements of his hand were frantic, fingers tightened around himself, but Liv’s hand on his shoulder startled him. “Hey,” she whispered. He felt the bed dip behind him, and he whimpered. 

“Liv.” It was all he could manage to say. 

“Shh,” Liv said softly. “I’m here. Let me.” She took his wrist, pulling his hand away from himself, and she replaced it with her own. “Is this okay?” she asked gently, and he nodded frantically as she slotted herself behind him. “Alright,” she murmured into his ear, and he couldn’t help bucking his hips into the tight grip of her hand. Pleasure was already tightly coiled inside of him, and he squeezed his eyes closed. 

“Liv,” he sobbed, and she hushed him again. 

“It’s okay Rafa, let go. It’s going to be fine,” Liv whispered. “I’m going to get you through this.” Liv’s hand felt so much better than his own, and he couldn’t help but moan over and over again until he burst, semen landing on his lower belly and Liv’s hand. His chest was heaving as he laid there, and Liv whispered soft endearments to him. “Good boy,” she whispered. “You’re so good.” It was almost too much for him, and he let out a tattered groan, cuddling into her. Liv stroked her fingers through his hair. “Alright, how are you feeling?” she asked softly, and he let out a ragged gasp. He rolled over, pressing his face against her chest, and she wrapped her arms around him, keeping him close. 

“Better,” he whispered. 

“Mmm, do you want a drink?” she asked, and he shook his head, so she continued to run her hands down his back and over his bare skin. 

“Take this off,” he whispered, tugging at her towel, and she smiled at him, letting go for a moment to do as he asked. She dropped it beside the bed, going for his sweatpants. She stripped them off of him, pulled the boxers down as well before pressing their bodies together. Rafael felt nice and limp against her, closing his eyes, and Liv kissed his shoulder, nuzzling her nose against his smooth skin. 

“Better?” she asked softly, and he nodded. “How about you get some sleep while you’re not burning up?” He shut his eyes, trying to do as he was told. He was fairly drowsy, so he let himself drift off in Liv’s arms. 

………………….

The sheets were sodden and sticking to his skin when he blinked, bright light assaulting his eyes. He could feel Liv’s legs still tangled up with his own, but she seemed to have given him some space otherwise. “I’m still here,” Liv whispered, like she could read his thoughts, and he rolled over, reaching for her. She rubbed his back, and he looked up at her through hooded eyes. 

“Please,” he whispered. “I really need you.” His body was trembling the warmth pooling inside of him until it was unbearable. 

“Okay,” she whispered. “Take it easy. On your back.” He let out a little wet sob, turning over and waiting for her. She kissed him first, and he strained into the contact. He craved her soft lips pressed against his own. He was so worked up, touch starved, and he needed her to cover his body and press him into the mattress. He pulled at her, arching up, and she smiled against his lips, laughing softly. “Are you okay down there?” she teased softly. 

“Please, Liv,” he whispered. She smiled and reached between them to take him into her hand. He sucked in a sharp breath, bucking up. “Fuck--I need you inside me.” 

“Okay, give me a second,” she whispered, grabbing for a pillow. She eased it under his hips, fingers brushing over his furled entrance. His stomach tightened, and he pushed himself toward the touch, but he couldn’t help the shot of nervousness that made his chest tighten. Liv pressed her finger inside of him slowly, watching him carefully, but he had to stop her. It was like torture to force the words out of his mouth, and all he ended up saying was, 

“Yellow.” It was soft, but Liv stopped immediately. He brought his hands up to scrub at his face, squirming around on the bed for a second. 

“What’s up?” Liv asked gently. 

“I just need a minute,” he whispered, and she nodded. 

“Okay, that’s alright,” her voice was very soothing, and he closed his eyes, grateful when she took his hands into her own. “Just breathe Rafa, it’s going to be okay.” His body was screaming at him, but his mind had halted it to a stop. After a few deep breaths though, he reached for Liv, pulling her close. 

“I need you,” he sobbed, and she kissed his forehead. 

“Are you sure?” she asked. He nodded, pulling her down for a kiss again and bracing himself. He needed Liv to make him forget, and if anyone could do it, it was her. She always made him feel so loved, and he knew she would stop if he asked. She was gentle as she eased a finger inside of him once more, and this time, the panic was a low buzz, a feeling he could fight. He shifted his hips, letting his thighs fall further apart so she could press in deeper. 

“Another,” he gasped, and Liv complied, stroking his thigh with her free hand. He could feel slick on the backs of his thighs, soaking through the sheets. Her fingers felt like they were touching every nerve in his body, and his hips started moving, craving friction inside of him. Liv was looking at him with love in her eyes, and his mouth fell open as he managed to get her fingers to drag across his prostate. 

“Feel good?” she asked softly, and he let out an overly loud moan. He couldn’t help that he was extra sensitive because of his heat. “Alright, I know,” she whispered when he sobbed softly. 

“Please Liv, I need you now,” he managed to whisper. She gently nudged his legs apart, and he wrapped them around her waist almost immediately. Liv’s smile was soft as she reached between them, and he felt the wet head of her cock nudging his entrance. He let out a shaky breath. 

“Are you okay?” Liv whispered, and he nodded, the pace of his breathing increasing. 

“Yeah, just--just please,” he begged, so she palmed his hip lovingly as she pressed forward, nice and slow, giving him time to adjust. One part of him was screaming for her to slam into him and fuck him until he couldn’t even remember his own name, but another part of him was terrified that he would have a breakdown. He needed her, his body was screaming for it, so he was trying to go slow and easy to ensure his mind wouldn’t get in the way, but it was so hard. For a second, he would enjoy himself, get lost in the feeling, in the emotions, but then his brain would catch up and assault him with disturbing memories, with feelings that made him sick to his stomach. 

“Rafa?” Liv’s voice pulled him back to the present, and he reached out to touch her as she finally sank the rest of the way inside of him. It felt so much better than anything before, and he threw his head back, letting out a noise from deep in his chest. 

“Oh Jesus,” he muttered. “Please move, please.” She started with shallow strokes, and he could barely breathe, the drag of her skin against his own shooting fire through his veins. 

Eventually, he was splayed out on his back, one leg hooked around her, the other pulled wide to give her full access, and he was on the verge of screaming as she fucked him. “Good?” She whispered, checking for at least the fifth time. 

“More,” he gasped. “Harder.” His blunt nails were surely digging into her skin as he tried to pull her closer, but she indulged him with messy kisses that grew in intensity. “Fuck, Liv, please, harder.” The pace was brutal, and usually, it would make Rafael feel like he was about to have a heart attack, but somehow it didn’t feel like nearly enough. Liv filling him up over and over again felt perfect, but he didn’t even want to know his own name. He needed her to force everything else from his mind. She shifted her grip on him, easing his hips up a little bit, and the new angle forced all the breath out of him. He gripped onto her, their skin slick with sweat as she pounded into him just the way he asked. She was brushing his prostate with every stroke, and he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t think. All he could do was hold on and let out guttural, instinctive noises, and it was perfect. 

Liv started to slow down a little bit, and he let out a whine. “No, no, please. Jesus, Liv, don’t stop,” he gasped desperately, but she leaned down, covering his lips with her own. 

“Rafa,” she whispered, her voice low and husky, deeper than he was used to. “I’m going to knot you. I didn’t think this would affect me so much the first time, but the smell is just--do you want me to pull out or….” she trailed off. 

“No,” he whispered. “Do it.” Liv fisted one hand in his hair, yanking him up for a kiss, and his eyes rolled back into his head. She picked up the pace again, and he was sobbing, his body on fire with pleasure. He could feel the telltale swelling of her knot as it gradually filled with blood, more and more with each push and pull of her hips. The stretch was just another sensation that made his mouth fall open, the growing knot forcing him open wider and wider. The feeling was rapidly increasing in intensity as the knot began to catch on the way out. He had been knotted once before, but he wasn’t a particularly willing participant, and there had been a lot of pain when his young body was violated. This was different. He knew Liv would never hurt him, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t feel some slight discomfort. It didn’t really hurt, it was just a lot to take at once, and the feeling was foreign. Liv started to jerk him in time with her movements, and that chased away anything that wasn’t mind numbing pleasure. He gasped, lifting his hips to meet her every thrust. When the knot caught another time, he wasn’t sure it was going to come out, but Liv managed one more motion before it locked, and he was gasping with the effort, his body flushed a deep red color. Liv’s hand went to the bottom of his thigh, pushing it up so she could shift him over onto his side. Her arms kept him close, his back pressed tight against her chest, cheeks touching, Liv’s hand reaching down to stroke him as her hips jerked as much as they could before the knot stopped them. She didn’t last much longer, and then he was coming all over his stomach and the sheets with a shout. 

Liv’s soft voice by his ear made him feel emotional. “You did so well, Rafael, just perfect. You’re amazing.” He felt so close to her, like they were practically one. He couldn’t tell where his body ended and hers began, and that was just the way he needed it. He leaned his head back, baring his neck to her. 

“Please, Liv, please,” he whispered, but she, as always, had more self control than he did. 

“One month baby, I know you can wait for me,” Liv whispered. “One month.” She kissed his skin, the back of his neck, down his shoulders, and he felt so loved. He wanted to stay like that forever. Slowly though, the euphoria wore off, and he felt sweaty and disgusting by the time the knot had deflated enough to pull out without hurting him. He was feeling less flushed for the time being, and he hoped that would satiate his body for a while. He wanted a shower, but he also felt like he was going to pass out in about five seconds flat. Liv smoothed his sweaty hair off his forehead, kissing him softly before she observed him adoringly. “How do you feel?” she asked softly. 

“Like I’m going to have a limp after this,” he whispered, and Liv laughed. 

“I love you, Rafael,” she whispered. 

“I love you too,” he said softly. 

“Here, let’s get a shower, then we can take a little nap,” she said, and he nodded appreciatively. She always knew what he needed. 

…………………………..

“I don’t want it,” he whined, sitting at the table, lamenting the fact that Liv forced him to get dressed. Clothes felt uncomfortable against his skin. Liv leveled him with a glare, pushing the take out container toward him. 

“I let you get away without eating much the last few days. Today you’re going to do better,” she said seriously. 

“Nooo,” he whimpered, letting his face rest against his crossed arms on top of the table. Liv’s hand felt nice as she scratched his back. “I’m not hungry,” he complained. 

“If you don’t eat, I’m not going to help you out next time you flair up,” Liv threatened, forking her fingers through his hair. “Just try some.” He glowered, a scowl on his face just for her, but he took a bite, moping the whole time. 

“You don’t have to be so mean,” he grumbled, and she laughed as he picked at the Chinese food she had ordered. 

“I can really show you mean later if you want,” she teased, kissing the side of his neck, and he snorted. 

“Oh I think I already saw that when you used that giant purple--” 

“You picked it out,” Liv interjected teasingly. 

“I didn’t pick it in that size,” he said, laughing. 

“I couldn’t resist. You look so pretty taking it,” she murmured by his ear, and he shivered slightly. 

“You’re such a perv,” he muttered teasingly, and she dug her fingers into his sides, making him contort with giggles. “Stop tickling me, Jesus,” he gasped, convulsing and trying to get away from her fingers. She let go of him after a moment, and he took another bite of the food to avoid another round of tickles. 

“If you finish, I’ll give you a little reward,” she promised, and he swallowed. 

“Don’t you think that’s a little lofty?” he asked, ever the lawyer.  

“Fine,” Liv said. “Half of the food and I’ll give you a reward.” He still made a face, but he got to work, stuffing noodles in his mouth. He wanted his reward, and that made her smile. He was so cute, and he didn’t even realize it. Liv loved his fluffy, soft hair that was sticking in every direction. She loved the way he looked at her when he thought she wasn’t looking. She loved his sparkling green eyes that somehow kept their hope even through hard times. She loved his strength. He had been struggling a little bit here and there during the heat, and they had to take parts of it slow. Liv was so proud of him for making it through. He was being brave. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked seriously, taking a seat. He took a moment to swallow his mouth full of noodles before he responded.

“Okay,” he said. “You don’t make me think about it. You help me forget.” 

“I’m here if you want to talk,” Liv said softly. 

“I think I’ve had enough talking,” he whispered. “I want to move on. I just want you.” It was a nice sentiment, but he still woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat if he didn’t take his sleep medication. She was worried about him she was being honest with herself. Once his heat was over, she was trying to prepare herself for the impending crash. He was not going to have the same sex drive, and he was using that to cope. It was unsustainable, and she needed to be there for him when everything exploded or he wasn’t going to survive. She could see the nervous ticks already, the anxiety that he was shoving down. He had disappeared off to the bedroom very quickly when the delivery man knocked on the door, and she knew it was more than just the smell. When she looked back, he had gone to town on his noodles, the reward making a nice incentive. He really had eaten barely anything for a few days, so she was satisfied with how much she managed to bribe him. “Reward?” he asked, and she laughed. 

“Get your clothes off and start the shower. I’ll be in to join you in a few minutes,” Liv replied, starting to put the food in the fridge. It was almost funny how eager he was as he ran off toward the bathroom. She just hoped that somehow he could find a way to be whole again because she could feel the hurt that was deep inside of him, the hurt he was trying to drown out, and she was determined to make it better. 

……………………………

Rafael was laying on his side, Liv holding him tight. He felt sweaty and exhausted as he finally shifted over to rest his head against her chest. He was trying to recover after another round of knotting. His heat was so much more bearable when Liv was there with him. She made him feel good. She worked hard to make sure of it, and he couldn’t imagine ever going through it alone again. “Rafa,” Liv whispered, pulling the blankets up over them. 

“Hmm?” he asked tiredly. 

“Are you going to do the psych eval or are we just going to ask your mother for her permission,” Liv whispered, and then he was completely awake. She was talking about the paperwork they needed so they could bond. He hated that he couldn’t simply decide who he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. He needed permission from a psychiatrist or his parents, anyone who was not an omega. He couldn’t even ask George to do it. The entire principle of it made him furious.”I’m sure George can find someone if you want to go that route.” 

“I don’t know what I want to do,” he whispered. “My mother will probably refuse just to spite me anyways.” 

“You don’t even have to ask her if you don’t want to,” Liv murmured. He shrugged. “Has she always been so awful to you?” He didn’t answer right away, and she started to rub his back softly, fingers gently kneading his muscles. 

“She and my father were both ashamed of me, my father especially. My mother doesn’t understand that I don’t care what people want me to do. She wants me to be a perfect little omega. She doesn’t understand. She’s a beta,” Rafael whispered. “Of both my parents, she’s perhaps the lesser of two evils though. My father beat the shit out of me for no reason, and he threatened to do much worse.” 

“I know this is hard,” Liv whispered. “I wish I could change all the awful things that have happened to you. I love you so much. Take your time, let me know who you want to sign your papers. I will take care of it.” Liv wanted him to speak with George about bonding. She didn’t want to take advantage of him in such a vulnerable spot. She needed to see if he was only trying to cope with the trauma instead of actually wanting to be bonded with her. It was a hard position to be in because she loved him so much. She was ready for this. She was ready for him to be hers, to be his. Rafael interrupted her thoughts with a kiss, and then he moved to straddle her hips, and she smiled, a little bit sadly. She knew he was still trying to cope, but she wasn’t going to deny him. 

…………………….

Rafael’s heat had thankfully started to wind down. It had been a long week, and she had to assure him at the end that it would be over soon. He was starting to cool down, his skin losing the red flush that had been a mainstay. He was starting to wolf down whatever food she bought before she could even sit down at the table. He still wouldn’t eat his vegetables though. 

Liv was in bed, awake, worrying about him, about his mental state and his job while he was fast asleep. He was out cold, curled up on his side, hogging the blankets like always. She wasn’t sure why he needed them, he was like an oven. If she got cold, she would just get close to him and that would warm her right up. 

He was so beautiful, eyes closed the moonlight streaming through the window across his soft features. She could look at him all day, every day. His soft skin was hidden by the comforter, but she didn’t need to see it to imagine. She knew every inch of him by now. She knew which spots could unravel him in a matter of seconds. She didn’t need to look to know that he was probably half hard. 

She wanted to feel him, to remind herself that he was there. She was scared he might realize that he didn’t want her, and she knew it was ridiculous, but she had this nagging feeling that he was only agreeing to bond because of the trauma. He meant the world to her. “I can feel you staring at me.” His voice was drowsy and thick, and it startled her. Liv leaned over, kissing his neck. “I’m okay,” he whispered. He was still a little bit warmer than usual, and she wanted him. She reached under the blanket, groping him gently, and he let out a little breath. “Liv,” he groaned. “I’m tired.” 

“Do you really want me to stop?” She asked softly, leaning down by his ear. He didn’t answer right away. 

“Cougar,” he muttered, flopping onto his back. Liv let out a shocked laugh, pulling the blankets off of him which earned her more griping. 

“I’m only five years older than you, you brat,” she replied, pumping his cock and smearing his precome around to smooth her movements. 

“Isn’t it a little bit early in the morning for you to molest me?” he grumbled. She knew he liked it though, or he would have said something. 

“Molest you?” She asked. “You seem to be enjoying yourself. Do you want me to stop?” 

“Well, you’ve already woken me up. You might as well finish the job,” he said. Liv shook her head at him, nudging his legs apart so she could get at his entrance.

“Maybe if I’m so old, you should get up here and do all the work,” she said, but it was an empty threat. He had been through so much, she wanted to baby him, even if it meant letting him get away with acting like a brat. It didn’t take her long to get him off, and she reveled in feeling his skin. She hooked her fingers in her sweatpants, pushing them down along with her underwear. “How about, since you’ve decided to be so mouthy tonight, you come put those lips to good use,” she said, pulling at him, and he let her direct him where she wanted. It was staggering to Liv how much she loved him, loved kissing him and holding him, and she really loved seeing him so vulnerable. His trust was her most prized possession, and she was going to do everything in her power to protect it.      

…………………………….

  Liv woke up and abruptly realized Rafael wasn’t in bed anymore. He was so warm, she could tell immediately. She sat up, fighting with her exhaustion and searching the room for him. He wasn’t there. Getting out of bed, Liv grabbed her bathrobe and slipped into it, looking around for him in the apartment. He wasn’t in the bathroom, but she spotted him when she made it to the kitchen. He was standing by the window in his own robe, looking out at the dark sky. “Hey,” she said softly. “Are you okay?” He didn’t respond. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked tired. “Rafa, talk to me,” Liv whispered. He sighed, letting her wrap her arms around him and press her lips to the back of his shoulder. 

“I can’t sleep,” he finally whispered. He didn’t offer anything else, so Liv nudged him toward the couch. 

“I’ll stay up with you then,” Liv said, sitting down and dragging his head over until he leaned it against his chest. Liv kept stroking her fingers through his hair. He relaxed against her, but she could feel some tension in his muscles. Liv wished he would tell her exactly what was wrong, but he was quiet, letting her try to comfort him. “Do you want me to make you feel good?” Liv asked softly, but he shook his head which concerned her. “You know you can talk to me,” Liv said. 

“Stop,” he whispered. “I can’t--not right now.” 

“Why not?” Liv asked softly. He stood up, looking agitated as he paced, running a hand through his hair as his lip trembled. He headed back toward the window, looking outside again. 

“I’m so tired, Liv,” he whispered. “I am so tired of getting fucked over.” Liv stood up, going over to him. 

“I know honey, it’s not fair,” Liv said softly. He was glowering, and she thought she could see the sparkle of tears in his eyes. 

“Everytime I close my eyes, I see him,” he whispered. “I can feel him on me, Jesus.” He turned away, hands clasped on top of his head. Liv wanted to pull him close again, but she wasn’t sure if that would make it better or worse. “I couldn’t even move.” 

“It wasn’t your fault, Rafael,” Liv said softly. 

“I--I shouldn’t have gone alone. I should have waited for you. I should have--I should have fought harder,” he said, his voice breaking. He dissolved into heavy sobs that wracked his body, and he collapsed against her, sliding down to the floor, and Liv went with him, holding his face against her chest as he cried. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the next chapter. We're getting closeish to the end of this part! I'm not entirely sure when I'll get to writing part 2/possibly part 3 if I decide to write it.

Rafael was still in bed, and it was getting late. Liv was worried about him. He was sleeping a lot, sitting around and doing nothing, and crying when he thought she wasn’t looking. She hated watching him like that. He was talking to her some, but not quite as much as she would have liked. Liv was going to try and entice him into some lunch. She had ordered his favorite take out, and she knocked on the door. “Rafael, honey?” she called. He didn’t answer. She opened the door, seeing him curled up on his side, his bare back sticking out from under the covers. “Rafa, I have some lunch.” 

“Thanks,” he whispered. Liv came closer, gently running her fingers down the curve of his spine. She sat beside him, waiting until he would turn over to talk to her. “You don’t have to sit here,” he whispered, his voice sounding sad. 

“I want to,” Liv said back. He was tracing shapes on the blanket. 

“I thought I was past all this bullshit, but it keeps happening to me,” he whispered. 

“I’m so sorry that I let him hurt you, Rafael,” Liv said softly. “I’m supposed to protect you.” 

“I’m supposed to be smart,” he whispered. “You’re not responsible for me. Not yet at least.”

“You are smart,” Liv said softly. “If you hadn’t shown up on time, you would have been outed.” 

“Well, I was outed anyways. Maybe I wouldn’t have been raped,” he whispered bitterly. Liv ran her fingers across his back. 

“I know this is hard,” Liv said softly. “But I’m here. You can talk to me. We can figure this out together.” He shook his head, but he shifted over, moving his head into her lap. She stroked her fingers through his hair. 

“There’s nothing to figure out. I’m just--I’m done, Liv. My career is trashed, everything is falling apart, and you’re all I have left. I don’t know what to do anymore,” he whispered, starting to cry. Liv continued to stroke his hair, wishing he would stop catastrophizing. His career wasn’t necessarily over. She wanted to take his pain away from him. 

“Here, come on. I think you need to get up, move around some,” Liv said. He didn’t answer, but he also didn't fight her when she pulled him up to his feet. Liv steered him into the bathroom. “You reek, first of all, so I think we’re going to get a bath.” 

“You’re getting in too?” he asked softly, sounding hopeful.    

“Sure,” she said. She started the water, checking the temperature before she let the tub fill up. Rafael dumped some of her bubble bath in it, and she smiled to herself. If there was one thing about him that didn’t surprise her, it was that he enjoyed a bubble bath. He took his pants off, and Liv started stripping out of her own clothes. He slid into the water first, and Liv went after him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. He leaned his head back against her shoulder, and she felt him start to relax. “That’s it,” she whispered. “You know you can talk to me if you need to,” Liv reminded him. He tensed up a little bit, and she hushed him, rubbing her hand across his belly. “Relaxing is most important right now. You’re all worked up.” He didn’t say anything. Liv kissed his shoulder again. “I love you,” she reminded him. 

“I know,” he said. “That’s all I could think about when I was in that room. I knew you were coming to save me. I just held on to that.” His words brought the burn of tears to her eyes and throat. She hadn’t saved him fast enough. “There’s no way you could have found me fast enough,” he said, and it was like he read her thoughts. It actually wasn’t that far fetched. She could literally feel the despair radiating off of him. “He put me in that little room, and he brought me some tylenol, and that was it. I was weak. I didn’t even fight him. I just laid there.” 

“You  _ couldn’t move _ ,” Liv replied, but she knew he didn’t care what she said. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care. I don’t care about that and I don’t care about my job. I just want you. I want to bond, and I want to forget about this entire mess,” he whispered. Liv sighed. He wasn’t going to just forget about it, and no matter what he kept saying, he hadn’t lost his job yet. He was on leave, yes, but the mayor was fighting for him. Liv decided to shift subjects. He was compartmentalizing, but he would deal with it when he was ready. If he kept pushing it off, she might have to mention it to George. 

“Have you thought about when we talked about kids?” She asked. Obviously, they weren’t making a final decision, but she wanted to hear if anything had changed so far. 

“Do you like your omegas barefoot and pregnant, Liv?” He asked, and she laughed. That was a joke if she ever heard one, and she was glad to hear him kidding around. She tucked some hair behind his ear. 

“Only if their name is Rafael,” she whispered. “Besides, it’s like you’re allergic to things covering your feet anyways.” He only wore socks around the house if he was freezing cold. “Honestly though, it’s up to you. I really just want you to be happy, Rafael.” 

“I don’t know that I can imagine myself fat and pregnant,” he whispered, and Liv laughed. “I just don’t know.” 

“You don’t have to, really. We can look at other options like adopting. We don’t have to have kids at all if that’s not something you see for yourself,” Liv said softly. She wanted a family with him but not at the expense of their relationship. She didn’t want him to be miserable. 

“I want to make you happy,” he said. “I don’t think it would be that bad, but not right away.” 

“Okay, it’s okay. We don’t have to make a decision now anyways,” Liv said. “I just wanted to hear your thoughts.” She tightened her hold on him, leaning her face down against his shoulder. 

“I love you, Liv,” he said. 

“I love you more than anything,” she replied. 

“I’m sorry that I’m so caught up in my own head right now,” he said. “I’m trying, but it’s hard for me to talk about what happened. I was so scared. I couldn’t fight him, and I feel like it was all my fault.”   
“That will pass,” Liv whispered. “Listen, I know it’s embarrassing, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. None of it was your fault.” 

“I want to be angry. I want to--I want to stop feeling like I can’t breathe,” he whispered. “It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened to me before, and now, I’m back at the beginning, and I don’t want to do it.” 

“You have to be patient, Rafael. It takes time, and I know it’s hard, but I’m going to be here with you the whole time.” Liv needed him to know he wasn’t alone. She was going to do whatever he needed. She put her hand over the ring that was hanging from the chain around his neck. It rested over his heart, where it belonged. He tilted his head, baring the side of his neck to her. 

“Will you….” he trailed off, but she knew what he wanted. He wanted her to mark his neck up a little bit. It wasn’t the same as bonding, but it was something that told everyone they were together.

“Are you sure?” she asked softly, and he nodded, so she started pressing kisses down his neck. His breathing picked up minutely. She picked a spot, starting to pull the skin between her teeth, lightly sucking, and he let out a breathy noise. It only took a few minutes before there was a light mark, and she pulled back. “There.” He seemed to calm down a little bit after that. They were both quiet then until his soft voice broke the silence. 

“It felt so wrong,” he whispered. “He was on top of me, and all I wanted was you. It hurt. I felt like I was crushed against the floor, and I was crying. I begged him, Liv. I begged him to stop, but he just kept going. Then I couldn’t even talk. I couldn’t ask him to stop. I just felt all of it. I thought it was over the first time he left, but then he came back, and--and all I wanted was to pass out.” Liv didn’t say anything. She just held him, and he groped around for her free hand. They sat there quietly then, focusing on eachother. “I feel a little better,” he finally whispered. “A little lighter.” 

“It helps to be heard,” Liv murmured, and he nodded. 

“Where is he?” he asked after a couple moments. Liv hesitated. She didn’t want to upset him. 

“Out on bail. They need your statement,” she finally responded, knowing he needed to hear the truth. He turned pale as a ghost. 

“He’s what?” he whispered. “Jesus Christ, I’m dead.” 

“You have that little faith in me?” Liv asked. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” she said. He was tensing up again though, and Liv knew she needed to get his anxiety under control and fast. “Look, if you want to make sure, give your statement, release the rape kit. I can request protection and a restraining order.” 

“I don’t ever want to see his face again,” Rafael whispered. 

“I know, Rafa, but facing him, showing him that he couldn’t break you, might help,” Liv said softly. “He would pay for what he did to you, and you wouldn’t have to worry about him any more.” 

“Who do I have to talk to?” he asked softly. 

“I’ll call George, and maybe he and Fin can do the interview with you, okay?” Liv asked. Rafael nodded. “I’ll also call the hospital and sign off on the rape kit.” 

“Okay,” he finally whispered, seemingly relaxing even more. 

…………………….

Liv was staring in the fridge, wondering when it had gotten so empty. She really needed to go to the grocery store. She shut the doors with a sigh, peeking into the living room at Rafael who was laying on his stomach on the couch, a pillow shoved under his chest as he watched the tv. His bare feet were in the air, ankles crossed, his head supported by his hands, hair fluffy and disheveled. Liv was hit by a wave of feeling. It almost knocked her back a step. She loved him so much. Looking at him, seeing him so soft and domestic, it filled her with an indescribable joy. He made her so happy. 

Liv made her way over to him, taking a seat by his head, and he shifted around, onto his back, looking up at her. “Hi,” she said softly. 

“Hey,” he whispered. From the look on his face, he wasn’t having a good morning. Liv reached down, running her fingers through his hair. 

“So, we don’t really have any food in the fridge, and I’m hungry, so I think we should go grocery shopping,” Liv said. She thought it would be good if Rafael got out and did things to get his mind off everything that was haunting him. 

“No thanks,” he whispered, rolling onto his side, head in her lap. 

“‘No thanks doesn't solve the food problem, Rafael,” Liv said, scratching his back. 

“Have groceries delivered,” Rafael said, reaching for the remote and turning the sound up. 

“I need some fresh air, so I’m going to get groceries,” Liv said, getting up. She was hoping that would spook him into coming. He sat up, looking alarmed as she headed for the closet to grab her coat. The tv was abruptly off. 

“Where are you going?” Rafael asked. 

“Do you listen to nothing I say? I’m getting groceries,” Liv said. She saw him swallow heavily. He crossed his arms, leveling her with a look, daring her to actually leave him. She could see him twitching, see the nervousness on his face. She could feel how anxious he was. “Jesus, Rafael, just come on.” 

“No,” he said. “I’m not leaving this damn apartment.” 

“Getting outside will be good for you, and you need to eat. It’s a rule,” Liv said. He clenched his jaw. 

“I am not going,” he said again, and Liv could hear an edge of panic in his voice. She shed her jacket, coming back over to him with a sigh. She sat down beside him, looking him right in the eyes. He looked away. 

“Rafa,” Liv said softly. “If you will go out with me, I will do whatever you want later.” His eyes widened. They hadn’t done anything since his heat. He hadn’t been interested, and the one night they tried anything, he had to stop. Liv was being patient with him, but she knew it was frustrating. She thought he might want to try again. “Or another time,” she offered. He considered it. 

“Anything?” he asked after a moment. 

“Anything,” Liv repeated. He sighed, crossing his arms. 

“You won’t leave me anywhere alone,” He said seriously. Liv nodded. “You’ll rub my back later?” She nodded again, rolling her eyes. She probably would have anyways if he asked nicely. “You’ll buy me candy?” Liv grabbed his arm. 

“Come on,” she said, rolling her eyes. He was hesitant, but he dressed himself and put his coat and shoes on before he followed Liv out of the apartment. He held her hand tight, not letting go until he was safely in the car. Liv started the car, starting to drive. “We’re going to get lunch,” Liv said. 

“I didn’t agree to that,” he whispered. 

“I’ll get your damn candy,” Liv said, but he didn’t respond. “Two nights of whatever you want.” 

“Fine,” he sighed. She could feel his unease, but he knew she wanted him to give it a try. He was doing it for her, not just the bribes she was offering. She took him to a chinese place that she liked, and he was glowering on the way inside. Rafael took a seat at the table, and Liv sat down across from him, pushing his menu over to him. He sighed, toying around with a napkin. 

“So, you want your usual teriyaki chicken?” Liv asked. He shook his head. 

“I’m not hungry,” he said, obviously pouting. 

“I’ve given you everything you asked for,” Liv said. He glared, but he picked the menu up. 

“I’m getting soup,” he said, and Liv glared at him. He was being a brat, obviously on purpose. 

“Shut up, get your damn chicken,” she said. He scowled at her. 

“I can make my own decisions,” Rafael said, clenching his jaw, but Liv rolled her eyes.   
“Stop being difficult. I know you don’t want to eat soup for lunch, you’re being a pain in the ass,” Liv said. He huffed.   
“You’re the one who keeps altering our deal,” he grumbled, crossing his arms in protest.   
“Stop pouting and order your chicken,” Liv said.   
“I’m getting dessert,” he whispered, and Liv rolled her eyes again.   
“I thought you said you weren’t hungry,” she teased, and he glared. The waiter interrupted them, and Liv smirked a little at him when he ordered the chicken he always got. When the waiter brought them their drinks, Liv looked across the table at Rafael, “I called George. He’s going to come talk to you tomorrow, during and after the disclosure.” Rafael nodded.   
“Okay,” he said, lifting his cup to his lips.   
“Let’s talk about bonding,” Liv said. “I think we should go somewhere nice. I think you need a break, a vacation.”   
“Like what?” Rafael asked. Liv paused as the waiter brought them their food. She took a bite of her food.   
“The Bahamas maybe,” Liv said. “It’ll be nice. We’ll go a few days before your heat, and we'll stay for a week afterward. We can just get away and enjoy us.” He smiled, looking up at her.   
“I’d like that a lot,” he whispered. Making him smile was what Liv loved the most. She wanted to do it every moment of every day. He had an amazing smile.  
“Perfect,” Liv said. “I’ll book us something really nice, and it’ll be great. Just you and me and the beach for a few weeks."  
“I need to talk to George about the bonding thing too. I want to get everything in order so we can sign the papers, and it’ll be done. I’ll be yours,” Rafael said softly. Liv covered her hand with his own.   
“And I'll be yours," she replied, feeling like it was an important distinction. He looked up at her, emotion shining in his green eyes.  
.........................  
When they made it home, Rafael looked beat. He had been grumpy in the grocery store, but by the end, he’d perked up a little bit. Liv basically dragged him around the entire store, picking out what they would have for dinner the next week. He picked out three bags of candy, but she didn’t press him even though he’d also ordered the most expensive dessert on the menu at the restaurant to be a pain in her ass. He went for the couch as soon as he made it in the door, curling up again, and Liv smiled, watching him as she put the groceries away. She made him something to eat for dinner, taking it out to him, but he set it on the coffee table, relaxing back against the couch.  “You okay?” Liv asked, sitting beside him.   
“I don’t know,” he whispered, moving to rest his head in Liv's lap just as he had earlier that day.   
“Talk to me,” she whispered. He sighed.   
“Tomorrow is going to be hard,” he whispered, and Liv nodded, rubbing his back. “I don’t want to talk to anyone about it except you. I know I should, but I don’t want to."   
“That's understandable, Rafael,” Liv said. “Just take it as it comes. You know Dr. Huang will make sure you're alright. You can trust him."   
“I know, he makes this bearable,” Rafael said. Liv’s hand was moving in little circles across his lower back, and then her hand inched down a little bit, hesitating, waiting for permission. “Go ahead,” he whispered, and she watched him carefully as she rested her hand over his ass. She wasn’t going to do more than feel him up a little bit. She wanted to get him used to it again, to take a step towards intimacy if he felt ready.   
He let out a little noise when she gave him a little squeeze, and he shifted around on the couch. “Okay?” She asked softly. 

“Yeah,” He whispered. 

“Here, turn over,” Liv said softly. He grunted, rolling onto his back, and Liv leaned down, occupying his space and pressing her lips against his. His hand went to her hip, the other one resting on the back of her neck, keeping her there. He let out a little whimper, pulling her back in for little kisses. “I love you so much,” she whispered. 

“Liv,” he breathed. 

“I know,” Liv said. “I’ve got you babe.” Liv ran her hands over his sides, connecting their lips again, and this time, he opened up for her. He moaned as her tongue slipped into his mouth, and she could feel him twitching against her, his hips jerking up. Liv loved how sensitive he was. She pushed his shirt up, revealing his soft stomach. It felt even better to get her hands on his bare skin, and he shivered as she started to pull it over his head. She dropped it beside the couch. “God, you’re gorgeous.” He was blushing, and Liv wanted to spoil him rotten. She wanted to worship his body until he couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted to make him feel so good. “Get your pants off,” she whispered, and he looked at her unsurely for a moment before he unbuttoned his pants, but she put a hand on his arm. She wanted to look him in the eyes. His gaze rose to meet hers, and she offered him a soft smile. “Listen, we can stop if you need. We can do this another time.” 

“I want to,” he whispered. “Just--Go slow for now.” Liv’s hands went to his pants, fingers pulling at the zipper. She dragged it down, trying to be careful as it passed over his crotch. His chest was heaving, his body arching toward her. 

“Easy,” Liv whispered, leaning in again for some soft kisses as she yanked at his pants. 

“Fuck,” he breathed. Liv stroked a hand through his hair before she pulled at his pants again. She dragged them down his thighs, and he tensed up. 

“Stop,” he said. “Yellow.” Liv pulled back immediately, meeting his eyes and he clenched his fists. “Sorry, sorry,” he whispered. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Liv whispered, brushing some hair back. “What’s going on?” He started calming down a little bit. 

“I’m so sorry, I just--It’s the way you pulled my pants down. I--I...He just left them there around my thighs at first, and I’m sorry,” he said, holding back tears. He was on the verge of sobbing, and Liv hushed him, running her palms over his skin. 

“It’s okay, let’s take the pants off,” Liv said, pulling them from his legs and dropping them on the ground with his shirt. There was an obvious bulge distorting his boxers, and she smiled, checking his eyes. “Do you need to wait more?” 

“Just--slow,” he said again. 

“Slow,” Liv agreed, pressing their bodies together more. She started kissing him again, keeping her hands above his waist. He started to relax more, moaning into her mouth. Liv palmed at his pec, and his eyes fluttered shut. She traced her finger around his nipple, and he squirmed. “I want to make you feel so good,” she whispered, ducking her head to pull it into her mouth. Rafael let out a little breath. 

“Jesus,” he whispered. She was trying to slowly work him up, to make him feel so safe that he would forget about everything that was haunting him, at least temporarily. She slipped down to her knees, pulling at his legs until she could easily get his erection. She looked up, meeting his eyes, her question clear. He nodded, straining up to see her. She mouthed at his cock through the cotton of his boxers, and he groaned loudly. “Liv,” he hissed, a flush staining his skin. 

“How about we take these off?” she asked, and he nodded frantically. Liv pulled them from his hips in one swift motion, dropping them to the floor and taking him into her mouth. His hips bucked forward, and she palmed at his lip, hand stroking down his thigh. 

“ _ Uhhnn, fuuuck _ ,” he groaned, and she pulled off, smiling at him and laughing as she stroked his shiny erection. His head was thrown back, his mouth falling open. She couldn’t help but feel her heart soar at his look of pure pleasure. 

“You’re so good Rafa, so good,” she whispered, and he whimpered. 

“Please,” he whispered. “I--I need--” 

“Shh,” she said, nudging his leg out of the way. “You want a finger?” He nodded. Liv very gently just circled his furled entrance with the tip of her finger, and he groaned again, his stomach tensing up. 

“Inside,” he whispered. She checked his eyes once more before she obliged, pressing it in to the second knuckle. She had worried he might not be ready, but he groaned softly, bucking against her and she took him back into her mouth. It only took a few moments. He collapsed back against the sofa after that, looking dazed as he tried to recover. His throat bobbed once, and then she saw the glimmer of tears in his eyes, and she worried that she may have pushed him too far.        

“Hey,” she whispered, and he rolled on his side, leaning his face against her belly. She brushed her fingers through his hair. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. 

“M’Good,” he mumbled. Liv wasn’t sure she believed him. She kept hushing him, holding him close, and he cried himself out. 

“What’s going on?” she asked softly once he finally pulled back. 

“I’m just...emotional,” Rafael whispered. “You always take care of me. You’re so patient with me.” 

“You deserve someone who will treat you with respect,” Liv whispered. “I’m glad you’ve given me the chance to be that for you. I love you.”  

“I love you too,” Rafael whispered, sniffling. “You make me feel human, you make me feel valuable.”  

“You are valuable,” Liv said. “There’s no one who can change that. You’re the most important person to me.”  

“Thank you,” he whispered again, curling up against her when she settled on the couch beside him. His skin was damp against her clothes, but she didn’t care. She started to strip when he pulled at her clothes, wanting to feel him against her skin. When he dozed off in her arms, she felt like the luckiest woman in the world.  

…....................... 

Liv was in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee for when Dr. Huang arrived. She had managed to herd Rafael into the shower a half hour earlier, and he hadn’t appeared since. She hoped he was cleaning up and feeling better. There had been nightmares that had both of them up in the middle of the night, and Liv had spent the better part of two hours consoling him. She couldn’t help but worry when he spent over half the morning in bed, sleeping almost past noon. Usually, he would be awake by nine at the latest unless he had a really late night.  

She was in the middle of making Rafael something to eat when there was a knock on the door. She went to answer the door, and George was waiting on the other side. “Liv,” he said warmly.  

“George,” she replied. “Come on inside.” He followed her in the door to the kitchen, taking a seat at the bar after she hung his jacket up. “Would you like a drink? Or food, I’m making Rafael an omelet.” 

“Coffee would be great,” George said. “Thank you.”  

“No problem,” Liv said, pouring him a mug and offering cream and sugar. She went back to Rafael’s omelet. It was only about ten minutes before Rafael appeared, clad in only a pair of loose boxers. He looked surprised to see George sitting in her kitchen.  

“Hi,” he said softly.  

“Hey,” Liv said warmly, and George smiled at him.  

“I didn’t realize you’d be here so soon. Let me just—Let me put some pants on,” Rafael said, heading back toward the bedroom. He took a couple minutes, coming back, dressed in some jeans and a pullover hoodie. He went to get himself coffee, but Liv wrapped her arms around him, pulling him over for a few quick kisses.  

“Feeling better?” she asked softly, and he nodded, leaning his face against her shoulder. “I made you breakfast.”  

“You didn’t have to do that,” he whispered. “You’re not my maid.”  

“I was happy to. Sit down, eat your breakfast, try to relax,” Liv whispered. Rafael nodded, taking the plate from her and sitting beside George at the bar. He started picking at his omelet quietly before he looked over at George.  

“I need a psychiatrist to sign our bonding papers,” Rafael said softly. “I’m not asking my mother.”  

“I think I can find you someone,” George said, and Rafael nodded, murmuring his thanks.  

“It’s not fair that you can’t sign it yourself,” Rafael whispered bitterly. Liv was surprised by the disdain in his voice. He wasn’t usually so disgusted and bitter. Generally, he was upset and depressed or hopeless but not this angry. She liked the anger. It was better than numbness or despair.  

“It’s not fair that we aren’t treated equally,” George agreed. “You’ve made quite a case for yourself though, Rafael.”  

“I’m not five years old. I can choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I can choose what the fuck I want to eat in a restaurant. It’s ridiculous. Apparently though, I’m property, not a person,” Rafael whispered.  

“You’re not property, Rafa,” Liv whispered. “You’re human, and you are valuable.” He held her gaze for a moment before dropping his gaze to his lap with a wry smile.  

“I wish that was true,” he said softly. “I’ll be back.” He abandoned the half of his omelet that he hadn’t touched yet, disappearing down the hall. Liv watched him go, feeling worried. George looked at her, offering a soft smile.  

“I’m worried about him,” she said.  

“Why’s that?” George asked, taking a sip of his water. Liv sighed for a second.  

“I’m not sure he’s actually ready to bond. I’m worried he’s so traumatized, he just wants to stabilize something. He keeps saying that now that his career is trashed, he can resign himself to a family. I don’t know if he’s really ready,” Liv said. “He’s depressed, obviously.”  

“Let me talk to him later. I’ll see what I can figure out. He’s in a tough spot. You seem to be doing well with him. Continue to offer encouragement,” George said. “He does love you, I know he does.”  

It wasn’t long before Fin arrived, and then Rafael reappeared, looking nervous. George sat beside him as they settled on the couch to talk. Rafael swallowed heavily, and Liv sat on his other side. “Start from the beginning,” Fin said softly. “How did you end up trapped?”  

“I was speaking to him in the Bronx,” Rafael said. “I owed him money.”  

“Wait,” Liv said. “He’s been given immunity for everything, correct?”  

“The DA gave him immunity after some arm twisting from the mayor,” Fin said. “I checked.” She nodded at Rafael who took a deep breath.  

“I owed him money, and I didn’t have enough. He started yelling at me, but I don’t remember—I don’t remember what he said,” Rafael whispered. “He had my arm all bent, and I couldn’t get out. I remember him putting his hand on my ass, and I just—I tried to shove him away. It all went black after that.” Liv held his hand, and she saw Huang watching him closely. “I--I think he banged my head against the wall because it hurt when I woke up. I was in the dark. I--I think I was in some sort of car, and then I was in this room, and he took my clothes.” 

“Had he ever bothered you before all of this happened?” Fin asked. 

“He would come on to me,” Rafael said, sniffling. He was trying not to cry. 

“What did he do after he took your clothes?” Huang asked softly. 

“He said I was burning up, and we left to get tylenol. I took it, and then he pulled my boxers off, and he was on top of me,” Rafael whispered, shivering. “It felt like it lasted forever and-and then he came back and I passed out.” 

Liv squeezed his hand, and Rafael took a deep breath. Fin was still writing things down, and Rafael waited until he finished so he could sign the statement. He was glad it was over. 

“I have to ask you a few questions for clarification,” Fin said, and Rafael nodded. “Did you fight him?” 

“I tried,” Rafael whispered, his voice starting to break. “I was so weak. I couldn’t move very well.”

“Did you actually say no?” Fin asked, and Rafael could see how sorry he was that he had to ask those questions. 

“I begged him not to,” Rafael said. Fin nodded, pushing the paper Rafael’s way. 

“That should do it,” he said. “I’m sorry I had to ask you that.” 

“It’s okay,” Rafael said. “How long until you can put him away. I hate that he’s out on bail. I feel very anxious.” George kept an eye on him, and he swallowed. Liv squeezed his hand. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about him Rafael. He might be out on bail, but he’s not out of the hospital. Liv beat his ass,” Fin said. Rafael looked to her. 

“You what?” he asked. Fin laughed a little bit. 

“She was ready to shoot the son of a bitch. I almost let her,’ he said. He felt tears filling his eyes. 

“You did?” he whispered, and she smiled softly. 

“What can I say? I love you,” she whispered. “He deserved the bullet, but I didn’t do it. I knew I needed to stay with you.” 

“We coulda been prison buddies,” Rafael said softly, and Liv laughed. “What did you do to him?”   

“What didn’t she do?” Fin said. “She banged his head into the floor, she kicked him. She beat the shit out of him.” He had to cover his mouth to keep from letting out a shocked laugh. 

“Thank you,” he whispered, leaning against her. She hugged him tight. 

“I love you,” she said again, and he had to hold back tears. 

“Love you too,” he whispered, his voice distorted by tears. Liv ran her fingers through his soft hair. 

“Okay, I need to get back,” Fin said, standing up. “Stuff is kind of a mess at the precinct. I’m sure Amanda is going crazy right now.” Liv sighed, and Rafael tensed up. He could feel what was coming. 

“Raf, do you think you could stay here with George?” she asked, but he shook his head frantically. 

“Liv, Liv, please,” he whispered. “Please don’t go. I want you to stay here, with me.” 

“Honey, listen, I know you’ll be fine,” she said. “It’s all going to be okay.”

“No, you can’t leave me,” he whined. “You promised. I don’t want to be here without you.” Liv gently cupped his cheeks, forcing him to meet her eyes. 

“Shh, I’ll be back in an hour,” she said. 

“You’ll bring me more candy?” he asked softly, and Liv rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll bring you a coffee,” she said, and he pouted. 

“I want candy,” he whined. Liv sighed. 

“I’ll see you later,” Liv said. He huffed, glaring at her. She dressed herself before leaving with Fin, and Rafael was alone with George. He turned on the tv, pulling a blanket down to wrap around himself. George didn’t push him to talk. He let Rafael do as he pleased, waiting patiently. Rafael felt this uncomfortable buzz under his skin. He hated being away from Liv, even if it was only for an hour. Rafael wrapped his arms around himself, trying to stay calm. 

“Do you need Xanax, Rafael?” George asked. “If you’re stressed out, we need to deal with that now.” 

“Y-Yeah,” he finally said. “I think I better have some.” He didn’t want to let it get to the place where he was going to pass out again. George went to the kitchen, returning with the bottle of anxiety pills that Liv kept on the counter. He took one, trying to relax. “I know Liv is worried about me,” Rafael said softly, looking at George. “She doesn’t think I’m okay. She thinks I’m too traumatized to know if I want to bond.” 

“Are you okay?” George asked. Rafael shrugged. 

“I don’t know that I’m okay, not yet anyways, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want,” Rafael said softly. “I do want to bond because it makes me feel more safe, and Liv is all I have right now in my life that is stable, but those aren’t the only reasons.” 

“You want to tell me some of the others?” George asked, and Rafael smiled. 

“All my life, people have made me feel small just because of my biology, but Liv makes me feel big, every day. I’ve never felt so loved in my entire life. She’s there for me, unconditionally. She hasn’t left my side since this happened even though I got myself into this mess,” he whispered. “She takes care of me, she treats me like I’m human. She respects me. I can’t think of anyone else that I would want to spend my life with. I’m in love with her, and I can finally make it official.” 

“Those are all very valid reasons. Maybe you should tell her that. I think you two will be absolutely fine,” George said. Rafael smiled. “I think you need to find a way to forgive yourself.” Rafael looked up, grimacing slightly. “I can see that you feel responsible for what happened to you, but that’s not a fair burden to put on yourself.” 

“Do you ever think things will change?” Rafael asked softly, shifting subjects. He wasn’t sure he could forgive himself. 

“What do you mean?” George asked. 

“Do you ever think we won’t be treated like second rate citizens?” Rafael whispered. 

“People like Liv give me hope,” George replied. Rafael went quiet after that, turning his attention back to the tv, curling his legs up beside him. He started thinking about the question Liv had asked him. She seemed awfully interested in starting a family, and even though she told him it was okay if he didn’t want to, he could tell that she did want to. He wasn’t sure he could handle being pregnant though. He hadn’t ever been interested in getting fat and swollen for nine months. He didn’t even want to think what it would feel like to push a baby out. 

“George?” he asked softly, and the psychiatrist looked up from his phone. “Do you think I would be a good Dad?” 

“I think you could do anything you want, Rafael,” George said. “You’re a very kind and compassionate man. I don’t see why not.” 

“Liv wants to start a family,” he said softly. 

“Is that what you want?” George asked, and Rafael shrugged. 

“I don’t know what I want,” he said. 

“Wait until after you bond. Everything feels uncertain now, you’re still unstable. Once you’re able to take care of that issue, things should get easier. Think about it then,” George suggested, and Rafael nodded, toying with the corner of the blanket. He was feeling emotional and exhausted, so he got up, looking for his stash of candy. He got a bag from the closet, sitting back down and starting to eat the chocolate he had conned Liv into buying him. He knew he was stress eating, but he didn’t care at all. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the next chapter!

Liv was tired when she finally made it home. Rafael’s stress had been eating away at her while she was gone, and she was glad to see him sitting on the couch, safe and sound. He let her pull him into a hug despite the bitterness she could feel radiating from him. She knew he was upset with her for leaving, but she also knew he would get over that. Rafael pressed his face against her shirt for a few seconds before he pulled back, and she grabbed the carrier she set down on the table. There was a coffee inside, and she handed that to him, and she also tossed him a candy bar. His face lit up. 

“I believe Rafael has a few things he would like to say to you,” George said, and Liv looked at her omega. Rafael offered her a soft smile, and she heard George starting to leave the apartment. 

“I know you’re worried about me,” Rafael said softly. “I never told you why I wanted to bond. Liv, you’ve completely changed my life. Everyone I’ve ever met has made me feel small. They made me want to hide myself, but you give me a license to be myself. I love you because you respect me, you take care of me, you love me unconditionally. You make me feel human, Liv. You make me feel safe, loved, confident, and you are always there when I need you. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. When I’m with you, I’m just Rafa, and that’s enough. I love you.” When he looked up, there were tears in her eyes, and she pulled him against her once more, pressing her face against his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her as she cried. “I love you, honey, I don’t want anyone else,” he whispered. 

“Rafa,” she whispered and it was muffled against his neck. She threaded her fingers in the long hair at the nape of his neck, keeping him close to her. He wasn’t going anywhere. He whispered softly to her, promising that he wouldn’t ever want anyone else. He loved her more than anything in the world. She cried, and he held her until she finally pulled back, easing him forward to connect their lips in an emotional kiss. She pulled him down, on top of her, kissing him almost frantically, and he let her guide him. 

“I love you,” He whispered between kisses, and Liv pulled away for a second, keeping him close, her lips beside his ear. 

“I love you so much,” she whispered, and they stayed like that for a few moments, breathing heavily, the moment feeling too important to end. She didn’t want to wait to bond, but she knew they had no choice. She wanted him now. He pressed his face against her shoulder, holding her close, enjoying the feeling of her in his arms. She shifted around uncomfortably for a second, and he pulled back to let her move easier. She reached under herself, pulling out the plastic bag of candy that was only half full now. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “Did you eat all of this while I was gone?” she asked. 

“You left me alone,” he whispered. 

“You weren’t alone. George was here,” Liv said. 

“I don’t have to defend my coping methods,” Rafael said, reaching for the candy bar she’d brought home. He ripped it open, taking a bite, and Liv rolled her eyes, but she also laughed fondly. 

“I’m going to make lunch,” she said, sliding out from under him. “But later, I want to watch a movie and make out.” He finished his chocolate bar, lounging on the couch, but then he started to feel sick. His stomach hurt from all the chocolate, and the thought of eating lunch had him ready to vomit. He was laying there, trying to ignore the discomfort when Liv called him to the table. She had a sandwich and some assorted vegetables waiting for him. He made a face at the cut up peppers and cucumbers. He took a bite of his sandwich, swallowing it, but he didn’t feel like he could finish. He sat back against the chair, groaning softly. He slowly managed to work up the nerve to take another bite of the sandwich. Liv was eyeing him from her seat. “Are you going to eat your vegetables?” she asked. 

“No,” he whined. “I don’t like them.” 

“Rafa, come on, just one cucumber,” she said. “I need you to eat something healthy.” He crossed his arms, pushing it away. “Fine, but you’re going to have to start eating healthy again soon, or I’ll punish you.” He made a face at her, standing up and going to lay on the couch again. It took awhile for Liv to come in the living room, and he flopped on his back, his feet in Liv’s lap. She ran her hand down his ankle, rubbing little circles with her thumb. 

“ _ Liiiv _ ,” he groaned. “My tummy hurts.” 

“Your…. _ tummy _ hurts?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “Hmm, I wonder why.” 

“I want sprite,” he said. Liv sighed. “ _ Liiiv _ , come on.” She didn’t answer right away, and he turned on his side, clutching at his stomach dramatically. 

“Fine, I’ll walk to the bodega and get your sprite. This is what you get for eating all that candy,” she said, standing up. He whimpered. She rolled her eyes. 

“Be quick,” he said, and Liv snorted from the door. He heard it shut and then he was all alone. His stomach really did hurt, a lot. His eyes were closed and he groaned softly until he heard Liv return. He felt her hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes to see her holding a cup with a straw. 

“Okay, honey,” she whispered, easing him up into a sitting position. She handed him the cup and he started sipping at it as she rubbed his back. 

“Liv,” He whispered, and she hushed him with a small laugh, pulling him against her. She rubbed her hand over his belly, and he groaned softly. 

“Does that feel any better?” she asked softly. Her touch soothed him as always, and he nodded, trying to relax against her. “I cannot believe you ate so much candy baby, that was such a bad idea.” 

“I was stressed,” he protested softly, sipping more sprite from the straw. Liv nuzzled the side of his neck, kissing the soft skin there. It took awhile before he finally started to feel better, and Liv smiled when he said as much. They laid together on the couch, legs tangled up, and Liv turned a movie on. Rafael laid in silence in her arms until he remembered what she’d said earlier. After she’d taken care of him for so long, he wanted to give her whatever she wanted. “I think you said something about making out,” he whispered, and Liv smiled. 

“You won’t throw up on me?” she asked, and he laughed. 

“Shut up and kiss me,” he whispered. Liv smiled, pressing him back against the couch.  She stretched out over top of him, bringing their lips together, slowly at first. He tipped his chin up to give her a better angle, and she waited only a few moments before deepening the kiss. Her fingers tangled in his hair, and he moaned softly, parting his lips when her tongue brushed across the lower one. Rafael arched up against her, arms wrapped around her, keeping her close. Liv knew exactly how to make his head spin, little drags of her teeth over his lips, dragging his tongue between her teeth, grabbing at his ass. He felt dizzy when she pulled on his hair lightly. He loved kissing Liv. It was like heaven, and he never wanted it to stop. She made him feel so safe. She was pressed tight against him, and he felt flushed. 

“I love you,” Liv whispered. “I can’t wait to bond.” 

“Me either,” he whispered, their faces mere inches apart. She leaned in again for a few short kisses before looking at him seriously. 

“We have to talk about a few things,” she said softly. He sat up a little bit, letting her lean on his chest. 

“What’s up?” he asked. 

“Well, I want to talk about the trip. We need to figure out some boundaries, what you’re comfortable with, so I know how to pack,” Liv said. Rafael shivered at the thought. “You don’t have to decide now, but I think we should take a look at the toys, and it’s entirely up to you what happens.” He swallowed. He wanted to try a few more things. He trusted Liv so much, much more than he could have ever expected, and he knew she would respect whatever he decided. 

“We can look at them,” he said softly, his voice husky. “I think you owe me a night of whatever I want, and I think I want to try the handcuffs again before we go. Give it a test run.” Liv nodded. 

“I’m going to order you a padded pair,” Liv said. He pouted. 

“That takes half the fun out,” he whispered. Liv laughed. 

“We can save the real ones for special occasions,” she murmured, kissing him again. “Come on, let’s go take a look.” He followed her back to the bedroom and she knelt down, pulling the little box out from under the bed. She opened it up, showing him the new toys she bought along with the ones they’d already tried out. He grabbed the plug she’d used on him a few times, putting it to one side, and then he eyed the purple dildo. His eyes left that, scanning over the other items on the bed. She had picked out a knotted dildo that was considerably smaller than the purple one, but it was still filling enough to make his eyes go dark. He moved that one into the pile with the plug. There were two more plugs in different sizes and a massager. His eyes settled onto the little ring sitting in the box, and he looked at her. 

“Is that what I think it is?” he asked. That was the one toy Liv hadn’t been sure about. She had gone ahead with it, but she wasn’t sure how interested he would be in giving it a shot. 

“The cock ring,” she said softly. “I wasn’t sure how you would feel about that one.” He grabbed it, moving it into the pile with the plug and the dildo. She saw him eyeing up the massager, but he closed the box after a moment. 

“Those and the handcuffs. I’m not sure I’ll want to use all of them, but I think that will be okay,” Rafael said. Liv smiled at him lovingly. He was always so willing to try what she wanted. 

“Okay, let’s talk about boundaries. We can revisit this if anything changes.” Liv said softly, taking a seat on the bed. “Is there anything that is a hard no, absolutely not?” Rafael thought for a few moments. 

“Cutting still,” he said softly. Liv knew where he was coming from. If they didn’t work together, his concern about it might seem odd as it wasn’t something that she thought about immediately when it came to sex, but they’d both seem one too many omegas come in with marks all over themselves. Many alphas took what they wanted with no regard to the omegas feelings, and if they were bonded, there wasn’t much that could be done. Rafael had been trying to change that for a long time, but there was still a lot of work to be done. “Careful with holding me down. Careful when I’m on my stomach. Choking is a no right now. Belts are still a hard no. Just ask me before you do things. Handcuffs are a maybe, I want to try them out. Other restraints are also a maybe.”

“Okay,” Liv said. “We can talk more about this later. That sounds like a good list. Remember your colors, and we'll figure all of this out. Okay?” He nodded, leaning over for a kiss. Liv indulged him. “I love you.” 

“Love you too, Liv,” Rafael whispered, and she couldn’t help but kiss him again. 

……………….

Rafael was naked, spread out on the bed for her, waiting patiently for his prize. They had talked for a few hours before, Liv wanting to make sure he was comfortable with giving this a try. He was flushed and already half hard. Liv smiled at him from the doorway, holding the new pair of padded handcuffs. She climbed up on the bed, still fully clothed. “Are you sure about this?” she asked him softly, and he nodded. “We could just take it slow, ease into it, do this another time.” 

“You said whatever I want,” Rafael said. 

“Okay,” Liv said softly. “Are you sure you want me to…” 

“Everything, I want everything,” he said, and she sighed. He was catapulting himself into it. They hadn’t even gone all the way sans handcuffs, and he wanted to jump right in the deep end. It had been a few weeks since everything, and they were about a week and a half away from their vacation. Liv gently took one of his hands, closing it in the cuff and threading them through the headboard so she could secure his arms comfortably. She locked the other wrist in, and his cock twitched against his lower belly. Liv kept her eyes trained on his face, wrapping a loose fist around his erection and starting to pump it. He let out a breathy moan, and she smiled, still watching diligently for signs of distress. 

“How’s that feel?” Liv asked softly. 

“Good,” Rafael breathed. Liv smiled. “Could be a little tighter.” 

“The cuffs or my hand?” Liv asked, and he laughed. 

“Both? I mean the cuffs though.” Liv smiled, reaching up to try and tighten them a little bit. She could barely get them to the next level, and she was worried his hands might lose circulation. 

“Are you sure?” she asked, and he nodded, so she tightened the other one. 

“Makes up for the lack of metal digging into my wrists,” he whispered. Liv sighed. 

“If you don’t tell me when you start to lose feeling in your hands, we’re going to have a problem,” she whispered. 

“I promise I’ll tell,” he said softly, and she nodded, going back to the slow, loose strokes of his erection. He let his thighs fell apart, giving her a chance to fondle his balls. She dragged her fingers across his perineum, earning a loud moan. “Oh Jesus,” he whispered, and Liv smiled, easing his knees up into a bent position so he would plant his feet on the bed. She pressed a few sloppy, wet kisses on his lower belly, making her way down to his cock. She took just the head into her mouth, and his breathing continued to get heavier. “Liv,” he breathed, and she looked up at him. He was straining against the cuffs a little bit, and she smiled. She pulled back, and he let out a disappointed noise. 

“I’m going to give you a finger,” she said softly, and he nodded. “Color?” 

“Green,” he said. Liv reached for the lube that she’d placed on the nightstand, squirting a little bit into her hand so she could make sure it went in nice and easy. Rafael’s erection twitched in her grip when she traced a finger around his hole, his muscles drawing up tight as he moaned. She teased him for a few moments, barely pushing in and ghosting her fingers around his entrance until he was practically begging, yanking against the cuffs to get closer to her. He let out a loud moan when she finally indulged him and pressed her finger into the second knuckle. It took her seconds to find his prostate and start rubbing little circles against the small bump. He bucked his hips and Liv took him into her mouth again. He was gasping, and she backed off, adding another finger to stretch him. He was practically sobbing by the time she pulled her fingers free, unbuttoning her pants. She had to stop to get a condom from the drawer, rubbing lube over herself before she pressed into him slowly. He was gasping, but it didn’t sound like he was upset or in pain. 

“Still okay?” she asked softly, stroking his thigh. 

“Wait a second,” he whispered, so she stilled. He took a few moments, breathing calmly, looking at her before he finally gave her the go ahead. She pushed into him the rest of the way, pausing once to give him time to adjust. He bucked his hips against her though, and she gasped. The tight heat was getting the better of her, and she had to take a moment before she gave him the friction he craved. She started out slow, wanting to keep easing forward until she knew he was alright for sure. His arms were straining, biceps bulging as he pulled at the cuffs. “Harder, please, Liv, come on.” She held his hips in a tight grip, earning a groan as she picked the pace up. She was pounding into him over and over again, and he was moaning, encouraging it. She was glad to see he was feeling more like himself, he was feeling ready to try more and more levels of intimacy. Liv slowed down, and he let out a little noise, but then she started rutting into him, nice and slow. It was different, but equally as satisfying. She leaned over him and kissed him, and he responded well, leaning into her touches. She reached between their slick bodies, starting to stroke him in time with her thrusts, and his head fell back. 

“That’s it baby,” she whispered. “Let it go, come for me. It’s okay.” He sobbed as his body tensed, bucking, and she worked him through it. Finally, he was a boneless mess on the bed, and it took her two thrusts to finish on her own. She carefully pulled out of his sensitive body, releasing the cuffs and inspecting his wrists. They were a little red where the cuffs had been, but it wasn’t as worrying as when she used her actual cuffs. She liked the padded one better, but Rafael seemed to like the actual cuffs much more. Liv tied the condom off, tossing it in the trash before stroking his hair as he laid there, trying to recover. “How do you feel?” she asked softly. 

“Good,” he breathed. “God, that was good.” 

“I’m glad,” she whispered. 

“Talking to me was good,” he said. “You kept me grounded.” Liv squeezed his hand. “I like the real cuffs better,” he said, and she laughed. 

“I know you do,” she said, pulling him over so he would lean against her chest. She stroked her fingers through his hair. 

“I forgot how much I hate condoms,” he said softly. “I don’t like the extra barrier.” Dr. Cooper had snuck them just enough birth control to cover his last heat, but now they were back to usng condoms and he was less than amused with it. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you about that,” Liv said. “I just need to the take the papers to that psychiatrist George set you up with and get them signed, and then I’m going to turn them in to city hall. I can get you pills then. I just need to know what you want. It’s your decision, but Rafa, I do want you to think about the health effects of taking suppressants. You’ve already been on them so long. I can get you birth control.” 

“I don’t know, Liv,” Rafael whispered. “That would mean dealing with heats every month. Can I afford to take that time off of work if I get my job back?” 

“We could do it together,” Liv whispered. “It wouldn’t be so bad.” 

“It would give you a reason to stay home with me if I don’t get my job back,” he joked softly, and Liv smiled. 

“Just get me the birth control until I’m through this heat. I want my suppressants then,” he said softly. Liv sighed, but nodded, stroking her hand over his bare skin. She was starting to feel to hot in her clothes, so she shimmied out of them, tucking herself against Rafael as he started to fall asleep. 

………………………..

Liv was packing her bag, folding up new dresses and tank tops for their trip. She had safely put together the bag with all his toys and the various things she had for his heat. She was looking in the closet for sandals when she heard Rafael’s phone go off from the nightstand. He was in the shower, so she grabbed it, answering. “Hello?” she asked. 

“Sergeant Benson, I presume?” the voice said, and Liv frowned. 

“Yes, can I help you?” she asked. 

“It’s Jack McCoy, I’m actually calling to speak with Mr. Barba if he’s available,” the voice said, and Liv swallowed. This was when they would find out about Rafael’s job. She was sure of it. She started toward the bedroom door, heading out in the hallway. 

“Let me get him,” Liv said. She knocked on the bathroom door, hearing the shower turn off, and she went in. Rafael was dripping as he wrapped a towel around his waist. “It’s Jack McCoy,” she said softly, and Rafael swallowed heavily reaching for the phone. She stood there, waiting to hear. 

“Hello?” Rafael asked. She heard McCoy’s muffled voice, but she couldn’t tell what he was saying. “I’m doing alright. I’ve recovered well.” There was more muffled talking. “Understood. Yes, sir. Yes sir, in two days actually. Thank you. I appreciate this opportunity. I won’t.” When he hung the phone up, a smile stretched onto his face, and his eyes were shining with tears. “He got my job back,” Rafael said, his voice breaking. 

“Oh, Rafa,” Liv said, gathering him up into her arms with no attention paid to the water that was dripping from his skin. “I’m so happy for you, honey, you deserve this.” 

“Thank you for believing in me,” he whispered, pressing his face against her shoulder. He sniffled. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, always,” Liv promised. He peeked down at the necklace that was still around his neck and he smiled. 

“Uh, actually, I got you something,” he said. “Let me just—” He headed into the bedroom, changing into jeans and a sweater. Liv watched as he rummaged through the drawer beside her bed, but then she heard the doorbell. She went out to answer it, taking a step back when she saw Fin and an unfamiliar blond haired man standing behind him. 

“Fin,” she said, “What are you doing here?” 

“The new detective,” he said, gesturing behind him. “I thought you would want to meet him.” 

“Right,” Liv said, opening the door so they could come inside. 

“How’s Barba?” Fin asked. 

“Better, he’s getting there,” Liv replied. 

“Good, he needs to come back. The new ADA is god awful,” Fin said, rolling his eyes. Liv left them in the living room, getting drinks, and when she returned she turned toward the blonde detective with the mustache. He seemed eager which she liked, and she could smell the neutral scent of a beta. It would be nice to have a little bit more diversity in the office. 

“I’m Olivia,” she said. 

“Sonny Carisi,” the blonde said, offering his hand. Liv asked him a few questions, listening to his answers before she heard footsteps behind her. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t find where I put it, and I needed to--Oh..” Rafael trailed off, and Liv winced. She had forgotten he was about to give her something. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said. 

“No worries,” Fin said. “How are ya Barba? We miss you.” 

“Better,” Rafael said, clearing his throat. “I don’t know what I’d do without Liv.” 

“Rafa, this is Detective Carisi,” Liv said. “He’s joining on at SVU. Sonny, this is actually SVU’s ADA, Rafael Barba.” Rafael took a seat near Liv, looking intimidated by a person that he didn’t know. She put a calming hand on his leg. Carisi offered his hand to Barba without thought, and she smiled. She already liked having a beta around. Anything other than another alpha. Rafael swallowed before taking the detective’s hand, and then he seemed to recognize the scent and he relaxed a little bit more. 

“You can call me Sonny,” Carisi said. 

“Barba,” Rafael replied, a soft smile on his face. He was quiet for a second before he looked at Carisi. “You might want to shave the mustache or you’ll scare the victims.” Liv laughed softly. Carisi laughed before looking at him again. 

“You’re the guy who put Adam Cain away right? You let him choke you with a belt? I didn’t realize you were an omega. That’s pretty neat,” Carisi said, and Rafael stared at him for a second, suddenly concerned about where the detective got all that information. He knew his name may have already appeared in the news, and if it hadn’t yet, it would soon. “Sorry, I’m in night school, Fordham Law, and I did a term paper on that case. You have an impressively high conviction rate.” 

“I try,” Rafael said softly. 

“So, when are you coming back, Barba? We need you,” Fin said. Rafael smiled. 

“The DA just called and said I can have my job back. Liv and I are going on a trip, but hopefully pretty soon,” Rafael said. 

“Ooh,” Fin said, smirking at them. He turned to Carisi. “When she says, ‘Barba, my office,’ we all know it’s just code for a booty call so don’t open the door.” Carisi laughed, and Liv’s jaw dropped. Rafael snorted beside her, face flushing slightly. 

“That’s enough Fin,” Liv said, putting a hand on Rafael’s back. She knew Fin meant well, and Barba knew that too, but Liv also knew Rafael would be on the butt end of a lot of jokes very soon.  

“I’m just kidding,” Fin said softly, and Rafael smiled, squeezing Liv’s hand so she knew he was okay. 

“Raf and I have plans, so why don’t you two head on out, and I’ll catch up with you both after the trip. If someone calls me, it better be a life or death situation. I’m talking someone is dying bad,” Liv said. “Don’t call me.” 

“Don’t worry Liv,” Fin said on the way out the door. “We’ll leave you and Barba alone so you can get nasty.” She glared at him as he laughed, walking out with Carisi. When she shut the door, Rafael was leaning against the wall. 

“Sorry about that,” she said. “I forgot they were coming.” 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. She took a step closer to him, crowding his space, and he smiled, tipping his chin for a kiss. She gave him what he wanted, jumping as the door opened behind them. 

“Sorry, I left my hat--see, getting nasty,” Fin said, snatching the garment from the coat rack, and laughing as he left again. 

“Maybe we should give him something to talk about,” Rafael joked softly with a laugh. “You could bend me over your desk…” He trailed off, and Liv knew by the smirk on his face that he was joking. 

“Not gonna lie, that sounds like fun,” she whispered. “We don’t need anymore chatter though. I think you’ve had enough.” 

“Maybe after hours,” he whispered. “My desk. No one would be there, the door locked, blinds drawn. It wouldn’t be so bad.” Liv snorted. 

“Let’s table that,” she said. “Maybe we can revisit later. You had something you wanted to give me?” 

“Right,” he said, “Let’s go to the couch.” He sat down, and Liv took a seat next to him. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a little box. “You got me this wonderful necklace that is now my most prized possession.” He shot her a soft smirk, and she smiled back. 

“Such a schmooze,” she whispered, and he laughed. 

“Wow, way to interrupt my grandiose speech. Now I need to start from the beginning,” Rafael said, feigning offense. 

“Shut up,” Liv whispered.

“I got you something,” he whispered, handing the box to her, and she popped the lid open, taking a look at the little charm bracelet that sat inside. It matched his chain and ring in color, a little  charm with with pink opal and his name engraved over the setting. There was also a little gold heart charm and a key that sat over top of it. Liv looked up to him. “You have the key to my heart,” he whispered, and Liv felt tears burning her eyes and she pulled him close, first for a tight hug and then a kiss. 

“I love it,” she whispered. “Put it on me.” She held her wrist out, and he fastened the little bracelet on her wrist. “It’s perfect,” she said. “I’ll always protect your heart,” Liv murmured, pushing him back on the couch so she could kiss him again. He clutched at her, moaning softly, but then he turned his face, pulling back. “You okay?’ she asked softly. 

“Yeah, just--yeah,” he whispered, shaking himself slightly. “Sorry. Maybe we should just save our energy for the trip.” 

“Okay,” Liv said softly, stroking his hair. She sat up. 

“Sorry,” he repeated, and she took his hand. 

“Don’t be,” she whispered. “Let’s go finish packing. I love you. It’s okay when you need to stop. You just tell me.” He followed her back to the bedroom, taking the clothes she folded and putting them in her suitcase wordlessly. He seemed a little lost in his own head. They made quick work of her clothes, and she frowned when he didn’t even comment on a few of the more skimpy outfits. There were a few that wouldn’t see the outside of their hotel room. She grabbed his bag, folding up the new clothes she’d purchased for him. She had dragged him out shopping, but he had enjoyed it more than he would admit. They got him new khaki shorts, beach shorts, a couple loose, light button downs, polos, anything he wanted really. She knew he liked to update his wardrobe regularly, and she liked to spoil him. He hadn’t complained when she paid for his clothes, knowing she would let him pay for something later to make up for it. 

He was wordlessly taking whatever she gave him and placing it in his suitcase, and she was getting more and more worried. Finally, he stood up, clearing his throat. “I’m uh, I’m going to step outside,” he said. Liv watched him go down the hall, grabbing his winter jacket, and she went after him, leaning against the wall, watching as he stepped out onto the balcony and lit a cigarette. He had been smoking more regularly since the assault, and she sure as hell wasn't going to give him a hard time. He needed to find ways to cope. She knew having a cigarette calmed his anxiety down. He seemed better when he came back, going back to the bedroom and starting to get his own things together. 

“Honey,” Liv said, wrapping her arms around him. 

“I’m fine,” he whispered, but there was a tremor in his voice. 

“Okay,” she said, knowing she needed to trust him. He took a seat on the bed, dropping his head into his hands. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Liv gently grabbed his wrists, moving his hands from his face.    
“Hey, it’s okay,” she said softly. He shook his head, tears filling his eyes. 

“It’s just that he—he finished and let me drop to the ground, and then he kissed me, and it was like that was worse than any of the rest of it. He kissed me and I couldn’t stop him. He tasted like beer. I’m sorry,” he said, and Liv pulled him close. He pressed his face against her shoulder. “I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about him. I just want to love you and enjoy our time together. I’m sorry.” 

“I came on really strong, and it’s okay. It’s not your fault Rafa,” Liv said softly. “It’s alright. I’m right here. Cry if you need to, talk if you need to. I’m here.” 

"It’s not your fault Liv, I hate that I can’t just get a grip on my emotions. One second I’m fine and the next, I’m falling apart,” Rafael whispered. “I wanted to run when I saw Fin and the new detective before I realized he was a beta. I mean, I’m a mess.”

“You have to give yourself time,” Liv said. “You have to forgive yourself.” 

“That’s what George said,” Rafael whispered. 

“George is very smart,” Liv replied, rubbing his back. 

“I just—I don’t know how,” Rafael said.    
“Tell me how you feel,” Liv said. 

“I feel responsible. I still do. I put myself in that horrible position. I went without you,” Rafael said. 

“Tell me what you would have done differently,” Liv whispered, holding his hand. 

“I would have waited for you. I wouldn’t have gone alone. I would have fought harder,” Rafael whispered tearfully. 

“If you waited for me, he wouldn’t have given you the pills,” Liv said. “You had to be there on time so you left. I was the one who messed it up. If I had been here on time, you would have had me there with you, and I want you to tell me how you possibly could have fought harder when your body was failing you.” 

“I don’t know,” Rafael whispered. “It feels like there should have been something that I could have done.” 

“I know it does, you want a reason, but Rafa, there isn’t one. There was nothing you could do, and sometimes that’s hard to understand, but it wasn’t your fault. It’s time to let go of the guilt. It’s the only way you’ll feel better,” Liv said. He nodded, wiping at his eyes. “Believe me. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.” 

"I don't know what I'd do without you," Rafael whispered. 

“You’d be fine. Now come on, let’s get you packed so we can leave tomorrow,” Liv said. 

He took his bag this time, starting to rearrange the clothes the way he wanted. He added shoes and other various items from his dresser and the bathroom. Liv was finishing up packing her carry on when he zipped up his suitcase, moving it beside hers. He put a few books and a jacket into his carry on along with his charger and wallet, and then they were ready to go. Liv pulled Rafael into her arms once they’d settled in bed, kissing his neck and forehead. “It’s all going to be alright,” she promised, and he nodded. He pressed his face against her neck, closing her eyes and relaxing as she rubbed his back. Somehow, she made it seem like everything was going to turn out okay. 

………………….

Rafael woke up when Liv got out of bed, but she kissed his forehead, whispering that he should go back to sleep. He rolled over, pulling the blankets over him and shutting his eyes once more. He heard her rustling around in the bedroom and then it was quiet again. He was half asleep when she came back, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Rafa, you should get a shower before we leave. The car will be here soon to take us to the airport,” she whispered. He groaned, rolling back over and opening his eyes.  

“You got a shower without me?” he whispered, pouting as he noticed her damp hair, and she laughed.  

“I’m going to make sure we have everything like our passports and wallets and tickets while you’re in the shower,” Liv whispered, pecking his lips in lieu of an apology.  

“Fine,” he whispered, dragging himself out from under the warm covers. He trudged to the bathroom, starting the water and stripping as it warmed up. He climbed under the spray, letting it wash over his shoulders for a few moments before he reached for the soap. He washed his hair and scrubbed body wash over himself before rinsing the suds away. He was working the soap out of his hair when Liv knocked on the bathroom door. 

“Rafa?” she called. “Hurry up, we need to leave soon.”

“Coming!” he called, finishing up. When he climbed out, he quickly did his hair and finished getting ready before he met Liv by the door, dressed in a tight pair of jeans and a short sleeve button down with little anchors across the fabric. It was one of the shirts Liv had picked, but he liked it. He had chosen a few things of his own, and they were packed safely in the bag as a surprise for Liv. He was excited, but there was also this tight ball of worry deep inside of him. He wasn’t really sure why he was so stressed out, but he was trying to remind himself that it was going to be great. It was only him and Liv, and they were finally going to cement their relationship, something that had seemed entirely impossible a mere year earlier. She was giving him everything he’d ever dreamed of and more, and it meant so much to him. 

“Honey.” Liv’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. She straightened the collar of his shirt before holding a jacket out to him. It was still cold in New York even though it was going to be blazing hot once they reached their island destination. Liv had everything ready for him, and he just followed her out to their car. The ride to the airport was quiet, Liv holding his hand in the car, and he was grateful that he had her to keep him grounded. “Are you feeling alright?” Liv asked. 

“I’m okay,” Rafael whispered. 

“Nervous?” she asked softly, and he nodded. “It’s okay, me too a little bit. Are you hungry? I’ll get you some breakfast after we get through security.” 

“Okay,” Rafael said, and Liv squeezed his hand. He carried the luggage in, but the airport wouldn’t let him check it, so Liv had to do that part. She had all their papers together. Getting Rafael’s passport rushed had been a pain in the ass, but they had required her signature for it just like most of his other papers. She had his birth control sitting in her carry on bag. All their papers were through, so technically, legally, they were bonded. All that was left was to follow through. She knew it took a lot of trust for Rafael to do this. It was hard for an omega to remove themself from the relationship if anything changed. Liv knew that she would never deny him an out if he wanted one, but not all alphas were like her. He didn’t look happy when they asked him if he had his alpha with him at the security gate. They turned to her. 

“It’s alright if we check him in?” the man asked, and she looked apologetically at Rafael. 

“If he’s fine with it, I am,” Liv said. 

“Go ahead already,” Rafael practically bit, wanting the guy to just check his ticket and ID and let him through. The man glared at him, pulling him aside, and Liv sighed. 

“You’re lucky she likes you,” he said softly, glancing at Liv before he started to pat Rafael down. “Most alphas wouldn’t put up with such a disrespectful omega.” Liv saw him tense, but he held himself together until the guard let him continue through. Liv grabbed his hand on the way over to the metal detectors. 

“Ignore him,” she said softly. “Are you okay?” 

“I need to learn to keep my mouth shut,” he said softly, and Liv’s heart hurt. 

“No you don’t,” she replied. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He smiled this sad little raise of his lips.

“I’m not going to embarass you,” he said softly, and Liv wanted to pull him into her arms right there and then, but they still had security to get through. She put their bags through the machine, and Rafael went through the metal detector first. He was docile and complacent, and she didn’t like it. He was quiet after that until they finally were through security and to the gate. Liv took a seat, and Rafael sat beside her. He looked upset and it broke her heart. 

“Honey, why don’t you go pick out something to eat,” Liv suggested. 

“I’ll just have whatever you want,” he whispered, his shoulders slumping. 

“You don’t even like what I usually get,” Liv said softly. He wasn’t a fan of the egg white sandwiches she prefered. He just shrugged. “Stop this,” she said, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know people suck, trust me, but you don’t have to listen to them. Get what you want to eat for breakfast. Be yourself with me. I love you because you’re Rafa, okay?” He shrugged again a little bit, and she sighed. She put her hands over his cheeks, directing his gaze to hers. “I want you to enjoy yourself. Don’t let a couple of fucked up, insecure alphas ruin your day. I can literally feel how unhappy you are Rafa, come on. Let me help you.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m not used to being treated this way. It’s been a long time since I went anywhere where people didn’t think I was an alpha.”

“I know they ask me for permission, but you just tell me what you want, and I’ll always do that. I hate the way they treat you,” Liv whispered. “Let’s have a nice time. Soon we’ll be under the warm sun, and it’s going to be perfect.” Rafael sighed again, reaching for her, and she kissed him softly. “Now how about you go buy me some breakfast.” He stood up, going to find food while she sat with the bags. She was so excited to get to their beach house where they could relax together away from the real world. It was a secluded getaway that she hoped helped with some of the unease Rafael had been feeling. He had clearly been on edge for a day or two, and she thought this might be just what he needed. It didn’t take long for him to return with her breakfast sandwich and bagel for himself. 

“At least they let me purchase food for myself,” he said softly. That wasn’t entirely true. When they turned in their papers, Liv had to sign a waiver to free his bank account up for free use which she had done immediately. All the hoops that he had to jump through made her roll her eyes. He was more than capable of handling his own life, and he didn’t need her telling him when he could and couldn’t buy things, travel places or anything else for that matter. It was completely out of hand. 

Liv was glad to see him seemingly feeling better. He was eating his bagel, still rather quiet, but he didn’t seem as distressed as before. It wasn’t too long before they finally were able to board the plane, and Rafael took the window seat immediately. Liv put their bags up in the top compartment, sitting down beside him and watching fondly as he looked out the window. “Do you like flying?” she asked softly. 

“Take off makes me a bit nervous,” he replied. “It’s been awhile since I flew anywhere. We never had the money when I was a kid, and I usually took a bus back to school because I was on scholarship. I took that ski vacation, and sometimes they fly me to conferences.” 

“Just hold my hand,” Liv said softly. He smiled, reaching for it. She squeezed gently as they waited for the plane to take off, and when it started, Rafael’s grip tightened. She rubbed his arm gently and whispered to him which helped to reduce some of his tension. Once the plane was safely in the air, he calmed down, leaning against her and falling asleep rather quickly. She was glad to see him getting some rest. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's chapter 15. Hope you guys enjoy!

When they landed, Liv shook Rafael awake, and he blinked at her a few times. “Morning sleepy head,” she teased, and he blushed, clearing his throat. “Come on, let’s get to our house.” Liv could feel her clothes sticking to her sweaty skin. She wanted to get changed and take a shower. She was also starving, and she laughed when she heard Rafael’s stomach grumble. 

“I feel disgusting,” he complained softly as he followed her through the throngs of people who were getting off the plane. 

“We can get a shower,” Liv said, “And then, we have reservations at a restaurant if you’re not too tired.” 

“Mm as long as it’s not black tie,” Rafael said, and Liv smiled. 

“Not tonight,” she said softly. She had arranged for their luggage to be brought to their room, so they headed out to their waiting car. It wasn’t a long ride, and Liv was more than grateful to finally be at the resort. When she checked in, she had to provide them with both her and Rafael’s IDs, and she checked around, looking to see where Rafael was. She spotted him sitting in a chair, out of earshot, messing around on his phone. “I don’t want anyone bothering him. Absolutely no one. If he wants something, it’s his. You don’t have to ask my permission. He can make his own decisions. Understood?” Liv asked, and the young man nodded, wide eyed. “I need a car in a few hours, we’re going out to eat.” The man nodded again, and Liv took the two room keys he offered, waving at Rafael. He stood up and followed her to the car, heading to their private house. When they finally made it in the door, Liv set her bag down, looking around. It was spacious and gorgeous, the view amazing. They could see the clear blue ocean. The master bedroom was on the second floor with an ensuite and a massive king sized bed. It was a four poster bed, sitting over top of a mahogany colored hardwood, and there was a balcony that overlooked the ocean. Downstairs, the living area led out to a patio with a private pool. Liv was so excited to have all this time to themselves at such a luxurious resort. The little villa was private and their own, and they wouldn’t be bothered unless they called for room service. Liv set their carry on bags on the bed, and she was starting to look around in the bathroom when she heard Rafael trudging up the steps. 

“Found the luggage,” he said, a young man following him with two of the bags. Rafael had carried one of them himself to make it easier. Liv was glad to be able to rifle through the bag for new clothes. Rafael was looking in his own suitcase, moving things around until he produced a pair of khaki shorts and a patterned, short sleeved button down. He zipped his bag up, leaving it on the bed then, and he jerked his head toward the bathroom. 

“Go start the shower,” Liv said. “I’m just gonna grab my clothes and I’ll join you in a second.” 

“Don’t be too long,” Rafael said with a smile on his face, and she could tell he was in a much better mood than before. She grabbed a strappy white dress that she had bought, and knew Rafael would love before heading into the bathroom to join him. A shower sounded heavenly after their long flight. She could see Rafael’s body through the steamed up door of the shower. It was huge, a walk in, and was practically melting from the heat. She quickly shed her clothes, climbing in with him, and pressing her body against his slick and soapy skin. He hummed appreciatively, turning around and connecting their lips. His kiss was soft and slow, and Liv kept it that way, running her hands down his back, settling them just over his ass. He started to rub soap into her skin, and she smiled, their faces just inches apart. “I’m so glad we’re here,” he whispered. 

“Me too,” Liv murmured back, rinsing the suds from her body. She was purposefully keeping her hands above his waist line, not wanting to torture him before dinner. She also was trying to let him have space until he expressed interest in intimacy. He had been rather hesitant recently, and Liv didn’t want to push him into anything. Especially not when his heat was going to start making decisions for him soon. His body would be overrun by need, and he would be miserable if he didn’t give into its demands. 

When they finally left the warmth of the shower, they dressed and Liv did her makeup. She caught herself admiring the way Rafael’s shirt hugged his muscles. He was pulling on a pair of flip flops with leather straps. She had a pair of strappy sandals that she was fastening, and then they were ready to go. Rafael held her hand as they walked out to the car. It took them to the boardwalk, and they strolled down it, enjoying the nice weather until they reached the popular restaurant that Liv had booked their dinner at. Rafael took a seat at the table, looking at the menu, and Liv lightly bumped his foot. He looked up with a little smile, reaching across the table for her hand. When the waiter came over, he looked to Liv. “I’ll have a cabernet please,” she said, and he looked at her once more. She sighed. “Go ahead and order Rafa,” she said, and the waiter looked flustered. 

“Scotch, please,” Rafael said. “Neat.” The waiter nodded, scurrying off. Liv smiled at him, and he smiled back which she hoped meant that small interaction hadn’t bothered him too much. It bothered her a lot. She wasn’t sure why they felt like Rafael couldn’t order food for himself. The mayor had mentioned that he felt some of the laws were outdated, and she hoped that meant change was on its way. Rafael sipped at his scotch when the man brought it back, and when they ordered their dinner, he seemed to have gotten the message that Rafael didn’t need to consult her before ordering. Rafael wasn’t very talkative, but she couldn’t feel any tension radiating off of him like she had been sensing for days. He seemed happy. He ate his dinner, and he paid the bill. Liv snickered a little bit when she saw the waiter’s face as Rafael handed his card over. 

……………………

Liv was sitting out by the pool when Rafael appeared at the door to the patio, clad in one of the bathrobes from the closet. She had her feet dipped in the water, still wearing her dress from earlier. They had spent part of the evening strolling on the beach before wading in the water just a little bit. Rafael had carried her sandals for her on the way back to the house. He seemed so relaxed. “Coming in?” Liv asked softly, but he shook his head. 

“I was actually wondering if you wanted to come to bed?” he asked, his voice low, and Liv felt a rush of heat settling in the pit of her stomach. 

“How could I ever say no to you,” Liv murmured, standing up and towling her legs off. “I’m just going to rinse off really quick. I’ll be out in a few.” She went in the bathroom, quickly rinsing off in the shower and fixing her makeup. She took the dress off, sliding into her own robe before heading back out to the bedroom. Rafael was laying on his stomach on the bed, clad in only a pair of little, white lace boy shorts. Her mouth went dry. “Rafa,” she breathed, climbing on the bed beside him. She was rubbing little circles across his lower back. “Where did these come from?” 

“I thought you might like them,” he whispered. “I bought them a few days ago. I wanted to wear them during my heat, but we both know it would be miserable, so I thought we might just celebrate a little tonight.” The lace was stretched tight over his ass, and she wanted to devour him. He smiled up at her a little shyly. 

“Oh, honey, stand up. I want to see,” Liv said settling back on the bed against the pillows. Rafael stood, a slight flush spreading across his skin. He stood there, a little self consciously, but Liv thought he was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. The shorts were bordering on too small, and the bulge in the front was growing by the minute. “Turn,” she said softly, and he shifted around letting her see him from the back once more. 

“So you like them?” he asked softly, and Liv smiled when he finally turned back around. 

“Come over here and let me show you how much,” she whispered, and he took a few steps toward her. “Have you ever worn something like this before?” Liv asked as she pulled him close, pressing kisses to his chest, her hand groping his ass through the little shorts. 

“No,” he breathed. “This is a first.” 

“I feel special,” Liv said. “I’m the only one who gets to see your beautiful body like this.” 

“Only you,” he agreed, biting his lip as a moan rose from his chest. Her hands were squeezing at his ass, and he was starting to get hot and flustered. His erection was straining against the delicate fabric, and Liv decided she was going to have to ask him to model them again later during the trip. 

“Come on up here,” Liv said softly. He climbed on the bed, looking at her questioningly. “Lay down on your belly,” she whispered. She had half a thought to pull them down a little bit and just go at him, but she didn’t want to ruin the pretty underwear. She liked them too much. “I’m gonna take these off,” she said softly. “Is that okay?” 

He nodded, shifting around to get more comfortable. Liv hooked her fingers in the lace, gently pulling it from his hips, revealing soft, tanned skin that she knew so well. “Take the robe off,” he asked softly, and Liv obliged, dropping it to the floor. Rafael shifted up to his hands and knees, begging. “Please, Liv, I’m already so worked up.” 

“I know, honey,” she said softly. “Hold on for me for just a second.”  She pressed herself tight against his back, trying to appease him, and he pushed his hips back against her. Liv had to grab ahold of them to still him, pressing two fingers against his entrance. He was slick and he started pressing into the pressure, ignoring the hand that was palming over his left side, trying to steady him. 

“I already….” he trailed off into a moan as she pushed in slowly, and he worked himself back on her fingers. “I prepped,” he whispered, hoarsely.

Liv didn’t make him wait too long. She grabbed his hips, squeezing gently as she slicked up to make it easier. She was slow and patient, pushing into him gently, and he was moaning, his head hanging between his shoulders, soft gasps with each inch that he took. When she was finally buried inside of him, he came up from his elbows, hands flat on the bed as he shoved himself back against her. She tightened her grip, flexing her hips a few times until he gave up on holding himself up and dropped to his forearms again. He was moaning softly, and Liv reached an arm under his chest, pulling him up again. She was rutting into him, more of a grind than a thrust, and he was expressive as always. “ _ Fuuuck _ , Liv, please.” 

“Shh,” she whispered, running her hands over his sweat soaked back. She wanted to see his face. “Turn over,” she whispered, slowly and carefully pulling out. He took a second to regain his bearings before he flopped onto his back, and Liv let him wrap his legs around her waist, crossing his ankles over the small of her back. She gently pushed back inside, and all his breath left him for a moment. He was gasping, pulling at liv so she would stretch over his body. She kissed him as she started pumping her hips once more, and she kept the pace slow and torturous, but it was perfect somehow. She needed to feel him, to hold him, to show him how much she loved him. His nails were digging into her back, but she didn’t care. She just kept her thrusts heavy and steady, brushing his prostate every few strokes, and he looked like he was in heaven, eyes shut, mouth falling open, swear words tumbling from his lips each time she hit his sweet spot. 

He came with a shudder coating them both in white, and Liv only took a few thrusts before she collapsed down against his sweaty chest. He threw his arms around her, keeping her close, and they laid together, skin sticking with sweat, words of endearment filling the soft silence along with the ragged sound of their breaths. “Liv?” he whispered, and there was a slight tremor to his voice. 

“What sweetheart?” she asked. 

“I’m so glad we came here. Somehow...somehow, I already feel better,” he said, and Liv felt tears building up. She hated seeing him sad, so that meant the world. 

“That makes me happier than you could know, Rafa,” Liv whispered, shifting around so she could spoon him. He turned over though, resting his face against her chest, and she stroked her fingers through his hair. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he whispered. 

……………….

Liv was in the room, relaxing on the bed after a long day walking around the beach and sitting by the pool. It was nice to be in such a tranquil place where she could talk to Rafael all day. She could hold him close and kiss him whenever she wanted. He had been so calm and relaxed. There hadn’t been any nightmares, any breakdown, and Liv was so proud of him. She couldn’t stop thinking about him in the those little shorts, but she didn’t ask him to wear them again. She thought maybe they should wait until his heat was over. She felt good laying on top of the cool sheets, but then she heard loud footsteps coming up the stairs. “Liv!” Rafael called. She sat up. They were getting ready to go out for dinner soon. He had just been down by the pool, dipping his legs in while she took a nap, but now it sounded like something was wrong. When he rounded the corner, he was covered in sweat, his face a warm pink color. He was breathing kind of heavy. “Shit, Liv, I don’t feel so well.” 

“Okay honey,” Liv said, helping him to the bed, so he could lay down. Liv laid her hand over his forehead. He was burning up completely. “It’s okay. It’s just your heat.” 

“ _ Liiiiivvv _ ,” he sobbed, and she crawled up in the bed beside him. 

“I’m here. I’m right here, Rafa. Let’s get these clothes off you.” Clothes were nearly unbearable for him. He usually would only wear a loose pair of boxers if he wasn’t curled up in bed the entire time. Liv pulled his shorts off, tossing them on the floor beside the bed. She went for his tee shirt next, and then he was only in boxers, spread out under her on the bed, and she could smell him. It was intoxicating. The heat made him smell so enticing. She knew he needed a little bit of relief, so she got straight to work. Teasing him would be too cruel. She pulled the boxers from his hips, leaning down and kissing his belly before grasping his cock in a loose fist. His hips jerked up immediately, and Liv smiled. “I’ve got you honey. Just relax.” She was trying to keep her voice soothing, a comfort for him. It was easy for him to get so lost in the heat, and she needed to keep him grounded, to make sure he was okay. She kissed over his soft skin, making her way down to his erection. He gasped when she kissed the head, a rush of precome welling to the tip. He was so sensitive, practically sobbing when she let her warm breath billow over it. She started giving him tighter strokes with her hand, and he was on the verge of actually sobbing. She kissed down the underside of his shaft, giving his balls some attention, an he arched into her hand. 

“Please, Liv, please,” he begged. She smiled up at him before taking him into her mouth more fully. His hands were bunched in the sheets, and she smiled to herself. He was naturally good at taking instructions from her in the bedroom. He wouldn’t grab onto her hair without asking permission. 

“You can touch, honey,” she whispered, stroking his thigh as she pulled off for a moment, hand sliding easily over his shiny erection. He slid his fingers into her hair gently, and she went back down on him, bobbing as his breathing picked up. When he seemed close, she pulled off, running her hands over his sweaty skin, waiting a few moments before she pulled at his leg, hooking it over her shoulder. He jerked his hips forward as she ran her tongue over his hole. He was gasping like he could barely breathe, bucking against her, grabbing at something to steady himself. 

“Fuck, Liv, please don’t stop,” he said, looking red and flushed. She was gently coaxing his muscles open with her tongue, making him keen and sob. His stomach was tightening up considerably, and as she started jerking him off, his breathing was getting to the point where she knew he was about to lose it. His thighs tensed up, and he managed one small squeak of her name before he was coming all over his belly. 

“Feel better?” she asked softly, and he nodded, whimpering slightly as he flopped onto his side. He laid there, in a lump for a little while, and Liv rubbed his back after wiping him off. Finally, he passed out, and she smiled, kissing over his bare skin. She got up, heading to the bathroom to get a shower. She wanted to be clean and ready for his next flare up. She wasn’t sure how long she could hold off on knotting him, but she wanted to wait until the peak of his heat when it would be the most comfortable for him. She knew if they tied, she was going to have an overwhelming urge to bond, and she wasn’t sure she could hold off. She was going to see if he wanted to try a few toys when he woke up so she could wait, but even the lasting smell of him was making her hot and bothered as she climbed in the shower, the water running over her shoulders. She was going to be up late with him. It was inevitable. He usually only lasted a few hours before he needed more attention unless she really tired him out. 

After she dried off, she slipped into a tee shirt and a pair of Rafael’s boxers. It was his teeshirt too. It was a little surprising to her how much she liked to steal his clothes. His scent affected her a lot more than any scent ever had before. He made her feel at home. She liked to slip into his sweatshirts some nights, especially when they stayed at her apartment. Now that they were in a hotel room that didn’t smell like either of them, it was extra helpful. She curled up beside him, napping so she would be able to take care of him when he woke up. 

………………

Liv was pulled from her light slumber by movement on the bed. She blinked, groaning and rolling over. It had only been about an hour. She blinked again, vision clearing. Rafael was piling blankets and pillows on the bed. There were pillows from the couch downstairs. There was this compulsive, set look on his face as he was working, and he looked consumed.  _ Nesting _ . She hadn’t ever seen it first hand, and it hadn’t seemed like Rafael was prone to the behavior, but she thought maybe it had something to do with being in a foreign place. She saw a few of her tee shirts piled up with his collection of soft objects. He was still working, and she grabbed for him. “Rafael, honey,” she said, but he didn’t seem to hear her. “Rafa.” She grabbed him, forcing him to look at her. “Hey.” 

“Hi,” he said. 

“Can you stop? You’re worrying me a little bit,” she said softly. 

“Sorry,” He whispered. “It makes me feel safer. It just feels weird to be here.” Liv pulled him close, into the comfort of his little nest, rubbing his back and through his hair. It was very warm with all the blankets, and she didn’t mind with the air conditioning. She wanted him to feel comfortable. 

“I’m here,” she whispered. “Everything is okay.” He nodded against her. “Do you nest a lot?” He shook his head. 

“I made one in my closet once when I was a teenager,” he said softly. “I was always scared my father might...I thought he might do something to me, but he never crossed over that far. He just used me as a punching bag. Anyways, he wrecked it.” Liv got him to lay back down and relax against the blankets. He was pressing his face into her tee shirt that he must have stolen from her suitcase. Liv pressed herself against him, and he closed his eyes, breathing in softly. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Liv said softly. “I’m going to get you through this heat, and then things are going to get better. Go back to sleep for a little bit.” He nodded, shutting his eyes and trying to settle in. Liv whispered to him until he finally drifted off to sleep the way she’d hoped. 

…………….

Rafael was moaning beneath her, legs spread wide as she eased the knotted dildo inside of him. She only was giving him half of it at the moment, trying to work him up slowly so it would last. He had a leg hooked over her thigh, his hand resting over her slick fingers that were steadying his hip. 

“Liv,” he whispered, his voice hoarse as he strained toward her. “I need more. I can take more.” Liv smiled at him lovingly, easing another half inch inside of him. “Fuuck,” he whispered. “I want the knot, come on.” 

“Hey you,” Liv said a little sternly. “Calm down a little.” 

“Sorry,” he whispered, sounding a little ashamed. He couldn’t keep the tone up for long though. He was too desperate. Liv wasn’t going to give it to him so quickly. He took another inch easily, and she wasn’t surprised. The toy wasn’t overly large, but it was definitely filling. He was easing his hips up each time she pushed it inside of him, practically begging for more. Liv finally gave him the rest up to the knot, and he moaned appreciatively. “God,” he groaned when he felt the knot pressing against him. Liv felt so flushed. He looked so gorgeous spread around the toy, and he hadn’t even taken the widest part yet. “Please,” he breathed. “Please.” 

“Patient,” Liv whispered. 

“Jesus, Liv, I’m begging. I can’t be patient.” he sobbed. She took pity on him, pressing the toy forward until it was pushing against him. Nothing happened at first, but with steady pressure, he stretched even wider, taking the rest of it in with a loud groan. Liv jerked it back a little bit, catching it on the way out before pushing the toy fully inside of him, and he was arching off the bed, his stomach tightening. His muscles were quivering, and she loved taking him apart like this. She angled it up a little bit so it would his his prostate directly. He lasted only five more strokes. 

She had to ease it out of him, and he hissed, wincing before he finally was able to collapse onto the bed. Liv went to clean up quickly, but he grabbed her arm, looking at her leadingly. She managed to negotiate five minutes before she would come back and wrap him up in a tight hug. When she came back, he had pulled on one of her oversized tee shirts. She had a few that she liked that were just big enough to fit him, and he liked to steal them. She couldn’t bear to deny him what he wanted even if they were even more stretched out when he returned them. He’d managed to squirm into a pair of boxers, and Liv slid into the bed behind him, reaching her hands under his clothes so he could feel her against his skin. 

“Liv,” he whispered. “I don’t want to wait any longer. I need you to knot me next time.” 

“It might hurt a little bit when we bond,” she murmured by his ear. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” 

“I’m sure,” he replied, reaching down to cover her hand where it rested over his lower belly. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for you. I’m not waiting any longer.” 

“Okay honey,” Liv whispered against the back of his neck. “Sleep a little bit. I’m going to call for some room service. Is there anything that sounds good?” 

“Maybe a smoothie,” he whispered. 

“Strawberry?” Liv asked. He nodded sleepily. He was out cold within ten minutes, snoring softly, surrounded by blankets and pillows and Liv’s clothes, and she couldn’t help but look at him. He was so adorable, and she couldn’t help but notice how small he looked all curled up in a ball. She hadn’t ever felt so protective over someone in her life. She was going to do whatever she had to so that he was safe and happy. Nothing mattered to her more. 

………………

Liv woke Rafael up once she had the food in the room. She had ordered him some soup which she thought might appear more edible than anything more substantial. She got his smoothie, and she was having pasta. Rafael sat up blearily, rubbing at his eyes. He was still wearing Liv’s shirt, but he looked much more rested. She sat on the bed, rubbing his back gently as he woke up. “Morning,” she whispered. 

“Mmm, I’m still tired,” he complained. 

“You need to get some food in you,” Liv said. He pouted at her. 

“Liv,” he whined, but she glared. 

“Get your ass up,” Liv said. “Food.” Her stern tone seemed to affect him a little more than she expected, and he suddenly looked a little upset. She cursed softly at herself. He was extra sensitive at the moment, and she couldn’t be so harsh with him. “I’m sorry. That came out a little harsher than I meant it.” 

“Can I eat here?” he asked softly after a few moments, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You can eat wherever you want,” Liv said softly, reaching to push her fingers through his hair. He jerked back a little bit, and he was scrunched in on himself. Liv felt really bad for upsetting him, and she wasn’t sure how to make it better. “Rafa, I’m really

sorry.” 

“Can I--can I be alone for a little bit?” he asked softly. Liv closed her eyes, hating that she had somehow upset him so much. He was closed off to her, shutting down a little bit, resting his chin on top of his knees. She had to respect his space. He seemed tense, but when she stood up, he relaxed a little bit. Liv sighed. 

“I’m going to give you space,” Liv said. “I’ll be back in a little bit.” 

“Thanks,” he whispered. Liv left him with his food, and she went downstairs for a little bit. The bed was his safe spot right now, and she couldn’t infringe on that even if she desperately wanted to try and make up with him. She had been too harsh. Regularly, he wouldn’t have cared at all. He probably would have sassed her honestly, but he was vulnerable right now and stressed, and she had upset him. 

She waited a little while, but not too long. She couldn’t just sit there while she knew he was upset. When she went up the stairs? She braced herself, and sure enough, she saw tear tracks on his face as he sipped from his cup. It appeared that he had eaten a lot of his soup. “Hey,” she said softly. He swiped at his eyes before he looked at her. 

“Hi,” he whispered. 

“Can I come sit with you?” She asked. Rafael shrugged. She took a step toward him.    


“Can you not?” he asked softly. Liv kept her distance, respecting his wishes. The bed was what he’d chosen as his safe area, where he had piled all the pillow and blankets to provide himself some sort of comfort.    


“Look, Rafa, look at me,” she said softly. He sniffled, but he raised his eyes to meet her own. “I know I yelled at you, and I’m sorry. Can we try to figure this out?” He sniffled again before nodding. “Can I come up there?” He nodded again. Liv took a seat on the bed beside him. “I didn’t mean to be so loud,” she said softly. He nodded, leaning forward into her arms.    


“It’s okay,” he whispered. “This heat has me all emotional.” 

“I know,” Liv said softly against his hair. “I love you. I really didn’t mean to upset you.”    


“It wasn’t really your fault,” Rafael replied. “It’s just....I felt like I had to do what you said, and I know you didn’t mean to do that to me, but I’m much more suggestible right now, and I feel out of control.”    


“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” Liv said, and he clung to her. “Soon, you’ll feel better.”    


“It’s not really you,” he whispered, shutting his eyes.    


“I know this is hard for you,” Liv murmured. “I will try to never let that happen again. I don’t want to control you.”    


“I know you don’t, it’s just my damn biology. It makes it hard for us both,” Rafael whispered.    


“It makes you Rafael though, and I love every inch of you,” Liv replied. She was glad they had reached the crux of the issue. She couldn’t stand him being upset with her.    


“It makes me sad when you’re mad at me,” he whispered.   


“It’s the bond, Rafael,” Liv said. “And I’m not mad.”    


“Maybe you should punish me,” he whispered. Liv looked at him.    


“Punish you for what?” She asked. “I don’t think that’s smart, Rafa. You’re not thinking clearly.”    


“Liv,” he complained. “Don’t treat me like a little kid.”    


“I’m not,” she whispered. “Think hard about how you would feel if I started hitting you, whether it was a punishment or not, would you get upset?” he sighed, and Liv knew the answer was yes. He had been shoved around enough for either of them. It wasn’t like she was going to beat him up, but she didn’t think it was time yet. She didn’t feel  like either of them was ready for that. She certainly wasn’t. “I don’t think it’s time yet. Just wait a little bit, we can talk about it again some other time.”    


“Could we try something like edging? Maybe when we get home?” Rafael asked, and Liv sighed.    


“Maybe,” she allowed. He had already talked her into the handcuffs again.    


“You don’t have to treat me like a little kid,” he whispered, and Liv sighed, quietly taking his hand.    


“Let’s talk about this when we get home,” she whispered.    


“How about when my heat is over? We could try some edging, just for fun. Come on, I brought the ring,” he said, and Liv sighed.    


“I’ll think about it,” she said.    


“That’s all I ask,” he whispered, relaxing more as she laid them both down. “Does it make a difference to you if we adopted versus having a biological child?”    


“No, honey, it really doesn’t. I want to know what you want,” Liv said softly.    


“I still don’t know what I want. I just—I know I have a hard time picturing myself fat and pregnant, and I don’t think that’s what I want,” Rafael said.    


“Keep thinking, when you make a decision, you tell me, and I will respect whatever it is,” she reassured him, and he nodded. Liv was glad when he let her pull him back against her tightly. She wished that somehow she could make everything better for him.    


…............................  
Rafael barely had to say her name and she knew he was flaring up again. He was covered in sweat where he lay on the bed, and Liv had been sitting in one of the chairs off to the side, looking over the texts that Fin dared to send her. Liv put a hand on his leg, and he shivered. “I’m feeling very flushed already,” he whispered.   


“I can see that,” Liv said, smiling down at him.    


“I want you to do it,” he said, and she nodded. It was starting to get dark outside. She wasn’t sure she wanted to climb up on the bed with everything he had piled there. She grabbed for one of the blankets.    


“What if we do this on the floor?” she asked softly, and he whimpered a little bit. She knew he felt extra safe when he was within the nest he’d built, but she wanted somewhere that she could explore every last inch of his body.    


“Okay,” he finally whispered. Liv moved a few blankets to the ground along with a pillow to prop him up. She wanted this to be special. Rafael was moving to the floor while she started lighting some of the candles in their room. She dimmed the lights, grabbing for the lube that was tucked in her bag. She didn’t think he would need much. He had been practically dripping with slick earlier. She always worried about hurting him though, so it wouldn’t hurt to have it close by just in case. She had seen far too many omegas injured by careless or abusive alphas who only thought about their own needs. Liv knelt down by him, running her fingers through his thick, dark hair, grabbing for his hand to give it a squeeze. She covered his lips with her own, and he moaned softly into her mouth almost immediately. She kissed him for long moments at a time, running her fingers down his chest and over his pecs. He was already starting to breathe heavier, and she smiled. His green eyes were quite possibly her favorite sight in the whole world. She pulled her tee shirt from his body before she kissed his neck, and he was incredibly responsive. She was sure it was the anticipation. She gently dragged the pad of her thumb over his nipple as she kissed the hollow of his throat. His fingers were hesitating by her hair, and she smiled against his neck.    


“You can touch,” she whispered. He immediately grabbed at her hair, cupping the back of her head to keep her there. She bit down on his skin lightly, definitely not hard enough to break the skin, and he down right moaned.    


“Jesus Christ,” he whispered. 

“Can I mark you?” Liv asked softly, and Rafael nodded. She sucked at his neck, drawing the delicate skin between her teeth for moments at a time until she was sure there would be a purple spot there for all to see. She wasn’t usually so possessive, but there was something about what they were going to do that made her want to mark him even more. He was going to have a permanent mark very soon, so she held off on anything else. She knew he would say yes if she asked. He was clinging to her, arm wrapped around her side, clutching her to him. Liv licked down his chest, pressing open mouthed kisses and gently nipping at his skin. He was arching up against her, and she pushed him back down.

“Come on Liv, I can’t wait,” he whispered. “I need to feel you.” Liv wanted to tease him more, but she gave in, pulling at his boxer shorts. He lifted his hips so she could pull them off. He was sweating, and his legs were dripping with slick. Liv rubbed her hands over his belly and the down to his thighs, and he was quivering. 

“Okay,” Liv agreed. “Lift your hips.” he did as she asked, easing the pillow underneath him. She gently eased a finger inside of him, and he gasped, wriggling around. 

“Oh good lord,” he sobbed. “Come on.” 

“Shh,” she said with a chuckle, working a second finger in along with the first. He was still squirming, so Liv pulled her fingers out, shaking her head at him. 

“I don’t care if it hurts. I need you,” he said, looking at her seriously.

“Rafa,” she said softly. “I care if it hurts.” 

“It won’t,” he whispered. “I’m ready.” 

“Okay,” she breathed, stretching out over him so she could ease inside. Rafael lifted his hips to make it easier, and he groaned as she pressed most of the way inside of him. He was scratching at her back a little bit, trying to get her to keep going. His leg was hooked around the back of her thigh, trying to pull  her in harder and harder. Liv was going slowly, as slow as he would let her, but he was desperate. “Rafa, calm down. We’re going to slow up a little bit.” Liv was rocking leisurely, almost torturously slow, but Rafael was going to have to put up with it. He finally stopped complaining, his stomach tensing up as she started pumping his erection as she thrusted. She wanted him to feel aroused and good when she finally marked him. The better he felt, the less it would hurt. He was starting to push back against her, gasping desperately. Liv was running her fingers over the slick skin of his lower belly. She kept her movements slow, savoring the slick tightness. He always felt so good. The room felt like it was full of his smell. It was all she could focus on, that sweet scent, and she just wanted to press her face against his neck forever. She could feel herself pulsing and swelling to the occasion, and Rafael wasn’t helping anything with his loud and exaggerated groans. They were like music to her ears. 

“Please tell me the knot is coming soon, Jesus, Liv. I need it. Please,” he begged. 

“I’m getting there,” she breathed. She continued to work him slowly until her knot was swelling up enough that it caught against his rim on the way out. He could barely breathe. His stomach was clenching, and he was trying to stave off his orgasm. “Not yet,” Liv whispered, shoving back inside of him. 

“Fuck,” Rafael hissed, “Come on, come on.” Finally, she couldn’t pull out anymore, and they tied. “Now,” Rafael whispered, a glimmer of emotion in his eyes. Liv nodded, reaching for his hand to squeeze it quick. She leaned down, nuzzling against his neck and kissing over the scent gland before she bit into the sensitive area. He arched up, crying out and grabbing at her. She felt his semen hitting her belly as his body convulsed in pleasure. 

Liv felt him shudder beneath her as he came down, whimpering softly. She licked over the small wound. Hoping it wouldn’t hurt him too bad. She pumped her hips slightly, and he whimpered again. She figured he was probably oversensitized. “Rafa,” she breathed, and he opened his eyes. He looked dazed and almost overwhelmed. “I need you to mark me.” 

“Wha—?” He mumbled like it was the last thing he ever expected her say, and she supposed it might have been. It wasn’t common for omegas to mark alphas but it was important to her. He wasn't just hers. They belonged to each other. Rafael strained up, and Liv lowered herself to give him access to her neck. “Won’t it hurt?” he asked softly. 

Rafael wasn’t wrong. She wasn’t in heat, but his scent would be enough to dull the pain and make it bearable. She was pretty sure he was going to throw her into a rut if he kept smelling this delicious. “I’ll be fine sweetheart. Your scent will help.” She stroked her fingers through his hair, and he took a second before he did as she asked. It hurt a little bit, but Liv grit her teeth and breathed through the pain. Afterwards, it was like this tingling feeling, and she pressed her face against his neck again. She needed to come. Rafael let out little noises as she rutted her hips the best the knot would allow, and it didn’t take her long. Just knowing that they were finally bonded, that Rafael was hers, it was enough to push her over the edge. 

She felt this warmth inside of her as she lay with Rafael. She couldn’t have been happier. Sometimes, while they waited for the knot to deflate, they would talk softly, but the moment felt too important. It felt far too heavy to interrupt with words. Instead, Liv just held onto him, her face pressed against his damp hair. She couldn’t stop looking at the little chain that kept her ring dangled over his heart where it belonged. She found her voice after what felt like forever, and she leaned by his ear. “I love you. I really, really, love you. More than anything in the whole world.” 

“Liv,” he breathed, reaching for her hand. “Liv.” 

“I’m here,’ Liv whispered. “What do you need?” 

“I just feel….” he trailed off, sobbing softly. Liv squeezed him tight, trying not to worry. It wasn’t unusual for an omega to get emotional after knotting and especially because they bonded. She finally was able to pull out, and she gathered him up in her arms against her chest, and he whimpered wetly against her skin. Liv soothed him. He seemed overwhelmed. “I’m so happy,” he whispered. “I love you.” His voice was watery and distorted, but she could tell he was happy. “I was so nervous,” he whispered. “But somehow, I feel more at home than ever before. I feel whole.” He was curled up, tears dripping down his cheeks and Liv stroked his hair softly. 

“It’s okay,” she murmured, trying to calm him down, and he sniffled, snuggling into her. 

“I feel whole,” he finally repeated. 

“Me too,” she whispered, arm slung over his back, keeping him tight against her. There was this amazing sense of right that was deep inside of her. She could feel Rafael’s heart thudding against her chest, and she could feel his contentment. He felt incredibly calm, and that wasn’t an emotion that she could usually feel so strongly. 

“Liv,” he whispered, and she looked down at him. “I don’t want to go home.” 

“Me either.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do think I hit 30k of smut...oops. I'm really proud of the dialogue in this chapter :)

Liv was trying to sleep. It had been a long night, laying up with Rafael after they had moved to the bed, talking to him softly. He hadn’t been in the mood to sleep, so she had talked with him softly until he finally passed out from exhaustion. She couldn’t sleep then. She was too distracted by his face in the soft moonlight. Liv thought that she could watch him like that forever. She hadn’t ever felt like this before, and she never wanted to go back. Rafael made her heart soar every time she looked at him. She kept watching the jagged mark her teeth had left in his skin, wondering how it would look when it scarred over. It would be there forever. She reached up to feel the mark on her own neck, wincing slightly. It did sting. 

Eventually, she had closed her eyes and managed about an hour or two until she felt this fire burning beneath her skin. It was a momentary feeling before she heard some rustling beside her as she felt Rafael shift around. “Sorry,” He whispered. Then she was awake. She blinked, seeing Rafael curled in on himself. He was trying to hide it from her, to let her sleep. The burning was back, and she saw the reddening of his skin. He was flushed. She saw his hips shift against the bed, and he was trying to be quiet. She laughed a little bit. It was rather considerate of him, but they were here for his heat. She was here to take care of him through it. She felt an overwhelming urge to press herself against his back. She pulled at him, and he went easily, laying on his side, so Liv could snake her arms around his waist. He let out a breath, and she made sure their hips were pressed tight together. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered. “You were up with me all night.” 

“It’s okay,” Liv soothed, feeling his guilt. His emotions were like a slap in the face, impossible to ignore because she wasn’t used to their intensity. She gripped him firmly, giving him a few tight tugs and he whimpered. He opened his mouth, jaw going slack, and Liv reached her fingers down, pushing his balls out of the way so she could rub her fingers against his taint. His hips jerked, and she smiled. 

“I--I want….” he couldn’t finish his sentence.  _ I want your fingers.  _ Liv wasn’t sure exactly where the thought came from, but she looked at him, rubbing his side. She shifted her hand down to his ass. Her fingers traced over the cleft, following the swell of his cheek down until she grabbed a meaty handful, and he gasped. 

“Do you want a finger?” she asked softly, shifting to run the pad of her index finger over his entrance. He nodded frantically. Liv eased it inside of him, not slowing the tight strokes of his cock that she had resumed. He was pressed tight against her, and she felt him shudder. Liv felt this incredible sense of security wash over her, a safe feeling, and she felt tears pricking her eyes as she realized it was coming from Rafael. He felt safe in her arms. “Do you want another?” she asked softly, and he nodded again. She squeezed the second one in along side the first, and he took it easily, moaning loudly and pushing back against her hand. She crooked her fingers to find his prostate, and he sobbed as she rubbed over it over and over and over again. He was writhing then, and she had to hook a leg around him to keep him stationary. She pinned him to her, one hand working hard in his ass, the other pumping over his erection, slickened only by his precome. She could feel the pressure building inside of him, and she could feel when he needed more, when he wanted a third finger to stretch him out. His noises had turned guttural, and Liv felt when he was about to explode in her hand. She pressed his prostate one more time, thumb swiping over the painfully sensitive head of his cock, and he sobbed as he plastered the sheets with his come. Liv kissed the back of his neck, reaching for a discarded towel to wipe her hands before she wrapped him up tight. 

She felt a glowing sense of love and warmth, and she squeezed him even tighter. “God,” he mumbled. “Did you know what I was going to say?” 

“When?” Liv asked, ignoring the warmth that was pooling inside of her.

“When you asked if I wanted a finger. I was right about to tell you.” Rafael’s statement made Liv sit up a little bit, but he whimpered. He clutched at her arm, and she squeezed him once more. 

“I just like I felt it I guess. I don’t know,” Liv said softly. 

“The bond,” Rafael breathed. “It’s probably the bond.” 

“How’s your neck?” Liv asked. 

“Tingly,” he whispered. 

“Can I touch?” Liv asked softly. He nodded, and she reached up, curling her fingers over his neck, and touching the little wound. Rafael hissed a little bit at the soft pressure of her fingers, but then he tilted his head back. 

“That kind of….it kind of feels good, Jesus. It doesn’t feel like that when I touch it,” Rafael said. He arched into her touch, and Liv pressed a little harder. “This is weird,” he breathed. Liv nodded. 

“Touch mine?” she asked, and he nodded gently brushing his fingers over the mark he’d left on her neck. Liv shivered. It did feel good in this weird way. It had stung when she touched it on herself. 

“This is so weird,’ Rafael whispered. “Everything somehow feels different, but also the same.” 

“I think we have a lot to figure out,” Liv whispered, hands carding through Rafael’s hair. 

“I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather figure it out with,” he murmured. 

……………….

Liv walked over to where Rafael was laying on his towel, two drinks in hand. His heat had slowed up a little sooner than she expected, but he seemed glad to be through it. He had sunglasses and his swim trunks on, and Liv was glad she had managed to convince him to ditch the shirt. He had been self conscious about the little pudge over his stomach, but she had kissed her way all over his abdomen before sucking him off. That had convinced him to go outside. She handed him the beer she bought him, and he took it, sipping at it. He looked so relaxed, and she was relieved. She had been so worried about him after he was kidnapped, but for the first time since it happened, she thought he might be okay. 

“Hey, did you wear sunscreen?” Liv asked, noticing some slight reddening around his shoulders. He shook his head. 

“Hold still,” Liv said, grabbing the tube of sunscreen. 

“No,” he whined. “It’s cold.” Liv shook her head at him, but he squirmed away when she tried to rub the lotion on him. 

“Fine, I’ll rub my hands together,” Liv said with a long suffering sigh. She tried to warm the lotion up, but he was still squirming when she rubbed it all over his back and arms. He grumbled and bitched, but she managed to slather him in the thick, white sun block. He huffed, crossing his arms for a few seconds before he took a sip of his beer. Liv kicked his ankle, feeling the coarse sand that was sticking to his skin. He was being a child though, refusing to look at her. “Stop being so grumpy.” 

He took a gulp of his beer. “Buy me dinner,” he whispered. 

“I was going to anyways, but sure,” Liv said softly. He glared again, pouting. “Oh relax. Maybe we can have some fun later.” He scrunched his nose up. 

“Let’s go in the water,” Liv said, grabbing at his hand. He sighed, finishing his drink before letting her drag him toward the water. 

“Are you sure we should get in?” he asked. “We don’t even know what’s in here.” 

“I won’t let you get eaten by a shark, come on,” Liv said, pulling him into the warm water. Rafael was dragging his feet, but Liv got him in the water, and she turned, putting her hands on his hips. He tilted his chin, slotting their lips together. She ran her hand down the curve of his spine, and he pulled at her.

“I think I like the ocean,” he whispered, and Liv laughed. 

“I think I like kissing you,” she replied.

“I would hope so, you’ve been doing a lot of it,” Rafael said softly. Liv stroked her thumb over his cheek, her other hand still resting on his hip. She was pulling him closer, but he put a hand on Liv’s shoulder. “If you keep this up, I’m gonna get too excited,” he whispered. “There isn’t even cold ocean water to calm me down.” 

“I don’t mind,” Liv whispered. “I like it when you get excited.” 

“I don’t think the other people at this beach will enjoy it quite so much,” Rafael said, his voice filled with amusement. 

“I don’t know,” Liv whispered. “You’re pretty cute.” 

“I don’t know that the police will see it that way,” Rafael said softly, letting himself be pulled back in for a kiss. 

“Okay, okay, fine, I can wait until we get back to the hotel room,” Liv said softly. 

“I expect to be wined and dined before I put out,” he teased, and Liv thumped him on the ass. Rafael laughed. 

“Is that what you call the last week of your life?” Liv whispered, and he snorted. 

“That doesn’t count,” he argued, and she smiled. 

“I know,” she mouthed. Liv draped her arms over his shoulders, kissing his neck. He shivered when her lips brushed the bonding mark on his neck. 

“Getting excited again,” Rafael whispered. “We’re that annoying PDA couple.” 

“Do you think I care about that?” Liv asked softly. “Here, let’s go get some ice cream. Cool you down a little.” He took her hand, following her out of the water and grabbing his towel. They walked to the little store that was down the road from their villa. Liv had her arm draped around his waist. He got a waffle cone with coffee ice cream, and Liv wanted chocolate. They walked down the street together slowly, and Rafael looked happy as he finished his ice cream. “Oh,” Liv said. “I have something I need to tell you.” 

“What?” he asked, turning to look at her. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to go, but I got us a couples massage at the spa,” Liv said. He looked at her, thinking about it for a second. “I would be right there with you.” He rubbed his hand over his bicep, still considering it.

“I’m just not sure….” Rafael whispered. 

“That’s okay,” Liv said. “Think about it. Like I said, we don’t have to. I just thought it might be relaxing.” 

“I’ll let you know by tonight,” Rafael said softly, running his hand across the back of his neck. 

“Okay, that sounds good. No pressure, Rafa.” Liv said softly, squeezing his hand. “We have reservations, black tie. Maybe we should go get ready.” 

“Will you get in the shower with me?” he asked softly, and Liv laughed. 

“How could I refuse that invitation?” she asked softly, and he smiled. They walked slowly back to their house, and Rafael started the shower while Liv laid their clothes out. He was probably going to have to watch himself at such a fancy dinner. No matter what Liv said, he didn’t ever want to embarrass her, and an outspoken omega was one surefire way to do that. 

Finally, the water was warming up and Rafael stepped under the spray. He was trying to relax when Liv got in with him, wrapping her arms around his damp skin. He sighed, shutting his eyes, and she kissed his shoulder. “I’m hoping the food tonight is spectacular,” Liv said softly. “I’m going to thoroughly wine and dine you, and then I have a surprise.” 

“Ooh, a surprise,” Rafael whispered. “That sounds like fun. Is it a dirty surprise?” 

“What other kind is there?” Liv joked, actually starting to wash him. “Maybe wear those cute little shorts under your tux?” Liv asked softly, and Rafael chuckled. 

“Anything for you dear,” he murmured. “Maybe I should wear something else too.” Liv pulled back and looked at him. 

“You want to?” she asked. He shrugged. 

“It might be fun,” he said softly. Liv’s eyes darkened. 

“Sounds like it,” she agreed. “Let’s get cleaned up, and then I guess we’ll get you ready.” 

…………………..

Rafael was shifting around in the cab, trying to find a comfortable way to sit. It had been on a whim that he suggested their little game, probably because of his nerves. This was something to focus on instead of worrying about how he might embarrass Liv at any second. Now, he felt flushed. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d bent over the bed for Liv, and she stretched him open before pressing the plug inside. He could feel its weight settled on his prostate, and it was a constant torture. He could feel the lace of the shorts against his legs, and he couldn’t wait until they made it home. 

Liv looked absolutely stunning beside him, wearing a soft blue dress that hugged her body in all the right ways. She made his mouth dry. She was smirking at him, and he wondered if his cheeks were as red as they felt. She had the little remote tucked into her clutch, and he hoped she wouldn’t be so relentless that he made a mess inside of the tux. They would have to find a new dry cleaner then, and he liked his. “What have I done?” he whispered, and Liv laughed. 

“Think you’ll make it through dinner?” she asked softly. It was a challenge, and Rafael never backed down from a challenge. 

“Dinner and a dance,” he said softly. Liv raised her eyebrows, and he swallowed. He was just digging himself deeper into this hole. There was something about the glint in Liv’s eye that told him she was going to torture him. When the car stopped, he climbed out, offering Liv his arm which she took. They walked into the fancy restaurant together, and Liv talked to the young man at the podium before they were seated at a table. Rafael was glad she was doing the talking because he didn’t feel capable of catching his breath. Sitting down again made him hyper-aware of the plug, and he had to breathe softly a few times to get himself under control. He shifted, trying to find the best possible way to sit, and Liv eyed him from across the table. It was only a few moments until the waitress arrived. Liv ordered a wine, gesturing for Rafael to order for himself. He was about to open his mouth and ask for a scotch when he saw the evil glint in Liv’s eyes, and then he felt the plug come to life, vibrating inside of him. He had to cough to cover up a soft moan. “Excuse me,” he said, clearing his throat. “S-Scotch on the rocks. And a water.” His voice was a squeak, and he spoke fast, hand tightening where it sat on the table. 

“Are you okay over there?” Liv asked, and he took a calming breath, trying to ignore the incessant buzzing inside of him. His brain was hazy with pleasure, distracted by trying to keep a straight face. 

“Peachy,” he replied, offering her a small smirk, and she smiled back. It was only a second before the vibration picked up in speed and intensity, and he whimpered. “Shit.” She left it like that for a couple minutes, and he knew she was watching him as he squirmed. He was about to start panting when Liv turned it off. He whined, biting his tongue as he wished the feeling would come back. He needed the respite, but the vibration felt so damn good. He took a gulp of his scotch when the waitress brought it, and he swallowed hard. He could feel sweat accumulating under his shirt, making the fabric stick to his skin. “You look gorgeous,” he said softly, and Liv smiled. 

“Thank you,” she replied. “You don’t look too bad yourself Mr. Barba, a little red perhaps.” He flushed more if it was even possible. He grabbed for the menu, trying to cover his face. It was hard to read the words. They seemed like they were almost blurring together. There was sweat clinging to his brow. 

“Have you decided or do you need a few moments?” the waitress asked, distracting Rafael momentarily. Liv ordered her own food before once more turning all the attention to him. He braced himself, expecting her to press the vibration button again once he started speaking. Nothing came though, so he relaxed. “And do you want the house salad or caesar as your second side?” 

“Um…” He jerked forward, banging his leg on the bottom of the table when Liv turned it up on the highest setting. “Caesar.” He handed her the menu with shaking hands, glaring at Liv with fiery eyes. He couldn’t really speak as he sat there, too afraid that the only things that would come out of his mouth were exaggerated moans and curse words intermingled with her name. “Excuse me,” he whispered, standing up, but he barely was able to stop his jaw from dropping to his feet. The different angle made it even worse, and he wished he had looser pants. He hurried off to the bathroom, splashing some cool water on his face. He wanted nothing more than to go in the stall and get some relief, but Liv would kill him. After he splashed himself one more time, he tried to pull himself together. He went back out to see Liv who was sitting at the table, looking smug. The buzzing finally stopped, and he let out a soft noise. He gingerly sat down, swallowing as the plug shifted once more. 

“So, how are you feeling about that massage?” Liv asked softly. 

“Maybe if you’re giving it to me,” Rafael said, sounding out of breath. He was barely keeping himself together. 

“I guess we’ll talk about this later,” Liv said with a snort. “You think you’re going to make it through dinner and a dance?” 

“I don’t think the dance is going to happen,” he said softly. 

“I don’t either,” Liv said, her lips curled up in a soft smile. He hated how smug she looked. 

“I really did myself in,” he groaned. “You’re having way too much fun with this.” 

“Seeing you squirm is my favorite thing,” Liv replied with a laugh. 

When the food came out, he was just chewing and swallowing when Liv turned it on again, and he almost choked on his food. He almost spit his food out. He coughed a few times, wanting nothing more than to lean his face down against the table. “That was particularly mean,” he said, and Liv just smiled at him before turning it off again. He managed a few bites, picking his drink up to take a much needed sip of water when she put it on the highest setting. He barely stopped himself from spilling the water all over his shirt. 

Rafael barely made it through dinner, but he held on through sheer will and determination. Walking out of the restaurant was going to be very embarrassing. He wasn’t fit to stand. Liv snickered when he was assessing his options once the bill was paid. He could take his jacket off and use it to cover up, but he was sure he had sweat through his shirt. “Having a problem?” Liv asked. 

“You better get me out of here,” he said. “You did this to me.” Liv laughed, standing up and coming over to help him up. She gently pulled the jacket off his shoulders and surprisingly, his white shirt didn’t look too bad if he didn’t raise his arms. Liv draped the jacket over his arms so it was hanging in front of his crotch so no one could see. He was walking funny, and he knew it. Liv was laughing even more, and he was blushing. He was just glad they were going home. He was past ready to be bent over something and put out of his damn misery. He needed Liv more than ever before, he almost felt more desperate than when he was in heat. He tucked himself into the back of the car, hissing as he sat down. Liv had a bag with their desserts, which she had thankfully ordered to go. 

She had mercy on him during the ride back, but when they were just in the doorway, she grabbed him by his suspenders, shoving him against the wall and kissing him. She waited until after she turned the vibration back on though, and he was gasping into her mouth, humping her leg, and she had to push him away with a soft laugh. “Go upstairs,” Liv said. “Get on the bed, only take your shoes off, and don’t you dare come.” She left the vibration on. Rafael was laying on the bed when Liv disappeared into the bathroom. He was squirming. He froze when Liv came out of the bathroom. She was wearing a black lace bustier that was rather see through. “Surprise. I did some secret shopping of my own.” she whispered. 

“Uhhn,” it was all he could say. The plug was driving him nuts, and the visual in front of him was almost too much. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said before,” she said, moving onto the bed, shoving his legs apart so she could kneel between them. She ran a finger over the bulge in his pants. “Maybe we could try something. We did bring the ring, but first we have to take care of this so I can put it on you. Does that sound fun?” He nodded. “Can you use words for me?” Liv asked, turning the plug off abruptly. 

“Green,” he croaked, feeling delirious. “I--I need you to--” Liv put a finger over his lips. 

“I know,” she whispered. She could feel how miserable he was. He was writhing on the bed, looking for some sort of friction. “I’m going to unwrap you out of this tux. I want to see you in these shorts again.” Liv pulled the suspenders off his shoulders, starting on his bowtie. Then went the buttons on his shirt. She pushed them through the holes, pulling the shirt from his pants. She finally got them off, and his entire upper half was flushed red. She ran her fingers through the soft hairs on his chest, thumbs dragging over his nipples. He gasped, arching up. He was straining against his pants. Liv unbuttoned his pants, pushing them down around his thighs. She ran her hands over the lace underwear before dragging the pants the rest of the way off his legs. She pulled his socks off before sitting back and looking over his body. His erection was distorting the little pair of shorts. Liv kissed down his belly, and he was gasping. Liv could stare at him in the shorts for hours. She gently pulled him out of them, but she left them on him. One click of the little remote and the plug was buzzing away again. Rafael threw his head back as Liv took his erection into her mouth. It took an embarrassingly short amount of time before he came. 

His chest was heaving as he laid there, and Liv eyed him appreciatively. She wasn’t nearly done with him yet. Liv ran her fingers through the white spatters on his belly, “You’re so pretty,” Liv whispered. “Let’s wait fifteen minutes. Think you’ll be ready then?” He nodded. Liv raised her fingers to his lips, and he didn’t even hesitate to open them for her. “Good boy,” she whispered. Liv grabbed for the water bottle she had left on the nightstand, and Rafael sipped at the water. 

“I’m--I’m not entirely sure how I survived that dinner,” he whispered, and Liv smiled down at him, running her fingers through his hair. 

“I’m so proud of you,” she whispered. 

“You are?” he asked softly. 

“I really am,” she replied. “Very proud.” He spent his fifteen minute break curled up against her. Liv stripped the shorts from his hips, dropping them on the floor. She forced him to drink a little bit more water before she gently fastened the ring behind his balls. Rafael was still a little sensitive, and he hissed softly, but he shot her a smile when she checked with him. “Can you get on your hands and knees for me?” Liv asked softly. Rafael let out a little noise before he rolled over, doing as she asked. Liv eased the plug out of him, and he hissed, widening his legs. Liv reached for the bottle of lube from the nightstand, squirting some into her hand before working two fingers inside of him to spread it around. “Does that hurt?” she asked. 

“No,” he said softly. She crooked her fingers to brush his prostate, and he gasped. She could see his cock stiffening where it hung between his legs, and she smiled. He was already big, but the ring made him look bigger. It make the veins bulge, and she couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous it made him. Her other hand was rubbing up and down his side and over his lower back as she continued to pump her fingers in and out. He started to rock on them a little bit, and she smiled at him. 

“How are you feeling?” Liv asked softly. He whimpered. “Rafa.” 

“Okay, I’m okay. Green,” he managed to whisper. Liv ran her hand over the nape of his neck and down his slick back. 

“I’m going to fuck you now, okay? Do you feel ready for me?” Liv asked. 

“Yes,” Rafael breathed. He was so red, and his chest was heaving. His strong back was rippled right in front of her, head hanging between two broad shoulders. The muscles in his arms bulged slightly as they held his weight. His solid thighs were spread for her, giving access to whatever she wanted. He was bigger and stronger than most omegas, but he still had the classic softness that most alpha’s looked for. No one liked their omega too big, but Liv couldn’t care less. She loved Rafael’s body any way it came. One hand palmed at his hip, running over the slight pudge there as she slicked up. He had the nicest little handles for her to grab on to. His soft exhale of breath came as she was gently pushing into him, and she rubbed his hips soothingly. 

Rafael could feel her hands running over his skin, and it was soothing to him. Her touch was soft as she stretched him open. The burn was something he craved, and Liv never failed to provide. He bucked though, trying to entice her to move, to pound him into the mattress. Even though his heat was passed, he still had a few lasting effects. Occasionally, his refractory period remained practically nonexistent. His sex drive remained high for about another week. It wasn’t nearly as drastic as during his heat, but he usually was in the mood for something most nights. He needed Liv to just pull on his hips and slam into him. She picked up on his need almost immediately, tightening her grip on his slick hips until it would leave bruises, and she picked up the pace enough to have him moaning weakly as he turned his face against his arm. 

……………………..

   Rafael’s sweaty, beat red race was turned so his cheek was against the cool pillow beneath his head. He wished he was still on his hands and knees so he could press it into the mattress. He could feel every miniscule movement inside of him, and he let out a soft sob. He couldn’t hold his head up anymore. They had moved him onto his back after about the third time that he should have come everywhere, but the ring was doing its job well. Liv had given him a small break after about 30 minutes where she stopped touching him, taking the ring off to wait until the blood flow normalized. Then, she had put it back on after a sufficient amount of time and started again. He craned his neck up to look at Liv, wondering how long it had really been since his break. He was slipping in and out of reality, overcome by the blinding pleasure at times. He could see her working hard still, slamming into him, and his eyes traced down her lovely figure in the dark lingerie that was driving him insane. Liv reached up, brushing some damp hair away from his face and peeking at the clock before looking him in the eyes. 

“Should I let you come?” She asked softly. He felt tears filling his eyes. 

“Please,” He whispered, voice hoarse like he had been screaming. He wasn’t entirely sure that he hadn’t. 

“Okay, you’ve been very good,” Liv whispered, brushing his hair out of the way again. She gently released him from the ring, hand gliding over his warm and reddened length. She reached for a squirt of lube from the bedside table before pushing at one of his legs so she could hit his prostate with every stroke. The combination of her hand and the perfect strokes of her length inside of him were too much. He exploded everywhere within moments. Liv thrusted through his orgasm before gently pulling out. His vision went black.

“Rafael?” He felt tapping on his cheek. “Rafa, honey? Open your eyes.” He let out a weak little whimper. He managed to force them open, blinking at the light. Liv was looking down at him, worry on her face. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, and he was struggling to form coherent thoughts. “Hey, are you okay?” She asked softly. 

“Wha—” He whispered. He was exhausted. “I-I dunno,” He mumbled. Liv gently stroked his cheek. 

“Does anything hurt?” She asked gently. He felt like an exploding ball of nerves, but he wasn’t sure he would describe it as pain. Mostly just oversensitivity. He never wanted anyone to touch his dick again. 

“I dunno,” he mumbled again. Liv looked very concerned, but he didn’t have the energy to say more. He flopped over on his side, pulling at her. He was very weak though, and he could do little more than encourage her to come closer. She gently molded herself against his back, probably sensing that he needed it, and he shut his eyes, letting the blankness, the exhaustion take over. He was so fucked out he didn’t have the energy to think muchless to make his tongue work the way he wanted. 

“Get some rest,” Liv whispered, and that was the last thing he heard.

…………………

When Rafael woke up, his body was sore in all sorts of places. His ass ached and he felt shaky. He could still feel Liv’s arms around him though, and that made him feel safe. He shifted slightly, and Liv noticed. “Hey,” she whispered. “How are you?” 

“Sore,” he whispered. “It was good though now that I can form a completely coherent thought.” 

“It wasn’t too much?” Liv asked softly, and he shook his head. 

“It was a lot,” he said. “But, God, it was good. It was so good.” She rubbed his belly softly, disturbing some of the soft hair. 

“So you want to do it again?” Liv asked softly. “Because you looked so gorgeous, Rafael. You were breathtaking, and you did so, so well.” 

“You’re proud of me?” he asked softly, and she knew he was fishing for compliments, but every time she said it, he was overcome with a joy like no other. He hadn’t ever yearned to please someone so much. All he ever wanted was to make Liv proud, and it was a little bit scary. 

“I am so, so, so proud of you,” Liv whispered, practically petting him. She was running her fingers through his hair, holding him tight against her. He was starting to calm down, his body relaxing. “You’re still trembling, honey. Maybe we should go get a bath.” 

“O-okay,” he whispered. Liv took his hand, starting toward the bathroom, but he stopped. “Could we get in the hot tub?” 

“Let’s rinse you off first, but sure,” Liv said. Liv herded him into the shower, gently soaping him up. He hissed when she wiped between his legs trying to get the lube off. He was definitely sore. Liv deemed him clean enough after couple minutes, and she helped him into his swim trunks. Her swimsuit was gorgeous, and revealing enough to make him heated. He was all tuckered out though. When they settled in the warm water, he breathed out a sigh of relief. His sore muscles needed it. Liv wrapped her arms around him, leaning her face down against his shoulder. “How’s that feel?” She asked softly. 

“Better,” He whispered.

“Good, try to just relax. I know everything earlier was probably a bit overwhelming,” Liv whispered. “Did you like what we did at dinner?” She asked softly. He nodded. 

“You were mean, but I liked it,” he replied. “You were driving me insane.”  

“That was kind of the point,” Liv whispered by his ear. “You took it very well though, and you did so good once I got you into bed. How many times did it feel like you were going to come?” 

“I lost count,” Rafael whispered. “Maybe five or six.” The pressure from the ring, and Liv’s presence of mind to slow down and deny him had kept him teetering on the edge for so long. It had been almost painful each time an orgasm was nearly ripped out of him only to be denied by a little piece of plastic and Liv’s patience. “I can’t believe I survived any of that.” 

“I can. You’re very stubborn,” Liv whispered. “And obedient.” He blushed a little bit. Liv nuzzled his neck. “I’m always proud of you.” He was starting to cry, his emotions bubbling over. “Hey, are you okay?” 

“I’ve never felt like this before,” Rafael whispered. “I’ve never loved someone so much. I’ve never needed someone so much.” 

“Rafa, you don’t need me. You’ve been doing great on your own. Once we get through this, you’re going to feel more like yourself,” Liv said softly, kissing the side of his neck. “You’re still independent.” 

“Am I?” he asked softly. “I’m not unhappy, but I don’t feel independent.” 

“It’s the bond, Rafa. It makes you dependent, but now that we’re through this, now that we’ve stabilized everything, you’re going to get back to normal in just a few weeks,” Liv said. 

“You really do make me happy,” he whispered. 

“You make me happy too,” Liv agreed softly. 

……………………………..

Rafael was sitting out by the pool with a drink, and Liv stood at the door, watching him closely. “I can feel you watching me,” he said softly. 

“It’s cause you’re so handsome,” Liv whispered. He peeked over his shoulder at her with a soft smile. “Listen, the spa appointment is in about an hour, so you might want to get ready.” He grimaced. “What’s wrong, honey?” Liv asked. He shrugged, turning back toward the pool, his shoulders hunched. 

“Maybe you should just go have fun. I think I’m going to stay here,” he said. Liv took a careful step toward him, sitting down beside him at the pool’s edge. 

“I think a massage would feel good for you,” Liv whispered, reaching for his hand. “I know you’re tense. You always are.” He shrugged. “I don’t want to go without you.” 

“Go have a nice time,” he said softly. “You deserve it.” 

“So do you, Rafa, come on. Just give it a try? It will feel good. You should probably get more regular massages. It might help with your migraines,” Liv whispered, wrapping her arms around him from behind. He relaxed a little bit more into her arms. “Honey, it will probably be a beta, most spa workers are. I’ll be there with you. In the same room. We’ll be together the whole time.” 

“Promise?” he asked softly, and Liv nodded. 

“Come on, let’s go relax. It’ll feel good. I won’t let anything happen that you don’t want,” Liv said. Rafael sighed, but he let her pull him up, swallowing the rest of his drink on the way to the living room. Liv kissed him a few times before sending him to the bedroom to get dressed in something comfortable. When he came back out in a pair of soft grey shorts and a tee shirt, she smiled, taking his hand and leading him out of the house. He was quiet in the car, but Liv squeezed his hand, and he smiled at her. He had been a lot more relaxed since they started their vacation, and she hoped he would continue trending upwards. She just needed to push him over this little hurtle to get him going. When they made it to the spa, Liv checked them in, and Rafael was fidgeting beside her. She held his hand as they walked back to a little room where they could get changed and keep their things. Liv started taking her clothes off, but Rafael was standing there, hands bunched in the bottom of his shirt. Liv was wearing only her bra and panties, but she stopped undressing to go help him. He relaxed a little bit at the feeling of her hands on his hips. 

“Do I have to be naked?” he asked softly. 

“No, no sweetheart. If you want to leave your boxers on, you can,” Liv said softly. 

“But you’re going to?” he asked. She nodded. He took a deep breath, pulling the shirt over his head. Next came his shorts, and he hesitated a moment before ditching his boxer briefs as well. He pulled on one of the robes, and Liv smiled, kissing his cheek before changing into her own robe. Liv wrapped her arms around his waist, hands splayed over his lower back, and he smiled. She could feel him trying to relax his muscles, to calm down. She kissed the side of his neck, lips brushing over his bonding mark, and he let out a breathy little noise. 

“Let’s have a nice time,” Liv whispered. They waited in this little lounge area where there were refreshments. It was quiet and there was soft music playing. Rafael shut his eyes, leaning back in his chair and trying to keep himself under control. He felt Liv’s hand on his leg, and he found it in himself to relax more. She was emanating love and calmness, and he took deep, cleansing breaths. When two kind looking women came to take them back, Rafael grabbed for Liv’s hand once more, and she squeezed his gently. “I’m proud of you,” she whispered. 

He took his robe off, slowly climbing on the table and rolling into his stomach. He was draped with a towel, laying there tensely. “Rafael, right?” the therapist asked. 

“Y-Yes,” he said softly. 

“Alright, my name is Megan. Feel free to let me know if something doesn’t feel good,” she said softly. “Is there anywhere in particular that you’re feeling tense?” she asked. He was trying to calm himself down enough to focus on what she was saying and relax. 

“My neck,” he said softly, Liv’s words from earlier popping up in his mind. It was like this white-hot panic that was making it hard for him to think, and he knew it was stupid. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was just thinking about some stranger’s hands on him, seeing him vulnerable. 

“Rafa, breathe.” Liv’s voice calmed him down almost immediately. She wasn’t far from him, and that was enough to relax him a little bit as Megan started to knead his muscles. Her hands were soft, and his muscles were sore. He let out a little noise. 

“Good, relax a little bit,” Megan said. He hissed a little bit when she hit a knot, but after a little bit of work, it felt better. He felt like jelly as she started working her way down his back, fingers pressing into the area right beside his spine, and he was starting to melt into the table. He let out a little squeak when she reached his lower back, working on the tight knots there. “I think you would benefit from some work on your glutes,” Megan said softly. “Is that alright?” Rafael wasn’t sure how he felt. 

“A-Are you going to take the towel off?” he asked softly. 

“Only if it’s okay with you,” she said softly. “I’ll just fold it up so I can do one side at a time, okay?” Rafael thought for a few moments before he finally nodded. 

“Okay,” he whispered. Her first touch was soft, and he was tense again, but then she started pressing into his strong muscles, and he couldn’t help but relax and sigh. She worked down to his hamstrings, and he was sore from being all bent up for over an hour the night before. “Liv, if you’re going to smoosh me all up like that, I think you need to rub my ass next time,” he said, and she laughed. It felt so much better than he had expected it to, and somehow, it wasn’t making that tight ball of panic coil up inside of him again. 

When the massage was over, he felt so relaxed. He wrapped back up in the robe and sat up, Liv smiling at him softly as she slipped back into her own. The therapists left the room, and Liv took a few steps toward him. She pressed a soft kiss against his lips. “How was that?” 

“I feel like jelly,” he whispered. 

“Something doesn’t,” she whispered, and he blushed a little bit. She was pressed tight up against him, so of course she could feel it. “It’s okay, we can take care of that at home.” He leaned his red face down against her shoulder, and Liv stroked her fingers through his hair. “Let’s go drink some nice lemon water and get in the hot tub,” Liv said. 

“Like this?” he squeaked, and Liv laughed. 

“I brought your bathing suit,” she said. “I had a feeling you wouldn’t be interested in getting in minus your clothes.”

“You don’t know who’s been in that damn hot tub,” he whispered. Liv laughed, taking his hand and leading him out of the room. 

………………………..

Liv was sitting on the sand, Rafael’s head in her lap as they watched the sunset. She was stroking her fingers through his soft hair, hand planted on the sand behind her. She was sad their vacation was coming to a close. Their flight back to New York was early the next morning, but she wanted more time to enjoy with Rafael. She ran her hand over his tanned skin, not wanting to interrupt the moment by speaking. He did it for her. “Liv?” he asked softly.   

“Hmm?” Liv whispered. 

“I don’t want to go home. Can’t we stay here forever?” he asked. Liv smiled, chuckling softly. 

“I wish we could,” she whispered. “I love being here with you.” 

“I was wondering, could we maybe have a little ceremony or something. We could get married,” Rafael said. “I know a lot of people see it as pointless, but I--” Liv put a finger over his lips as he started babbling. 

“Are you proposing to me?” she asked softly. He blushed. 

“Should I have gotten a ring?” he whispered. 

“No, I don’t need a ring,” she said, her gaze sliding to the delicate bracelet that was hanging from her wrist. “I already have your heart.” Liv pushed up to her knees, leaning down to kiss him. “Of course I’ll marry you.” Marriage was a formality for a bonded couple. Bonding was a much deeper connection, but some couples chose to have the marriage ceremony. 

“Something small,” he said. “You and me, maybe the squad. Rita.” 

“Rita?” Liv asked softly. He sat up, and Liv regretted asking. He was looking out toward the ocean, shoulders slumping. 

“I just….I want someone there for me,” Rafael said softly. Liv rubbed his back. “I have no one, but Rita was good to me in college. She is...a friend of sorts.” 

“You always have me,” she promised softly, rubbing his back. She saw him reach up, closing his hand around the ring hanging from his necklace. 

“I know I do,” he said softly. “I just wish….” He shook his head. His eyes were full of tears, and Liv pulled him against her. He grabbed at her, turning his face against her shirt. “I wish my Mom would come.” Liv leaned her face down against the top of his head, shushing him as he cried. She rubbed his back, whispering to him. 

“You can invite her if you’d like,” Liv said softly. “I’m not going to stand in your way if you’d like to try and have a relationship with her.”

“She hates me,” he sobbed. “My own mother hates me.” 

“No, honey, no,” Liv whispered. “I’ll tell you what, you think about inviting her, and in the meantime, why don’t we ask her to go out for some coffee with you and me.” Rafael looked up at her with tears running down his cheeks. She brushed a stray curl from his forehead before wiping the tears from his cheeks. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.” He sniffled, nodding. Liv got up and offered her hand to him. He took it, letting her pull him up to his feet. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, shooing her off when she went to collect the towels. He grabbed them both, slinging them over his shoulder and taking her hand into his own. 

“Don’t apologize,” Liv replied. “You deserved so much better than her.” As they walked on the beach, he started to relax again, and the sadness Liv could feel kept getting fainter and fainter until it was gone. It wasn’t completely gone, but it was a faint buzz behind the peace he felt. 

“You make me feel better,” he said softly. “I don’t understand it. Just being near you makes me feel better. This bond is so weird. I can feel what you’re feeling. It’s so much stronger than it was before.” 

“It’s only going to get stronger,” Liv whispered, and he nodded. 

“Can we...can we just make out on the beach for a little bit?” he asked softly, and Liv nodded. Rafael spread the towels out again, laying down on them, and Liv smiled, pressing herself against him as she stretched out. She pressed their lips together, holding his face steady with one hand. “I never want to leave,” he whispered against her lips. 

‘I know,” she whispered back before kissing him once more. Liv knew going back was going to be extra hard on him. She kissed him over and over again, enjoying the soft moans that came from deep in his chest. She didn’t want to leave either. She could feel him hardening against her thigh, and he offered her a sheepish smile. 

“Maybe we should go back to the room,” he said softly. 

“That might be a good idea,” Liv agreed, sealing it with one last kiss. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think there are going to be about two more chapters, four at the most. It just depends on how I split the rest up.

Rafael was not in a good mood when they landed down in New York. Their flight back had been three seats across instead of two, so he didn’t get his window seat. The person beside him had also spilled a soda in his lap before Liv decided that they were switching before he killed someone. He was quiet in the gate, still wiping at his pants with napkins. Once Liv grabbed their luggage from the baggage claim, she sent him into the bathroom with a fresh pair of boxers and clean sweatpants. He looked a little less peeved when he came back, and Liv smiled softly. He was still grumpy though, and she didn’t blame him. 

They ubered back to the apartment, and when the car pulled up in front of the airport, Rafael put their bags in the trunk before sliding into his seat and slamming the door. Liv sighed before walking around the car to get in her own seat. Rafael let her hold his hand, but he was silent, obviously stewing. She allowed him his silence until they got up to the apartment, and he plopped down on the couch, arms crossed. He still hadn’t said a word. Liv took the bags back to the bedroom of her apartment, starting to pile clothing in the basket when she heard the slam of a door. She went back out into the living room, but he wasn’t there anymore. She frowned until she heard water running in the bathroom. He appeared a few moments later, his face damp. “Hey,” she said softly. “Are you hungry?” He didn’t answer. He plopped down on the couch again, arms crossed. Liv sighed, covering her face tiredly. She went into the closet, pulling out one of his bags of candy. She set it on the couch beside him. “Look, I know that plane ride sucked, but I’m not the one that spilled soda all over you. It’s not very nice to ignore me.” He reached for the bag, taking a little piece of chocolate. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m just so, I’m so mad.”

“About the soda?” she asked. He shook his head. 

“It’s not just that. I just keep thinking about him on top of me, and Liv, I’m mad. I’m so angry. I could just--” He stood up abruptly, hand running through his hair. He started to pace a little bit, and she could see the tension in his shoulders. “I need a drink.” He walked to the kitchen, pulling a bottle of scotch from the cabinet, and pouring himself two fingers of the amber liquid. Liv considered stopping him. She wasn’t sure that it was a good time for him to be drinking. He was already so emotional. She couldn’t bring herself to stop him. He downed his scotch, pouring himself another glass. “I want to punch him in the damn face. I hate him so much Liv, he’s ruined my whole fucking life. He--He--” He trailed off, hanging his head. He seemed to swallow back the tears though, taking another drink before slamming the glass down on the counter. 

The glass shattered. Liv was up to her feet immediately, inspecting his hand for cuts. He was fine though, all of his skin in tact. “It’s no excuse,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. Ignoring you was wrong, and I’m so sorry. I think I deserve a punishment.” His head was hanging. Liv pulled him close, fingers running through the hair on the back of his head. 

“Honey, I don’t know,” she whispered. 

“Please, please, Liv, I need it,” Rafael said. “I need something.” 

“Let’s calm down. Maybe tomorrow?” she asked softly, but he looked at her with pleading eyes. Liv could see he was feeling off balanced and ungrounded, but she didn’t want to punish him for his emotions. They weren’t his fault. “I don’t know that you deserve to really be punished,” Liv whispered. 

“Please,” Rafael whispered. 

“Do you want your handcuffs?” She asked softly. “We can whatever you want. I’m just not sure that it needs to be a punishment.” 

“Okay,” he finally relented. “Can I have the real ones?” Liv sighed, but she nodded. “Can I pick a toy?” She nodded again. She let him lead the way back to the bedroom, keeping a close eye on him the whole time. He crawled under the bed to retrieve his box, opening it up and surveying his options. Liv went to get her cuffs from her bag. When she turned back toward the bed, holding the requested restraints in one hand, he was waiting for her expectantly, his giant, purple toy sitting on the bed spread. She stared at it for a second before raising her gaze to his face. 

“That’s what you want?” She asked, and he nodded. “Rafa, I’m not punishing you,” she whispered. 

“I know,” he said. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want it. You said whatever I want, and I want to take that whole thing.” She swallowed heavily, her eyes still trained on his face. 

“Fine,” she finally relented. “But we do this my way. Understood?” He nodded. “Strip.” He didn’t hesitate. He quickly shed his shirt, leaving it in a pile on the floor. It took him all of one motion to shuck his pants and boxers off, stripping out of his socks, and waiting for her instructions. Liv was busy getting the lube from her bag, looking over the bottle and wondering if they’d have enough. She turned back toward him, motioning for him to get on the bed. He started to turn onto his hands and knees, but Liv stopped him. She gently climbed on the bed beside him, taking one hand and closing the cuff around it. He was relaxed and pliable, letting her pull his arm however she wanted. She pulled the chain through, latching his other hand, both of them resting above his head. He was propped up by pillows, and Liv tucked a few under his hips. She asked him three times if he was comfortable, and each time, he assured her that he was fine. Liv gently ran her hands down his thighs before pushing his legs back. That left his cock, sitting hard against his stomach, waiting for her to touch. Liv eased herself up, planting her hands by his head as she kissed him gently. “Promise me you’ll say something if it’s too much.” 

“I promise,” he whispered. 

“Alright,” she breathed against his lips. Liv was trying to relax him adequately before they started anything, and he tipped his chin to meet her kisses. Liv ran her hands down his chest, fingers dragging over his dusty nipples, teasing them into stiff peaks. He moaned softly, arching against her mouth when she swirled her tongue around each one before pulling them into her mouth one at a time. He was starting to flush, his skin growing redder and redder by the moment. She turned her attention to his neck, mouthing over the bonding mark, and he let out a loud groan. He threw his head back, baring his skin to her, and she kissed over his pulse point, just barely dragging her teeth over his skin. She knew he was desperate, so she took mercy on him, finally pulling back to look at his body that was already out on the bed for her. His legs had fallen to rest flat on the bed so she pushed them up again, settling between his thighs on her knees. She squirted a little bit of lube into her palm before giving him a few slow, tight strokes, and his mouth fell open as she screwed her palm over the sensitive head. 

“Fuck, Olivia, please,” he breathed. Liv smiled down at him, admiring his reactions. He was so beautiful, writhing around on the bed. He was already pulling at the handcuffs, and her mouth felt dry. She backed up a little bit, tilting his hips up so she could get her mouth on him. She licked over his entrance, watching as his stomach tightened up. He gasped, and she heard the rattling of the cuffs once more. She teased him for a few moments before dipping past the tight muscle, making him writhe even more. He was starting to buck, trying to get more of her mouth, but she pulled back, and he let out a little noise.   
“Shh, I’m going to give you what you asked for,” she whispered. He was fairly slick already, so she didn’t bother with lube when she pressed one finger inside of him nice and slow. His back arched, and he tried to roll his hips to take her deeper, but the cuffs were restricting his movement. She pressed deeper, giving him what he craved, and he groaned softly.   
“Give me another, please,” he whispered. With the addition of the second finger, she added lube to ease the stretch and to begin to really prep him for the task ahead. She wasn’t very gentle when she pushed the second one in alongside the first, and he let out a soft, pleased groan. She worked her fingers in and out of him, pressing the lube inside and spreading it around before she stretched him, scissoring her fingers to get him ready for the monstrous toy. The third finger was definitely a stretch for him, and he let out a weak moan. “Fuuuuck,” he whispered.   
Liv spent a few moments pumping her fingers in and out of him, his muscles gripping her fingers tight. She waited until the clench subsided before she pulled free, reaching for the dildo that was at the edge of the bed. Rafael was eyeing it hungrily, so Liv spent a few moments slicking it up, probably overly so, but she didn’t want to risk hurting him in anyway. He whimpered when she pressed the toy against his entrance, the head just resting against him, but there wasn’t enough pressure for it to breech him. “Liv, please, Jesus,” he begged.   
“Shhh,” she soothed him. “Relax.”   
“Liv,” he sobbed, and she smiled down at him.   
“Okay, Alright, I hear you,” she whispered. She gently pressed it forward, watching as it speared him open, and his jaw went slack. It took some solid pressure before she finally got the tip inside, and the little noises that were coming from Rafael were sending heat straight to her core. There was less resistance than the last time around, but he was still so tight, Liv had to be careful as she eased the first inch inside of him. “How’s that feel?” She asked softly.   
“Oh—Oh God,” He whispered.   
“Rafael,” Liv said softly, meeting his eyes.   
“Good, Jesus, it’s good,” Rafael gasped once his eyes focused on her. He could barely hold still. Rafael’s hands were balled into fists as he took the second inch, his face so red that she thought they might have to stop. “It’s so much.” 

“I know you can do it,” Liv said softly, She was trying to calm him down, hand running up and down his leg. She knew he wanted to feel. He wanted to feel something so much that he couldn’t stop feeling it. He needed something to ground him, and Liv was going to give it to him. She twisted the toy around, and he bucked, cock twitching against his stomach, fluid leaking profusely, and Liv smacked the inside of his thigh lightly. “Don’t come, not yet.” She pressed another inch into him, marveling at how well he was taking it. He was stretched wide, and Liv couldn’t help but trace her finger around the abused muscles. He whimpered, trying in vain to pull away from the stimulation. “You’re doing well, Rafa,” Liv whispered. 

“I can do more,” he whispered. “I know—Jesus, I know I can do this.” 

“Okay, let’s do another inch,” Liv said softly. She had to push a little harder than she liked, but he managed another inch with a soft gasp. Liv eased a little bit out, and he groaned, muscles clenching, trying to keep it in. “Don’t worry,” she whispered before pushing it back in. He gasped for air, throwing his head back. His hands were still clenched tight, his hair sweaty and falling in his face. Liv wiped it from his brow. Liv eased his hips up a little bit more, tucking another pillow beneath them before she worked on the next inch. He was about to reach the halfway point again, and her gaze flicked up to his face. 

“H-How much is left?” he asked softly, his chest heaving. 

“Half,” Liv said softly, and he groaned. 

“Just push it all in,” he sobbed. “Come on, I know I can take it.” 

“Honey, that would hurt you,’ Liv said.  

“I don’t care,” Rafael whispered. “I don’t.” 

“I do,” Liv replied. “Maybe we should stop.” 

“No, please, I need to finish, I need to do it. I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Your way.” Liv looked at him for a moment before nodding. 

Rafael was feeling so full. He wasn’t sure how he could possibly take more, but he wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. He knew the toy was a little thicker as it got to the base, so he prepared himself for even more of a stretch despite the fact that it felt like he’d pushed himself to his capacity. He felt Liv put more pressure on the toy, slipping little bits at a time inside of him, and he couldn’t breathe. He dropped one foot to the bed, trying to brace himself. It felt endless, and the burn was getting to be more and more. He could feel the toy dragging across his prostate as she kept easing more and more inside of him. “You’re doing so well,” Liv whispered as he cried out. “Color?” she asked. 

“Fuck, green,” he whispered. Liv twisted the toy, pulling it back a little before pressing it forward again. 

“It’s okay,” Liv whispered. 

“God,” he sobbed, “Please, I’m going to--” 

“Here, it’s okay, you’re almost done Rafa. I know you can do it,” Liv whispered. His chest was heaving, his whole body feeling overheated. “Just a little bit more.” He gasped as the toy spread him open even more, gritting his teeth. He could feel his dick twitching against his stomach, precome leaking all over his skin. Liv eased more into him, and he gasped. There was only about a fourth left if that, and Liv was so proud of him. He was doing so well. “Okay, I’ve got you, it’s okay.” It took some extra pressure, but he managed to take another inch. There was only one left, and he wasn’t sure he could do it. Liv gently ran her hand down his slick thigh, rubbing soft circles on his skin. He was trying to relax, to take the rest. When Liv finally pushed the last bit into him, he let out a soft groan, feeling this overwhelming sense of accomplishment. It was so intense every time they did this, and he had started to doubt himself near the end. “Wow, I wish you could see yourself,” Liv whispered. “Jesus, you look so gorgeous. Are you ready to come?” Liv asked softly. He nodded frantically. Liv wrapped her slick hand tightly around him, giving him a few long, tight strokes, speeding up and tightening her hand around the slick head of his erection. She brushed her fingers over the smooth, sensitive skin, and he gasped, bucking his hips, feeling the toy shifting around inside of him. Liv grabbed at it with her other hand, easing a little bit out before pressing it back inside, and he gasped. The tight ball of pleasure that was coiled up in his belly built up until it was too much, and all he could feel was this white hot pleasure. His vision went black. 

“Get some rest,” Liv whispered, and he felt her hand brushing over his sweat soaked forehead before his wrists were freed, hands falling limply to his sides . Liv pulled a blanket up over his him as he faded from awareness. 

…………………

Rafael could feel his body aching as he woke up. He was sore. He felt better though. He had been spiraling out of control before, the anger and the emotions welling up inside of him until they were too much to bear. He felt angry even now, but it was a spark that he couldn’t grab hold of. It disappeared before he could really let it fester. As he opened his eyes, he felt Liv holding onto him. She kept him grounded every time he needed it. He thought that maybe she was sleeping, so he tried to be careful as he shifted around. “How do you feel?” her voice sounded tired, groggy, but not so much that he thought she had been sleeping. He tried to survey how his body felt, and he knew he didn’t want to turn over on his back. He could only imagine the redness. He was going to have to take it easy for a couple days. 

“Tired and sore,” he admitted. 

“Good sore?” she asked. “Or you need to see someone?” There was an edge of worry in her voice. 

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. We just might have to wait a few days before we stick anything else up my ass,” he whispered, and Liv snorted. 

“Duly noted,” Liv said softly. He turned over, and Liv shifted so he could press his face against her chest. Liv ran her fingers through his thick locks a few times before she scratched his back. 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered. “I was just--I felt….” he trailed off. 

“Unmoored,” she finished for him. “I know. It’s hard to feel out of control. Do you understand why I didn’t want to punish you?” 

“Yeah, we haven’t even really talked about punishments again,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have tried to push you so hard.” 

“I think we should wait a bit, test the waters on the punishments. Maybe just try some things out,” Liv whispered. 

“Just for fun?” He asked softly, and Liv nodded.

“Exactly,” she whispered, trailing her hand down his sweat slicked back. 

“Okay,” he said softly. He curled his legs up a little bit, closing his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Liv’s fingers running through his damp hair. He loved when she ran her hand down the back of his neck. She pressed her fingers into his muscles gently, and he shut his eyes. 

“Alright, get some sleep, honey. Let me know if you need some advil,” Liv whispered. He snorted softly. 

………………………..

Liv was still in her bathrobe. She had spent a lazy morning in bed with Rafael, kissing him softly and running her hands down his skin. He had disappeared to take a shower once they finally got out of bed. Liv was making him some breakfast, and she put a bottle of ibuprofen on the table. George was supposed to be coming in a few hours to talk to Rafael, and she was hoping the psychiatrist might be able to help him regulate his emotions more. She hoped he might find a way to deal with the anger or the sadness or whatever his emotions might be. 

The night before had been hard. He felt untethered, and she was glad she had found a way to ground him the way he needed. Liv finished the french toast she was making, setting a plate at his spot before going to check on him. He was just getting out of the shower when she poked her head in the bathroom, smiling at him. “Breakfast is ready,” she said. 

“Thanks,” he replied, he smirked at her a little bit, letting the towel fall open. “Like what you see?” he teased. Liv smiled. 

‘Fishing for compliments, are you” she asked, and he threw his head back, letting out a deep chuckle. 

“We both know I need you to stroke my ego regularly,” he said softly. 

“Among other things,” she whispered, and he let out a surprised laugh. “Hurry your hot ass out here before your breakfast gets cold.”

“You know I need time for primping,” he joked, and she smiled, shutting the door to leave him to his  _ primping. _ He appeared about fifteen minutes later, his hair gelled, looking rather chipper for pre-coffee Barba. 

“You look very awake considering the night you had,” she whispered with a smile. He leaned in for a kiss. 

“I feel a little better,” he said softly.  _ Ups and downs _ , her brain supplied. He was going to crash again, but he was starting to get better. It seemed vacation had done wonders for him, and she knew sometimes a change of scenery could make all the difference. He certainly wasn’t through it, but he was taking solid steps toward being better. 

“George is going to be here in a bit. Eat your breakfast,” Liv said, and he nodded, gingerly taking a seat at the table. “How do you feel?” 

“Oh, I can feel it,” he said with a snort, swallowing down two pills with some water. Liv rubbed her hand over his back before getting herself some breakfast. They ate quietly before Liv went to get herself dressed. Rafael was watching tv when she came back, and he beckoned her over to sit with him. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. There was a little bit of tension that she hadn’t noticed before, but she could feel it in his body. 

“Are you alright?” she asked softly, hoping he knew he could tell her anything. She could feel the faint sense of anxiety. It was nervousness, but somehow he was compartmentalizing it, making it harder for her to notice. He shrugged, sighing softly. “Please honey, I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.” 

“It’s just work,” he whispered. “Everyone is going to stare. I’m trying not to worry, but it’s not going to be easy.” 

“I don’t care what they say,” Liv said. “It’s going to suck, but it won’t change us.” 

“I know, I know you won’t let that happen. I love you, and I know you love me. I don’t know why you love me, but I know you do,” Rafael said softly. 

“It could take hours for me to tell you all the reasons why I love you,” Liv whispered, kissing his cheek. He shut his eyes, turning over in her arms so he could rest his face against the swell of her breasts. Liv let him rest, just running her hands over his back until there was a knock on the door. She answered it, letting George in. Rafael had a lot to talk about with the psychiatrist, and she was going to run some errands and give them some privacy. She needed to pick up Rafael’s suppressants. She hated him taking them. The health risks were astronomical, but she was never going to take that choice away from him. It wasn’t her place. It was his life. 

“Where’s Rafael?” George asked softly. 

“In the living room,” Liv said. 

“How’s he holding up?” her friend asked. Liv shrugged a little bit.                                                                                         
           “I think the change of scenery was good for him,” Liv said softly. “I just also think coming back has been hard. He’s been dealing with a lot of emotions. Yesterday, he was very angry. It’s overwhelming him.” 

“Anger isn’t bad,” George said. “I’ll work with him on dealing with it, but that means he’s starting to move through the emotions, he’s getting there.” 

“He needs to know that it’s going to get easier,” Liv said. “I can feel his anxiety too. He’s worried about work.” 

“We can talk about that too. The game is completely changed now that they know he’s an omega. He will be under plenty of scrutiny, and he’s going to need your support,” George said. 

“He has my support and all my love,” Liv whispered. 

“Just remind him of that. A lot. He’s going to be scared out of his mind,” George said. Liv smiled softly. 

“Thank you George, really,” she replied, and he offered her a smile of encouragement.  
“I’m going to run out and pick up a few things.”   
“How has he been since you bonded?” George asked. “Is separation easier?”   
“We haven’t tried it,” Liv replied.   
“I’ll keep an eye on him then. Make sure you tell him you’re leaving,” George said. Liv nodded, heading back toward the couch where Rafael was still sitting. She leaned down, connecting their lips in a soft kiss.   
“Mm, what was that for?” He asked softly as she pulled back.   
“Cause I love you,” she whispered. “I have to go. I’m going to run some errands while you talk to George. Is there anything you need while I’m out?”   
“Chocolate?” he asked, and Liv glared.   
“I think you have enough chocolate,” she replied, kissing him one more time. “I’ll be back in about an hour. Call if you need something.”   
“Okay,” he said softly. Liv hoped that it would get easier for him, and this would be a fantastic opportunity to try it out.   
….......................  
Rafael was sitting on the couch, trying to curb his anxiety. It was annoying that he still felt it merely because Liv left him alone. “Hi, Rafael,” George said with a smile.   
“Hi,” Rafael replied. George took a seat in one of the chairs, pulling out a notepad, and Rafael shifted around a little uncomfortably.   
“Do you mind if I take notes?” George asked. “It’s totally up to you.”   
“It’s alright,” Rafael finally said.   
“So, let’s talk about how the bond feels,” George said. Rafael sighed.   
“It’s a bit intense honestly. I can really feel Liv’s emotions. Before, they were muddled and faint, but they were there. Now, it’s like they’re so strong, they could knock me over sometimes. They just keep growing too,” Rafael said.   
“How do you feel about that?” George asked.   
“I mean, I’m all for having a deeper relationship,” he said. “It’s an adjustment though. I can’t compartmentalize the same way. Liv knows how I feel all the time.”   
“You’ll get used to it,” George said. “Have you been feeling anxious still?” Rafael shrugged.   
“Some,” he admitted. “I’ve been starting to also feel angry. Very angry. Yesterday, I almost lost myself. Liv had to calm me down.”   
“Anger isn’t bad,” George said softly. “You need to learn how to deal with the anger healthily, but it’s a sign of healing. It’s a step toward feeling like yourself again. Do you want to tell me what happened yesterday?” Rafael nodded, but he was staring down at the couch, looking ashamed.   
“It started when we were on the plane,” he said softly. “There was this asshole who was sitting near us, and he had the window seat which is my favorite, but whatever, I’m an adult. I was sitting in the middle, and Liv was in the aisle seat, and this guy was so irritating. He just kept humming and making noise, and then he spilled a soda all over my fucking pants. I was sitting in this plane for multiple hours with sticky, wet pants, and Liv made me switch seats with her because she could tell how mad I was. By the time we got home, I was just livid, and I was ignoring Liv. It like morphed into this anger that was more than just the soda or the asshole on the plane. I couldn’t stop thinking about him on top of me, and I was mad. I wanted to kill him.” The words just kept tumbling from Rafael’s mouth once he started speaking, and it was a relief to tell George. He knew the psychiatrist was going to help him figure this out. “And then, I felt so bad because I—I was taking it out on Olivia, and it had nothing to do with her. I felt out of control. I was spiraling, and I asked her to punish me, but she wouldn’t. She finally did manage to ground me though.”   
“How did she manage that?” George asked.   
“Um,” Rafael said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not really sure you want to hear about that.” George nodded, understanding what he was getting at. “She just like takes the control. I don’t have to worry about anything. I can just focus on her and how she makes me feel.” 

“The trust you have is special. It allows you to relax,” George said softly. ‘It’s good you’ve found something that works for you both.” 

“I don’t know what I’d do without her. She holds me together. If it wasn’t for her, I’d be in pieces,” Rafael said. 

“You support each other,” George said. “Soon, you’ll feel more like yourself again. You’ll be more independent.” 

“It’s not that I don’t love her, I love her more than anything, but it’s hard to need her more than anything,” Rafael admitted, and George nodded. 

“I know, Rafael. You’re going to be independent again, though. You’re going to feel better,” he said. 

“What am I going to do at work now? Everyone is going to treat me like I’m incompetent,” Rafael asked. 

“You just have to ignore them, Rafael. You’re not incompetent. Your conviction rate speaks for itself, and people will figure that out. For now, you just have to deal with what happens as it comes. It’s not fair, but there’s nothing more you can do right now,” George said. “Go to work, do what you can, and accept that it’s out of your control. The most you can do is work hard and put criminals in jail.” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t,” Rafael whispered. 

“Do you want to stop doing your job?” George asked, and Rafael shrugged but then he shook his head. “If you’re scared of it, you need to face that. What are you scared of?” Rafael hesitated, looking down at his lap. He was twitching around nervously as he considered the words he was about to say. He ran a hand through his hair before meeting George's eyes again. 

“Proving them right,” he whispered. George stood up, setting the notepad down and moving to sit beside Rafael. 

“Look at me,” he said softly. Rafael met the kind man’s eyes. “They aren’t right. You are not an object. You are not a second rate citizen, and they don’t get to define you like that Rafael. You are so much more than their tiny, hateful, bigoted brains can comprehend, and they’re scared of it. They’re scared of not having the control, but you’re taking a huge a step, making a huge difference, and you could never prove them right because you’re special.” Rafael shook his head. 

“I’m just not sure,” he whispered. “I wish things were different.” 

“I know,” George replied. “But they aren’t. This is your life, and you have to accept that.” 

“How long until this damn bond stabilizes?” Rafael asked softly, changing the subject. George let him. 

“Could be a few weeks, maybe a month. It will slowly get better,” George said. “I’m not sure you’re ready to be far away from her when you can help it. If you are, keep some Xanax on you just in case. It won’t help if you have a panic attack.” 

“Okay, I’ll try to remember. She might as well keep me on a leash,” he whispered, and George let out a surprised laugh. He knew Rafael was kidding. “Gotta prepare for all the chatter,” he whispered. “I can’t wait to hear what jokes they come up with.” 

“You know, the garden variety about your girlfriend bending you over her desk, leashes. They’re not very creative,” George said. “I’ve heard everything.” 

“Liv is gonna kill someone,” he muttered. George smiled. 

“We might have to take her gun,” he joked, and Rafael laughed. 

“Yeah, we might. Things are changing and happening so fast. It’s like I can’t stop spiraling. One minute I’m fine, and the next, I’m back in that little room, him on top of me, his hot breath against the back of my neck.” Rafael shivered as he remembered. 

“That’s over now. The memories will fade,” George promised. Rafael just hoped he was right. He wasn’t sure how much more he could think about it without losing his shit. It had been   
rough and painful, and all he had wanted was Olivia. Every time he thought about it, he thought about the pain and the embarrassment, the anger. If he didn’t have Liv to pick him up, he wasn’t sure what he would do. She was the glue that held him together, and he sure as hell needed her because he was falling apart. Their vacation had helped a lot. It was easier to get his mind off of things when he was basking in the sun in the Bahamas. It was easier not to think when Liv fucked his brains out, but now, he was home, and he had to face everything he’d been pushing away for so long. He actually had to deal with it now. He was thankful he had George and Liv to help him through. Without them, he knew he’d be lost. George knew what he was going through, and it made his advice a lot more valuable to Rafael. 

“When are you going back?” George asked. Rafael sighed.   
“The day after tomorrow,” he said softly.   
“You’ll do great, and you know I’m only a call away,” George said. Rafael nodded. It was comforting to know he had people just a message away. He could call Olivia or George anytime. He was sure Liv was going to keep an eye on him anyways. She was nothing if not diligent about his safety. Now, she really was responsible for him, and some cynical part of his brain kept telling him that things were going to change. He knew Liv wasn’t prejudiced, and he knew deep down that she wouldn’t take choices away from him, but the voice wouldn’t shut up. He’d been shocked too many times by alphas who appeared kind and turned in an instant. He had his own experiences from when he was a teenager, stories from friends, warnings from his mother. He trusted Liv though, that was ingrained deep inside of him. He trusted Liv with his life, with his heart. He hadn’t ever trusted anyone more in his entire life. 

“I appreciate you George,” Rafael said softly. 

“I appreciate you too,” George said, and Rafael frowned. 

“Really?” he asked softly. “What for?” George was looking at him kindly, and Rafael turned his face away. He was feeling a little bit overwhelmed from thinking about work again. He wasn’t sure he could deal with everything that was coming. 

“You’re strong, brave, and you’re going to show the world what an omega can do, Rafael. No matter what happens, you have already made changes. I appreciate you,” George said softly. Rafael felt tears pricking his eyes. In one sense, it felt like a burden, like pressure. There was pressure to not mess it up, but there was also relief in knowing that he had done something. He knew george was right. An omega working in a high profile job like his was completely unheard of. 

“I’m trying,” he whispered. “I’m just not sure that I can do it.” 

“Don’t overwhelm yourself. Take a few deep breaths,” George said softly. “You’re going to have to try and stay calm.” Rafael dropped his head into his hands, and George laid a hand on Rafael’s back. “You’re definitely improving,” George said softly. “Try to stay close to Liv for a couple days. I don’t know that you’re ready to be away from her for long periods of time. When you can, try to stay with her.” 

“Okay,” Rafael said softly. “I’ll do what I can.” Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Liv was back which was a relief for Rafael. He wanted to see her, to spend some time curled up in her arms before he would have to go back to work. He was already getting nervous about it, and he needed her reassurance more than anything else. 

“Sorry that took so long, I-I got stuck in some traffic--” He was up to his feet almost immediately. He surprised her in the kitchen, going in for a hug, and he barely registered the clunk as the bag in her hands fell to the floor. She wrapped him up in a hug, kissing the top of his head, and he pressed his face against her neck. 

“Liv, I just--” She hushed him, rubbing her hand across his back

“I know,” Liv murmured. “I know.” He felt like he needed her suddenly.

“Hey, Rafael, Liv, I’m going to go,” George said. “Rafael still needs you to keep an eye on him for a little while. He shouldn’t be alone if you can help it.” 

“I’ve got him,” Liv replied. “Thank you.” 

“I’ll see you later,” George said, patting Rafael’s back. 

“Thanks George,” he said softly. He breathed softly against Liv’s neck, and she kissed the top of his head again. 

“What’s going on?” she asked softly, feeling the turmoil that was rolling off of him. 

“I’m just….restless,” he said softly. “I’m thinking about tomorrow.” 

“Did George help at all?” Liv asked. He nodded, but he was clutching at her. She rubbed his back, and he pressed a soft kiss over her bonding mark. The mark was so special to him. Everyone was going to stare at her, he knew it. It was very rare for an alpha to have a mark, but Liv respected him, respected that their relationship was a two way street. She acknowledged that she was just as much Rafael’s as he was hers, and she made him feel human. She always seemed to know just how to ground him, and he wanted her to do it now, but he knew she wouldn’t. Not after the night he’d had before. 

“He helped. I just--it’s hard for me to be away from you. I was distracted until you came home,” he admitted. Liv hushed him, petting his hair softly. “I didn’t realize how much I still needed you.” 

“It’s going to get better,” Liv promised, and he nodded. “Let me just put these groceries away. I picked up your suppressants. Afterward, we can settle on the couch and just curl up together.” 

“Okay,” he agreed, reluctantly unhanding her. She grabbed the bag that had fallen to the floor, digging out his pill bottle, and he took it, looking over it. There was some sense of relief, a weight taken off his shoulders as he regarded the little white bottle with his name written on the label. He unscrewed the cap, shaking out a pill before closing it up and getting himself a glass of water. He was hoping the pills would help to stabilize his mood. He hoped they might scale back the hormones that could be dizzying. He swallowed the pill, helping Liv to put away the groceries from the brown paper bag before they headed back to the living room. Liv wrapped him up tight, spooning against his back, her arm slung over his side, hand resting against his stomach. He had one hand curled around her fingers, the other arm at his side as he closed his eyes and tried to get some rest. Liv kissed the back of his neck, and he felt himself relaxing more and more into her embrace. She always calmed him down. Her arms felt so sure where they were wrapped around him.   
“Do you feel any better?” She asked softly. He nodded. “I’m a little surprised the bond is still affecting you this much.”   
“Me too,” Rafael whispered. “I’m sorry.”   
“Don’t apologize,” Liv murmured. “It’s not your fault. Soon, your body will stop wigging out when we’re apart, and you’ll have your independence back. Okay?” He nodded. She could feel his misery, and she wanted to help him. “It’s almost over.”   
“I hate feeling like I’m a burden. You have to constantly worry about me. It’s not fair,” he whispered.   
“I worry about you because I love you,” Liv said softly. “You’re not a burden. Just try and breathe, relax, calm down.” He focused on his breathing, trying to do as Liv asked. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”   
………………………  
It was dark and Rafael felt groggy when he blinked. “Rafa.” Liv’s voice was practically a whisper. “Let’s get you in bed, honey. It’s late, and this couch will hurt your back.” He groaned softly, opening his eyes and blinking up at her. Liv gently stroked a hand over his hair. “Come on, we can cuddle there too.”   
“Okay,” he breathed softly, letting her pull him up to his feet. He was tired, following Liv back into the bedroom. He climbed under the covers, and Liv pulled him back against her, nuzzling her face against the side of his neck. She pressed a few soft kisses there. They were light and barely noticeable except that anytime she touched his neck now, it sent static bursts of electricity down his spine. It made him shiver, a feeling of pleasure encompassing his body. It was something about the bonding mark, something that was changed inside of him. He felt a heavy warmth inside of himself, pooling in his lower belly. It wasn’t a feeling that he’d experienced before. It took him a few moments to realize he was feeling Liv’s emotions. He was feeling love. It warmed his heart. Liv loved him, and he knew that already, but feeling it was something entirely different. He rolled over, pressing his face against Liv’s chest, and she combed her fingers through his hair. There was no place in the world that would rather have been. 

………………..

Rafael’s chest felt so tight, he was wondering if he was going to pass out. He was sitting on the bed, his tie draped around his neck, collar upturned. His vest was hanging off his shoulders, unbuttoned. He didn’t feel remotely ready to stand up and go out to the car. He wasn’t ready to go back to work, but he knew it was time. “Rafa? Honey, I have a bagel out here for you,” Liv said softly, poking her head in the room. “Come on sweetheart.” He didn’t move. She took a step toward him, hands gently taking his tie and starting to knot it. She looked down into his worried eyes. “You’re going to be amazing.” 

“Everyone is going to stare,” he whispered. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Liv promised. “If you have a problem, you call me.” 

“Okay,” Rafael said softly. Liv finished the knot on his tie, tightening it before moving her hand to his cheek, tilting his face up to receive a soft kiss. He clutched at her, wanting to pull her against him, to bury his face against her, but he needed to get ahold of himself. He needed to go to work. He needed to get over himself. He forced himself to stand up after Liv pulled back, and she buttoned his vest for him, straightening his clothes and making sure everything looked nice and crisp. 

Rafael ate his bagel and brushed his teeth before he went down to the car, buckling himself in. They stopped for coffee on the way to work, and Rafael found himself laying his hand over his chest, needing to feel the ring that was hanging from his necklace. He needed to feel Olivia. When she stopped outside of the court house, there was this knot in his stomach, a knot that was tied so tight, he thought it’d never go away. His nerves were starting to get the best of him. 

“I’ll be over for lunch,” Liv whispered, pressing her lips against his for a quick, soft kiss. He reached out, fingers tracing over her bonding mark. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

“I love you too,” she replied. “It’ll be okay.” He nodded, dragging himself to his feet. He waved weakly at Olivia before putting his shoulders back and going into his office. Going through security put him in a bad mood, especially when they looked at him funny. They finally let him inside, and he went to his office, keeping his head down and trying not to make eye contact with anyone. He felt very self conscious about his scent. He made it to the door of his office, going inside. Carmen was seated at her desk, and she looked up and smiled at him. 

“Morning,” she said. “I have your schedule right here when you’re ready for it.” 

“Good morning,” he said softly. 

“Are you feeling better?” she asked, and he nodded. He knew Carmen had some idea all along, especially once he and Liv started dating, but it was still nice to have someone treat him well when he needed it most. It was a good way to start out a hard day. “I’m glad they gave you your job back. This place wouldn’t be the same without you.” Rafael smiled. 

“Thank you, Carmen,” he said softly. He went into his office then, setting his briefcase down on the floor, leaning it against his desk. He sipped at his coffee, taking a seat and trying to mentally prepare himself for his day. Carmen came in a few moments later, reading him his schedule, and he made himself breathe. He reached up, laying his hand over the ring that was dangling from his chain. “I can do this,” he whispered to himself. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there. I think it's going to end up being three more chapters, but it may be two. I'm undecided. Hope you guys enjoy!

Rafael was catching up on some paperwork that hadn’t been finished before his assault when there was a knock on the door. “Um, Mr. Barba,” Carmen said. “Mr. McCoy is here to see you.” Rafael felt his heart leap into his throat. He coughed, trying to buy himself a second to calm down. Rafael stood as McCoy entered the room. He took a few steps toward Rafael, and the lawyer considered offering a hand to his boss, but he was too anxious. Jack took a seat in front of Rafael’s desk. 

“Mr. Barba, it’s nice to see you feeling better,” Jack McCoy said. Rafael felt uncomfortable, alone there in the room with him. 

“It’s good to be back,” Rafael replied. 

“Glad to hear it. Listen, there’s a press conference in about fifteen minutes. I need you to come down with me. We’re going to make an announcement about your return,” McCoy said. Rafael’s eyes widened. He wasn’t sure why they couldn’t have warned him about this ahead of time. 

“W-We’re going to what?” He asked softly. 

“You and me. We’re going to make an announcement to the media,” Jack McCoy said. Rafael could feel the panic that was coiled in his gut start to rise uncontrollably. 

“O-okay,” Rafael said softly, not wanting to argue with his boss. He was lucky he still had a job. 

“I’m going to go have a word with one of the ADAs down the hall. I'll be back in about ten minutes. Be ready,” McCoy said. Rafael nodded, trying to get a grip on himself. He fumbled for his phone, dialing Liv’s number. He could feel his breathing picking up, and he was seriously considering the bottle of Xanax that was tucked safely in his briefcase. His phone rang until it went to voicemail, so he tucked it away, counting his breaths as he grabbed for the pill bottle. He swallowed one with a sip of scotch, sitting down in his chair and wishing he could take his tie off. His throat suddenly felt closed. Rafael focused on calming down, and before he knew it, Jack was back, ready to lead him down to the press conference. Rafael straightened his clothes before following his boss to where the media was waiting. He felt nervous stepping up toward the podium. There was a sea of unfamiliar faces, vultures ready to devour him. He had hoped he might stay under the radar for a few days at least, but this was going to throw that wish right out the window. “I’m sure you all read that ADA Barba was attacked, but we are very glad to have him back,” Jack said. “He’s going to be Manhattan’s first omega prosecutor.” There was absolute silence following McCoy’s statement, and Rafael could feel himself reddening, sweating through his clothes. Then there were murmurs of confusion before it exploded into shouting and bright lights as they snapped pictures. “Mr. Barba is here to answer any questions you might have,” Jack said. 

When Rafael stepped up to the podium, he swallowed heavily, blinking. All the reporters were screaming his name, and he hesitantly pointed to one, preparing himself for a barrage of questions. 

……………………

Liv was sitting in her office, working on some paperwork when she got a text from Carisi. As she swiped to open it, she saw a missed call from Rafael. She would call him back in a couple minutes.  _ Have you seen the news? I was on tv last night for the 7th ave bust.  _ Liv laughed softly. Carisi and Fin were out talking to a witness and Amanda had texted that she was going to be late. Liv stood up texting him back. 

_ I’ll check and see if you’re still on. _ Liv loved Carisi’s enthusiasm, she loved that he really cared. He had certainly required some coaching at the beginning according to Fin, but he seemed like he was going to turn into a fine detective. She headed out to the squad room, turning the tv on and clicking through channels, looking to see where Carisi might be on the news. She stopped though when she saw a familiar, sharply dressed lawyer doing a press conference. She stared at Rafael’s face for a second, her heart racing. She had been feeling anxiety from him all morning, but she had thought that maybe it was just him trying to get used to being back at work. The missed call was a huge red flag too. She could see McCoy standing behind him, and her blood boiled. This had to be his doing. Liv was going to give him a piece of her mind. She turned up the sound immediately. She could see the defensiveness in Rafael’s posture, the fear in his eyes, but she could also see a stubborn set in his jaw. She wanted to go save him, but she couldn’t intervene. She was stuck watching as he was forced to deal with a tough situation. 

“Mr. Barba, how do you possibly expect to work with alphas everyday?” one reporter asked. Rafael cocked an eyebrow. 

“How have I worked with alphas well enough to have the highest conviction rate in the city?” he asked. Liv smiled to herself. He was nervous, but he wasn’t scared. 

“Yes, but now they know you’re an omega. Do you seriously expect to be respected by your colleagues?” the same reporter fired back. 

“Considering I do my job just as well as they do, if not better, on a regular basis, frankly, yes I do. If I have any issues, I work with a fine department, and I’m sure it can be sorted out,” Rafael said. 

“How do you expect anyone to have trust in you if you’re a criminal yourself. You couldn’t hold such a high ranking job without having fraudulent papers. Why are you above the law?” another reporter asked. 

“The truth is, no one is above the law, including myself. The mayor believed that the law I broke was outdated, and that my crime hadn’t hurt anyone. If you want further details, you’ll have to speak with him and the governor. My only goal has always been to get justice for victims, and that is what I intend to do. I don’t see how my type affects that job,” Rafael replied. Liv was proud of him. He was holding his own against a room of blood thirsty reporters who were just looking to attack him. 

“Many don’t like hiring omegas who may have to take family leave in order to have a child to take care of their children. Is that a concern?” a reporter asked, and Rafael’s eyes went hard. Liv smiled softly to herself. 

“Let me ask you a question,” Rafael said softly. “Are you my mate?” The man looked at him, a little wide eyed. “You might wish you were, but the answer is no. That question is out of line. Any decision like that will be discussed between myself and my partner, and you can stay out of it. If I would have to make some sort of decision, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” Liv was so proud of him as he kept fielding totally inappropriate questions and responding like they were nothing. He was sassy and snarky, and the Rafael that she knew. She pulled out her phone, dialing George’s number, and when the psychiatrist answered, she said, 

“George, you have to turn on the tv. Rafael is doing a press conference,” she said. She couldn’t wait to see him later and tell him how proud she was of him. 

………………………..

Rafael felt emotionally and physically exhausted by the time he made it to Liv’s office for lunch. He was shaking a little bit. He felt more confident in his ability to push through hard situations, but he felt awful. When he walked across the squad room, he kept his head down, ignoring anyone who said his name. He just needed to get to Olivia’s office. She was waiting for him at the door, and she shut it after he stepped inside. “Are you okay?’ she asked softly. He nodded, but he reached for her. Liv pulled him against her chest, holding him close, and he breathed softly, trying to get a grip. “I saw the press conference earlier. You did amazing sweetheart. I am so proud of you.” Her soft voice was calming, her words of praise making him feel better than before. 

“He just showed up at my office and told me I had to do the presser, and I-I didn’t know what to do,” he whispered. Liv rubbed his back. 

“I’m sorry I missed your call. It’s okay now. You did absolutely amazing,” she said. “Now, how about we get some lunch.” 

“Maybe we should tell the squad about the bonding thing. They’ll probably see your mark eventually,” Rafael said. Liv considered it a moment before agreeing. She took his hand, heading out the office door and to the squad room.

Amaro and Rollins were at their desks, Fin at the coffee station, and Carisi was coming out of the squad room with a soda. “Hey Barba,” Amanda said with a smile. “It’s good to see you up and about.” Amaro was staring at their joined hands. 

“We uh, we actually have something to tell you,” Liv said. “I know everything came as a bit of a surprise to all of you, but um, Barba and I…” She paused, eyes flicking to his, and he smiled at her warmly before finishing,

“We bonded,” he said. His mark was peeking out over the collar of his shirt, and Amaro stared at it. 

“Congrats,” Fin said with a big smile on his face. “You two are not sneaky though. I’ve seen this coming.” 

“I am so happy for you,” Amanda said. “Did she get you a ring or something.” Rafael fidgeted beside him, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to show them. It was like the ring was something special Liv gave him. It was something secret that was his. 

‘You can show them,” Liv said softly, and he sighed, pulling at his tie. He unbuttoned his collar, reaching in to withdraw the chain and ring. Amanda inspected it, smiling. 

“Ooh, it’s gorgeous,” she said. Rafael nodded, tucking it back in his shirt. “How about you Liv? Did he get you one?” Liv showed off the bracelet he’d bought her, and Amanda fawned over that too. Amaro was glowering, and Rafael sighed, hoping he wouldn’t give Liv too hard of a time.

“Wait, how long have you two….” Carisi trailed off, looking confused. 

“I’ll explain it to you later,” Fin said with a laugh. 

“You know, I just wrote this term paper about the changing civil rights laws,” Carisi said. “I think it’s about time this place is more diverse.”

“Term paper, sounds riveting,” Rafael joked, smiling slightly. The detective sure was optimistic. “Do you, uh, do you have good professors?” He asked softly. It wouldn’t do him any good to push away someone who seemed to like him. He needed friends where he could get them. 

“Yeah, surprisingly open minded,” Carisi said. Rafael smiled. It was hard being anything but an alpha at a university, especially when earning a law degree. He had almost been exposed, resorting to things he didn’t want to talk about to keep his secret safe. 

“Sounds like things are starting to change,” Rafael said softly. He was about to say more when he heard some angry, low arguing. 

“Are you kidding me, Liv!? Barba? He’s---” 

“No, Nick, stop right there. Rafael is off limits,” Liv replied. 

“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore. How am I supposed to trust you? You said it yourself, we need a partner we can trust,” Amaro hissed. Rafael’s whole body stiffened. He knew Liv could defend herself, but he felt a wave of protectiveness wash over him. 

“Liv’s relationship with me and her personal life have no bearing on her ability to do her job,” he said pointedly, stepping between Liv and Amaro. “Frankly, it’s none of your damn business, and I don’t appreciate you speaking to her that way.” Liv put a hand on his back, subtly pulling him closer to her. He wasn’t scared though. 

“I don’t appreciate you talking to me this way,” Amaro said lowly. “Liv, are you gonna let  _ him _ , walk around disrespecting people.” Rafael felt Liv bristle behind him. “Don’t wander too far, or she’ll have to keep you on a leash.” 

“Go home, Nick,” Liv said, sounding furious. Rafael could hear the barely contained rage in her voice. “Go home before I do something unwise. You’re suspended. Indefinitely.” 

Rafael thought the detective was going to punch him, but Liv pulled him behind her, standing between the two angry men. 

“Go home,” she said, her eyes ablaze with fury. Rafael reached for Liv’s hand. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m okay.” He could feel the anger that was consuming her, and he needed her to know he was alright. He wasn’t going to feel bad about defending her. 

“It’s not okay,” Liv said, and he felt the tremors in her body. She was mad. Angrier than he’d seen. 

“Liv, listen, I’m fine,” he said softly. Amaro had finally stalked off, snatching his suit jacket from his chair before heading out the door. 

“I don’t think he meant that, Liv,” Amanda said softly. Liv turned her angry gaze on the blonde. 

“It’s okay,” Rafael said softly. “We’re going to get lunch. We’ll see you later.” He needed to get Liv out of that situation. He needed to get her somewhere to calm down. Liv let him take her hand, leading her out the door. Once he made it to the hall where they were alone, he pulled her close, and she clutched at him, breathing harshly. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m okay.” She nodded softly, pulling him as close as she could. “Where do you want to eat?” he asked softly. Liv had to take a few moments to breathe as he ushered her to the elevator. 

“I’m sorry, Raf,” she said softly. “You had such a rough morning, and now I’m--I’m a mess.” 

“It’s okay,” Rafael said softly. “It’s going to be alright. I’m okay. Let’s just get some food.” 

“You’re right, we should just try to enjoy lunch,” Liv said softly. Rafael rubbed a hand in the middle of her back, and she sighed. He felt some of the tension in his body drain away the longer he was with her. Being with Liv always made him feel so much better. They ended up at Forlini’s, and Rafael felt himself relaxing so much more. Liv was like some sort of magic remedy. He felt so much calmer just from her presence. She was starting to relax as well, to calm down from earlier. They were sitting at the table, a glass of cabernet in front of Liv, and Rafael was working on a scotch when she looked up. “I”m really sorry about Amaro,” she said.

“We all know he wasn’t my biggest fan in the first place,” Rafael said. “I’m not sorry for defending you. He had no right to insinuate you have to tell him everything about your personal life.”

“He has no right to insinuate you can’t speak your mind,” Liv said. “I don’t think he meant that. He’s had a rough little while. His kids moved to California, but there’s no excuse. What he said is disgusting.” 

“It’s what everyone is going to say,” Rafael said. “Did you hear that press conference?”

“You did so well though,” Liv said. He shrugged. “Come on, you did great.” 

They were just getting their food when Rafael saw a flash of white out of the corner of his eye. He looked up at Liv. “Did you see that?” He asked. 

“See what?” Liv asked. He shook his head going back to his food. “I’m very, very proud of you,” Liv said. 

“Thanks, Liv,” He whispered. “I wouldn’t be here without you.” 

“How do you feel?” She asked. She could see the warring emotions on his face. He shrugged a little bit, taking a bite of his pasta. 

“Conflicted,” he finally admitted. “I’m a little bit depressed. It’s good to get back to work though.”

“I thought it might be a little hard for you to come home,” Liv said softly. 

“It was so nice to get away. I could run from my problems for a little bit,” he whispered. 

“Just promise me you’ll talk to me when you’re struggling. I love you,” Liv said softly. Rafael nodded. He reached for her hand across the table, squeezing softly. 

“I promise,” he agreed. 

“Do you want me to go beat up McCoy?” Liv asked, smiling at him, and he laughed. “You know I could.” 

“I know,” Rafael whispered. “It’s okay. He’s an asshole, but I can deal with him.”

“Okay,” Liv whispered. They finished their food, and Liv took him back to the precinct with her. She didn’t want to say goodbye quite yet. He walked her into her office, letting her pull him inside and shut the door. She pressed her lips to his own, and he leaned into the kiss, shutting his eyes. He loved the familiar way Liv’s hands settled on his lower back, one curled over the back of his neck. Her lips were soft but insistent, and he followed her lead, allowing her tongue to dominate his own. He needed the feeling to ground himself. Liv made him feel like he could do anything in the entire world. 

He felt like his body was on fire, and he wanted to go home and get some tension out, but that would have to wait until later. 

“Okay,” Liv whispered, pulling back, but he dragged her in for another kiss. He wasn’t done yet. She laughed against his lips, pressing her hands against his shoulders and pushing him back. “Not here. Now isn’t the time.” He pouted, but it was all in good fun. “Later,” she said, kissing the tip of his nose. He pressed his face against her neck for just a few moments, and her hands smoothed down the hair on the back of his head. “Alright, you should probably get back.” He nodded in agreement. 

“Walk me out?” he asked. Liv nodded, following him to the door. She smoothed his clothes down before they opened it, and Fin was sitting at his desk, smirking at Liv. Rafael snorted softly, knowing exactly what Fin was thinking. 

“You look a little flushed Sarge, having a good time in that office?” Fin asked. Liv glared in Fin’s direction, and Rafael stopped as she started toward the detective’s desk. He couldn’t help the amused raise of his lips. 

Carisi surprised Rafael, the detective managing to sneak up behind him “You know that was pretty cool earlier.” His voice startled Rafael who jumped slightly before turning to face the blonde man. 

“What was?” He asked. 

“You stood up to Amaro like that,” Sonny said, hands shoved into his pockets. “You weren’t afraid to defend your mate.” Rafael smiled softly. 

“She’s worth a potential black eye,” Rafael said softly. The truth was, he’d throw himself in front of a bus for Liv. It was almost terrifying. He loved her more than anything in the whole world. 

“Not many omegas would stand up to an angry alpha like that,” Sonny said. 

“Yeah, well, not many omegas have a job either, at least not one like this,” Rafael said, smiling softly. Liv was coming back toward him then, and he smiled at her. 

“Come on,” she said. “Carmen is going to think you fell in a hole.” 

As they walked toward the elevator, he heard Fin’s voice echo after them. “Bye lover boy! I’ll hold the fort down for the next half hour. Just don’t keep the Sarge too long!” Rafael laughed, and Liv rolled her eyes. She stepped into the elevator with him, and he smiled, leaning against the wall. 

“Are you going to ravish me in the elevator?” he asked softly, and she rolled her eyes again. 

“I’d love to muss up your hair a little,” she said, and he shot her a dirty look. 

“You can pull it all you want later,” he breathed softly, and Liv’s eyes went dark. 

“You’re bad,” Liv said softly. “Playing a dangerous game, Barba.” 

“I happen to like danger,” he said softly. 

“Keep it up, and I might have to punish you,” she whispered, but she was teasing. He smirked softly. 

“I happen to like punishments,” he countered. 

“We’ll see about that,” Liv said, pulling him over for a kiss before releasing him. “Bye,” she said. “Stay safe. Come over here when you’re done.” 

“Okay,” he agreed. “Love you.” 

“Love you too,” Liv replied, squeezing his hand. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as the doors slid shut. 

……………………..

Rafael was grateful that his day had been rather uneventful following the press conference. He wasn’t sure how much stress his body could take. He was still trying to get used to being back at work after everything that had happened to him. The memories from his assault were still at the back of his mind, and he was trying his best to ignore them. He just wanted to go home and curl up on the couch with Liv and maybe some scotch, maybe end up splayed out under her on the bed. He could feel her fingers tugging softly at his hair, not hard enough to really hurt, but enough to increase the sensation. He definitely wanted to get home where Liv could help him forget his entire day. 

His back hurt and his neck, and he was cranky during the cab ride, staring at his phone and glaring daggers every couple of minutes at the chatty man who was driving his taxi. He leaned against the wall in the elevator, trying to ignore the dull thudding in his skull. When he made it into the squad room, he looked for Liv, finally settling on the closed door to her office. “Hey, Barba, you back for more action?” Fin asked, and Rafael smiled. 

“What can I say, I’m insatiable,” he said with a laugh. “Is she in?” 

“She’s talking to Rollins right now. Might wanna wait a couple minutes,” Fin said. Rafael poured himself a cup of coffee, swallowing a few pills from his briefcase. It wasn’t long before the door opened, and Liv appeared as Amanda walked to her desk. She caught sight of him almost immediately, and the stress seemed to melt from her face. 

“Hi,” he mouthed, and she smiled. 

“Hey,” she whispered back. He went to the door, following her inside. They left it open this time, and he let her pull him into a hug. He practically melted in her arms. “I’m ready to go home,” Liv said. 

“Please,” he whispered. 

“I just need to finish some paperwork. Make yourself comfy on the couch. A half hour. I promise,” Liv said softly. He let out a long suffering sigh, slumping back against the couch. “Headache?” she asked. “I can feel it.” He nodded. 

“I can feel your stress,” he whispered. 

“Trust me, I’d rather be going home with you right now,” Liv said. She was tense, and he almost wanted to offer her a massage. Maybe when they got home. He wanted her to relax a little bit. He felt tense himself. He was tapping around on his phone, increasing his headache as he tried to sort through some work emails. If he had to be there, he figured he might as well be productive. Liv was working away, and he couldn’t help but briefly admire her as she sat at her desk, reading glasses perched on her nose, finishing her paperwork. He was growing impatient. “Five minutes,” Liv said, and he knew she’d felt it. She seemed to rethink her statement, setting her pen down. 

“I can wait,” he said, feeling bad. 

“No,” she said. “You need to go home. I can feel how much you need it. Come on. Put your coat on.” Rafael stood up. 

“Yes ma’am,” he said, and she rolled her eyes fondly. He slipped into his jacket, leading her out of the room, and Liv shut the door on her way out. Most of the detectives were at home by then, so they didn’t have to deal with Fin’s incessant teasing. Liv drove them home quietly, and when they reached her building, they saw a crowd in front. Rafael frowned, but he climbed out of the car, waiting for Liv. She wrapped an arm around him, around his waist, keeping him close as they approached the small mob of people. ‘What the hell,” he whispered. 

“Mr. Barba!” one of the men yelled, and suddenly he was being blinded by a camera flash. Liv’s arm tightened around him, and he started to feel sick. The whole crowd was there for him. “Mr. Barba, are you and Sergeant Benson a couple?” 

“No comment,” Liv said for him, shoving through throngs of people, practically dragging him with her. He felt frozen and confused as people started shouting questions at him, talking over each other. The camera flashes were blinding, but he could still feel Liv’s hand, and that was keeping him calm. Once they made it in the door, he was breathing heavily, on the verge of hyperventilating, but Liv just dragged him into the elevator, away from the cameras. She held him close once the doors shut, whispered to him, and soothed him. It was a lot to be practically surrounded by blood thirsty media members. He managed to get his emotions mostly under control, but all he could feel was Liv’s turbulent emotions. She was worried for his safety, worried about his mental state. 

“Holy shit,” he whispered. 

“Rafa, are you okay?” She asked softly. 

“I-I’m not sure yet,” he said. 

“Let’s just get in the apartment, and then we can both try to calm down,” Liv said softly. He could see the tension in her muscles. She was ready to protect him. She held tight to his hand as they walked down hall. She was on high alert, and they both breathed a sigh of relief when they made it inside the apartment. Liv locked the door, and Rafael let his briefcase drop beside the coat rack. They were both quiet as they removed layers, and then Liv turned to him. “We’re safe in here.” He nodded, but his hands were shaking slightly. His name was going to be everywhere after the press conference, and now, there was a circus outside their apartment. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “All these people are here because of me.” 

“No, no, don’t be sorry,” Liv said gently. “It’s not your fault. Here, let’s get out of our work clothes, get some food, and try to relax. I’m not going to let them ruin our evening.” Rafael nodded, taking his shoes off before going back to the bedroom. He felt sick to his stomach. Before, he had been in the mood for some candles and a steamy night to help him forget his troubles, but now, his stomach was clenching uncomfortably, and he felt like someone was watching them. He pulled the shades, changing into something more comfortable. Liv came in a few moments after him, slipping into some sweatpants and a ratty tee shirt with holes in the seams. She crowded his space as he started folding his suit up to put in a pile for the dry cleaners. He let her spin him around with a hand on his side, dropping them to his hips once he was facing her. Her body was pressed flush against his, and her lips were soft against his own. “Mmm, I missed you all day, handsome,” Liv whispered. 

“I missed you too,” he said softly. His hands were still shaking, so he put them on her hips, trying to calm himself down. 

“What do you want for dinner?” she asked between pecks of their lips. 

“I don’t know,” he said. “But I know what I want for dessert.” Liv squeezed his ass, laughing against his mouth. 

“There will be no dessert if you don’t eat your vegetables,” she countered. 

“Not even if I wear the little shorts?” Rafael asked, pouting. Liv snorted, glaring at him. 

“Bribery won’t work,” Liv said, hands slipping under his shirt, rubbing over his soft skin. “In fact, I think I made it clear that not eating would result in a punishment.” He huffed. 

“You’re no fun,” he whispered. 

“Dinner,” she prompted again. He sighed, but started actually considering his options. 

“I could go for some pork chops,” he said softly. 

“Alright, let me see what’s around here,” she said. “I suppose we could order in if there’s nothing, but I’m not sure they’d make it through that mob out front.” When Liv pulled away, Rafael started to feel the anxiety creeping up on him once more. He took a seat on the couch, trying to distract himself with tv while Liv looked through the fridge. He heard her swear under her breath before sighing. “There’s not much in here. Broccoli.” 

“Ewww,” he said from the couch, and he heard her sigh again. 

“Look, Rafa, I’m tired. I don’t think we’re going to get food up here if we try to order it, so what do I need to do to get you to eat this broccoli? I’ll make the pork chops,” Liv said, sounding exhausted. 

“I don’t know,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “It tastes disgusting. Like dishwater. It’s icky.” 

“ _ Icky? _ ” Liv asked incredulously. “Where’d you learn that word? Harvard?”

He crossed his arms, huffing. “I learned lots of things at Harvard including the word iniquitous which is what you are.” Liv rolled her eyes at him. 

“What do you need to eat your broccoli?” Liv asked. 

“What if I don’t eat it?” he countered. 

“No dessert,” Liv said, and he scowled. 

“Can I have it with cheese?” he finally asked softly. “At least then it might taste like something.” 

“I think we can handle cheese,” Liv said. He crossed his arms over his chest. Rafael was shaking. It was slight but noticeable. He couldn’t stop wondering if people were watching them, if they’d follow him to work the next day. They had found his home, his safe place, and they took it away from him. He was trying to keep a grip on himself though. He needed to calm down, to relax, and to remember that Liv was there with him. It was just so hard to deal with them violating his privacy. He already felt violated enough. 

He pulled his legs up on the couch beside himself, crossing his arms around himself. 

“Raf,” Liv’s voice penetrated his thoughts. “Rafa, honey.” He blinked, seeing Liv’s worried eyes looking down at him. He shook his head, shook himself out of the daze he was in, loosening the grip he had on his arms. There were slight red marks in his skin where his fingers had pressed into his arms. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.” He nodded. He let Liv guide him to the table. He stared at his dinner, his stomach rolling, but he grabbed his fork. He knew there was no point in putting on a show for Liv. She could feel his emotions, but he was so used to throwing up the walls, to pretending to be okay. He took a small bite of his pork chop, and Liv reached across the table to put her hand over his. She didn’t press him to talk, and she didn’t say anything. Her touch was enough. It reminded him that she was there, in his corner, and she wasn’t going anywhere. 

He took one bite of the broccoli, and she smiled at him, laughing softly. “Is it still icky?” she asked. 

“It’s less icky,” he admitted, smiling to himself. He ate a few more bites despite the twisting discomfort in his gut. Liv was patient with him though, and eventually, he finished his food, and they settled on the couch. Liv was laying down, her feet in his lap, and he started to massage the right one, fingers pressing into the sole of her foot and working slowly up toward her ankle. She sighed softly. “You’re tense,” he said. It wasn’t a question. 

“Today has been a lot,” Liv admitted. Rafael continued working her muscles, pressing his thumbs into sore areas. “Just give me like a half hour to relax, and then you can have your dessert.” He smiled, shivering slightly as thought about it. 

“Take as much time as you need honey,” he replied. He was trying to relax, to calm down enough that he could wait. He didn’t want to overwhelm Liv. He knew she made a lot of decisions at work, and then he asked her to take charge at home too. 

They were in the middle of a tv show when there was loud knocking on the door. Rafael jumped, eyes flicking to Liv. She put a hand on his leg. 

“I wonder who that is,” she said softly, frowning. Rafael grabbed for a blanket, hugging it to his chest as Liv stood up. “I’ll be right back.” He heard Liv unlock the door, but then she shut it right away. “Damn it,” she said, and he could feel his anxiety rising by the second, like he was going to have a panic attack. “Rafa, breathe. I’m going to call Fin. We’re leaving. We’ll stay somewhere else tonight.” 

“Why are they following me?” he asked breathlessly as he stood up, starting to pace. Liv stopped him though, grabbing his wrists gently and looking him in the eyes. 

“Rafael take a breath. It’s going to be okay,” liv said. “I’m going to get us out of here. Go in the bedroom and pack a bag for yourself.” He nodded, shaking slightly as he walked back toward the bedroom. He found a bag, packing himself a few outfits. He snagged a couple suits for work, shoes, his phone charger, a book, and as a last thought, he snagged the little, lacy, white shorts. It took him a couple of minutes to get his toothbrush and shower necessities together. He started packing Liv a bag after that, and she interrupted, wrapping her arms around him. “Fin is on his way. We’re going to get a hotel or something.” 

“Let’s just go to my place,” Rafael said softly. They rarely spent time there, but he hadn’t gotten around to “officially” moving in with Liv or getting rid of the apartment. He had been thinking more and more about subletting though. 

“True, you have a doorman,” Liv said. 

“Being choosy comes in handy sometimes,” he said softly, and she laughed. She teased him a lot for his expensive tastes, but he knew she wasn’t serious. He wondered what she might say when he dragged her onto Rita’s yacht. “I started packing you a bag,” he said. She smiled, kissing his cheek before starting to put things in her own bag. 

Rafael moved his to the living room, getting a jacket and some shoes while he waited for Fin. Liv appeared after a couple minutes, taking his hand. She pulled him close, hand running over the back of his head, and he let out a shaky breath. “How are we going to get through that crowd down there?” he asked. 

“Fin will clear some space for us. It’s going to be okay,” Liv said. 

Rafael was glad when Fin finally made it to the apartment. Liv was hesitant when she opened the door, but she quickly let the detective inside. “Damn, it’s a mob down there. Are you two okay?”

“Shaken,” Liv said. “A few got up here somehow.” 

“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safer,” Fin said. “You won’t be comfortable here.” 

“Keep your arm on Rafael,” Liv said. “They want to talk to him. I’ll be fine. Just get him to the car.” 

Fin nodded, and Rafael didn’t argue. He slung the bag over his shoulder, letting Fin grab ahold of his arm and lead him to the elevator. Liv was right behind them, and Rafael thought about that to keep himself calm. He was bundled up in his jacket, a scarf around his neck, and he wished his jacket had a hood so he could hide from the invasive flashing of the cameras. The snapping of pictures that would be plastered all over the internet and in the paper. He tried not to think about it as they walked out into the cold winter air. It was dark, and Rafael felt like he was drowning, blinded by the cameras, Fin’s hand strong on his arm as he dragged him through the mess of people. He felt claustrophobic and smooshed. He could hear people screaming his name, but he didn’t know who it was or what else they were saying.  He could barely tell what direction the voices were coming from. Finally, he was in the car, Liv beside him, and she was calming him down as Fin sped off.

Liv pulled Rafael’s head against her chest, whispering comforting words to him, and he let her. He shut his eyes, breathing softly. Liv’s arms were tight around him, and he felt some of the tension bleeding out of his muscles. It wasn’t long until they made it to his apartment, and Fin circled the block a few times, keeping an eye out for cars tailing them. When they deemed it safe, Fin helped them take their bags up. “Call if you two need anything else,” Fin said. 

“Thanks Fin,” Liv said with a smile. Rafael took the bag to his bedroom. Liv had moved many of his things over to her apartment after his assault. He had been needing stability, and Liv’s apartment had been best for that. Still, his place was familiar. It just didn’t smell like Liv. She was so calming to him. He put some of his clothes back in drawers, hung the suits in the closet. His bed needed new sheets. He was grabbing for some sheets that were in his closet when Liv startled him. “Hey,” she said. “Do you feel any better?” 

“A little,” he said. “Help me make the bed?” Liv nodded, helping him to pull the sheet on the mattress. It took them no time at all when they worked together. He took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

“Do you still want to watch some Netflix?” Liv asked softly. Their old code word made him smile. He nodded softly, and Liv kissed his neck, crawling on the bed behind him on her knees. Her arms were wrapped around him, one going under his arm and across his chest. He let his head fall to the side, baring his neck to her lips. “Go take a shower, try to relax,” Liv whispered. “I’ll be waiting for you.” Rafael nodded, 

The warm water felt nice. He rubbed soap into his skin, trying to relax like Liv asked. There was no use in getting himself all worked up. The more he relaxed, the better he felt, and he was sporting a semi by the time he was done. He dried himself off the best he could before slipping into the little shorts he’d brought into the bathroom. When he made it to the bedroom, there was soft music playing the lights dimmed. “Good lord,” Liv said softly. “I didn’t know you brought those.” She was behind him, and when he turned, she had two glasses of wine. 

“Where’d you get that?” he asked softly. 

“I ran down to the bodega,” Liv said. “I can’t promise it’s high quality.” 

“That’s okay,” Rafael replied. He took a sip of the wine before setting his glass down on the nightstand. Liv pulled him in for a kiss, and he felt breathless already. He was sure she could feel the bulge in his shorts pressing against her. Sure enough, her hand lowered to his crotch, tracing the outline of his erection. 

“Is this for me?” she asked softly. 

“All for you,” he agreed breathlessly, mouth falling open as she squeezed him. 

“What do you need tonight?” she asked. 

“Just--please, I-I need you. Make me forget,” he said softly. Forget his anxiety, forget his day, forget the mob that was following him around. Liv nodded, kissing him once more before turning him with hands on his hips. She pushed him toward the bed, bending him over the mattress, and he fisted his hands in the sheets. He heard the rustle of clothing falling to the floor, and he peeked over his shoulder, admiring her bared skin. He felt goosebumps across his skin as he waited for her. Her hands were warm when they finally settled on his lower back. She rubbed little circles before moving them down to his ass, squeezing and groping. He let out a few soft, breathy moans. 

“You look so beautiful in these,” Liv said softly. She pulled at the shorts, easing them down his thighs, but she left them bunched around his legs. Then her hands were on his bare skin, and she spread him. He pressed his face against the sheet, itching to feel her stretching him. 

“Please,” he begged. 

“Shh,” Liv whispered. “I’ve got you sweetheart.” He pressed his hips up, trying to get some sort of stimulation, and Liv chuckled. “How long have you been thinking about this?” she asked. 

“All day,” he breathed. 

“I don’t have any lube,” she said softly. 

“I’m good,” he breathed. “I’m more than ready for you.” Liv placated him, spreading him once more, finger tracing around his rim. He let out a soft noise, trying to push back into the pressure, but she put a strong hand on his lower back. He obeyed almost instantly, stilling and waiting for her. He gasped at the feeling of her finger pushing inside of him, and he couldn’t help rolling his hips into the bed slightly. “Another,” he begged. Liv chuckled again before giving him what he wanted. Two were just enough of a stretch to make him happy, but she knew that would only hold him so long. She worked her fingers in and out of him, watching his body take them easily. He looked so gorgeous, spread out on the bed for her, bent over it, white lace stretched around his muscular thighs. His back was rippling as he tried to work himself back on her fingers over and over again. “Liv, come on,” he said through gritted teeth. 

“Okay, okay, sassy,” she whispered. “You’re very bossy tonight.” He hissed happily, back arching as he felt her pressing against him firmly. She leaned one hand down on his lower back again, effectively pinning him as she eased inside. 

“Come on,” he whispered again, so she gave him what he wanted, bottoming out so fast, he lost his breath, but that was what he wanted. “Hard, Liv, I need it hard.” She fisted a hand in his hair like they’d talked about earlier, yanking his head up as she started a brutal pace. His mouth fell open, hands tightening in the sheets as Liv grabbed his slippery hip. He was already sweaty and red, moaning with each brush of his prostate. His body was bent in a manner that he would regret in the morning, but it was worth the immediate gratification. His mouth was dry, and he could barely think, but it was everything he needed. He needed all the sensations, the lace cutting into his skin, the hand pulling at his hair, the pleasure shooting up his spine. His orgasm was building rapidly, and he knew Liv could feel that. She didn’t let up. She increased her tempo, and all his breath left him. He was trying to push back into the thrusts, but he could barely move. Liv was rocking him into the mattress, and he barely had time to whimper her name before he was coming all over himself. Liv fucked him through it until he let out a weak whimper, and she pulled out, finishing with a few pumps of her own hand. He couldn’t move. He was limp on the bed, chest heaving, his heart racing. Liv rubbed his back after a few minutes. 

“I know you’re tired,” she said softly. “Let’s get a bath, clean up, and we can get in bed.” He nodded slightly, and she helped him up. He felt shaky as she led him to the bathroom, and he had to sit down as the tub was filling. 

“We’re going to have to change the sheets again,” he said softly. “I made a mess.” Liv laughed softly, brushing some sweaty hair off his brow. 

“That was the idea,” she whispered, and he laughed. “Do you feel better?” 

“Yeah,” he whispered. 

When he climbed into the warm water with her, he couldn’t help but relax back into her arms and let his tension seep away. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done....one more chapter after this. I appreciate all the support.

Rafael was in his office when Liv called him. It had been an interesting morning, trying to get both of them out the door in a less familiar apartment. They had a well practiced routine at Liv’s place, but they hadn’t spent a night in his apartment in a while. His bathroom was a little smaller than hers, and he didn’t have any food in the fridge. Liv had bought him a donut on the way to his office, and then they’d parted ways. It had been barely an hour before she’d called, asking him to meet her at the police station. 

He could feel himself shaking. He knew he was on a very short leash with McCoy. Failure would not be tolerated, and the media would tear him apart. He reminded himself that Liv was there, and she was watching out for him. She was going to make sure that things would turn out okay. He had to trust that she wouldn’t bring him a case that he couldn’t win. 

His hands were shaking as he went inside, but Liv wasn’t waiting for him. Carisi approached him leading him into Liv’s office to watch the interrogation. “Rollins picked up the case last night,” Carisi said. “At an AA meeting, she met the vic, Lena who claims her boyfriend Gene raped her. The only problem is, she didn’t tell us about their text conversation. Liv is in there with her now.” Rafael nodded, turning his attention to the window. His stomach was doing flips. He watched as Liv went over the conversation with the victim, and he shook his head. It was a lot more complicated than he had hoped.  

When Liv came out of the room, he shot her a soft smile, and she smiled back. “What do you think?” He sighed. 

“Liv, they had consensual sex earlier. She told him she wanted to be humiliated. It’s a he texted, she texted,” he said. He was hesitant to take on such a touchy case so early on. It wasn’t cut and dry, and if he was being honest with himself, he was a bit nervous.

“Rafa, aren’t you the DA who convicted two Brooklyn men of raping a prostitute after she’d serviced one of them?” Liv asked, and he knew that she wanted him to take the case. She was playing to his ego, but he didn’t have much latitude to work with. 

“Those guys were scumbags,” he said, looking at her, practically begging her to understand his hesitance. “This suspect is an educated, middle class, nice Jewish lawyer with glasses.” His words weren’t all out of fear. There was some logic behind his statements, but he wasn’t usually one to back down from a shaky case. “He has a good job, no record, no history of violence. She’s a sexualy experimental department store sales girl with a drug and alcohol history. Tell her to stay away from him.” 

Rollins looked at him incredulously. “And that’s it?” she asked. 

“I can help her with a restraining order,” he said. He did feel bad. He wanted to help this girl out, but it was a bad case, one that he couldn’t afford to get caught up in at the moment. “You can get her counseling, but Rollins, I can’t charge him.” She shook her head, and he could tell they were all unhappy. He left the room with a weight on his shoulders. He wanted to duck into the bathroom and cry, and he hated that. He knew it was just his hormones, he was still rather unbalanced, but it was so frustrating. 

…………………….

Liv didn’t say anything when she came into his office for lunch, but the silence felt deafening. He hunched in on himself, trying not to freak out or have a panic attack. He was getting so frustrated with himself. “Breathe,” she reminded him. Her hand rested on his shoulder as she went around his desk. “Do I agree with what you decided today?” she said softly. “No. Do I respect it? Yes. Am I mad? No. Just calm down. You did your job, Rafael. Part of your job is to decide which cases should go to court. I will go to bat for every victim, but I’m not mad at you.” 

“You’re not?” he asked softly. 

“No,” Liv whispered, sitting on the edge of his desk and pulling him close. “I do think that you’re holding back though. I know this is a hard situation, but you’re a great lawyer, Rafa. You need to trust yourself.” 

“I’m trying,” he said softly. “McCoy is psyching me out though.” 

“It’s not easy, I know that. Just try to remember what the goal is, Rafa,” Liv said softly. 

“Getting justice for victims, I know,” he agreed. She stroked her hand through his hair.

‘You’re tense,” Liv said. It wasn’t a question. He nodded tiredly as he stood up and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. He followed Liv out of the office, and she waved to Carmen as they left. 

“This is all a lot,” he said softly. He could feel her concern. “I’ll figure it out,” he said, not wanting her to worry. Liv didn’t say much, but he could tell she was thinking. They stopped at a little cafe down the road from his office, and he ate a burger. Liv had a salad. They ate in companionable silence, and he felt better than he had before. ‘I’m sure Rollins is pissed,” Rafael said softly. 

“She’ll get over it,” Liv said. Rafael ate a french fry before looking at her again. He could feel her stress, and he felt bad. They didn’t always talk about what might be bothering her. He knew they were understaffed at SVU, and that was partially his own fault. 

“You should give Amaro another chance,” he said abruptly. “You’re understaffed, and he’s good at his job.” 

Liv shook her head. “I don’t know, Rafa. What he said to you, it was ridiculous.” 

“I know. It was rude, but don’t let me get in the way of your squad. Talk to him, do what you have to, but I don’t think you should keep him suspended,” Rafael said. Liv smiled at him softly. 

“I love you lots, I hope you know that,” she said softly. Everytime she said it, a goofy smile would spread across his face. 

“I love you too,” he replied softly, eating another fry. 

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll think about it,” Liv said. 

He was sad when they had to go back to their respective offices, and he lingered outside the building of his office for a little bit, stealing a few kisses before he let Liv go. He got far fewer than he wanted, but he consoled himself with the thought of more later. 

…………………..

Liv was sitting in her office when Fin knocked on the door. She looked up. “Liv, Nick is here.” She stood up. 

“Everyone go to the table. I want to talk to you all,” she said. It was getting close to the end of the day when she could finally go home and spend the evening with Rafael. She had decided to take his advice and offer Nick a second chance, but it was on her terms. When she went out to the table, all her detectives were seated there, and she stood at the head of the table, staring Nick down. He had his arms crossed, but he was there which was saying something. “I think it’s time we have a serious conversation,” she said. “I want to make a few things crystal clear to you all. I know it may have been a shock to learn about my relationship with Rafael or his type. That being said, he is our ADA. He is still the ADA he’s been all along, and he deserves your respect. I will not tolerate any disrespect towards him. I don’t want to hear comments or rude jokes.” She looked pointedly at Amanda. 

“Does that include my jokes?” Fin asked, and Liv rolled her eyes. “I’m not making fun of Barba.” 

“If you want to make fun of me, that’s your business, Fin,” Liv said. 

“Rafael and I don’t have a typical relationship. He is my equal, and he is certainly allowed to say whatever he likes whenever he likes. I don’t view him as my property or an object. He is a person, a very smart, very qualified person, and you will all treat him just like you treat me. I don’t care if you agree with him or our relationship. If we have problems, I won’t be afraid to hand out suspensions, desk duty, or whatever else I deem necessary. Is that understood?” Nick was glowering in his seat. There were a few nods. “Nick, you can come back tomorrow. You’re on desk duty. I’ll see you then.” 

Liv sighed, feeling better now that the air was somewhat cleared. She had set boundaries, and she only hoped they would stay within them. “Liv.” Amanda’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “I really am sorry about everything I said. I am happy for you two.” 

“Thank you Amanda,” Liv said. “I know you’re sorry. Thank you.”

“You know I’ve got your back,” Fin said. “Both of you.” 

“I know Fin,” Liv said with a smile. “And we’re grateful.” Sonny was kind of hanging back, but when Amanda and Fin headed back to their desks, he approached her. 

“I know I’m new around here, but I think your relationship with Rafael is really great. I think I could learn a lot from you both.” Liv couldn’t help but smile at him. 

“We’re glad to have you Sonny,” Liv replied. She headed to her office to get her things together, glad that she had been able to set down the rules. She just hoped they would treat Rafael the way he deserved rather than adding to the problem. He deserved a place where he could feel safe and comfortable doing his job, ad she was going to do her best to give that to him. 

………………..

Rafael was looking at his phone as he exited the elevator. He was happy that it was time to go home with Liv. He had an entire evening to relax before he had to deal with the stress of work once more. He was walking toward the door to the squad room when someone ran right into him, hitting his shoulder and jostling him. He barely had time to regain his bearings before there was a rough finger shoved into his sternum, and an angry face too close for comfort. “You don’t deserve her.” Amaro’s close proximity was making him feel uncomfortable. “If you really cared about her, if you were smart, you’d figure that out yourself and let her find someone who is actually worth her time,” the detective snarled. Rafael had to swallow before he responded. He took a slight step back. 

“I’m sorry you feel that way  _ detective _ , but I don’t make it a habit to take relationship advice from divorced, single cops with anger issues,” Rafael spat. Amaro grabbed a handful of Rafael’s shirt, and the lawyer was positive he was going to get socked in the face any second. “Liv wasn’t going to give you your job back until I talked her into it. If you lay one hand on me, I guarantee she’s going to kick your ass whether I deserve her love or not. Grow up.” Amaro let him go, and Rafael glared, making his way into the room and toward Liv’s office. He was trying to straighten out the wrinkles in his shirt, muttering under his breath. Amaro was such a jealous child. Rafael wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Liv though because he knew it would just upset her. 

When he made it into her office, she was packing her things up, and he smiled. “Hi,” he said softly. 

“Hey,” she whispered, slipping into her coat. “Are you ready to go?” 

“More than ready,” he said, taking her hand. 

The car ride to the apartment was quiet for the most part until Liv turned to him. “Did you get mobbed today?” she asked. He smiled. 

“I think they got some nice pictures of my ass as I ran out of the building,” he said with a laugh. 

“Oh,” Liv said, chuckling at him. “I didn’t know you were that fast.” 

“What can I say, the little guys need to know how to outrun the bullies. There was a huge crowd outside the office, but I managed to get through,” Rafael said. “At least they haven’t found my apartment yet. It helps to defy societal norms sometimes.”

“What do you want for dinner? Liv asked softly after a few moments of silence. 

“Let’s order Chinese,” he said. Liv nodded, parking the car. They walked to the elevator together, riding up to the apartment. Rafael was clicking through his phone when Liv opened the door, and he didn’t noticed one of the neighbors down the hall staring at them. It wasn’t until Liv grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the door. “What?” 

“Your neighbor was staring,” Liv said. He frowned. 

“They’re probably just seeing my damn face all over the news,” Rafael said with a sigh. She shut the door. 

“I don’t like it. People need to learn some manners.” Rafael smiled at her. He felt loved, but then he started thinking about what Amaro had said to him. He might be loved, but did he deserve Liv’s love? Did he deserve to have her in his life? He tried to shake the thoughts, the feeling of inadequacy, but it was hard. Liv had to deal with so much simply by being his alpha. He was a hot mess, and he had dragged her into it. 

He was changing his clothes when Liv came into the bedroom. She noticed his change immediately. He knew she could feel it. “What’s wrong, Rafa?” she asked. “Is it work?” He could easily nod his head and brush off the conversation, but honesty was important to Liv, and he didn’t want to hide it from her. He finished pulling on his Harvard sweatshirt, taking a seat on the bed and waving her over. She was looking at him, concern evident in her eyes. 

“It’s just--it’s stupid, but Nick said something to me earlier, and it’s just bothering me,” he said softly. 

“Nick? Honey, when did Nick say something to you?” Liv asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. He sighed, looking down at his lap. 

“Earlier,” he repeated. 

“Today?” Liv asked. Rafael nodded. “What the hell did he say?” He bit his lip. “Rafael, what did he say to you?” Her voice was bordering on murderous. 

“I should have told you earlier,” he said softly. “I just--I didn’t want you to get upset while we were at work, so I thought maybe I should wait until we got home.” He was rambling now. “I handled it Liv. I don’t want to cause problems.” 

“I won’t get mad. I promise. Not until you finish,” Liv said. “Whatever he said bothered you, and whether it has any impact at work or not doesn’t mean I can’t comfort you.” He let out a soft breath. 

“He said that I don’t deserve you,” Rafael finally admitted. “And he’s right. I don’t. I don’t deserve you, Olivia. I don’t feel like enough.” Liv grabbed him, yanking him close and melding their lips together. She kissed him until he was breathless. 

“You are more than enough,” she said softly. “You are so much more than enough. You’re my world, Rafael. You make me happy, you give me something to look forward to when I get home at night. You make me laugh more than anyone in the entire world. I love you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Really?” he asked softly. Liv stroked her fingers through his hair. 

“Really,” she said softly. “I can’t imagine wanting anything more when I have you.” 

“I love you,” he whispered, his heart soaring. 

“I love you too, baby,” Liv promised. “I cannot believe he said that to you.” He could hear the anger edging back into her voice. “I’m going to suspend him. He’s unbelievable.”

“Liv, no, I don’t want to get in your way,” Rafael said. “I took care of it.” He could feel the anger simmering dangerously inside of her. She was going to lose her temper, and he felt bad. He hadn’t wanted to upset her like this. 

“You took care of it?” she asked. “How did you do that?” 

“I told him to screw off,” Rafael said. “I told him I don’t take relationship advice from divorced cops with anger issues.” Liv laughed a little bit at that, but he could still feel her anger. She stood up after a couple moments, starting to pace. 

“I’m going to call him. This completely unacceptable. I  _ just  _ had this conversation with him,” Liv said, reaching for her phone. “I gave him a second chance.” 

“Liv, it’s okay. Talk to him tomorrow. I don’t want you to worry tonight. Let’s just relax,” he said. Liv took a few deep breaths. 

“Okay, okay, fine,” Liv said. “I’m going to call dinner in.” He knew she was holding herself back for his sake. He could feel the barely contained anger, but she was doing her best to keep a lid on it. He rubbed his face tiredly, trying to calm down. He felt better after talking to Liv. 

His head was pounding. The stress was starting to get to him. The next day felt uncertain. Everything felt uncertain. He pulled his legs up on the bed beside him, trying to relax. Liv was certain. 

Liv let him have his alone time, only coming to find him when the food arrived. She took one look at him, and she realized that he wasn’t doing the best. She rubbed his back. “Hey, come on, get some food. You’ll feel better. Does your head hurt?” He nodded. “I’ll get the pills from your bag.” He picked at his Chinese food, and he did feel better after he drank some water. He swallowed his pills and ate enough to satisfy Liv who was worried about him. She was cleaning up when she looked at him seriously. “Talk to me,” she said. ‘What’s wrong?” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair.  

”I just--I had to make a lot of decisions today, and I’m scared they were wrong. It’s a lot for me sometimes. I’m terrified to mess this up Liv. The whole world is watching me now,” he said softly. Liv dried her hands, coming around the counter so she could look at him. 

“You did amazing today, don’t doubt yourself, Rafa. I am so proud of you,” Liv whispered, and he smiled. “And I think I know what might help with all the decision making stress. Do you want to try a little Netflix and Chill tonight? Not as a punishment, but just let me take the control for a bit. You can relax.” His hands went to her hips, leaning in closer. She could see his blown pupils. They were dark, almost swallowing the green irises that surrounded them. He nodded, swallowing heavily, and Liv kissed his bobbing Adam’s apple. ” He let her hold his hands, thinking about it. It only took him a couple minutes to nod. “I want you to tell me when you feel bad. I’m here for you.” 

“You have other things to worry about Liv,” he said softly. 

“You’re the most important, okay?” Liv whispered, pulling him into her arms. “Get a shower, relax, and meet me in the bedroom. We’ll talk a little bit, and figure out what might make you feel better.” He nodded, and Liv kissed his temple before shooing him off toward the shower.

When he made it to the bedroom, the towel was still wrapped around his waist, his skin glistening with dampness. Liv was sitting on the bed, reading a book, and he waited patiently for her instructions. “Come sit,” she said softly. He took a careful seat at the edge of the bed, and Liv started to gently stroke her fingers through his hair. “Is there anything you really want?” She asked softly. “This is not a punishment, so I am very, very open to your ideas.” 

“Blindfold me?” he asked softly. Liv kissed a sensitive area on his neck, and he gasped.   
“Sure,” she agreed.   
“Can you spank me? Please,” his voice was getting breathy, and Liv could feel the arousal building inside of him.   
“If that’s what you want,” Liv said softly. “Anything else before you’re relieved of your decision-making privileges?” He laughed softly, knowing she was teasing. They both knew he could safeword out at any time, and she would stop immediately. He shook his head. Liv smiled at him. “Alright, towel off. I’m going to pick out our blindfold. You get on the bed.” He removed the towel from his hips, scrubbing a little more water from his skin before kneeling on the bed, waiting for Liv. He was already starting to feel better. He didn’t have to think or choose anything. All he had to do was listen to what Liv wanted. She was going to take care of him. It was such a release when he needed it.   
When she started rubbing his back, his heartbeat picked up. “You’re such a good boy,” Liv whispered, knowing he needed to hear it. “Can I have your color?”   
“Green,” he said just loud enough for her to hear.   
“Okay, I’m going to put the blindfold on now,” Liv said. He swallowed, but he held still as she knotted his neck tie around his head. He felt her hands on his sides, running over his skin, her lips working on his neck, and he let his head fall to the side, baring himself to her. It felt like so much more with the blindfold. His vision was suppressed, heightening the tactile sensations. Liv pressed herself against his back, reaching around him and fondling him for a second before she backed away entirely. “I’m going to help you lay down over my lap,” she said softly. He nodded. Liv guided his movements, getting him where he needed to be, ass in the air, bent over her lap, face pressed against the cool sheets. Liv spent some time working him up. She rubbed her hand over the curve of his butt, reaching between his legs every now and then to rub the sensitive area behind his balls. He let out little breathy sounds, hands fisted in the sheets. “You can move around some,” Liv said softly. “It’s okay if you need to rub yourself against my pants. It’s not a punishment. Just don’t come until I say it’s okay.” He nodded, focusing on her soft hands that were on his skin. He had just relaxed a little bit when she landed the first slap. He jolted a little bit in surprise, gasping softly. 

“One,” he said softly, and he could feel Liv smiling down at him. 

“Good boy,” she said softly. He was glad she had started soft because the pain was heightened from the blindfold. He felt her lift her hand the second time, and it came down harder. He rolled his hips forward with a soft moan, feeling his cock rub against her soft sweatpants. There was a quickly forming damp spot where it was pinned between his lower belly and Liv’s thigh. Every time her hand hit his skin, the sting was worse, but it felt so good. He was rock hard against Liv’s thigh. Being at her mercy, knowing he could trust her to take care of him, the sensation of her soft pants against his throbbing erection, and he was working hard to stave off his orgasm. “Good, Rafa, my good boy.” He moaned softly again, back arching as she hit him another time. 

“Liv--I don’t know how long I can--I don’t know,” he whispered. 

“Hold on for me,” she whispered. “Five more, and then we’ll work on that situation.” He pressed his red face into the sheets. “Color?” 

“Green,” he said, but his voice was muffled by the mattress. The next slap made him sob. He was trying so hard to hold himself back, but it was hard. Each time she hit him, his hips jolted forward, and pleasure consumed him. “Fuck,” he whispered. The next two were quick, one after the other, and he yelped as she hit a sensitive spot. She waited then, giving him a moment to catch his breath, rubbing her hand on his heated, abused skin. He gasped when her hand landed the fourth time. “Jesus, Liv--” 

“One more, you can do it,” Liv said, and he nodded, his skin damp with sweat. He clutched the sheets in his hands as Liv’s hand landed one more time. 

“God,” he breathed, his chest heaving, and Liv rubbed his back. She was working on calming him down. He started relaxing against her, and she helped him over to curl up on the bed. 

“Okay, I’m right here. You did so good sweetheart,” Liv said. He nodded against the sheet. 

“Liv, I need to feel you,” he said softly. 

“Okay,” she agreed almost immediately, stripping out of her clothes. She didn’t keep him waiting. He groaned as she pressed inside of him, but he didn’t feel like he could do anything more than lay there and take it. He needed her close to him, as close as she could get, and he figured she must’ve felt that. She was pressed tight against his back, and she wrapped an arm under him. Her mouth was right by his ear, and he could feel her warm breath on his skin as he pressed his face against her arm. She gave him just what he needed, as always, and he felt surrounded by her love. He didn’t have to make any decisions, to think about anything, and it was perfect.        
It didn’t take long for him to spill himself on the sheets, and Liv kissed his neck, working him through his orgasm. She finished not long after, and then he was just a limp puddle of mush. Liv kissed his back, gently running her hands over the damp skin, and he shut his eyes and let himself be lulled to sleep. 

………………

Rafael was really drowsy. He could feel Liv’s arms around him, and he smiled softly. She had made him feel so much better after a hard day. “How are you feeling?” Liv asked softly, and he jumped a little. 

“Didn’know you were still awake,” he mumbled. 

“I could feel you thinking,” Liv said. He laughed softly. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. She kissed the area right behind his ear. 

“Do you feel okay? You fell asleep really fast,” Liv said. He nodded. 

“You relaxed me,” he said softly. “I feel fine.” Liv’s hand that was splayed across his stomach started rubbing soft circles, and he rolled over, leaning in for a kiss. Liv pressed their lips together lazily, and he shut his eyes and let himself enjoy the sensation. Her hands were soft on his hips, and he felt so much more relaxed than he’d been in ages. It was nice to be there with Liv, in that warm bed, feeling so safe and secure. 

“I love you so much,” Liv whispered. 

“I love you too,” he said back. 

“We should get some more sleep,” Liv said softly. He pouted, but snuggled into her more, closing his eyes. He wasn’t sure how much time passed before Liv’s cell phone started blaring on the nightstand. He sat up as she answered it, and he knew from the sound of her voice that she had to go. He pouted a little bit when she hung up. “I know,” she said softly. “I have to go.” 

“Okay,” he said softly, pulling her close for a kiss. She let him kiss her a few times before she got out of bed. “Be careful,” he said softly. 

“I will. I’ll see you later, okay?” she asked, and he nodded, laying back down. The bed felt empty without Liv, so he he hugged a pillow and tried to relax enough to sleep again. 

…………………

Rafael jolted awake to the sound of his phone ringing. It was still dark and he reached for his phone with a groan. “What?” he asked, his voice harsh. 

“Raf, you need to come in.” Liv’s voice was soft. 

“Liv, you’re interrupting my beauty sleep,” he grumbled softly as he climbed out of bed. He was trying to lighten the mood. She sounded upset. 

“Rafa, Gene Fierstein is dead,” Liv said. 

“What!?” he asked. He was suddenly a lot more awake than before. 

“I’ll explain more when you get here. I need you to come to the precinct,” Liv said. “I know you’re tired.” 

“No, no, it’s okay,” Rafael said. He could feel the exhaustion rolling off of her in waves, and he cursed himself for making her feel bad even if it was inadvertent. “I’ll be there soon. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Liv said softly. He dressed himself quickly before catching a cab to the precinct. Despite his tiredness, he had a job to do, and it was about time he got used to getting called in the middle of the night again. When arrived, Liv was in the interrogation room speaking with Lena, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, approaching the glass. 

Lena’s story seemed suspect to him as he spoke with Liv, and he began to piece together what had happened. He was getting a bad vibe from the woman, but he didn’t want to be too judgemental prematurely. He was going to have to talk to Liv. As the interview went on though, he was more and more skeptical, and he was mad that he’d second guessed himself earlier. Her story was unrealistic. When Liv came out, she smiled at him, and he smiled back softly. 

“What do you think?” Liv asked. 

“Anything he does to her is an assault against nature,” he said sarcastically. “But, her not telling us that she fellated him with frizzle rocks in her mouth seconds before he went off the roof is a sin of omission?” Amanda gave him a look. 

“Okay, she lied, I get that it looks bad,” she replied. “But she was afraid of him.” Rafael didn’t really believe that. 

“Which gives her motive to push him off the roof,” Amaro said from the door. “How well do you know Lena?”  

“She knows her from the program,” Fin said, stepping in. “She’s been up front about that.” 

“Okay,” Liv said. “Lena was the last one to see Gene alive, and she did lie to us about having sex with him on the roof. She did just accuse him of rape tho, maybe he was looking for payback.” Rafael appreciated Liv offering both sides of the argument. He knew that she would always stand up for a victim, but she could also be pragmatic. 

“We don’t know what happened up there,” Amanda said.

“At this point, it is circumstantial. Let’s talk to anyone who’s seen them together,” Rafael said. He knew he needed more evidence if he was going to take this anywhere.  

He was still at the precinct when Gene’s fiance showed up, and Rafael let himself be pulled into another room, sitting down with a cup of coffee to hear the message she had on her phone. 

“ _ I’m afraid of what Lena might do, so I’m going to go and try to talk some sense into her. If anything happens to me, call the police. I love you.”  _

Rafael stared at her. That made all the difference. “Gene left you this message last night?” he asked. It was solid evidence. 

“Ten o’clock,” Melissa said. “We’d spoken twenty minutes earlier. He told me he was going over there, that she’d threatened him and me.” 

“What else did he tell you about her?” Liv asked. 

“That she was stalking him,” Melissa replied. “When he tried to end it, she accused him of rape.” 

”He told you that?” Fin asked from the doorway. 

“Yes,” Melissa said. “When are you gonna arrest her?” Rafael was trying to process all the new information when the door opened, and Amaro poked his head in. 

“Liv,” he said, and she stood up. Amaro whispered something to her for a moment before shutting the door. Liv rolled her eyes when she turned back to him. 

“Nick needs to speak to you,” she said to Rafael, and he stood up, preparing himself. 

“Excuse me,” Rafael said to Melissa, tapping Liv’s arm on his way out the door. Nick was standing outside with a heavy set black man. 

“I’m a super. Lena’s a tenant in my building,” the man said. 

“Well, Mr. Henderson was just telling me Lena asked hm how to disable the roof door alarm,” Nick said. 

“That’s right,” the super said, and Rafael shifted his gaze to the man. “A couple of days before that poor fellow died, she said she wanted to smoke.” Rafael’s jaw clenched. It was sounding more and more premeditated. 

“You didn’t believe her?” he asked. 

“No, sir,” the super said. “On the account of how her and the dead guy had set off the alarm a few other times.” 

“They weren’t smoking those other times?” Rafael asked, wanting to be sure. 

“They were having sex,” the man said. 

“Tell Mr. Barba about last night after Gene had gone off the roof,” Nick said, and Rafael resisted the urge to roll his eyes again. Nick wasn’t talking directly to him almost at all. 

“The battery was out of the alarm,” the man said. “It had been in that afternoon.” Rafael looked at Nick. He had enough to make a case now. 

Liv talked to him in his office while the detectives were going to pick Lena up. She smiled at him. “I’m sorry I had to call you down here,’ she said. 

“I’m sorry you had to come down here,” he replied. Liv hooked her fingers in his suspenders, pulling him closer. She smoothed her hands over his his biceps, over the light blue shirt. 

“I like this color on you,” she said. “Thank you for buying me the latte.” He’d brought it with him, figuring she would want one. 

“You’re insufferable when you’re grumpy,” he teased. “It was a preemptive strike.” Liv laughed softly, pulling him in for a quick kiss before sending him on his way. He would arraign Lena in the morning, and in the meantime, maybe he could get some sleep and come in late. Liv wouldn’t be home for hours.

…………………….

“But Lena was aware of your relationship with Detective Rollins?” Rafael asked, stepping closer and closer to the stand. The case had been going well so far, better than he expected. He had been surprised Nick offered him the tip about Rollins and Nate, but it was proving to be what he needed to sway the jury. He felt Liv behind him, felt her pride, and that warmed his heart. He hated doing this to Rollins, exposing her life in front of the court, but he needed to do it. 

“Yes,” Nate answered. 

“And she was aware that Detective Rollins is an SVU detective?” he asked. 

“I may have shared that,” Nate admitted. 

“Did you also share that Rollins’ sister was a domestic violence victim?” Rafael pressed. 

“I-I wanted Lena to know that she wasn’t alone,” Nate said, starting to become defensive. Rafael had him on his heels now, and it was time to pounce. 

“So while you were “13th-stepping” Detective Rollins, you confided in Lena that were seeing an SVU detective who might be sympathetic to her?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Nate admitted. 

“And shortly thereafter, did Lena ask you to invite Detective Rollins to an A.A. meeting she was speaking at?” Rafael asked, laying out the chain of events for the jury. 

“She did,” Nate confirmed. 

“Later that night, did Lena disclose to Detective Rollins that she had been raped?” Rafael asked.

“Objection,” Efron said. “Hearsay.” The judge was about to sustain it when Rafael spoke up. 

“Actually, you were in Detective Rollins’ apartment at that time, isn’t that right?” Rafael interjected. 

“Yes,” Nate said. 

“I’ll allow it,” the judge said. 

“After the D.A. decided not to charge Gene with rape, did Lena ask you if Detective Rollins was still sympathetic to her?” Rafael asked. 

“Yes, I said she was,” Nate replied. 

“I see,” Rafael said, “So either you were conspiring with Lena to establish a pattern of abusive behavior that would justify Gene’s murder, or Lena was playing you.” 

“I-I wasn’t conspiring,” Nate said, and Rafael had him on his heels again. He was pushing him to turn on Lena. 

“So you were being played?” Rafael said. “And she used you to play Detective Rollins.” 

“I didn’t know that’s what she was intending to do,” Nate said. “I swear. Listen, I try not to dwell on would’ves, could’ves, should’ves.”  
“Good for you,” Rafael replied. “Nothing further.” He felt confident again, adrenaline rushing through his body. After all the fear, the embarrassment, the worry, he felt like he had his swagger back. As Rafael left the courtroom, Liv patted his shoulder. He was going to talk to her after he caught up with Rollins. He was more than ready to go home and take a hot shower and just relax. 

Rollins was by the elevator when he saw her, and she was talking to Nate. He was slow as he approached her, unsure how she might react. He met her eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I had to do it.” 

“I’m not angry at you,” she said softly, and he hated the pain in her voice, the pain he had caused, but it was an occupational hazard. When something came up, he had to use it to his advantage however he could in court. He ran a hand over his hair as she got on the elevator, turning around to go find Olivia. 

……………….

Rafael was relaxing on the couch with a glass of scotch while Liv did some paperwork in the kitchen. He was watching a tv show when he felt her hands on his shoulders. “I am so proud of you for today, handsome,” she said softly. “I know the jury is going to rule in your favor.” 

“Thanks Liv,” he said softly. 

“I know you were nervous, I could feel it, but then you stood up and you tore him apart,” she said as she sat beside him. 

“I knew I had you there behind me, no matter what,” he said, and she smiled. 

‘No matter what,” she agreed, taking his hand. “Let’s go celebrate.” He couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he let her pull him back toward the bedroom. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the end. I'm working on part two. I hope you guys enjoyed this! Thanks for reading :)

Rafael was getting his papers together for a motions hearing when there was a knock on his office door. He looked up to see Rita entering the room. “Why the hell did you not call me when you were arrested?” she asked angrily. 

“I had just come out of a coma,” he said softly. “I was freaking out, and I didn’t want to drag you down with me.” 

“Attorney Client privilege,” she replied. “They never would have gotten me for knowing your type.” 

“I didn’t want to risk it,” he said. 

“Liv said you were headed to a motions hearing,” Rita asked, and Rafael nodded, wondering why Liv was calling Rita. “I’m going too.” 

“Why?” he asked. “Buchanan is the man’s defense attorney.” 

“Moral support,” Rita said. “Liv can’t make it.” The pieces all fell into place then. Liv didn’t want to leave him alone. 

“I am more than capable of doing a motions hearing,” Rafael said softly. 

“Oh shut up. You know you’ve missed me. You can buy me a coffee on the way. Let’s go,” Rita said. Rafael rolled his eyes, but he slipped into his jacket, following Rita out of the office. He bought her coffee, and then they were on the way to the court house. The case wasn’t really that complicated, and Rafael felt fairly confident in his argument. He went into the courtroom feeling confident, but he was glad to have someone with him deep down. He organized his papers at the table, taking a sip of water while he waited for the Judge to arrive. He hadn’t worked with Judge Flowers often, but he didn’t think there would be any issues on this case. He had a strong argument, and he had no idea how Buchanan possibly thought he was going to win the argument. It was a stretch even for him, a desperate attempt to gain some ground. 

When the Judge came in, Rafael took a deep breath, organizing his papers. He could feel Buchanan staring at him, but he ignored the man. He didn’t care about his opinion. Buchanan was going to go first, he had filed the motion, so Rafael sat back and listened, taking notes as the other man made his argument. It was flimsy enough that Rafael knew his argument would win. It was much stronger, but when he stood up to make it, the Judge gave him a look. “That’s alright Mr Barba, I’m ready to make my decision.” 

“Your Honor, I haven’t even presented my argument,” Rafael said, feeling a sinking dread inside of him. 

“I don’t need to hear your argument Mr. Barba, I said I’m ready to rule. I don’t know what business you think you have being in  _ my  _ courtroom, but here, I’m the boss. I’m going to rule--” 

“Excuse me your honor,” Rita said from behind him, and he was grateful she was there. He felt like he couldn’t speak. He hadn't expected something like this. “If you don’t want a hefty lawsuit and a report to the ethics committee, I suggest you rethink this action. Mr. Barba will not be subjected to unnecessary discrimination. I will take you to court for everything you have, and you know I’ll win,” Rita said. “There is no law that explicitly prohibits omegas from working in a government position, rather, it’s a societal standard that is outdated, and there are laws on the book about discrimination. I could make this argument all day.” She was bluffing to an extent, but she was scary enough that he saw Judge Flowers consider her words. 

“Fine,” he said, “Mr. Barba, you may present your argument.” Rafael breathed a sigh of relief, trying to tamp back on the tears. He was upset. It was humiliating to be treated like that. He stood up, clearing his throat before he made his argument. Judge Flowers reluctantly ruled in his favor, and he left the room feeling better. He was still upset though, and he was quiet in the car. 

“Let’s get some lunch,” Rita said softly, and he nodded, letting Rita get him something to eat. 

……………..

The situation in the courtroom ate at Rafael for hours, and by the time he was finished his day, he was more than ready to go home with Liv. He wanted to mope. He was a little bit annoyed that she’d sent Rita to basically babysit him, and he was seething that Judge Flowers had the audacity to treat him so unfairly. On top of all of it, he hadn’t even really stood up for himself. Rafael was tired and upset, and when he got to Liv’s office, he wanted to go home. 

Fin was the only one in the office when he went in, and he glanced at the police officer. “Where’s Liv?” he asked. 

“She’ll be back soon. She had to go out,” Fin said. “Her office should be open if you want to wait in there for her. There’s coffee, probably some snacks around here too.” Rafael nodded, looking for something to eat. He was pouting. He got his hands on some chocolate chip cookies that he took into Liv’s office. He sat in her chair because he was annoyed, and it was more comfortable than the other chairs. He was eating a cookie when Liv came in the office. 

“That took you long enough,” he griped. Liv frowned, eyeing the cookies he was eating. 

“I’m sorry?” she said softly. “I needed to take care of something with Carisi.” He put his feet up on her desk to be spiteful. 

“Whatever,” he said softly. “Can we just go?” 

“Maybe if you get your feet off my desk,” Liv said, eyebrows raised. He popped another little cookie in his mouth instead. Liv sighed. “Is there something you’d like to say to me?” 

“I can’t believe you sent Rita to babysit me earlier,” he grumbled. “Oh no, the little omega can’t do it himself. He needs help from an alpha.” 

“That isn’t fair and you know it,” Liv replied. “I didn’t want you to have to be alone.” 

“Why not? Cause I’m incompetent?” Rafael asked. 

“I never said that, and you might want to rethink the way you’re talking to me. I was only trying to help,” Liv said. He clenched his jaw, folding his arms across his chest. 

“I don’t need help,” he said. 

“Really?” she asked, amusement playing on her lips. “I heard she saved your ass with Judge Flowers.” His eyes narrowed. He didn’t say anymore. In fact, he wasn’t planning on saying anything to her at all for awhile. “What do you want for dinner?” He didn’t answer. He pulled out his phone instead, scrolling through work messages. “Wow, Rafael, that’s really mature. This attitude needs to be gone. Now.” He rolled his eyes. “Come on,” she said. He followed behind her, stubbornly standing his ground. The car ride was quiet, and he stared out the window, refusing to speak. He knew it was childish, and he knew it wasn’t Liv’s fault, but he was so upset. What she said had provoked him further, and now, he was a little bit annoyed with her. It was low to bring up what had happened in that courtroom. He wondered if she knew how much it really affected him. He knew she could feel his emotions, but she couldn’t tell exactly where they came from. She just knew he was annoyed. He could feel her own annoyance, a tinge of worry mixed in as well. He stalked up to the apartment, flopping down on the bed. Liv changed quietly, leaving the room for a few minutes before she came back in. “Look, you’re being very rude. Do you want punished? Or can we talk?” 

“That was mean,” he said softly. He made a little bit of a pouty face. 

“Look, maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say, but this is not going to work. When you’re upset, we need to talk,” Liv said. “Giving me the silent treatment is unacceptable. You were rude from the moment I saw you. Honey, I was just trying to help.” 

“I know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry--I just--” He hung his head, and Liv pulled him close, rubbing his back. 

“I can feel that you’re upset,” Liv said. “Talk to me. I know what happened today couldn’t have been easy.” 

“I felt so helpless and humiliated, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry,” he said. Liv gently scratched the nape of his neck. “He wasn’t even going to let me talk, and I--I froze. I didn’t know what to do, and then Rita had to save me.” 

“Rafael, you shouldn’t have had to wonder if you were going to be treated unfairly. It’s normal that it caught you off guard. Rit ahad your back. I’m very sorry that happened to you though,” Liv said. Rafael nodded, wiping at his face. 

“Liv, I’m sorry. I probably deserve a punishment. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you, but I was mad, and I’m sorry,” he said softly. 

“I’m sure you can make it up to me. Now, let’s go get some food,” Liv said. “Then you and I can work something out. I’m sure it’ll cheer both of us up.” 

………………….

Rafael was surprised when Liv went out to go see the comedian she was so hellbent on him prosecuting. He wished he could help her, that he could do what she wanted, but there was no way. He was feeling so much pressure to do well, and even though he had a few successes under his belt, his first loss was looming over his head. He was scared to see what would happen. The media was still all over him, camping out at the courthouse and outside of his office. They hadn’t quite figured out where his apartment was yet though. He was ready to head back to Liv’s place, but his was starting to smell like her more and more. He was wrapped up in her blanket on the couch, not really watching the show that was on tv. He was tired, but he wanted to wait up for Liv to get home. She had promised him a back rub and plenty of cuddles when she made it back. 

He wasn’t feeling up to going with her. His head was aching. It had been since lunch. He felt nauseous which meant he wasn’t really eating. He had mostly just sat on the couch, sipping some ginger ale and eating a few saltines. He glanced at the clock and then his phone. It was getting late, and there wasn’t a text from Olivia. He sighed, shutting his eyes. 

He wasn’t sure how long it had been before he heard the door open, jolting him awake. He blinked, seeing Liv coming in the door. She was upset. “Hi,” he said softly. 

“Hey,” she said, coming over to the couch. “How do you feel?” She pressed a hand to his forehead, checking for a fever. “I picked you up some apple sauce. Can you try to eat that?” 

“I guess,” he said softly. 

“You feel a little warm. Are you sure you have to go in tomorrow?” she asked, and he nodded. Rafael couldn’t afford to miss much work. 

“How was the show?” he asked softly. 

“Vile,” she replied, and he could feel the irritation seeping out once more. “I need a shower.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t--” he started to say, but Liv cut him off. 

“I know honey, it’s okay. Let’s just focus on getting you feeling better. I’m going to get you that apple sauce and some tylenol, and then I’m going to get in the shower, okay?” Liv said, and he nodded. 

He took the bowl of apple sauce from her hands without complaint, starting to eat bites of it as he sat on the couch. He took the tylenol with a swallow of ginger ale. Liv was quick in the shower. That or he passed out while she was gone. She guided him back to the bedroom, a gentle hand in the center of his back, and he crawled under the covers gratefully. He felt like he was going to pass out at any second. “I think I need a rain check on that back rub,” he said softly. 

“Tomorrow,” Liv whispered, settling in beside him. She let him cuddle up against her though, and she soothed him with a soft hand running over his hair until he fell asleep.

………………………

Rafael pulled Liv aside in the courthouse. “Why didn’t you tell me this last night?” he asked, his head starting to ache again. She had come home, and didn’t bother to mention that a girl had accused Josh Galloway of rape. Even if it was iffy, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to proceed with the case even if they got another victim, he would have appreciated a heads up. 

“You were sick, Rafael. It wasn’t anything that couldn’t wait until morning. We took her statement, and then I came here to tell you,” Liv said. Rafael shook his head, but he couldn’t stay angry with her over this. “How do you feel now?” 

“Awful,” he admitted, loosening his tie. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back, making the fabric of his undershirt stick to his skin. Liv gently felt his forehead. 

“You’re really warm, honey,” she said. 

“I’ll be okay,” he promised. “I’ll take tylenol when I get back to the office.” 

“I’ll see you later then,” Liv said, and he smiled. 

“Bye, love you.” Liv squeezed his hand. 

“Love you too,” she said before going to catch up with Nick. 

……………………..

Rafael couldn’t believe he’d let Liv talk him into this case. He couldn’t believe she had pushed so hard when she knew how much pressure he was under. He clicked the off button on the video harder than he should have, staring at Carly, the college student who had accused Galloway. He was trying to keep his temper in check, but he couldn’t believe she had left this out. He couldn’t believe the detectives hadn’t vetted this enough. “I’m so embarrassed,” she said. 

“For what you said?” he asked angrily, “Or for not telling us about it?” She didn’t answer and Rafael looked up to Liv accusingly. “Where the hell did he get that video? I thought you vetted the club goers.” 

“We did,” Amanda said in their defense. “Someone must have taken the video and sent it to Josh. I’m sorry.” 

“You should be,” he said lowly, starting toward the door. 

“I swear, I do not even remember saying that,” Carly spoke up. 

“That’s okay, Carly,” Liv said, but Rafael wasn’t going to sugar coat it. 

“The jury will remember,” he said. “When they acquit Josh.” Liv glared at him, and he could feel her anger, but he was angry too. She had put him in an awful position. 

…………………….

“I walked right into it,” Liv said as they walked out of the courtroom. He was seething. “I’m so sorry.” 

Rafael could feel the pressure surrounding him, closing in until he would suffocate. “It doesn’t matter,” he said softly, trying to keep himself in check. “We both knew where this was headed.” The case was shot. It was over. He didn’t see how they could possibly get a guilty verdict anymore. 

“We had to bring this case,” Liv said, and he saw red. ‘It was the right thing to do, you know, for Carly, for--for the other victims.” 

“This was not great for Carly or for the other victims,” Rafael replied, reaching his breaking point. He couldn’t believe she had done this to him. “Are you sure this was not about your ego?” 

“What?” Liv asked, and he knew he had hit a nerve, but that was the point, wasn’t it? He opened a side door to a room where they could hash this out with some privacy. 

“Excuse me,” he said. “We need the room.” Liv followed him in. 

“What did you just say?” she asked, and he could feel the hurt, her own anger, but he didn’t care. 

“You just took over the squad,” he said. “You want to take a big name down, show everyone there’s no special treatment under Sergeant Benson’s watch.” 

“What the hell, Rafael,” she said. “You know that’s not me.” 

“Maybe this just struck a nerve, an incapacitated victim,” he said, referring to his own assault. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was saying at this point. He was mad. He was mad at her for backing him into this corner, and he was lashing out. 

“So which is it?” Liv asked. “I’m driven by my ego or my judgement is impaired?” 

“Actually,” Rafael said. “My judgement is impaired. I never should have let you convince me to take this case.” 

“We both decided that it was the right thing to do,” Liv said. Rafael set his things down. 

“This was before I had all the facts. If your detectives had done their due diligence and found that video, I never would have brought this case to trial,” he replied. 

“We’re taking a hit,” Liv said, starting toward the door. “But blaming me? I thought we had each other’s backs.” 

“So did I,” Rafael said, clenching his jaw and she shut the door. He took a seat in the chair after she’d gone, loosening his tie before letting his head drop into his hands. He was so fucked. 

……………..

Rafael didn’t go home right away. He stopped at a bar and had a scotch or two despite how awful he felt. He wasn’t ready to go talk to Liv yet. He was angry and upset, and he knew they were going to have to talk. When he finally made it in the door, he slipped his shoes off and shrugged his coat from his shoulders, hanging it up. 

Liv was leaning against the wall in the hallway. “Where have you been?” she asked. 

“Out,” he said. She raised an eyebrow. 

“Get in the bedroom. I’ll be in soon.” He considered refusing, but he did as he was told, taking a seat on the bed. Liv came in after a couple of minutes, water bottle in hand. He stiffened. “Earlier was unacceptable,” she said. “You were completely rude to me.” 

“Liv--” 

“No, it’s my turn to talk. Not yours,” Liv said. He shut his mouth, waiting until she would give him a turn. He knew she would. “I cannot believe you would say that to me, over a case. It has gone downhill, yes, but you’ve been angry and rude about it for the last day at least. Then, you didn’t even tell me you were staying out late. I was worried about you. I called you three times, so I want you to get undressed. I’m going to punish you. I’m going to spank you. Thirty times, and you don’t get to come tonight.” 

“Can I talk now?” he asked lowly. Liv nodded. 

“I made valid points to you about a case where you hung me out to dry. Maybe I took it too far, but you gave me a horrible case. You talked me into taking it when you know how much pressure I am under. I needed to clear my head, and I don’t need your permission. That is not how this relationship works,” Rafael said. He was going to argue his case. He would conceded that he had made comments that definitely went too far, and if she wanted to punish him for that, he would take it, but she had put him in an awful position. He didn’t feel like it was fair to let work slip into the bedroom. “Liv, if I fuck up, I’m done, and you handed me a huge fuck up. The detectives did not vet it nearly enough, and I’m and screwed now, so excuse me for getting upset.” Her gaze had softened considerably. 

“I’m sorry you’re stressed,” she said, “But you took it too far earlier.” 

“I know. I was rude. I shouldn’t have accused you of letting my assault cloud your judgement. That wasn’t fair,” Rafael said. “I’ll accept punishment for that.” 

“How about some edging?” she asked. “Does that sound fair?” He nodded. “Alright, get your clothes off.” He obediently stood, stripping out of his suspenders and pants. The shirt came next and then his socks. He stepped out of his boxers before waiting for her instructions. “Get on the bed,” Liv said. “On your hands and knees.” Rafael climbed up, getting settled and waiting for Liv. He was quiet and obedient, somewhat glad for the chance to clear his mind like this. Liv hands were soft when they landed on his hips, and he sighed as she ran her hands over his soft skin. She grabbed for a pillow before pushing his upper body down until his chest was flush against it. He started to hug the pillow, but Liv grabbed his arm, looping an already knotted tie around his wrist and starting to secure it to the headboard. She did the other arm after that before pulling his legs back to flatten his body against the bed. “Raise your hips,” she said softly, and he did as he was told with a little bit of maneuvering. Liv slid a second pillow under his hips, propping him up. She added a few more in various places to make it a little more comfortable for him. It certainly felt like he was going to be there for awhile. 

Liv kept running her hands over his skin, down the swell of his ass and then back up again. He was certainly starting to get aroused. He could feel himself twitching against the pillow. “Lift your hips up again,” Liv said softly, kissing his back as an apology for making him change position so much. He managed to get himself up on his knees somehow, but he was twisted up uncomfortably. “I’ll be quick,” she promised. He felt her fumbling for his semi, and then he felt the plastic snap into place. She was using the ring again. “Alright,” Liv said softly, helping him back down onto the bed. He felt her spread him, and a tingle went down his spine. He was clenching and unclenching his bound hands, trying to relax. Liv was going to take care of him. He felt the pad of her finger swipe over his hole, and his body clenched. Liv chuckled, doing it again. 

“God,” he whispered. Liv was going to be particularly mean tonight. He could feel it coming. There was something about the calm, overly controlled way she was toying with him. The next time her finger dragged across his entrance, it was slick with spit, and he wiggled his hips, earning himself a solid smack. 

“Stay still,” she said softly. He tried. She was being cruel, just touching him, rubbing her finger over him, but not pushing in. His body was wound tight like a bow, trying to stay still, to not beg her to please, please just do something. 

It felt like hours before she finally pressed hard enough to breach him, just barely, only the tip of her finger, but he let out a guttural moan that was ninety percent relief. It was short lived though. She started kissing the small of his back, trailing her lips downwards, sucking on the soft swell of his left cheek. He yelped when he felt her teeth. She smacked him again. Then she was just breathing over him, and he felt himself twitch, his body clenching again. He was achingly hard. Soft laps over his entrance with her tongue, enough to send sparks of pleasure throughout his body, but not nearly enough to satisfy him. She was holding him open with her fingers, and the way they dug into his skin made him groan softly from deep in his chest. He liked it when she manhandled him a little bit. She pulled at his hips a little bit, and he knew his back was going to hate him for this in the morning. 

She finally dipped past his tight muscles, and he sobbed. “Liv, Jesus, please.” She gave him another smack on the ass. He was grabbing at the ties that were securing his wrists to the headboard, trying to move his hips, to push back against the pleasure, but Liv hit him again. “Stay still.” He settled down then, every muscle in his body tensing up. Liv rubbed his glutes, relaxing him once more before getting back to her ministrations. She teased him relentlessly, and as soon as he was close to the brink, the pleasure plateaued. It was the ring, he knew it was the ring, and it made him want to sob. He also knew they weren’t nearly done. 

Liv finally graduated him to a finger. One finger was patently unfair and not nearly enough. The lube was a little cold as she drizzled some over him, adding to the sticky saliva mess that was coating his skin. He hissed, but let out a little noise as she bent her finger to just brush his prostate. It was maddening. His hips bucked into the bed when she put some real pressure on it, and he gasped. She backed off it entirely after that, working her finger in and out of him, twisting and making his toes curl until she pressed a second one in alongside the first. The stretch gave him something to make noise about, and Liv chuckled at him. More lube, and she was working them in and out of him at a languid pace. It wasn’t enough to get him off, and she was avoiding his prostate like the plague now. He could feel himself throbbing against the pillow. Liv kept working him, laughing softly when he tried to push back against her again. “You better quit that, or you won’t be coming.” He sobbed softly, but he stopped. “How do those ties feel?” She asked. 

“Good,” He whispered, out of breath. Liv finally gave him a third finger, and he had to press his sweat soaked face into a pillow. It felt like his whole body was on fire with pleasure, and he was quickly approaching the brink again. Liv brushed his prostate firmly, rubbing little circles until he convulsed, sobbing as he was denied yet again. 

He whimpered when she pulled her fingers free. She patted his back gently, offering some comfort before he heard her rummaging around for the toy box. He grabbed the tie in his hand, holding it tight as he tried to calm down a little bit, to will himself through this punishment. It was like torture. He felt Liv’s hand on his back once more. “Do we need to talk?” she asked, but he shook his head. He was okay. “Alright, I’m going to try the massager out if that’s okay.” He nodded. “Color,” Liv reminded him. 

“Green,” he whispered. She was gentle as she pressed it against him, and it took a little bit of pressure before she was easing it inside gently. He groaned deep in his throat. When she turned the vibration on, he bucked. “Fuck, fuck, Liv, Jesus.” She didn’t let up though, and he whimpered, seemingly torn between inching away from the intense stimulation and pushing into it. She turned it down after a moment, but it didn’t really help. He yelped when she abruptly shifted it up to the highest setting, squeezing his eyes closed. 

“I could not believe what you said to me earlier,” Liv said softly, calmly, but Rafael could barely hear her over the roaring of blood in his ears. “I won’t tolerate rudeness like that. Would you like it if I said something like that to you?” He frantically shook his head. “I know you understand why I felt the need to punish you, and you’re taking it well honey.” He grit his teeth, thrashing on the bed. 

“Liv,” he sobbed softly. “I can’t--I don’t know how long I can--” 

“Almost there sweetheart,” she whispered. He pressed his face into the pillow, groaning, and soon enough, he could feel himself approaching orgasm once more, and he shuddered when he couldn’t quite tip over the edge. He could feel his body shaking, and he hissed as Liv pulled the toy out of him. There was some rustling before he felt her pressing against him, pressing inside of him, and he let out a low noise. Liv was apparently worked up from everything they’d already done, and it didn’t take her long to get off. When she’d finally shuddered and stilled inside of him, she removed him from the ring, and finally allowed him release. “If you do that again, it’s going to be worse next time,” Liv warned, and he didn’t even want to imagine what worse was. He was a sweaty mess, laying on the bed and closing his eyes as he tried to recover. When Liv sat beside him, gently stroking his skin, he felt so loved and so taken care of that he wanted to cry. It was a nice reprieve from stressing out about work. 

………………….

Rafael was just leaving her office when Nick came in. She was glad that the case was over, that they’d managed to save it at the end. Rafael hadn’t lost the case which would have been rather disastrous. She knew he was stressed out, but now that pressure was gone. They were finally okay. Rafael was still annoyed, but she knew he had a point, and she didn’t mind him telling her that he didn’t want her to bring him cases like that. 

“What was that about?” Amaro asked. 

“The pressure I put him under,” Liv said. 

“You saved his ass,” Amaro argued. 

“Yeah,” Liv said. “After I put it on the line.” 

“He’ll get over it, Amaro said, and Liv knew he would. He was mostly over it already. She was just glad the case was over for both their sakes. 

……………………

“I am so proud of you,” Liv said softly, reaching for her glass of wine. Rafael smiled, sipping his scotch across the table. 

“Are the two of you ready to order?” the waiter asked. Liv ordered her own food, and rolled her eyes when they asked her what Rafael wanted. Once they left, she saw a flash out of the corner of her eye, glancing toward the window and shaking her head. Media was still following Rafael around, especially after he’d win a case. 

She smiled at him. “You got her that money. You did that.” 

“I had to help her, Liv,” he said softly. “What she’s been through.” He shook his head. “Her step father deserved to suffer.” Liv put a hand over his, offering comfort.

“I know, honey,” she said softly. “You changed her life. You gave her a chance, and you gave her daughter a chance. I know you care, and I love you for it.”

“I feel better,” he said softly. “I feel more like myself.” 

“I am so glad,” Liv said. “Rafa, you are so strong. I think we should drink to that.” 

“Let’s drink to us,” he said softly. “To moving forward and to our future.” Liv smiled at him, the love shining through her eyes. 

“To you and to us,” Liv said softly. 

“To our family,” he whispered, clinking his glass against hers before he took a drink. Liv couldn’t have been more proud of how far he’d come and where they were headed. 


End file.
